Love Inspired Historical November 2015

by Linda Ford

  Louise wanted to protest but was too drowsy. As soon as Phil left the room, she fell asleep.

  *

  “Congratulations. She’s pretty as can be.” Archie was the first to offer his best wishes, but the other men clapped him on the back, too. Nate grinned, feeling as if he deserved the praise. Chloe was so cute. He could spend the day looking at the way she puckered her mouth. And the way her fingers curled around his made him want to hold her. Only, he was a little afraid he might drop her or break her. She was such a tiny little thing.

  But Louise! She really thought he might have gone on without her. Of course, she might have cause. Her mother had left her. Her father had sent her away. The Porters had died, effectively leaving them all.

  Then he’d left three years ago. Did she see his leaving as more of the same?

  How was he to convince her it hadn’t been the same at all?

  Or was he misunderstanding her? Perhaps she wanted him to leave so she could be alone, so she could depend on no one.

  No, he couldn’t believe it. She’d clung to him many times since they’d left Rocky Creek. Not in a needy, weak way but in a way that said he could help her be strong. He liked that. A strong woman willing to accept help when she needed it.

  He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Phil and the others had made a meal until she called him to the table.

  “I’ll take something in to Louise,” he said.

  Phil pointed to his plate. “Eat first. She’s tired. They don’t call it labor for nothing.”

  He tried not to rush through the fine meal but wanted nothing more than to check on Louise and Chloe again. Chloe! A sweet name for a sweet baby.

  What was to become of her once they reached Eden Valley Ranch and ended the pretend marriage? Didn’t she need a papa?

  He wanted to be in Chloe’s life. In Louise’s, too. He wanted them in his home where he could take care of them every day.

  Could he convince Louise to make their marriage real?

  Unable to wait any longer, he took her plate of food to the bedroom.

  Louise wakened at his entry and sat up when she saw what he carried. “I’m famished.”

  He sat on the foot of the bed, where, as Louise ate, he could watch Chloe sleeping in a basket.

  The baby jerked as if surprised by an imaginary noise. “She’s making sucking sounds.” He chuckled. “Now she’s pressing her fist to her cheek. It’s so cute and innocent.”

  Louise had finished eating and shifted so she sat beside him where she could also watch the baby. “Do you think Mrs. Porter would be pleased we named the baby after her?”

  He took her hand. “She’d be thrilled.”

  Louise’s expression grew worried.

  He caught her chin and lifted her head so their eyes met. “What’s the matter?”

  Her forehead wrinkled as if her thoughts were troublesome. “I was thinking of Gordie. He never got a chance to see his little girl.”

  No doubt she meant to remind him he had no part in Chloe’s life. A few days ago he would have said it didn’t matter. But now it mattered more than almost anything. His powerlessness to change the facts sent razor-sharp regret up and down his spine.

  “Gordie would have been very proud,” he said, relieved that his voice sounded normal.

  “Sometimes—” She broke off and shifted her attention to something past his shoulder.

  “What?”

  “I shouldn’t say it.”

  He might regret pressing her, but better to hear than to have secrets and misunderstandings between them. “Tell me.”

  She shuddered. “You’ll be angry.”

  So it was something she knew would upset him. Perhaps another reminder that Chloe would never be his daughter. Or that their marriage was a farce. “I promise I won’t.” At least he’d not let her know.

  “Sometimes I am so angry at Gordie, I can hardly stand it. It was his bad choices that caused so many problems and so much trouble for us all.”

  “So you understand why I had to leave rather than be drawn into it? I hoped my leaving would make him see the error of his ways.”

  Her eyes found his again, full of wonder. “I do.” She ducked her head again. “But he never changed. And then he got greedy and tried to trick Vic. I’m sure it’s what got him killed.”

  Nate’s thoughts slammed into his brain with a viciousness that was reminiscent of Vic’s behavior. “What do you mean? Are you suggesting what I think you are?”

  She nodded. “I believe Vic killed him. I told the marshal my suspicions, but he could find no proof.”

  Nate bolted to his feet, so full of anger and frustration he couldn’t stand still. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner when I could have done something about it? I should go back and bring Vic to justice.”

  She tried to stand, but her face grew as white as the sheets on the bed.

  He grabbed her and edged her back to the mattress. “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to stop you.” She grabbed his arms. “Promise me you won’t go after Vic. He has absolutely no scruples. Let it go. Please. Remember what you said to me? Forget the past. Look to the future. Promise you won’t go back.”

  He couldn’t stand to see her so worked up, even though he experienced a little thrill that she cared so much. “Okay. I promise. I won’t go back to Rocky Creek except to visit my ma.”

  “And you’ll stay away from Vic?”

  “Yes, I’ll stay away from Vic.”

  She let out a gust of air. “Thank you. If anything happens to you—” She broke off. “Never mind. So long as you get us to the ranch as you said.”

  “I always do my best to keep my word.” He sat beside her again and they watched baby Chloe sleep.

  “Nate, don’t be mad at me at what I’m about to say.”

  “I think I can handle it.” He’d been exposed to surprise after surprise and he had maintained his self-control.

  Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Sometimes I am angry at God.”

