He spent the rest of the evening and night doing everything he could to amuse me and keep my thoughts too busy to focus on the anxiety. I was grateful not to need the pills the next morning. Waking up in his loving arms made all the difference. The fear wasn’t there this time, just love from him, and appreciation for the man I love. The man that literally stole my heart. He frustrates, and impresses me at the same time. He’s stubborn, pushy, funny, and loving. Not to mention drop dead sexy gorgeous.
9
We fell into a nice routine over the next couple weeks. He still made me worry every time he went out on jobs, but I kept busy checking on Michelle, working with Salina at the clubhouse bar, and making sure Stacy was doing her new job as our new Madam.
I felt like I had more than one purpose in life now. It was great. The control I’d lost when Joe took over my life began to come back now. I’m getting to know more of the members and feeling the connection with the club Salina keeps telling me about grow stronger every day.
Several of the guys, especially Gunner, have thanked me for fixing the situation with the girls, and for getting the bar up and running. You can feel the happiness in the air.
There’s some funny shit that goes on here I had no clue about when I worked at the other bar. The guys run a towing service along with the bike repair shop out of the garage. Some of the wrecked vehicles crack me up. It’s amazing how many people end up in canals or crashed into houses.
Right now Joe is kissing me good like he does before we open the bar and he goes about doing whatever he does in the evenings. Sometimes they go on jobs, hang out in the garage, make use of the fight ring, or go their separate ways for personal business. On those nights Joe goes back and forth between the garage and bar.
Salina and I jumped when we heard a loud crash and a bunch of commotion outside.
Joe pointed at me and ordered, “Stay here.” He pulled his gun and headed out the door.
I grabbed the gun behind the bar and went out behind him. I watched as he and several other guys approached the car with guns drawn. As they got closer to the female driver they lowered their guns.
Joe and Slider holstered their guns, picked up the front of the car, walked it around to face the direction in which it came and dropped it. Slider yelled something at Goat before walking off.
Joe was already headed back to me. Rut roe. He looks pissed. “I thought I told you to stay inside!!!”
Oops. I started to tuck the gun away but he’s so fast I lost it to his large capable hand. “Sorry.”
He pointed to his bike, “Get on.”
“I have.” I started but he cut me off.
“I said get on!!” He’s yelling.
“Okay, geeze, calm down.” I walked towards his bike and got harshly picked up and set on the back. “Ow.”
He swung his leg over and rode us out a little too quickly. I held on for dear life.
He parked in the garage and dragged me by the arm inside before turning me roughly to face him. “When I fucking tell you to do something, you do it!”
“I’m sorry, it was a knee-jerk reaction when I saw you.” He interrupted me again.
“Stop, right there. I don’t care what excuse you give me. Remember that memorial run for those two men who didn’t follow my orders?”
I closed my eyes wanting to hide. “Yes.”
“Do you want a memorial run in your honor Carly?!”
“No.” I feel like such a shit.
He let go shoving me back a little, just enough that I stumbled. “Go sit down until I figure out how to punish you.” He’s really mad.
I sat at the kitchen bar. “I’m sorry Joe, I didn’t.” He cut me off again.
“You didn’t fucking think! You didn’t do what I told you! Trust me, I know. I don’t need you to tell me what you did wrong.” He turned and punched a hole in the wall. “Fuck!”
I decided to keep my mouth shut until he calmed down.
He paced and cussed for a good ten minutes. I hid my face in my hands with my elbows on the counter.
I jumped when he spun my chair and grabbed my wrists. His eyes told me the level of fear and anger he felt.
“If you get killed because you didn’t do what I told you I’m never going to forgive you. I’ll spend the rest of my life hating you for being stupid and leaving me.”
“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”
“How the hell am I supposed to take you on overnight jobs when you don’t listen at home?”
“You made your point, I said I’m sorry.”
