When I got back home after Sandra dropped me off, the house was empty, as it was most of the time. Mom was busy decorating a mansion. It was her first time to decorate a mansion and she was so excited about it. She'd hardly been home in almost two weeks, just like Dad who was hardly home since … well … ever!
I sighed as I made it up to the second floor, noticing that there was light coming from Adrian's room.
So, he's here? Whatever.
I started filling the tub with hot water, adding bubbles then my relaxing oils after I inhaled a long sniff from the bottle. Then I locked Adrian's door and started undressing.
The water felt amazing, and I felt my body start to relax. I rested my head, which was wrapped in a towel, behind me and let myself relax some more.
"What is it?"
My head shot up immediately to look in the direction the voice was coming from. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head as I saw Emma coming into the bathroom followed by Adrian.
"Just wait," he replied.
I sunk a little deeper into the water. I knew they couldn't see me because I was behind the curtain, but you never know, it was slightly open after all. But what the heck was I supposed to do?
"What is that smell? Jasmine?" she asked, and I panicked. It was my oils, and I was so afraid they'd find me.
"Lilies," he answered simply. Then he kissed her hard on her lips, making her back up a little to his counter.
"Oh!" she breathed. "Is that why you brought me in here?"
"You didn't think I wanted to show you my new toothbrush, did you?" He kissed her again.
My heart dropped to my stomach, this couldn't be happening. I couldn't watch this. Oh, my God! What should I do? I couldn't just sit there and watch, or close my eyes and listen. I freaking couldn't!
"You and your kink!" she smiled.
"Turn around," he ordered her nicely. She did as she was told and turned around with a grin on her face. I sunk a little deeper in the water, afraid that she'd see me, but she was looking at the floor.
This was so embarrassing! I watched as Adrian moved a little from behind her as he scanned my counter with his eyes. His gaze landed on something, and he reached over and picked it up. It was my hair tie.
Oh no! no! no! no! No funny business with my hair tie!
He moved a hand through Emma's blonde hair and brought it together, while the other hand was still holding the tie tightly as if it was going to escape his hand somehow. Then he brought it to his nose and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. He then tied her hair with my hair tie in a loose ponytail. He reached for the back pocket of his jeans that he was wearing alone with no shirt and brought out a small item which he then ripped open with his teeth. A condom.
Oh, crap! He's actually going to do this? Here? Now?
Emma's body was blocking my sight, so I didn't see him while he rolled the condom over … himself. And, I really didn't know why I was disappointed that I’d missed that. He then started stroking himself. I couldn't see that either, but it didn't take a genius to figure out what he was doing either.
"Bend over," he commanded as he rubbed her backside, and she obeyed right away without a word. I wondered for a brief second what had been going through her mind in the past few moments since he'd asked her to turn around, but then I thought: I really don't care.
Adrian raised her skirt. She was still fully dressed with her tight red sleeveless blouse and denim miniskirt, but he didn't undress her at all. He moved her panties to one side and moved forward a little so his body was pressed to hers.
That was when it really hit me! OHMYGOD! Adrian was going to have sex with Emma, right in front of my eyes! My blood ran cold, and I felt it draining from my face at the realization. How could I handle something like that? I got jealous just from watching them kiss; I thought I might die watching them going at it.
Emma let out a moan when he pushed himself inside her, but he didn't go in and out like people do – What? I wasn't that naïve, I knew what happened during sex – he twisted her ponytail around his hand and gripped it, causing her head to fall back a little. From the expression on her face and the squeezing of her eyes, he'd pulled hard. Then it happened.
Her moans filled the bathroom along with his pants. He was thrusting really hard in and out of her and it was driving me insane. The whole jealousy I was feeling, even though it was too much, was slightly covered with the … desire I felt. Yes, desire.
I couldn't help but ogle the muscles in his arm clenching and unclenching as he gripped her hair more and more, and the sweat that formed on his forehead as his thrusts became even harder.
His face was another thing; I couldn't even begin to describe how perfect and … erotic his features looked. He was something else. I found myself ever so slowly rubbing my thighs together, but thought better of it when it made a little noise with the water around me – which by the way was beginning to get cold, though my body was warm enough.
It was like Emma didn't exist in that moment, it was only Adrian and my imagination of being in her place that turned me on. It was like that for a minute, I completely forgot she was there and the jealousy that filled me at the thought of them together.
As his thrusts continued, he bent a little closer to her head and buried his nose in her hair, right on my hair tie, then inhaled deeply.
"Fuck, that smells too fucking good," he breathed.
"You like my new shampoo?" Emma asked breathlessly.
"Quiet!" he groaned, and she obeyed right away.
"I'm close!" he announced in a pant. "You better come now,"
Her moans became louder as his thrusts became harder, and I found myself drooling at the sweet frown that formed on his forehead – and I didn't mean only my mouth was drooling.
Suddenly his eyes caught mine. I didn't blink. I stared. He stared. Then he came. And I melted.
His eyes narrowed slightly but he kept them open. I didn't know how long it lasted, but my first blink was after Emma started re-adjusting her clothes and he walked to the trash can then washed his hands.
What the fuck just happened?
