by Linda Ford
“Owen and Alyce love the Cains,” he said quietly. “And certainly Jo and Garrett are excellent guardians, but nothing replaces seeing them every day.”
Tessa drummed her fingers. Perhaps if she approached this from another direction. “And you can’t possibly hire anyone because folks will gossip.”
“Exactly.”
“I thought before…” She inhaled deeply. “On the trip back from Wichita, the children and I did well together.”
Maybe if she backed up the conversation and reminded him of the time they’d spent together already, he’d catch the drift of her thoughts. Once he recalled the past, maybe he’d look to the future.
He fumbled for the coffee mug the server had set before him. “You did real fine with them.”
Though she’d never been around small children before, they’d got along well. There’d been the usual tantrums and spills. She’d even scolded Owen and he hadn’t appeared to hold it against her. Children didn’t seem to hold grudges.
Owen teetered and Tessa instinctively steadied him. Yep. She was definitely developing her instincts with the children.
She folded her hands before her. “And we got along well, too, didn’t we?”
“You know I’d hire you in an instant,” he blurted. “After meeting Mrs. Stuart, you can understand the difficulties. I won’t let you endure that sort of gossip. That doesn’t mean you can’t see them as often as you want.”
“Don’t misunderstand me,” she added quickly. “I realize now how impossible it would be for you to hire me as a housekeeper.”
“Exactly,” he declared. “I couldn’t put you in that situation. There’d be talk. There’s always talk. You’re a fine-looking woman.”
A jolt of pure feminine pleasure surprised her.
She’d never much thought about her looks one way or the other before. Discreetly rubbing her damp palms against her skirts, she caught sight of Owen and Alyce peacefully rearranging their table settings. Those two never got along for this long.
Shane jolted upright. “You need money, don’t you? I should have realized that sooner. What with losing out on the reward and all. You just have to ask. I’m happy to help.”
Tessa nearly pounded her fists on the table. He’d picked up on the clues, all right. The wrong clues. “I don’t want to borrow money from you. I want to help out with the children. But not as your housekeeper.”
He frowned. “I can talk to JoBeth. I’m sure she’d appreciate the help.”
Nope. He was not catching the drift of her meaning at all. Not even close. Worse yet, they were drifting further off point with every word.
“All three of you get along real well.” He rushed ahead before she could say anything else. “Both Owen and Alyce adore you. If you settle here, the Cains will let you visit as often as you like.”
“I’d like that.” Her knuckles whitened around her own coffee mug. “Sometimes we have to change our plans. Sometimes things don’t work out as easily as we think they should.”
“No. They don’t.”
Shane cleared his throat. “I think I know what you’re hinting at.”
“Excellent.” She resisted adding a hallelujah. “I was beginning to think we’d be here all day.”
“You think I should consider Cora’s suggestion.”
“Yes!” Finally. At last they were on the right track.
“I can’t send for a mail-order bride,” he declared forcefully. “Even for the children. I know you’re all trying to help. I appreciate it. Truly, I do. But it’s out of the question.” Owen tipped a cup and he lunged before the liquid spilled. “I’m not really the mail-order bride kind of fellow.”
Tessa covered her face with her hands. What did a woman have to do to get a marriage proposal around here? She lowered her hands and sucked in a restorative breath. If he wasn’t catching the hints, she’d have to do this herself.
“Why don’t we get married?” she declared just as forcefully. They’d be here all afternoon if she waited on Shane to decipher her hints. “We already know each other. Sort of. And you said it yourself before. We each have something the other needs.” Before he could speak, she rushed ahead. “No one could take the place of your first wife, I’m sure.”
Something flashed across his face, an emotion she couldn’t read. “I wouldn’t expect anyone to.”
“It’s what you said before,” Tessa went on, relieved they were at least finally speaking on the same topic. “Things are different out West. Marriages are arranged for practical reasons. We’re simply being practical.”
“I just want to get this straight,” he said, not appearing at all eager. “You’re saying we ought to get married? You and me?”
Her enthusiasm deflated, and she pressed two fingers against her temple. This had seemed much more logical back in the marshal’s office. Sitting here before Shane, trying to think of a good way to convince him that she was the perfect choice for a bride, nothing seemed clear. What qualifications did she have? She could pick a pocket and spot a cardsharp from across the room. Not necessarily what most men were looking for in a bride.
Now that the words were out, her courage fled. Covering her unease, she snapped, “Of course you and me!”
*
“You caught me off guard.” Shane forced the pent-up air from his lungs, remembering to breathe. “Just making sure. You see, um, you said you had a small matter you’d like to discuss.”
“Yes. Marriage.”
“I think I see the problem,” he replied, still feeling a bit dazed. “Maybe next time you should say that you have something important to discuss rather than something small. That way I’m prepared.”
For a moment she appeared annoyed, but her expression quickly shifted to one of uncertainty. The sudden change left him even more confused.
Tessa sighed and studied the tines on her fork as though they were the most fascinating things on earth. “When Cora spoke of mail-order brides before, I couldn’t help but think about the children.”
