Atticus stopped purring. His body went rigid. Infiltrate the gang? Were they mad? Ginger Biscuit would eat him alive.
‘That’s not a bad idea, Cheddar,’ the Prime Minister grunted. ‘For someone as hopeless as you.’
‘Klob said Ginger Biscuit was keeping the ravens somewhere no human would ever find them,’ the Deputy Commissioner recalled.
‘But another cat might,’ the Commissioner exclaimed, staring at Atticus.
‘Especially if he could worm his way into Biscuit’s confidence,’ the Prime Minister agreed.
Worm his way into Biscuit’s confidence? Atticus’s good ear drooped. Ginger Biscuit hated other cats, especially Atticus. He wished he could explain to everyone there wasn’t a cat’s chance in clover that Biscuit would fall for it.
‘But it’s dangerous,’ Callie protested. She picked Atticus up and cuddled him.
‘Atticus could get hurt.’ Michael stroked his ears.
‘I’m not sure we should ask him to do it,’ Mrs Cheddar said in a worried voice. ‘He’d be taking a terrible risk.’
The Queen put down her cup of tea. ‘Monica, bring Atticus to me, please,’ she said. ‘He and I need to have a little chat.’
Atticus felt strong hands pick him up. Monica Mint carried him over to the Queen’s armchair and placed him on a footstool.
‘Get me my glasses.’
Monica Mint handed the Queen a leather case.
The Queen leant forward. Gently she took the corner of Atticus’s red handkerchief between her fingers. ‘Atticus Grammaticus Cattypuss Claw,’ she read the spidery writing slowly. ‘What a wonderful name! You’d have to be very clever and independent-minded to be given a name like that.’
Atticus began to purr.
‘I always think,’ the Queen said, ‘that animals are highly intelligent. Probably much more so than humans.’
Atticus purred louder. He decided he liked the Queen. She wasn’t scary in the least.
‘Which is why I’m not going to make you do this if you don’t want to,’ the Queen said firmly. ‘If you choose to volunteer for this mission, that would be absolutely marvellous. However, if you do not wish to infiltrate Klob’s ghastly gang and worm your way into this so-called Ginger Biscuit’s confidence, then you are completely free not to.’
‘But, Your Majesty,’ the Prime Minister protested.
‘Britain is a free country,’ the Queen glared at him. ‘People and cats have choices. They cannot be compelled to do things against their will. Which is why Zenia Klob can go and jump off a cliff. With or without her conniving cat.’
‘But, Your Majesty!’ the Prime Minister gasped. ‘If Biscuit kills the ravens, the monarchy will fall.’
‘I know that,’ the Queen said sharply. ‘But I’m not giving in to a ransom demand. And I’m not going to force Atticus to do something he doesn’t want to.’
Atticus was gazing at the Queen admiringly. She’d really give up her throne rather than make him go undercover and face Klob and Biscuit? He felt a lump in his throat.
‘Monica, you’d better go and pack me a bag,’ the Queen said, turning to her secretary. ‘And put a pair of pyjamas and a toothbrush in for Philip. And book us into a B&B would you? There are some nice ones in Scotland. Commissioner, you make contact with Klob and tell her from me to get lost.’
‘But, Ma’am!’ The Commissioner was on his feet. ‘Can’t we at least use Atticus to hold Klob and Biscuit off for a bit while we think of something else?’
The Queen put up her hand to silence him. ‘I’ve made my mind up, Commissioner. I’m not negotiating with criminals.’
Atticus could hardly believe it. He’d never have dreamt that the Queen could be so brave. Of course she was right. They shouldn’t give in to Klob’s demands. They shouldn’t let Ginger Biscuit call the shots. And if the Queen could be brave, then so could he. He would do it. He would go undercover and try to keep the ravens safe, however dangerous it was.
‘Meow,’ he yowled.
‘Atticus is trying to say something,’ Callie said.
Atticus puffed up his fur. ‘Meow,’ he cried again.
‘I think he wants to tell us he’s going to do it!’ Michael said. ‘Is that what you mean, Atticus?’
‘Meow, meow, meow!!!’
‘Yippee!’ Inspector Cheddar and the two senior policemen high-fived one another.
The Prime Minister helped himself to a chocolate biscuit.
Mrs Cheddar came over and knelt beside Atticus. She stroked his good ear.
‘Are you sure, Atticus?’ she said gently. Her eyes met the Queen’s.
‘Meow.’
‘Quite, quite sure?’ the Queen tickled his chin.
