by Linda Ford
Or was she putting her own wishes on his shoulders?
She’d had a husband, but not an attentive one. She’d had a home, but it had never been hers. It belonged to Gordie and he never let her forget it. Not that she minded. To her, it was the Porter home and reminded her of better times.
Now it was too late for such dreams and wishes. Dreams were for the young and innocent, not for widows and mamas raising a child on their own.
*
Nate felt the heat creep up his neck and pool in his cheeks. He was blushing like a schoolgirl. Louise must think him strange, especially when she’d asked a perfectly innocent question. But one that sneaked right past his defenses. He had tried for years to deny that he had once thought Louise might care for him in a special way. After he’d left, he hoped she’d follow, or contact him to come and get her. During that time, he used to watch young men with their girls or husbands with their wives and think what it would be like to be able to help Louise from a wagon. Or hold a door for her. Or feel a baby sleeping in his arms.
Her marriage to Gordie had made those silly thoughts wrong and he’d put an end to them. Until now. It seemed as if everything he’d once hoped for was his. Except it wasn’t. It was only pretend. And as she was so fond of reminding him, they would forget the past and follow a new path into the future.
But for now, he was living his dream…taking care of Louise and little Chloe.
He led Louise toward the stopping house, Chloe still in his arms. The baby was content, so Nate did not hand her back to Louise.
The stopping house wasn’t much from the outside, but he was pleasantly surprised when they stepped inside a warm, clean room with a delicious smell coming from the pot on the stove.
“Thank You, God,” he murmured.
“Amen to that,” Louise said.
Their host was out helping Dutch, so they didn’t meet him until he, Dutch and Sam tromped inside, stomping snow and straw from their boots.
“Folks, this here is Oxley. He’s a fine host.”
Oxley was tall and lean as a whip with trimmed brown hair, though it looked as if the man cut his own hair without consulting a mirror. He had dark brown eyes that were warm and welcoming, and he was clean shaven except for a handlebar moustache that quivered as he smiled. “Welcome, make yourselves at home.” His voice rumbled as though it came from a spot far below his feet.
Everything about the man made Nate relax. Here he knew Louise and the baby were not in danger of food poisoning, vermin or some kind of dreadful disease.
They gathered around the table as Oxley served up thick, delicious stew. When the meal was over, Miss Rolfe and Missy offered to wash the dishes. At first, Oxley refused.
“You all paid for the meal. That means you don’t have to clean up. That’s my job.”
Miss Rolfe ignored his protest. “It’s our way of showing our gratitude for a good meal.”
Louise tried to join the other women, but they waved her aside.
“Rest while you can,” Missy said.
Archie nodded agreement. “My wife always said a new mother should sleep whenever she could. Of course, if she has half a dozen little ones that meant never.”
So Louise sat down beside Nate.
Pleased she had chosen to do so, he put an arm around her shoulders and cooed over the baby, who opened her eyes and waved her little pink fists.
There was no separate bedroom for Louise that night. But Nate again brought in the buffalo robes and made a bed for her and the baby. No one objected.
“Here, this blanket is softer than yours.” Gabe traded blankets with her.
Sam moved the benches to give her more room.
“She’ll need a lamp in the night for feeding the baby,” Archie said.
“She can keep it turned low if that doesn’t bother the rest of you,” Oxley said.
Louise looked about the room, her eyes awash. “You are all so good to me when you have every right to resent me for causing you delay, and now you’ll have to listen to Chloe cry in the night.”
“A baby’s crying won’t bother me,” Archie said. The others agreed.
“Sweetest music a man could ever hear,” Oxley added.
Nate grinned at him. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
Louise’s smile was half teasing, half regretful. “You might all change your minds before we get to our destination.”
“No, we won’t,” Sam said.
Nate didn’t say anything, but he knew he wouldn’t.
But during the night, he wondered if the others might change their minds, for Chloe cried a good deal.
