Okay. It's fine. I thought there was something there. I was wrong. I won't force myself on any woman who doesn't want me. Heaviness settles on my chest as an empty feeling swells in my stomach. I should be used to this by now. No woman at home wants me either. At least they laugh at my jokes and I can feel like I belong whether I do or not.
The meat harvested from one guster is enough for several days of food. Standing up I need to find some more wood for the fire and some sticks to cook with. Maybe I can make her laugh? I'd feel so much better if she'd just laugh. We don't have to be intimate again but I love the sound of her happiness.
"Hey Jenna," I pull her attention while I walk backwards.
She looks up at me and I purposefully trip over one of the guster, falling back onto my tail, pushing myself into the air, somersaulting around to my feet. I land with my arms spread, bowed at the waist, and smiling. She watches then smiles but it's more than obvious it's a forced, social smile. She's not amused and looks away again.
Okay. I get it. The weight of it all settles across my shoulders while I try to find some sticks. I have to go a ways to find what I'm looking for but my eyesight is good in the dark. I'm a ways beyond the flickering light of the fire deep in the cave when I feel a breeze of fresh air coming from ahead of me. A few more steps forward and I'm certain that there is an opening somewhere that leads outside. Good, I have no desire to go back towards the water. Something about that much water makes my skin crawl.
Having found some wood for the fire and sticks that will work for cooking the meat I head back to Jenna. She's shifted her position so that her back is against the wall. She glances when I come back in sight then resumes staring into space. Bile rises in my stomach and accents the empty ache. Regret, I shouldn't have been intimate with her. It was too soon, too fast, she wasn't ready. That must be why she's acting this way. She felt forced. I'd never do that, never to her, I misread the situation. Damn it.
Kneeling, I add wood to the fire then take out three strips of meat and wind them around the sticks I gathered for cooking. Sitting down I hold the stick over the fire letting the yellow-orange flames lick the meat. In moments it starts to sizzle, juices dripping onto the coals and the scent of cooking guster fills the space. My mouth starts watering and Jenna glances over repeatedly. Her stomach grumbles again and I nod.
"Food will be soon," I say. "Guster meat is quite good. Very filling."
"Good," she says without looking at me.
It hurts. Deep inside in parts of me I didn't know could feel. A sharp pain like a knife slides between my scales. Anger flares. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I didn't do anything wrong. She wanted it too. Those are excuses. A reaction to the pain. I'm better than that. It's stupid. She's upset and that's what I'm upset about. Shaking my head I let go the anger but it leaves me with only the pain.
The meat finishes cooking. Pulling it out of the fire I take a strip off and offer it to her. She stares at it then up at me.
"It's good," I say, motioning with my hand.
She looks around then back at the meat frowning.
"It's hot," she says.
Damn it! She doesn't have any protective scales, of course she can't just eat it like this. What was I thinking?
"Oh, uh, yeah, sorry," I stammer, trying to come up with a solution. "I'll… I'll cool it!"
She smiles, a weak sort of half smile, but its the most welcoming she's been since we were intimate and I can't say it doesn't assuage my guilt. Which makes me feel bad too. Damn it if I can't win.
"Thanks," she sighs and leans back against the wall.
Holding the slice of meat between my fingers I wave it around in the air to cool it. Satisfied it's temperature will be acceptable to her I offer it again and she takes it. She chews slowly and I watch her while trying to not be obvious that I can't take my eyes off of her. The meat is good, I overcooked it some so it's a little tough but tasty. We eat in silence. Every passing moment is a stabbing reminder that she didn't like what we did. She doesn't meet my eyes, doesn't speak unless I say something and the awkwardness grows.
Finishing eating, I wrap the remains of the meat tightly in the hide I prepared for the purpose then grab the piece of wood I found to use as a torch. I light it in the fire. She watches me from her seat against the wall. The torch catches at last so I hold it up.
"I felt a breeze down that way, I think there might be another way out of here," I say. "Would you care to join me?"
Keep it formal. We're not intimate any longer. It's fine, no matter how much I want her. Respect, kindness, the watch words of any good man. She stares at me and for a moment I wonder if maybe I grew a second head. I can't figure out what that look means.
"Sure," she says at last and relief floods through me.
I'm glad she's coming with me. I wouldn't leave her behind but staying here in this cave doesn't seem like a good idea. I have no idea where we are or how there are guster here but sticking together seems the safest idea. And being further away from that massive body of water, well that just makes sense.