Atticus purred throatily. He’d never been more sure of anything in his life. ‘Meow.’
‘Then whatever happens, I am eternally grateful to you,’ the Queen said. She smiled at Mrs Cheddar. ‘And to your family for letting you take this brave step. Monica, get Atticus a sardine, please. He looks hungry.’
‘Yes, Ma’am.’ Monica Mint hurried off.
‘And while Atticus is eating that, the rest of us had better make a plan.’ Her eyes twinkled. ‘I think I’ve got an idea. Prime Minister,’ she turned to him, ‘do we still have those fake Crown Jewels we had made for my Jubilee dressing-up party?’
‘I believe we do, Ma’am.’ The Prime Minister grinned.
‘Excellent,’ the Queen said, nodding. ‘Then let’s whack them out of the cupboard and get ready to clobber Klob.’
Thug wasn’t very pleased. He and the boys – Slasher, Pig, Wally and Gizzard – were still shut in the raven pens. Zenia Klob had disappeared back to the barge to try on disguises. Ginger Biscuit was chatting to Jimmy over a cup of tea in the raven master’s hut.
‘Why are we still stuck in here, anyway?’ Thug complained, ruffling his feathers. ‘The Tower’s been evacuated like what that old boot wanted. I thought we’d be trying on ermine.’
‘What’s erming?’ Gizzard asked.
‘Don’t you know anything, Giz?’ Thug snorted. ‘It’s erm-ine, not erm-ing. And it’s a type of fur. It’s what the Queen wears for special occasions like getting crowned and stuff.’
‘You’d look good in ermine, Thug.’ Slasher nodded. ‘Seems a shame not to at least try it!’
‘Never mind bloomin’ ermine, I need to stretch my wings,’ Pig grunted. ‘I’m all cooped up, like a hen.’
‘It’s as bad as the slammer,’ Gizzard whined.
‘The water’s full of bird poo,’ Wally moaned.
‘That’s your fault, Wal!’ Slasher snarled.
‘Yeah, you’re the one with the supercharged poo-packed bum,’ Thug agreed.
‘CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA!’ The magpies started to fight.
Ginger Biscuit strolled over. ‘What seems to be the problem?’ he asked.
‘Let us out!’ the magpies squawked.
Ginger Biscuit yawned. ‘I might,’ he said. ‘Or I might not. What do you think, Jimmy?’
Jimmy Magpie joined them. ‘Can’t see the harm,’ he said. ‘As long as you don’t do anything silly.’
‘Silly?’ Thug cried huffily. ‘Us?’
‘Like what, Boss?’ Slasher demanded.
‘Like flying up into the air so that one of the humans can take a pot shot at you,’ Jimmy said.
Gizzard gulped. ‘I thought all the guards had gone.’
‘They have,’ Ginger Biscuit said. ‘The Queen ordered them out after Zenia’s broadcast. But you can bet your beak that somewhere across the river on one of those tall buildings will be a police marksman. You fly up there …’ he gestured towards the sky, ‘and BANG!’ He stood up and flapped his paws. Then he drew a claw across his throat. ‘Like a turkey at Christmas.’
‘We don’t want any more funerals, boys,’ Jimmy Magpie reminded them solemnly. ‘Enough of us magpies have already died at the hands of humans. Remember Beaky, Penguin and Goon?’
Thug gulped. Beaky, Penguin a
nd Goon had got squished by cars. Very squished.
‘Maybe I don’t want to stretch my wings after all,’ Pig agreed.
‘We could go for a hop instead,’ Slasher suggested.
‘Yeah, let’s do that,’ Thug said. ‘Can we go see the Crown Jewels, Jimmy, please? Can we?’
‘I don’t see why not,’ Jimmy said expansively. ‘Let’s all go. See if they’ve disarmed the security system yet. Come on, Ginger.’
‘All right,’ Ginger Biscuit agreed, picking the lock with a claw. ‘Then I’ll go and give the ravens some more blood.’ The pen door swung open. The magpies shoved their way out. Ginger Biscuit leapt onto the ancient wall behind the pens, dropped down the other side and sauntered off to explore with Jimmy hopping beside him. The other magpies followed.
‘I really don’t like that cat!’ Thug whispered.
‘I don’t know why the Boss listens to him,’ Slasher complained. ‘It’s like he doesn’t care about us any more.’
‘Imagine the Boss getting in with a cat!’ Pig spat.
‘And a human!’ Wally grumbled.
‘I’m fed up with it,’ Gizzard agreed. ‘We should do something about it.’