“The children?” He was still catching up with the conversation. And who could blame him? Usually when someone wanted to discuss a small matter, they meant a broken heel on a shoe or an overdue bill at the boardinghouse.
Something small.
A marriage proposal was not a small matter.
“Clearly they’re better off with their father,” Tessa said. “They’re better off with the person who loves them most.” Her eyes took on a misty appeal. “This all must be very confusing for them. Losing their mother, moving from the only home they’ve ever known.”
Her reasoning put him at ease. She liked the children. Maybe it was because they were twins that they had that effect on people. But was affection for Alyce and Owen enough for a lifetime together? He’d been down this road before with disastrous results.
Her too-pale lips pinched together. “I realize we haven’t known each other very long, and this is an enormous decision, but I really think we could make this work.”
While he was busy reeling from the unexpected announcement, she’d obviously thought through the details already. Any man would jump at the offer, himself included. Except he didn’t want her making a lifelong decision because she was backed into a corner. He didn’t want her to do something she’d regret later.
His collar had grown alarmingly tight, and he tugged on his string tie. Adding the minutes together, they’d known each other only a matter of hours, and yet he’d known Abby for most of his childhood and still managed to marry a stranger.
“We could make a list—” her voice quivered “—of all the reasons for and against the marriage.”
She had the look of a wide-eyed doe, softly innocent, ready to flee at the least disturbance. She’d been strong and brave since the moment he’d met her, and he’d never considered how much energy that courage cost her. For a woman on her own, harassment from men like Dead Eye must be all too familiar. He felt her desperation as though her plea had taken on a physical presence.
If he refused, if he turned her away, where would she go next? Because of his interference with the outlaw, she appeared more frightened than ever.
“Like I said before, you caught me off guard.” A fierce need to shelter her from harm welled up inside him, and he stalled for time. “It’s not a bad idea. Unexpected, sure. But not crazy.”
These past few days without the children had been miserable. Being together again was right and good, the way things were supposed to be. He desperately wanted that feeling back. He wanted the same peace he’d felt the first time he’d held Alyce and Owen in his arms nearly two years ago. There was only one problem. He didn’t want that peace at the price of someone else’s misery.
Snared in his memories, the quiet stretched out.
Tessa held out her locket for Owen’s fascinated inspection, and Shane marveled at the silky lashes sweeping against her cheeks, the delicate translucency of her eyelids and the brilliance of her hair catching a shaft of afternoon sun.
She broke the silence, jarring him from his musing.
“What?” he asked. “I didn’t catch that.”
“I should go,” she said. “I’ve kept you too long.”
“We don’t need a list.” Her hesitant uncertainty spurred him into action. “After thinking things through, getting married is the best solution.”
He wasn’t exactly a silver-tongued charmer. Tessa deserved a proper courting, but that wasn’t in the cards. He didn’t have the time or the skills. Best not to give her false hope anyway. He’d begin this relationship as he meant to go on. He was a practical man and this was a practical decision.
“Are you certain?” Tessa asked softly, a heartbreaking note of doubt in her voice.
“I’d ask you the same. It’s a hard life. Be sure you know the bargain you’re making. They’ll catch those outlaws sooner or later. You’ll see.”
No regrets. If they agreed to this marriage, he wanted no regrets for either of them.
He didn’t doubt her abilities or her resolve. She wasn’t weak, not by a long shot. He’d eaten in Harvey House restaurants plenty of times during his travels. He’d seen waitresses lift trays that would bend a grown man. Though she was little more than a slip of a thing, she’d taken care of herself well enough up until now. It wasn’t her fault she’d attracted the notice of Dead Eye.
Owen wrapped his arms around Tessa’s neck and snuggled close.
She had an effortless, nurturing quality about her that left him curious about her past. “Do you have brothers and sisters? Family?”
Why wasn’t someone looking out for her? He’d settled in Cimarron Springs because of his family. His aunt was the closest thing he had to a mother with his own gone. His uncle, guilty about his brother abandoning the family, had taken it upon himself to fill in the empty space. Though their attention was occasionally stifling, he appreciated their concern.
“No brothers or sisters, I’m afraid.” Tessa’s smile was strained. “I’m an only child. My mother died when I was eight. My father raised me after that. He’s not around anymore.” Her gaze skittered away. “That’s all there is to know about me.”
Shane very much doubted that. Her face had got that shuttered look once more, and he didn’t press her any further. There’d be time enough for them to get to know one another later. A lifetime.
The thread between them was fragile, and he feared one wrong word might snap the delicate connection. “You can change your mind, you know.”
“I know.” She rested her cheek on Owen’s head and sighed. “This is about something different.”
In the first months of his marriage, he’d wondered about the man who’d abandoned Abby. The man who’d made her so miserable, she’d wasted away from the heartbreak. He didn’t think about it anymore, because thinking didn’t change anything and only made the hurting worse. He didn’t care beyond a lingering sadness for what might have been.
Something weighty and ragged settled in his chest. “I don’t want you making a mistake you can’t take back.”
“You’re not a mistake, Mr. McCoy.”
“Shane,” he said, his throat working. “Call me Shane.”