Nate could see Louise feeding her, but it didn’t seem to satisfy the baby. He edged closer. “Can I help?”
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered. “I’ve fed her and changed her. She seems warm enough. What else is there?”
“I don’t know.” He kept his voice low so as not to disturb the others.
But Archie murmured, “Maybe she’s missing the rocking motion of the stagecoach. After all, she’d probably grown used to it the last few days.”
“Give her to me.” Nate took the baby and did a swaying walk back and forth across the narrow space between the door and the table.
Chloe sobbed twice more, then stopped. Archie was right.
He walked and swung her a few more minutes, then eased her down into Louise’s arms. He crawled back into bed.
Chloe slept off and on through the night. The only thing that would settle her when she fussed was to be walked and rocked. Louise and Nate took turns till he saw how exhausted she was. “You rest while I walk her,” he said to Louise.
It seemed he had barely put his head down when Dutch pushed from his bedroll. “Time to move out, folks. We got a long ways to go today.”
Nate wondered how much sleep Louise had gotten. He sure hadn’t had much. But he wasn’t about to complain, not after all Louise had been through. He vowed to do all he could to help her for the next few days. Perhaps once they reached the ranch, Chloe would realize the world didn’t have to rock constantly.
After a hurried breakfast, they were on their way again.
At least Chloe slept while they traveled. Nate rested his head on the window frame. He wakened when the baby fussed and waited for Louise to nurse Chloe.
“I’ll hold her while you get some sleep,” he said, and took the baby. Louise considered him somberly for several minutes before she closed her eyes.
When Nate realized Louise was asleep, he took the opportunity to study her. She was a strong woman, but how was she going to do this on her own? How could she take care of a baby while providing for herself and Chloe? And Missy until she found a way to take care of herself? The more he considered it, the more convinced he grew that he could offer her what they needed—a home on his ranch. A place where he would be around to help her take care of Chloe.
All he had to do was get back in time to buy a bit of land from the mountain man, and according to his reckoning, he would do so.
Of course, he’d need to do a bit of work on the cabin.
Oh, and persuade Louise that it made sense for them to remain man and wife and raise Chloe together.
Would she agree?
Chapter Fifteen
Louise slept and woke according to Chloe’s demands. She could barely remember stopping at noon, though she was almost certain they had.
They arrived at another stopping house run by a dapper little man. She couldn’t even say what his name was, though she surely must have heard.
That night was a repeat of the previous one. Chloe slept as long as she was jostled or swayed or walked. All of which required enormous amounts of Louise’s waning energy.
If Nate hadn’t helped, she wondered how she would have managed. She was so grateful when he took Chloe that she almost kissed him. Even so, she felt as if she walked and talked and ate in her sleep.
She even dozed off while nursing the baby and jerked awake in a sweat, fear
ing she would suffocate her.
Being a mother was a lot more work than she could have imagined. In a few days she’d have to do it alone, though she supposed Missy would be with her. Somehow Missy had the ability to sleep through Chloe’s crying, so she wouldn’t likely be a lot of help during the night hours.
Morning came all too soon and with it a sense of failure and incompetence that she carried with her through the hurried breakfast. It grew stronger, more pervasive, when she sat in the stage, bouncing and swaying along.
They reached the first way station to change horses and she didn’t have the energy or interest to step from the stage.
Nate took Chloe from her arms and got out. He turned and held out a hand to her. “Come on. You need to stretch your legs.”
She wanted to deny it. The last thing she needed was exercise. Even with him spelling her off, she’d had plenty of it during the night. But it took too much effort to argue, so she alighted.
He draped an arm over her shoulder and pulled her close, then led her away from the others. They stopped on a snow-covered hill with a gentle, cold breeze drifting across the surface. It was momentarily invigorating.
“Now, tell me what’s wrong.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” The words came hurriedly as she hovered at the edge of her pit of misery. One wrong word would send her spiraling downward.