They kissed once before they left the bathroom, and he 'thanked her' for the 'quickie', she was grinning like an idiot.
And as he was closing the door behind him, he winked at me.
He freaking winked!
I was pissed when I got out of the bathroom. I wrapped my bathrobe around my body and flopped on my bed, face down. I forcibly yanked the towel from around my head and threw it to the floor.
How could he? Why did he do that? Why did he keep hurting me?
I kept on punching my poor pillow over and over again. I was so freaking pissed that I wanted to break something. Suddenly I felt like I was choking. I wanted to cry, but I was too pissed. The air was leaving my lungs and I wanted a breather.
I went to my balcony, which surrounded the whole of the second floor of the house – the back of it to be clear, including mine and Adrian's rooms, as well as my parents'. None of us went out there much, though it had a great view.
And of course, since I was so lucky and the world was always smiling at me and all, I saw Emma's car pulling out of the garage as my dear brother stood nearby. He leaned down to kiss her when she stopped beside him. Then, he reached for her hair and pulled m— … the hair tie, then fixed her hair sweetly. I wanted to smack him.
He put it in his pocket as they smiled stupidly at each other while she finally made it out of my freaking house.
I hate her! With a passion.
I buried my head in my hands as I stood there resting my arms on the railing of the balcony, closing my eyes and trying to calm myself down. A nudge on my shoulder made me even more pissed.
I didn't respond to him; I didn't even move. I didn't want to see him or even hear his voice.
He squeezed my shoulder gently. "Lily?" he called in a low voice. I didn't reply.
"You shouldn't be standing here in the air wearing so little after a warm bath," he started. "You'l
l catch pneumonia and die."
I chuckled dryly at his words. "Yeah, like you care."
"You know I do." He squeezed my shoulder once more, and I shrugged his hand away.
"Yeah, right! As evidenced by the finger you show me every time I try to talk to you."
"You made it clear that you don't want me near you," he huffed.
I said nothing, I didn't have the energy to argue; I didn't even want to speak at all.
"Please, get inside."
"Leave me alone!'' I spat over my shoulder.
"Fine." I heard him starting to walk away, then he stopped. "Oh! I almost forgot, you dropped this,"
I turned to see what he was talking about and found him holding out my … the freaking hair tie for me. I yanked it from his hand and threw it at his face, thinking it might help remove that stupid smirk from his face, but it only made him chuckle.
"Asshole!" I spat again.
"Oh! I'm sorry, are you mad or something, little sister?"
"Only disgusted, dear brother." I wrapped my arms in front of my chest.
"Is that so? You look a little jealous, though."
"Ha! You wish you had that kind of effect on me." I was using my serious tone, but I couldn't help but panic a little as he took slow steps toward me.
"So you enjoyed the show then?" he asked as he rested his hands along the railing on either side of me.
"More like threw up in my mouth a little about three hundred times!"
He kept looking so deep into my eyes. He was so close to me that I didn't know if I wanted to slap him or kiss him. It was like he was daring me into saying something, and although I wanted to, I didn't at the same time.
Do I make any sense? No? Yeah, thought so.
"W-why did you do that?" I asked hesitantly.
"I was horny," he replied simply with a shrug of one shoulder.
"T—that's not what I meant and you know it. Why in front of me?"
"Well," he started, and slowly brought his hand to move some of my wayward locks behind my ear. "I needed some … inspiration." I swallowed thickly as his hand crept slowly to my neck, and into the naked hollow between my breasts that my bathrobe didn't cover. "And what inspiration you give me, my sweet little sister," he whispered as his lips touched my neck and left a tender kiss there.
I took in a sharp breath, and the embers inside me were doused.
"Get off me, you fucking asshole!" I pushed him away. "You smell like her!"
I couldn't help the tears that kept streaming down my cheeks as I closed my balcony door right in his face. I flopped onto the bed once again, but this time I was crying like crazy. It didn't escape my mind that I was deeply hurt because of what I witnessed a while ago.
It also didn't escape me that it wasn't only jealousy I felt – it was something more. Betrayal, maybe.
I hated the fact that she could give him something that … I couldn't. I hated the fact that he went to her to fill his needs instead of me. I hated the fact that she was sharing something with him … something special that I could never share with him. I hated to think that she was more important to him, more than … me.
I started getting into the really ugly crying.
I heard my mom gasp as she stepped inside my room. "Oh, dear God! What's wrong?"
I couldn’t answer.
"There, there, sweetie. Everything is going to be okay… Shh." Mom sat beside me on the bed and took me in her arms, moving her hand through my hair soothingly, which she knew I liked. I loved the way she held me and assured me that everything would be fine as I cried on her chest.
"Do you want to tell me why are you so upset?"
What do I tell her? Do I even know? Do I even know why I'm so upset? I don't know… confused, and just… I don't know!
"I want to have what they have!" I blurted out.
"Who are they, sweetie?"
"Everyone, Mom! Every freaking one is dating but me! It's so not fair!"
"Shh, I want you to calm down, sweetie, so we can talk. Can you do that for me?"
I nodded as she wiped my tears.
"You already know why we don't want you to date, Lily. Don't you?"