‘Yeah,’ Thug pulled a strangled face. ‘Let’s get our own back.’
‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka.’ The magpies grumbled and mumbled and hopped, all of which proved to be very hard work. They hadn’t got very far before they collapsed for a rest on a patch of grass.
‘’Ere,’ said Thug. ‘Isn’t this Tower Green? Where the doc said they used to chop off people’s heads?’
‘Oh yeah.’ Slasher looked round curiously. ‘Can you believe the story about that bloke who had his head sewn back on for the family picture?’
‘You’d think it would look a bit odd in a photo,’ Thug said doubtfully, ‘all that blood dripping out of his neck.’
‘They didn’t have photos in those days, you moron.’ Jimmy was waiting for them. ‘They had paintings. They wouldn’t have painted the blood.’
‘Hurry up,’ Ginger Biscuit said. ‘It’s getting dark.’
Slasher blinked at him. ‘’Ere, Wal,’ he said slowly, ‘did you like them ghost stories the doc told?’
‘Yeah!’ Wally flapped his wings excitedly.
‘I loved them!’ Thug chattered. ‘Especially the one about Anne Boleyn walking round with her head tucked under her arm, moaning!’
‘Whoooooooo!’ Pig cried. ‘Whoooooooooooo!’
‘Shut up,’ Ginger Biscuit said.
Slasher put his head on one side. There was something funny about the way Ginger Biscuit was behaving. ‘What about you, Giz?’
‘I liked the one about the polar bear rattling its chains,’ Gizzard giggled. ‘Imagine hearing that in the dark! Chink-chink! You’d have more bumps than a goose.’
‘Stop it,’ Ginger Biscuit said.
‘What about the wailing woman?’ Slasher suggested. ‘She sounded pretty freaky.’
‘Whoooooooo!’ Pig wailed. ‘Whooooooooooo!’
The magpies hopped about, laughing. Even Jimmy chuckled.
‘Belt up!’ Ginger Biscuit said.
‘My favourite was the heavy tread of the axe man,’ Slasher said slyly. ‘I mean what if we were all sitting here and we heard that, eh? Like we was about to get our heads chopped off?’ He jumped up and down. ‘Thump. Thump. Thump.’
‘Yeah, is this place spooky or what?’ Thug pulled a funny face. ‘Especially in the dark.’
‘Whoooooo!’ It was Pig again. ‘Whoooooo!’
‘PACK IT IN!’ Ginger Biscuit roared.
Slasher winked at Thug. ‘Is everything all right?’ he asked.
Ginger Biscuit was glancing around nervously.
‘Wait a minute, lads,’ Thug whispered. ‘I do believe he’s scared of ghosts.’
‘I am not scared of ghosts,’ Ginger Biscuit snarled.
‘Chink-chink!’ Gizzard crept up behind him.
Ginger Biscuit jumped.
‘Yeah you are,’ Slasher said.
‘You’re a scaredy-CAT!’ Wally sniggered.
‘Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat! Biscuit is a scaredy-cat!’ Pig crowed.
SLASH! Ginger Biscuit’s claws raked through the air. He pinned Pig by the tail. ‘Say that again, magpie, and it’ll be your funeral you go to next.’
‘Sorry,’ Pig gulped.
The other magpies hopped backwards. Slasher tripped over Thug. Thug tripped over Gizzard. Gizzard tripped over Wally. And Wally did a poo which they all slipped over in. ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ The magpies picked themselves up one by one. They pecked and shoved and chattered.
Ginger Biscuit waited until they were quiet. He let go of Pig. ‘Now shut it and follow me.’
They made their way across the courtyard to the Jewel House. The door was open.
‘Inside.’ Ginger Biscuit led the way through a dark room towards some heavy metal doors, which guarded the vault where the Crown Jewels were kept. ‘This is it.’ He pushed. The magpies tensed themselves, waiting for the screech of the alarm, but there was silence.
‘It’s off,’ Ginger Biscuit said, satisfied. ‘Looks like the Queen’s seen sense. Once we get this lot on the barge, we’ll motor to the airport.’
‘Where is the airport?’ Jimmy asked.
‘Just along the river.’ Ginger Biscuit grinned. ‘This time tomorrow we’ll be in Siberia.’
‘Where’s that?’ Slasher whispered.
‘I dunno, but it sounds lovely,’ Thug sighed.
‘It’s one of them holiday places,’ Gizzard said. ‘Where you get a sun tan.’
‘Oooooh!’ Thug waggled his tail. ‘Can I get a cocktail with an umbrella and a cherry on a stick?’