“You look ready to cry and have all morning. I know you must be tired, what with Chloe not wanting to sleep during the night, but I’m concerned it might be more.”
The dam broke and her words poured forth. “What am I doing wrong that she won’t sleep? How do I know if she’s getting enough to eat?” It seemed to her the baby didn’t know how to feed and Louise sure didn’t know how to show her. “What if she’s hungry and I’m too inexperienced to know? Maybe there’s something wrong with her. How can you tell if a baby hurts? She cries for every reason but can’t tell me what it is.”
To her utter helpless embarrassment, she sobbed, tears flowing down her face like a river.
Nate, to his credit, didn’t seem to mind. He pressed her head to his shoulder. “Shh. Shh. I worry about Chloe, too. She’s so tiny and fragile. But Archie says she’s just like every newborn. He says she’ll let us know what she wants and needs.”
“Maybe she’s trying and we don’t understand.” Each word came out accompanied with a sob. “How do I know?”
He rubbed her shoulder. “I can’t answer that, but you’re not doing this on your own. I’m right here to help.”
Her sobs subsided. It was a comforting thought, even though they both knew it was temporary. But for now, it was all she had and she meant to take advantage of it. Just as she meant to lean on him a few more minutes before they had to return to the stagecoach.
“You’ve got one thing to look forward to,” he said.
Her nerves tensed. Was he about to remind her she would soon be on her own? It was what they’d agreed on. What she wanted. But not right now. Right now she needed help, needed strength from outside herself.
Trust God, she reminded herself.
But at the moment, she needed strong arms and encouraging words. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded that her relationship with Nate was temporary.
“We’ll be at Fort Macleod tonight. There’s sure to be a midwife or an experienced mother you can consult with.”
The words filled her with fresh courage. “Today? I lost track of the time.”
Dutch called them back and Louise returned with more energy than she’d felt for several days. Sometime today they would arrive at Fort Macleod. It truly was something to look forward to.
Two days after that and they should reach Eden Valley Ranch. The beginning of a new life.
The end of what she and Nate presently shared.
She would not think of that for now. Perhaps something would change, though she couldn’t think how or what it could be.
It was late afternoon when Dutch called, “Fort Macleod ahead.”
The passengers crowded to the windows for a glimpse. All Louise saw were the stockade walls with a Union Jack flag flying from a tall pole. At some point, they had crossed into Canada.
She sat back, eagerness mixing with a dozen other nameless emotions in her heart although one had a name she refused to acknowledge. Dread…dread of Nate’s imminent goodbye.
She forced herself to focus on all that the fort offered and clutched Chloe to her chest as, a few miles later, they drove through the open gates. A wide lane ran the length of the fort with wooden shanties on either side. “It’s not much to look at,” she ventured.
Rowena peered out the opposite window. “I trust there is more behind the surface than we see.”
Eight red-coated Mounties marched past in perfect formation, paused to salute the arrivals, then marched on.
Rowena pressed a hand to her throat. “Oh, my. If that’s what hides within these walls, I’m more than ready to settle here.”
Gabe sighed expansively. “Don’t they make an impressive sight?”
“Indeed they do.”
Louise giggled at the enthusiasm of the pair and slid her gaze toward Nate. Her amusement fled at the serious look on his face. She wanted to ask him what was wrong but not in front of the others. Then he smiled and her worries fled.
He chuckled. “You’ll find it a busy place with lots of unexpected offerings.” They pulled up before what the sign said was the Macleod Hotel. “Not the least of which is this hotel.”
Dutch threw open the doors before anyone could demand explanation.
Nate took Chloe and helped Louise to the boardwalk. She breathed deeply. “Finally, civilization.”
“Or the nearest thing to it,” Nate said half apologetically.
“Compared to some of the mining camps I lived in with Pa, it’s downright inviting.”
Louise looked up at the sign—a large silhouette of the back of a man’s head and the words No Jawbone. She shivered at the sinister sign. “What does that mean?”