"Yes, Mom, I know! But I'm really fine, and I'm old enough to know how to choose the one I'm going to date.”
"Of course you are, sweetie, but that's not it. The guy you go out with could be a really nice guy, but would he know what to do with you if you passed out suddenly? Or if you needed your shot and you couldn't even talk to him to tell him how to use it? That's the only reason why your father and I are not allowing you to date. We fear that – God forbid – something bad might happen to you while you're with him and away from the rest of us."
"Mom, I know I need medical care every once in a while, but it rarely happens when I'm taking my medications the way I should. I promise you that I'll teach him everything about it, I promise, please! Just give me the chance," I begged.
"I don't know, Lily, you lied to us before about taking your shot regularly, and you know what happened."
"Mom, please, I'm begging you! You don't know how it feels to go out with my friends and watch them loving each other 24/7 while I'm the third wheel. It's like I'm the ugly duckling or someone who can't find herself a boyfriend."
"You're not anything like that, sweetie, don't say that! We just want you safe."
"You don't know how bad it feels, Mom, even Emma rubbed it right in my face the other day and made me feel lik—"
"I'm sure she didn't mean it, sweetie. Emma is a very nice girl."
"No matter if she meant it or not, people will make those kind of assumptions about me as long as I'm not dating!"
My mom sighed and took a long pause. "I promise I'll think about it.”
"There's still Dad. He won't agree!" I huffed.
"I'll see what I can do about it," she smiled.
I hugged her tightly. Maybe it would really work, and I'd find the right path through this whole thing.
I was tired of being so confused about… it. Maybe I could find someone who would make me get my head out of all of this and just live my life as I was supposed to.
But what will Adrian think about it?
Whatever!
"Now get ready for bed, you have a busy day tomorrow." Mom smiled and stood up.
"You had fun shopping with Sandra? Bought something nice?"
I nodded, smiling.
"Great, have a good night, sweetie."
"Thanks, you too, Mom."
I woke up very early on the first day of school. I was so excited. At least I'd be busy, and simply find something new to think about, or at least distract me a little.
I did my hair and applied some makeup after I took a quick shower – making sure that the door was locked this time – and pulled out some of the new clothes I'd bought yesterday.
I choose a lovely sundress which I fell in love with the moment I laid eyes on it – as did Sandra of course, but eh, that's Sandra, she falls in love with everything that has a designer label.
It was kind of short, barely covering my thighs, and it was strapless. It hugged my breasts just right so that I didn't need to wear a bra underneath, and the top ended with a loose skirt that moved beautifully with every step I took.
It was chilly as always in Seattle, so I was going to add few things to it. I was planning to wear t—
"What the fuck?!" Adrian's voice interrupted my thoughts. He was standing by my bathroom door with a gaping mouth.
How on earth did he get in there? I freaking locked his bathroom door!
"What?" I asked, planting my hands on my hips.
"What on the fucking earth are you wearing?" he groaned.
Uh-oh, apparently my dress didn't appeal to him. Or, more accurately, it appealed to him a little bit too much.
Had I mentioned that the dress is white?
"It's a dress! Are you really too stupid to know that, or have you simply gone blind?" I rolled my eyes at him.
He was dressed
in a gray shirt and black jeans, looking perfect as always, he had already taken his shower before me, for I'd found the walls were wet.
"I know it's a fucking dress! But shit… You… You… I thought we talked about this before, Lily!"
"I really have no idea what're you talking about, and whatever it is – I'm not interested. Would you piss the fuck off now so I can finish dressing?"
"This fucking dress is a mix of everything I told you not to wear!" he yelled.
"Oh, yeah! About that – Eat shit, Adrian. You can't fucking tell me what to wear and what not to, okay? I'll wear whatever I like, whenever I see fit." I folded my arms together in front of my chest.
If it was possible, I thought Adrian's head would burst into flames right then. He looked so pissed; his teeth and jaw were clenched, and he was red!
Whatever, he brought this on himself.
I didn't care what made him comfortable and what didn't… Not anymore. Not after what he’d done.
Wait! I'm not going to even think about that; I'm working on blocking out that terrible memory.
"Lily. Please! Just wear something else. Please!" he said slowly as if talking to a child.
"Hmmm," I tapped my chin slightly with my pointer finger, mimicking that I was thinking about it. "Nope!"
"You can't go out like this!" He looked like he was about to burst into tears or something.
"And it's none of your business!"
"It'll give guys some ideas about you…"
"So?"
"You want that?" he asked with wide eyes.
"Maybe …" I shrugged one shoulder. Before I knew it, I was pressed to the wall next to my dresser, and Adrian's body was pressed firmly to mine. Both of my hands were held in his tight grip above my head, and his sea-green eyes stared right into my identical ones.
"You want guys to think about fucking you?" he roared.
"Let me go." I'm really tired of this.
"Do you know what will they think when they see you dressed like that?"
"Not everyone is a pervert like you.”
"You really have no idea at all, do you?" he smirked darkly.
" At least I'm not their sister. Let go of me, Adrian. I'm serious."
Illicit Desires (The Illicit Series Book 1) Page 12