“You’re staying home. Either you trust me, or you don’t. I won’t risk you on the road knowing you don’t listen.” He’s punishing me with harsh words and refusing to take me with him.
I guess I can’t blame him. “I trust you. I’ll stay home.”
“You’re damn right you will.” He let go now and stepped back. “Fix dinner. I’m going for a run before I put another hole in the wall.” He went to the bedroom to change before slamming the front door on his way out a few minutes later.
I cried for about five minutes before finding wine and food to prepare. My appetite is shot, but I can cook for him. I feel like such a jerk. I wonder how long he’s going to be mad at me.
About the time I put dinner in the oven he came back slamming the door again. I jumped, but not in fear of him, it was just the unexpected slam that got me.
He stormed in all sweaty and grabbed my jaw to set those green eyes that are still full of turmoil on me. “This is for me, not for you.” He kissed me hard before turning me around and working my belt from behind.
I braced my hands on the counter and bit my lip when he entered me hard and fast from behind. He gave me a smart smack on the butt as he pounded me hard and deliberate from behind. He wasn’t hurting me, but he was literally driving his anger into me.
He tore my shirt and bra away to get a firm grip on the girls as he worked out his anger through my body. I felt his intensity and came hard making him move faster to find his own release. The final push and groan told me he’d needed that.
He stayed inside me and leaned down to gently run his fingers over my neck. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
I turned to face him, “I won’t.”
He kissed me softly before righting us and holding me in his arms. “Sorry about that. Are you okay?”
“I’m good.”
He bent down and helped me fix my jeans. “I knew you would be able to handle me. Your punishment is to remain topless the rest of the night.”
“Okay, I think I can do that.” I put my arms around his waist and hugged him tight. “I really am sorry.”
He hugged me back. “I know.”
Things went back to normal the next day. It was like nothing happened. The relief was nice. Having Joe mad at me was a feeling I never want repeated. It wasn’t that he scared me, it was the pain and hurt I saw on his face. The idea of disappointing him hurt me more than I could have imagined. It sucked.
Having him go back to his normal self helped a lot.
Salina and I are getting ready to open the bar for the day when she asked, “You okay? He looked pretty pissed when you left yesterday.”
I laughed a little, “You could say that, but he had a right to be. He chewed me out with that loud bellowing voice of his, but that’s it. If anything he just made me feel like a jerk.”
“What’s that noise?” She looked up and I heard the same thumping in the air she did.
“I don’t know.” We headed outside as a large military helicopter hovered over the parking lot.
It was so loud neither of us could hear anything else. It slowly landed barely fitting in the empty space.
I looked over and saw Joe come out of the garage and boldly walk up to the man hopping out of the big open door. They talked for a minute before he turned and headed towards me.
He took my arm and led me back inside where I could hear him.
“What’s going on Joe?�
� I still had to yell.
“I have to go. There’s an emergency and they need me.” He lowered and kissed me with that thirst I know so well now.
He let go cupping my face. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Behave yourself, and listen to Slider.”
“No!!!” I screamed and jumped him clinging and kissing his neck. “Don’t leave me. I said I was sorry!!”
He hugged me back. “This isn’t punishment baby. This is strictly national security. It has nothing to do with you. This is my job, I have to go if they need me.”
“No!!! You’re retired!!”
“Technically I’m on R&R for a year. I should have told you, but I wasn’t expecting this.” He pulled me off him and set me back on shaky knees. “I’ll be back. I love you.”
“I love you! Please, please don’t go.” I begged.
He kissed my forehead. “I have to my love. Be strong and wait for me.”
“I can’t breathe without you!” I cried uncontrollably.
He took my hand and gave me over to Salina, “Take care of her.” He left with Salina holding me up.
“NO!!!” I screamed and jerked free to run after him. He was already stepping into the big helicopter as the wind from the blades blew me back. I watched through tears and screams as the big thundering machine took my man away.
