“When we were at the shoot yesterday, Carla had her hands all over him and he wasn’t even trying to push her away, so I thought they might be a couple. I got angry, locked myself in my room, and put my phone on silent.”
“Do you care about him, Alexis? Are you sleeping together? Sorry if I’m being too personal. You don’t have to tell me, but I have to ask because the way you two are acting that’s all I can think about. Plus, the first night we got here I needed to go over some paperwork with him, but he never went to his room and the bellman said the two of you were in your room when he put your bags down.”
“Yes, he stayed in my room with me and we slept together, but we didn’t have sex till the next morning in the shower.”
We both giggle like schoolgirls and I realized that I had a new friend in her. I know I can talk to Brandy and that I can trust her.
***
We arrive at the shoot. They are in full force already. This time the location is an old B&B. When I walk in they are in the lobby of the place. Brock is giving directions. The girls are all around him and Aiden leans against a desk. He looks so handsome in a pair of dark jeans and a white V-neck tee. He has his arms crossed on his chest. His eyes meet mine and he walks over to me.
Brock stands up. “Aiden, what are you doing? We’re not done yet!”
The girls all look at each other and Carla calls out, “Aiden, dear, we need to finish this.”
Brock says, “Aiden, my time is money, and that is one thing I do not take lightly.”
“Give me five minutes, Brock, then I’m all yours.”
I feel like everyone is watching me, watching us. He takes me by the hand and leads me outside so we can be alone. As soon as we get outdoors he pins me up against the wall, wraps his arms around me, and holds me so tightly that not even air is between us. He kisses me with such force that we both moan. I’m barely able to breathe. He’s crushing me to him.
When he finally breaks the kiss, we are both panting, trying to catch our breath.
“Why didn’t you answer the phone? And where were you, Alexis? I was so worried.”
I manage to pull away from him and start pacing back and forth. Then I turn to look straight at him. “I don’t want to get hurt, Aiden. I am not something you can use and throw away when you’re done.”
“I’m not using you, Alexis, and you would know that if you had bothered to answer the phone. Where were you? I thought you had left me. You promised that you wouldn’t leave me.”
“I was in my room. I didn’t go anywhere, I just didn’t know what to think so I didn’t open the door.”
“Why would you do that? Why would you leave the shoot without me?”
“You looked busy in your tent with Carla.”
“Is that what this is about, Alexis? There is nothing going on between me and her.”
“How would I know that? She had her hands all over you, and by the way it looked you didn’t seem to mind.”
I’m getting angry again and since he is right in front of me, I have to push him away. “I do not like to play games, Aiden, and I will not be used.”
“Alexis, I care about you. Listen, I have to go back in and finish this session. Please be patient with me. This is all new to me. Please, when we finish here we can go back to the hotel. We can talk, please?”
When we walk back in, all eyes are on us. I see Carla looking at me like I am the enemy. I can’t help but grin. Brandy smiles at us. I stand next to her and the rest of the day goes on without incident. Brock lets everyone know when it’s a wrap for this session. Then he turns and tells all of us, but keeps his eyes on me, “I trust tomorrow there will be no interruptions.”
Even though he had said it to everyone there, I know he was referring to me, and I can’t help but look down and feel shy with the attention I’m getting. Aiden walks over to where I stand with Brandy. And though I’ve had him buried deep within me and I have poured out my soul to this man, a blush comes over my cheeks and as always, my insides tie in knots. My breath is taken away, and in this very moment I know without a shadow of a doubt that this man has the power to break me, to shatter my heart into a million pieces. He makes me feel things I have never felt before, awakens every fiber in my body. He is looking at me as if there is no one else in the room, and I tingle all over. His eyes are dancing with delight as he gives me that one-sided smile.
He slips his arm around my waist and pulls me to him. His other hand comes up to my face and he lays it flat on my cheek, his thumb stroking my bottom lip. I need to resist the urge to press into him.
“I have to change,” he says. “I will only be a moment. Stay here with Brandy, and when I’m done we will go back to the hotel and talk, si?”
He searches my face for some kind of reaction, but all I can say is, “Uh-huh.” He walks off and I just stare at him till he is out of sight. I guess I must have been smiling the whole time. Brandy playfully slaps my shoulder. I turn to her and say, “What?”
She tells me, “Oh my god, girl, you have got it bad.”
I let out a small giggle and say, “Maybe.”
“No need to be shy, Alexis, so does he. I have never seen Aiden look so happy and alive. You do that to him.”
I stand there thinking for I don’t know how long until Brandy brings me back to the here and now.
“Hey, Alexis, I have to go take care of some scheduling for the next couple of days here. Will you be fine? Or I could stay and take care of the scheduling later tonight or tomorrow.”
“Oh yes, go do whatever you have to. I’m fine, and Brandy, please, all my friends call me Lexie.”
She smiles and bumps my shoulder. “Sure thing, Lexie.”
***
I look around at the beautiful old place and think of how lovely it would be to stay here for a weekend getaway with Aiden, or even to have a girl’s weekend with Shannon and Brandy. I’m sure the three of us would have so much fun here.