‘Let’s make up a new one,’ Pig suggested. ‘A special magpie cocktail.’
‘What about a Poo Colada?’ Wally chuckled.
‘Nice one, Wal.’ The magpies started to chatter.
Ginger Biscuit pushed the door open fully and walked into the vault. All at once the room was flooded with light.
‘CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA!’ The magpies hopped about in panic.
‘They’re automatic,’ Ginger called. ‘Nothing to worry about. Come on.’
The magpies followed him inside.
Thug stopped dead. ‘It’s so beautiful,’ he sighed, gazing at the glass cases full of precious treasure.
‘Look at the crowns!’ Jimmy’s eyes glittered.
‘And the sceptres!’ Slasher gawped.
‘And the orbs!’ Gizzard gasped.
‘And the bracelets!’ Wally wailed.
‘And the rings!’ Pig snorted.
‘And the ermine!’ Thug started to cry. ‘I think I’ve died and gone to magpie fashion heaven.’
THWUMP!
‘What was that?’ Ginger Biscuit swallowed.
The magpies looked round fearfully.
‘It’s the axe man!’ Slasher screeched, hiding behind Jimmy. ‘It’s his heavy tread! He’s come to chop us!’
‘Quick! Over here!’ Ginger Biscuit scampered behind one of the glass cabinets. The magpies fluttered after him. They peered out from their hiding place.
A huge humped shadow spread across the wall.
‘Hello, Ginger,’ a voice said.
‘It’s you it wants!’ Thug cried, giving Ginger a shove.
‘I’m not going anywhere.’ Ginger Biscuit dug his claws in. He was shaking.
‘Shut up, Thug,’ Jimmy pecked the magpie on the head. ‘Ghosts can’t talk. Anyway, I recognise that voice. It’s not the axe man.’
‘Hello?’ the voice called.
‘SSSSSSSSSS! So do I,’ Ginger Biscuit snarled. He stalked out from behind the cabinet. The magpies hopped cautiously after him.
A brown-and-black-striped tabby with four white paws and a chewed ear stood in front of them, a red handkerchief around his neck.
‘Claw,’ Ginger Biscuit hissed. ‘I had a feeling you might show up sooner or later.’
‘You�
�ve got a nerve turning up like this,’ Jimmy spat. ‘After what you did at Toffly Hall.’
‘What do you want?’ Ginger Biscuit growled.
Atticus swallowed. It had been easy enough to creep past the gang on Tower Green and hide in the Jewel House. It had even been fun watching Ginger Biscuit squirm with fear when he thought Atticus was a ghost. Now came the hard part. He needed Ginger Biscuit’s respect; and the only way to get it was to tough it out. He shot out a paw and pinned the nearest magpie.
‘I thought you said he was a pampered pet, Boss!’ Pig squawked.
Atticus gripped Pig tightly. ‘No chance,’ he hissed. ‘I’m back to burgling. And if you call me that again I’ll pull all your tail feathers out one by one and roast you in boiling oil.’
Pig fainted.
‘I don’t believe you, Claw,’ Jimmy said. ‘You double-crossed us last time. To save your own skin.’
Atticus kicked Pig out of the way with his back paw and advanced on Thug. ‘You said it, Jimmy. I had to save my own skin. That’s what you’d expect from the world’s greatest cat burglar, isn’t it? Besides, I thought it was you who double-crossed me.’
Atticus saw a shadow of doubt pass across Jimmy’s face. It was going better than he’d hoped. Jimmy was feeding him all the right lines. He prayed it was making an impression on Ginger Biscuit. His paw shot out and pinned Thug.
‘Why me?’ Thug cawed weakly. ‘Why not Slasher?’
‘Don’t worry, he’s next.’ Atticus patted Thug from side to side across the floor, like a fat feathery ball. ‘Look at it from my point of view, Jimmy,’ he continued reasonably. ‘The only way I could be sure of getting out of Littleton-on-Sea was by cosying up to the Cheddars and pretending to help them catch you and your gang.’ The words tasted bitter in Atticus’s mouth. None of it was true and it made him feel disloyal to the Cheddars. He loved all of them, especially Callie and Michael. But he had to go through with it. He had to gain the gang’s trust. He’d promised the Queen.
‘You’re saying you’re not a pet?’ Ginger Biscuit demanded.
Atticus looked him in the eye. With one sweep of his paw he sent Thug hurtling towards the ermine.
Atticus Claw Settles a Score Page 6