I sat on the ground and cried hard as the pain sliced through me. Salina sat with me holding my hand. “Calm down sweetie, he’ll be back.”
“How dare them waltz in here and take him away?!” I was getting angry now.
“I know, that was rather rude.” She agreed as best she could.
Slider walked over and scooped me up, “Come on Red, let’s get you inside.”
I clung to him wishing he was Joe. “Why?”
“I’m not sure, but it had to be important for them to drop in like that.” He tried to assure me as he set me down in a chair inside the clubhouse.
Salina handed me a glass of wine and a lit joint. “He’ll be back soon.” She looked at Slider, “Did you know he was still active?”
“Sort of. He had a year left but they wanted to reward him for something he did by letting him take his last year as R&R.” He looked at me, “You should know that because of the type of work he does he can never really retire. It’s complicated.” He obviously wasn’t going to elaborate.
“This sucks. What the hell am I supposed to do without him?” I begged Slider.
“Be a good old lady and pull your shit together.” He patted my shoulder and left.
I looked at Salina, “Not very helpful is he?”
She laughed, “No, he doesn’t do sentiment. Come on, let’s get you busy so you can stop freaking out.”
All night I kept looking at the door for Joe to walk through it. I thought by the time at got home at three in the morning I would be too tired to miss him. Wrong. The silence in the house was killing me. I couldn’t sleep, the TV didn’t help, and neither did the vodka. In fact the vodka made it worse. I just kept going back and forth between angry and sad.
I felt like I was sitting inside my brain watching as my body went through the motions for the next two weeks. Every black leather jacket with a patch made me do a double take. Sometimes I thought I saw him, but of course I never did.
At the end of the second week I knew I needed to get out of here. Joe hasn’t called me once, and he won’t answer his phone. I don’t know what to do with this anger and overwhelming sadness.
I hugged Salina extra hard on Sunday night knowing it would be a while before I saw her again. I think she sensed something, but left it alone. I’m not so easy to talk to lately.
I covered furniture, packed what I couldn’t live without in the Mercedes and headed north. Vegas. That’s a nice busy town where I can drown my thoughts of Joe, my debilitating sadness of missing him, and my anger at him leaving.
I used his credit card as moderately as possible until I got a job dealing Poker at a casino. For the first month I didn’t bother getting a place to stay. I just took naps in the car in the parking lot and showered at truck stops.
Finally I got tired of that and rented an apartment by the month. It was worse than my old place, but all I wanted was a place to stretch out on the floor and take a shower without getting hit on. I ate when I absolutely had to at cheap buffets. Talk about a good way to lose weight. Two months after arriving in Vegas I dropped from one-fifty to one-twenty.
I like dealing cards. Having to concentrate forces me to keep my mind off Joe. It’s the only thing that does. I still see him everywhere I go.
One night I got bored and decided to try my hand on the other side of the table. So, I went to another casino and sat down to play. Once again I focused all my attention on the game and walked away with eight hundred dollars more than when I walked in. Nice.
Now I have a new routine. Deal cards, play cards, eat, and sleep. Once in a while I take the Mercedes up and down the strip just to crank some tunes and enjoy the lights.
Before I knew it three more months had passed and I’m paying taxes on over two hundred thousand dollars in the bank. I stopped using Joe’s credit cards six weeks ago. Once in a while I try to call his phone, but I always end up crying like an idiot and drinking myself into a coma, so I gave up.
I advanced to the high stakes tables to see what the difference was. The difference? I walked away with a hundred grand in one night. For the first time in six months I was happy. Greedy happy. Shoe shopping happy.
I don’t have one friend in this town, even though some people seem to know me and say hi when I pass them. I recognize some repetitive faces, and wave back, but that’s as close as they get.
Tonight I’m playing the high stakes table for the third time. A very large man with long blonde hair and dark sunglasses is my only real competition at the table. He reminds me of a negative of Joe. Light where Joe is dark, but built about the same.