  He nodded, not knowing what he could say to that.

  She clutched the hem of the sheet and twisted it round and round.

  He thought about telling her to have a care for the fabric. Phil wouldn’t appreciate having her linens ripped, but he sensed the action would distract Louise from her troublesome thoughts.

  “I tell myself I will trust God no matter what, but sometimes I can’t. Why does He allow men such as Vic to get away with their evil deeds? Why does He allow Vic to even live?”

  Nate wrapped his arm about her shoulders and drew her close. “Louise, I simply don’t know. The only thing I can say is…” He thought of some of the talks Bertie had delivered at Sunday services at the ranch. “God loves Vic and is giving him a chance to turn around.”

  Louise made a dismissive noise. “That’s impossible.”

  “Lots of impossible things have become possible with God.” It was a truth he meant to cling to. So many things looked impossible at the moment—getting back to Edendale in time to meet the mountain man, persuading Louise to let him be a part of Chloe’s life. Convincing Louise to help him start up a ranch. Doubts clouded his mind. Why would she want to share a run-down cabin with him?

  “You know what I’d like?” Her words broke into his thoughts.

  “Nope.”

  “I’d like a Bible of my own. Do you think I could purchase one in Fort Macleod?”

  “I would expect you can.”

  “If I could learn to trust God more, I could face the future without worry. Me and Chloe and Missy together.”

  She’d left him out of the picture.

  Seemed he needed to restrict his impossible hopes to getting back in time to buy the bit of land he wanted. Yet it no longer seemed enough to satisfy his heart.

  Chapter Fourteen

  After Nate left, Louise lay back staring at the ceiling. Had she really said, “If anything happens to you…”? At least she hadn’t finished the thought. I don’t
know what I would do.

  Being responsible for a baby made her realize how small and weak she was. She turned her face to the pillow and let a tear or two fall to the sweet-smelling cotton.

  She’d get a Bible and read it every day, finding her strength in God alone.

  She would not heed the silly need crying out in her heart for someone to share her life with. Someone good and noble and strong like Nate.

  Stop it, she ordered herself. Hadn’t she learned her lesson about needing people, depending on them? She’d start a new life without depending on anyone.

  Phil came in. She must have noticed Louise’s damp cheek, because she said, “You’re feeling vulnerable right now and that’s normal. It won’t take long for you to get your strength back and more.”

  “That’s good to hear. How did you get to be such an expert on birthing and babies?”

  Phil chuckled. “My mama was a midwife. A very good one, if I do say so myself. Before she died, I helped her on many occasions.”

  “Seems God prepared you to be here when I needed you. Or me to be here when I needed you. I’m not sure which.”

  “And it doesn’t matter. We both know God brought us together at the right time just as He always does.”

  Louise clung to the idea of God bringing her to the right person at the right time. Maybe He’d done the same thing many times and she simply hadn’t noticed.

  Like bringing Nate home when she and Missy needed to escape Vic?

  Like having Nate agree to marry her? No, she couldn’t believe God had a hand in that or even approved of it.

  “Does God really care about people even when they do bad things?” she asked Philomena.

  Phil sat on the edge of the bed. “You don’t have to read much in the Bible to know He does. Just think of the children of Israel. God rescued them with many miraculous signs. You’d think they’d never forget that, but they did time and time and time again. But He never forgot them. Sometimes He let them suffer for their sins but only in order to turn them back to Him. Our God is a great and loving God.” She patted Louise’s hands. “Now I’ll get little miss Chloe who is fussing for her mama, then you need to get some sleep. Are you planning to resume your journey tomorrow?”

  Louise nodded.

  “You will need to get plenty of rest and make sure the baby is kept warm,” Phil advised her.

  “I wish you could come with us.”

  “I belong here for now. But you are most welcome to stay with me if you want.”

  “I have to go on.”

  “I know. Follow your heart. God will be with you each step of the way.”

  Phil left Louise with the baby and plenty to think about. Her words strengthened Louise.

  The next morning came far too early. Louise had been up several times in the night with the baby and wished she could sleep another four hours. But she had no intention of being the cause of another delay or being left behind. She might be safe here for now, maybe for the winter, but if Vic showed up, she had little defense and no desire to pull Phil into her situation.

  She slipped from the covers, moving quietly, lest she disturb the sleeping baby.

  She put on her dress and ran her hand down the tummy. It was not quite flat, but she could see her feet. Feet that felt farther away than they should because of her slightly wobbly legs.

  The next few days until they reached the ranch would be challenging, but she could handle it.

  The noise and voices beyond the bedroom door informed her that the others were up, and she straightened and stepped out to face them.

  Missy rushed to her side. “Are you ready to be up?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.” No one would ever know how much effort it took to stand tall and steady.

  Nate stood by the stove. He looked at her, his eyes filled with concern, and then he smiled as if glad to see her. Her heart fluttered at the thought, then she settled it down with the facts of her situation. Likely he had been concerned she might cost them another delay.

  Phil insisted Louise sit down and brought her a cup of coffee. “Strong and fresh. Just what you need. And lots of oatmeal.” She filled Louise’s bowl and signaled the others to join them at the table.