I hear someone coming up from behind me. “Do you really think he is interested in you? You do know he is only using you and when he gets tired of you, and believe me he will, he’ll come back to me just like he always does.” I turn and see Carla. “I mean, look at you and look at me. Why would he ever choose you over me?” She puts her hands on her waist and lets out a condescending laugh.
Deep down I know she is right. She is truly beautiful, tall and thin, sun-kissed skin, no flaws, big round brown eyes with the longest lashes, and long, lean legs.
“You are just something new, like a shiny little toy, and as soon as he gets bored, he will throw you away and come looking for me. It’s always the same old story whenever he meets a woman he wants to get in his bed. We have a history together, or did he not tell you yet?”
I give her the once-over, letting her know in no uncertain terms that I am sizing her up. Showing her the same attitude that she did me, I put my hands on my waist, tilt my head to the side, and smirk. I take a few steps back and forth, fold my arms. Tap my nails on my forearms. I don’t usually like confrontation, but right now anger rises in me and it’s taking all I have to not slap this woman here for all to see.
Chapter 10
I have to choose my words carefully.
“Carla, is it? Maybe you should look in the mirror when you say to see the difference between us. Yes, you may have been around more, but, dear, it shows. The years are catching up to you. I am nobody’s toy. He tells me exactly how I make him feel every time we make love or fuck hard. Plus, he told me of your so-called history and how there is nothing between you anymore, nor will there ever be again. Now, if you don’t get away from me, I will forget that I am a lady and show how I really feel about you.”
Just as she is about to say something, Aiden walks over to where we are standing. “Is everything all right here?” He looks between the two of us. “Carla, don’t let me catch you speaking with Alexis again, and stop thinking there is something going on between you and me. We are both here to work and nothing more.”
“Get it through your head, we are not together, and if you keep upsetting Alexis or starting trouble, I will talk to Brock and have you removed from the photoshoot. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal clear, sweetheart. Let’s see how long it takes for you to fuck up and make her leave you. Remember, darling, I know who you are.”
She leaves us without a backward glance. Her words leave me with a chill, and I don’t know what to think. Will he use me until he gets tired of me or until he sets his eyes on someone else? Am I just a new toy he is playing with? My eyes fill with tears at these thoughts.
Aiden glances at me. “Do not listen to her words. She is just angry and will say whatever she can to hurt you.”
He takes my hand and leads me to the car. The driver is there with the door open, waiting for us. I get in first and Aiden slides in beside me. As soon as the car door closes, he squeezes my knee. I look over to him and my eyes meet his.
“Why wouldn’t you answer the phone, or the door when I was knocking? I thought—” He runs his hand through his hair.
“What were you going to say? What did you think, Aiden?”
“Look, this is all new to me. I don’t know how to act or what I am supposed to say to you. I have never met anyone like you and I just—” He looks out the window, searching for the answers. When he turns back around his eyes seem sad, lost, and alone. “I thought you left.” It’s barely a whisper.
“I’m sorry.”
I want to hold him and tell him I am here for him. What is it that has him tormented like this? We sit in silence the rest of the ride to the hotel. Aiden gets out of the car and helps me out. The quiet is so loud as we walk to the room that my heart feels tight. He’s pulling away again.
We get to my door and he turns to me. “There are some things I need to do and then I will come back and we can talk.”
I want to tell him not to leave, to please stay with me. But I don’t want to sound needy or push him too far. My lungs need air. I want to touch him. I want to know that he needs me as much as I need him. I feel frustrated and there is a lump in my throat at the thought of him leaving. I am scared, afraid to show how much I need him. I don’t want to look like a fool, but I so desperately want to tell him that the moon sets with him. That the sun rises with him. I try to think with a clear head of something to say or do. I want to be able to reach for his hand but I’m so scared he’ll pull it away. I’m angry with myself at the thought of needing him so much so soon. I remember Carla’s words: He’s just using you until he gets tired. Then he will throw you away. You are nothing but a shiny new toy.
I try to sound as calm as possible so he can’t see how hurt I feel. “Oh, okay.”
He releases my hand and kisses me on the cheek. “I will be back later, si?” Then he turns around and walks away.
Why do I feel like he just said goodbye? Why was I afraid to show him how I felt; why was I a coward? I should have told him not to leave. I close the door, go to the bathroom, turn on the shower, and slide down to the tiled floor fully clothed. I sit there letting the water wash away the events of the day. Tears fill my eyes and they quickly turn to sobs. Alone, I hug myself, not wanting to seem like this, like I’m weak, wishing I could call my mom and talk. I feel drained and hurt. It’s as if I’m used and cheap. I gave myself to him knowing full well who he was and how many women he has been with. All the pictures on the internet of him and all his beauties, and again why would I think he’d want me?
I get myself out of the shower, take off the wet clothes and dry off, get into my nightshirt, and call Shannon again.