The last time he’d plunged into a marriage, he’d been confident that friendship would turn into love. Never again. He’d go about things differently this time. With this marriage, he’d keep his distance, treat the relationship as a partnership in the business. He’d give her space instead of stifling her.
He wouldn’t give either of them a reason for regrets.
Her eyes grew unfocused and looked beyond him. “My father raised me after my mother died. Just him alone. I know the challenge. I’m well aware of the sacrifice.”
The distant look in her eyes returned. Already she was shutting him out. He bent his head. At least this time there were no surprises.
“Cimarron Springs is a nice town, but it’s small,” he said. His initial impression of her came rushing back. In another life, she might have been the tea-sipping heiress. Fate had left her in a far different situation. She hadn’t given up yet, and he admired her pluck. “There’s not much excitement around these parts.”
“I’ve had all the excitement I can stand in one lifetime.” Her gaze turned intense. “I’ve lived everywhere, Shane. Just once I’d like to live somewhere. I want to feel safe.”
Owen slapped his hands on the table, rattling the dishes. “Ga.”
Tessa smiled. “Even Owen agrees.”
She was more than he deserved. How could he explain that his hesitation had sprung from his own unsuitability, not hers? At least they’d have the twins between them. Her affection for the children had obviously instigated her precipitous suggestion. Though he lauded her compassion, someday Owen and Alyce would be grown and gone, and there’d be only the two of them. What then? Would they have enough in common after the years to survive the loss of what had brought them together in the first place?
“You’re certain?” he asked.
Her chin came up a notch. “There’s one thing you should know about me. Once I make up my mind, I don’t change it. I’ll feel the same in a day, a week, a month and a year. There’s no reason to wait.”
The twins, normally full of energy and chatter, were oddly, blissfully quiet. Their silence gave him the opportunity for reflection. Too much opportunity. Just once he wished for a little noise. A tantrum or another spill.
For this union to work, he required Tessa’s unfailing loyalty, which meant giving his in return. “This isn’t just about finding a caretaker for the children. I want this to be a partnership. My ranch is doing well, growing. I need someone I can build a life with.”
Growing bashful, she smoothed Owen’s hair. “I don’t know much about running a household.”
“We’ll take things slow. Real slow.” He might have been married before, but he’d wager he knew even less about being a husband than Tessa knew about being a wife. This time, though, neither of them would have any false expectations. “We’ll figure out the relationship together. There’s no need for love or any of that nonsense gumming up the works.”
There. He’d said it. There’d be no awkward scenes like the one with Abby. Her last words to him rang in his ears. I tried to love you—really, I did. He wondered if his father had thought the same thing. Had he tried to love his only child, but simply couldn’t?
“No need at all,” Tessa scoffed. “Love. Really? I shudder at the thought.”
He ignored his unexpected shock of disappointment. “Absolutely. We’ll have something that’s better—mutual respect.”
This was going well. He’d set the expectations. There were no secrets, no false hopes. Only an agreement between two people brought together by fate. He’d finally be in control of his own destiny, not pushed along by forces outside his control. He should have felt powerful. Instead, he felt hollow. Empty.
“Yes,” she agreed with a faint, polite inclination of her head. “Respect. That’s far, far better.”
“We should s
hake on it.”
“Shake?”
He stuck out his hand. “Yeah. We’ll shake on it. Like a true business deal.”
She clasped his fingers and his resolve immediately disintegrated. Everything about her was soft, gentle and unintentionally inviting. From the touch of her hand to the curve of her cheek, she embodied all that was feminine. A good mother for the children, she was everything they needed, everything they’d been lacking in their short lives. She was loyal, he sensed that, and he owed her loyalty in return. He’d made her a promise and he’d keep that promise. They could be business partners, all right, as long as they never touched.
Two people, living in close quarters in the middle of nowhere, never touching. That shouldn’t be too difficult, right?
He lifted his gaze to the window and groaned. He’d been so focused on Tessa, he’d missed the fat snowflakes sheeting before the window. The ominous haze that had been hanging in the air had finally broken loose in a squall. If this weather continued, they’d be snowed in before long. He’d run out of time already. It wasn’t unusual for a foot or more of snow to fall in a day. He’d find out soon enough if Tessa had spoken truthfully about her resolve.
She followed his gaze and gasped. “Oh my. When did that start?”
“I’m sorry—truly, I am,” he said. “That weather changes everything. I can’t afford to be stranded in town. I have to stay ahead of that weather. I’ll come back with the next thaw. If you’re…if you’re still here. If you haven’t changed your mind.”
They’d been granted an unexpected reprieve. Why, then, was this irrational panic welling in his chest?
“Today.” She spoke with gritty determination. “There’s no reason for waiting. I’ll leave with you today.”
Shane’s heartbeat thundered in his ears. Now which one of them had lost their nerve? “There’ll be no going back.”
She leaned forward, her earnest gaze pinning him in place. “I’m ready to start over. Now. Today. There’s no reason to wait any longer. I’ll be a good wife to you, I promise. I’ve taken care of my father for years. I’ll be a good mother to the children. You wanted a partnership, and that’s what I’m offering you. We both know what we expect from each other.”