Nate chuckled. He seemed to be enjoying her reaction. “It means Kamoose accepts no credit.”
“Kamoose? Who or what is that?”
The others hung back, as curious as Louise about Nate’s comment.
“Kamoose Taylor is the proprietor of this establishment.” Nate enjoyed everyone’s interest.
“Strange name,” Missy said.
Nate grinned widely. “I believe his real name is Harry, but the Indians call him Kamoose, which means wife stealer.”
Louise gaped at him. “He stole someone’s wife?”
Laughing, Nate explained, “I believe he stole his wife when her Indian family refused to sell her despite his generous offer of a horse, two pairs of blankets and some tobacco.”
Louise couldn’t stop staring at the sign. What kind of world had she come to that a man tried to buy a woman and then stole her and everyone seemed okay with it?
She drew in resignation. It really didn’t sound much different than what she and Nate did. Well, maybe she’d overreacted.
Nate and Louise followed the others through the door into the hotel lobby.
“That’s Kamoose,” Nate said, indicating the man behind the wooden counter.
Louise tried not to stare. The man seemed ordinary enough. Tall and rangy.
“Howdy, folks. You looking for a room or two?”
“Yes, sir,” Nate said.
“First off, read the rules.” Kamoose pointed to a sign on the front of the desk.
Louise read them silently and gasped. She turned to Nate, who seemed constantly amused by the situation, and whispered, “Surely these aren’t to be taken seriously.”
Nate shrugged. “I don’t think anyone’s ever tried to challenge them. Kamoose has been a whiskey runner and likely a number of other things outside the law. I, for one, don’t want to see if he means it.” He kept his voice very low, but still Kamoose watched him keenly.
“You got a problem with my rules?”
/>
“Nope. They sound fair to me,” Nate readily announced.
Louise pressed her lips together to keep from sputtering. There were ten rules. All but one—Spiked boots and spurs must be removed at night—were ridiculous, especially the last. Guests are requested to rise before 6:00 a.m. This is imperative as the sheets are needed for tablecloths.
But Nate had arranged a room for Louise, Missy and the baby before Louise could think of an alternative.
He escorted her to the room. It was decent enough. Not as nice as Phil’s bedroom, but she reckoned not many would be.
He handed Chloe to Louise. “Rest and clean up. I’ll be back in a bit to take you to supper.” And then he was gone.
Missy and Louise looked at each other, then flipped the covers back on the bed. The sheets appeared clean. They took turns bouncing on the mattress and laughed at the squeaking springs, then lay back, putting Chloe between them.
“It’s nice to feel a bed under my bones,” Missy said.
“We’re almost at our destination,” Louise said.
“You’ll be glad, won’t you?” Missy sounded uncertain.
“I’ll be glad to not have to travel all day. What about you?”
Missy didn’t answer at first.
Louise turned to regard her. “What’s bothering you?”
“I’m trying to imagine what the ranch will be like. I hope it’s not too isolated. You see, I want to—” She met Louise’s eyes, revealing a deep longing.
“Missy, whatever you want, I won’t stand in your way.”
“I won’t leave you to manage on your own, though of course you have Nate, so—”
“I’ll be fine.” Louise hoped her smile portrayed assurance. No reason for Missy to know Louise worried how she’d manage once Nate left. “What is it you want to do?”
“Something important. Something that gives me independence.” She stared at the ceiling. “I don’t want to depend on anyone ever again.”
“Have I disappointed you?”
“No. Never. But don’t you find it hard to trust people after Vic?”
Vic, Pa, Mama, even Nate. But all she said was, “A little.” But rather than make her want to run from her past, as it seemed to do for Missy, it made Louise want to pull things tight and hold on to them. She’d never let go of what she had if she had a choice. She didn’t. People, events, things forced her to move on to something new. Usually without allowing her any say in the matter.