“Hey, I was just thinking about you and Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome. So tell me, are things better now?” I’m trying to stop my voice from trembling before I speak, but Shannon knows me so well that without even saying a word she can hear what is in my heart. “Hey, are you there? Talk to me.”
“Oh, Shannon, I just…” The uncontrollable sobs start again. I don’t know what to do or what to think. I need my mom and dad. I need Erik to tell me it’s okay. “I hate feeling this way. He is so confusing. One minute he makes me feel like there is no one else, and the next minute he is pulling away. I don’t know which way is up or down with him, and it is so frustrating.”
“Lexie, do you want me to come kick his butt? He may be the world’s hottest man and all, but that does not give him the right to make you cry like this.”
Her words make me laugh. We are both silent for a while.
“Do you care about him?”
“Yes, I do, and that’s what is so scary. I don’t want to get hurt, and this man has the power to shatter my heart.”
“Why do you think you’ll get hurt? And please don’t tell me that you aren’t as beautiful as all those models.” I can hear the frustration in her voice. “Lexie, I’m coming there and I will not take no for an answer.”
I know full well there is no arguing with Shannon. Once she gets something in her mind there is no changing it.
“Let me get some things together and make the arrangements, and I will be there before you know it. Hey, Lexie, I love you all around the world and back again.”
“Shannon, I love you all around the world and back again too.”
***
The alarm startles me. I must have fallen asleep waiting for him. He never came back. I call his room and get no answer. I dress quickly and make my way to the lobby. Brandy is there.
“Hey, do you know where Aiden is?” I ask.
“Oh, he’s at the shoot already.”
I don’t want her to see the confusion on my face, but I say, “We aren’t supposed to be there for an hour. Why did he leave without us?”
“I had to take care of some things here for our flight back home and I thought you were with him at first, till he told me otherwise.”
“Why would you have to take care of flight arrangements when they’re already done? I don’t understand.”
“He wants to leave tonight after the photoshoot.”
I look at her for further information, but that is all she says. “Brandy, is he okay?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Alexis. He also said you wouldn’t be needed at the shoot, so you should take the day off and go sightseeing.”
I feel all the air has been taken out of me. I knew it, he just used me and now he doesn’t want to see me again. “Is the car here? I need to get to the shoot and find out what the hell is going on.”
“No, but we can take a taxi there.” She smiles and adds, “Listen, it’s none of my business, but I think you are good for him. I just want to see him with someone who’s real and not fake or in it for the glam and all.”
I smile and give her a hug. We arrive at another resort. It is just as beautiful as the one we’re staying at. The front driveway is circular, lined by palm trees on both sides. In the center is a huge sign with the name, ‘Paradise Island.’ Walkways made of clear pebbles lead around to the back of the resort.
Inside the colors are aqua, different shades of blues, hints of black. The style says outdoor wicker. Going through the wide-open entrance, we see statues of dolphins and mermaids. A huge water fountain is the center focal point of an enormous wide-open area. From there we can walk straight to the back.
There we see an infinity pool, and by it a smaller children’s pool. There are cabanas lined up on the beach, which is just like the one we are staying at. The sand is snow white. It feels like I’m walking on cotton, that is how clean and soft it is.
Back inside, Brock is giving instructions on where to stand. Carla sees me first. Aiden has his back to me, so she grins and stands close enough to kiss him, puts her hands on his chest, and giggles.
I walk over to them, not caring who is there or that there is a session going on. “I thought you were coming back to the room last night to talk, Aiden?”
Brock yells, “Not again! Is this the way it is g
oing to be every time she is here? My time is valuable and I do not want to waste it on some lovers’ quarrel.”
We both turn to look at him and say, “We are not lovers.”
Even though I just said it too, it hurts to hear him say it as well. Aiden tells Brock to give him a minute. He ushers me out of the room.
“Let me go.” I pull my arm out of his hand, but he grabs my wrist and turns me to him.
“Alexis, do not make a scene here. Please.”
When we get outside, I pound his chest with my fists. I am angry at his words and his actions. I look at him and he can’t even face me in the eyes.
“What is going on, Aiden? Is this your way of telling me it was fun but now it’s over?”
“Alexis, I can’t—” He puts his hands in his pants pockets, then lets out a breath. He says something in Italian, but does not look at me. “Alexis, go back to your room. You don’t need someone like me. I am no good for you.”
“You told me that I was different, that I started a fire in you. Was all that just talk to get me into bed? Were you just using me like Carla said?”
Anger fills his eyes. “Do. Not. Ever. Say that again. I never used you.”
“Oh really? Well, that sure is what this brush off feels like.” I put my hands flat on his chest. “But you know what, sweetheart? You have a good life, because I know I will.”
I turn to leave, my eyes quickly filling with tears. I do not want him to see the hurt, to see me cry.
“Alexis, wait, let me explain!”
“Explain what? That you don’t know how to deal with this? Well I do, so let me say it for you. Goodbye.”
***
I get to my room, open the door, and Shannon is sitting on the couch. She gets up to shout, “Surprise!” But as soon as she sees me, she knows there is something wrong.
Out Of The Dark Page 8