  Louise dug in as soon as the blessing had been asked and cleaned up the porridge in record time. She was hungry enough to eat two bowlfuls but would never have asked.

  Phil looked at her empty bowl and laughed as she filled it again. “My mama said a woman feeding a baby eats for two. She needs lots and lots of good food.” She turned to Nate. “You be sure she gets it.”

  He laughed. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll do my best.”

  As they prepared to leave, Phil filled a syrup pail with cookies and biscuits, and handed it to Louise. “In case you don’t get enough north of here.”

  “Thank you.” She’d packed a bag with essentials for traveling with the baby. Chloe, cradled in one arm, wore a knit bonnet and sweater on top of a clean nightgown. Louise had wrapped her in several blankets. One Aunt Bea had knitted for the baby and one Louise had knitted. The third was one Aunt Bea had pulled from her big trunk. “I made it for you as a baby. Your pa gave it to me when you no longer had need of it. I hoped I would someday be able to give it back to you for your own baby.” There were times Aunt Bea’s kindness surprised her. Louise had decided her aunt simply didn’t like a young girl upsetting her routine.

  Louise had fingered the soft yarn of the blanket, missing a mother she couldn’t remember. She pushed aside the lonesome thought and vowed Chloe would always know how much she was loved.

  “I’ll take her.” Nate held his hands out to hold Chloe so Louise could climb into the stagecoach.

  She hesitated. Had he ever held a newborn?

  “Show me what to do.” He sounded eager.

  Louise welcomed the help and what better person to turn to than her husband—pretend though their relationship was?

  “Support her head at all times.” She shifted Chloe into the crook of his arm. Tears clogged the back of her throat at the way he smiled at Chloe and touched her cheek with his fingertip.

  He looked up at Louise, his eyes glowing with enjoyment and perhaps a touch of pride.

  She turned away quickly, lest he notice her emotional state, and climbed aboard. Nate handed up the baby, holding her head in one hand and her bottom in the other. She had to smile at how naturally he did it.

  He’d make a good papa.

  She dismissed the idea before it could take root and flourish into impossible wishes.

  She settled beside one window next to Missy.

  Missy peeked under the covers at the baby. “Hello, Chloe, I’m your aunt Missy. You and I are going to be best friends.”

  Nate climbed inside and sat across from Louise. She saw concern and something more in his eyes as he looked at her.

  But she wasn’t about to try to guess what the something more might be. Likely only another part of her silly, impossible dreams and wishes. Seemed having a baby had triggered a deep nesting instinct that made her want to build a home with a man who would care for them both.

  Dutch hollered giddyap and they were on their way.

  Louise looked about at her fellow travelers. “I know I caused you all to lose a day of travel and I apologize.”

  “Nonsense,” Rowena said. “We voted on it and not one of us wanted to move on until you had the baby.”

  The others agreed.

  “She’s special to all of us,” Archie said. “Consider each of us a guardian for her. If she needs anything or you do, all you have to do is ask.”

  Her throat threatened to close off, but she managed to get out a couple of words. “Thank you.” Could they give her a home where she could always stay? A husband who would never leave?

  She pushed her shoulders back. She would manage on her own. In the process, she’d learn to trust God more.

  The rocking seemed to calm Chloe and she didn’t fuss until they stopped. Missy held her while Louise took advant
age of the break to take care of her personal needs, then she resumed her seat and pulled the baby close. Phil had shown her how to nurse while maintaining her modesty but she was grateful Missy—not Nate—sat beside her.

  The day seemed interminable. She was weary clear through but couldn’t sleep because of the need to hold the baby. The rolling motion made it impossible to stay awake and, despite her best intentions, she drifted off, jerking to full attention, her heart pounding at a furious rate. What if she dropped the baby? Yes, the buffalo robes swaddled Chloe, but only a secure pair of arms ensured her safety.

  Chloe fussed again. Had it really been several hours since she last ate? She nursed the infant again and the baby fell asleep.

  Louise vowed she would not do so, as well.

  “Can I hold her?” Nate asked, leaning forward and taking the baby gingerly before she could find any reason to object.

  Truth was, she appreciated a break.

  “You rest until she needs you again.”

  “Thank you.” She tipped her head back and slept, though she remained faintly aware of the activity around her, as if being a mama had given her a new ability.

  It took her a moment to realize the stage had stopped moving, and the occupants had begun to shuffle about.

  “We’re here,” Nate said.

  Louise didn’t have the heart to look out the window and see where “here” was. Was it too much to hope for a place like Phil’s? She could never have imagined it possible to miss someone she had known for less than two days.

  Nate stepped down with Chloe cradled safely in one arm, and helped Louise down with the other hand as naturally and competently as if he’d been doing it for years.

  She thanked him, then gave him a long, hard stare.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I was thinking how natural you are with all this—the baby, helping me down and all. You’re sure you haven’t done this before?”

  To her amazement, his cheeks turned a ruddy color. “I’m just a good observer.”

  “Of course.” Why would it make him uncomfortable to confess so? Unless he’d watched other men with their wives and babies, and wished he could enjoy the same. Was it possible?