As the dealer dealt another hand the man removed his glasses and leaned into the table to look at me with bright blue eyes. “My name is Bret. What’s your’s?”
“Carly.” I answered sitting back in my seat wondering what he wanted.
“You think you’re good?” He asked taunting me.
“I know I am, or I wouldn’t be here.”
“Want to make it interesting?”
“Depends on what you consider interesting.”
“Best of five hands. If you win, I’ll give you a Malibu beach house to use at your whim for one year. If I win, you spend the next week, twenty-four hours a day, with me. No strings attached. This is not about sex.”
I felt my eyebrows lift in interest. “What makes you think I want use of some strangers beach house?”
“You don’t?” He looked cocky now as he sat back. His tone and arrogance remind me of Joe.
“A change of scenery might be nice.” I thought out loud.
“Then we have a bet?” He asked.
“We have a bet.” Why not. It’s been five months and I haven’t heard one word from Joe. Unless he shows up this week, which is highly unlikely, he’ll never know. Maybe the distraction will do me good.
The dealer dealt the next hand. “Down and Dirty gentlemen, and lady.” He looked at me. “Good luck.”
I nodded focusing on the game. I won the first hand, he won the next two. I won the fourth hand and now I’m nervous. Shit. What if I lose? What if Joe comes back this week? What if he finds out afterwards when he finally does come back? Fuck it. Serves him right.
I won the last hand and felt myself relax. “Nice game Bret.”
He stood, shook my hand and handed me a business card. “Call my lawyer. I’ll fill him in. Give him your information and he’ll send you the keys. Nice meeting you Carly.” He turned away to leave.
“Can I at least buy you a drink?”
He turned back, lowered his glasses and smiled, “No thanks, you’ve been entertaining enough for one night.” He winked and left.
I looked at the dealer, “
Well, that was interesting.”
“You just beat one of the best Poker players in Vegas little lady. Congratulations.”
“Really?”
“Yes ma’am.” He started to deal again but I waved him off.
“I think that’s enough for me tonight. Goodnight Charlie.”
“Goodnight miss Carly.” He seemed amused in a way I don’t understand. Oh well. I’m getting out of here.
10
I called the lawyer expecting to get the run around. Instead the guy knew exactly what had happened, asked me for my address, and the next day I got a Fed-Ex package with keys, address, directions, and an alarm code with instructions and password in case I got it all messed up.
I packed up my apartment, paid the next months rent in case I get there and need to come right back, and hauled ass to Malibu.
Wow. Talk about money. This place is fancy. Even the homeless guy on the corner was dressed nicer than some of the locals back home.
It didn’t take long to find the big beach house since, well, it’s big. I parked the car, unlocked the door, punched in the alarm code, and walked in. If it was dark outside I might have needed lights, but the windows provided plenty light to see by in the middle of the afternoon.
The walls are a crisp white like the cloth couches and chairs. The pillows and decor focus on blues and yellows adding a cheerful quality. I snooped around finally finding the bar and the vodka. I’ll replace it tomorrow. Right now, I need a strong drink.
I opened the sliding door to the patio with a tumbler full of vodka on the rocks and inhaled the salt air. The sound of the waves crashing immediately reminded me of Joe because I remembered he was a Navy Seal. I fell to my knees to cry hard. It took me a couple minutes to right myself and sit on a chaise lounger to recover.
“Shit.” I took a good couple sips liking the burn of the expensive vodka. Joe and I have never been to the beach, but knowing he’s a Navy Seal and being this close to so much water immediately built a bridge between the two. I should have thought about this, but it never crossed my mind.
I watched the sun go down and thought a lot about Joe. Between the tears and the vodka I ended up sleeping outside that night. When I woke up to the sound of seagulls I kicked myself for my weakness and told myself it was time to move on. I buried Joe in the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart deciding it was time to get my shit together. Start a new day, and a new life.
Down & Dirty Page 11