She climbs to her feet. Stepping around the fire I offer her a hand but by the time I do she's already up. She stares at my extended hand then up at me biting her lip. I pull my hand back feeling lost. Smiling to cover my hurt I turn and lead the way deeper into the cave, listening to make sure she's keeping pace.
I've never felt this way about anyone before and now she doesn't feel the same. This is worse than being home. Worse than when all my friends go home to their wives and children and I go home alone. At least then I didn't have anyone I wanted to be with who didn't want me. Pressure constricts my chest making my hearts work harder to push blood through my body. I'm not sure how I can go on but I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. No matter it feels like heavy chains are on my heart weighing me down.
9 JENNA
I'm an idiot. God what have I done? Biast has been nothing but kind to me and now everything is ruined. I let my carnal desires take over and this is where it got us. I don't know what to say. How do you say I'm sorry I was so bad at… well everything? He makes me laugh, he's silly and fun and though I don't always get his jokes I love his easy going nature. I could see myself with him forever. Except, how would that work? He's a half-dragon, half-man what the hell do I do with that? Walking through the grocery store would sure be a show stopper wouldn't it?
Hi Mrs. Stansin, how are you today? Have you met my boyfriend? What's that? Why yes, he is a half dragon, I know right? Don't you just love his tail? What about those wings?
Oh yeah, that would go over like the kid who put the Baby Ruth in the swimming pool. Beautiful plan Jenna. Besides, he didn't like the sex. If he did why isn't he talking to me anymore? Why is everything so awkward? I'm sure he's just trying to be polite while inside he's cursing the cherub-dwarf bastard for putting him in this situation.
Speaking of which, screw that guy. It's his fault really. Celestial Mates, right. Take you to your mate, right. What a crock. No one wants a girl who can't have a conversation with you. Maybe if I didn't have to actually look at him while I was talking then I could? Pretend he's not there, like I do when I'm making videos. I don't think about who's watching them, I just run a monologue. Like this one, in my head, but out loud. Except he's there. Right there and so big and imposing and so damn exotically excitingly sexy.
If I wasn't a terrible person at this. ARGH! Get it together Jenna!
The cavern closes in until I'm forced to walk behind him. The silence between us is heavy. Too heavy and I know damn well it's me. I've never done a one-night stand much less randomly hooked up with an alien-dragon man. What do you say afterward? Well that was nice, was it good for you? Ugh, I suck with people. The sex was amazing, I've never felt anything so great before in my life. More, I felt a connection with him. A closeness unlike I've ever had with another human. Heh, isn't that the truth. The funny part being, of course, that he's not human.
So that's me. Introverted YouTube
r gamer-girl can't find a connection with a human. Oh no, I got to find me an alien dragon-man to get my motor running.
Yeah, there's the rub. I like him. I like him a lot. How do I tell him that? He seems so cold and distant since we hooked up. Would you care to join me?
As opposed to what? Staying here in this dark, damp cave all by myself? Would he have left me if I said no? Was I that bad? I thought he liked it. He sounded like he liked it. Did he? What is the pleasure sounds of a half-dragon? Hell for all I know those groans could have been him in pain. I roll my head trying to relieve the tension in my shoulders. This sucks.
I have no idea how far we've walked in silence. It's oppressive. The passage is getting tighter as we go. It's small enough now that Biast has to turn sideways at pinch points and even then barely squeezes through. He's done that twice so far but each time it has widened again. The sputtering torch light doesn't show much especially since most of it is blocked for me by his bulk. I'm beginning to wonder if coming this way was a good idea. What if we're just going deeper? We could be lost in here forever.
"So," I say, the fear of being lost underground pushing me to break my silence.
He stops, his wings flutter and his tail stiffens. Great, even the sound of my voice makes him tense.
"Yes?" he asks, not turning around.
"Uh, are you sure this is going to lead us out?"
Mental high-fives to self. I'm so brave. I said it out loud even though it looks like I might have pissed him off. At least the fear of him wanting to eat me is gone.
"No," he says, his shoulders slumping a little. "I still sense the breeze and smell fresh air though."
"Oh, well that's good then."
"Yes," he says, his tail swishing side to side again.
Cloud would have a hey day with him. I have a mouse on a string that he loves to play with, especially when I move it side to side like Biast's tail is doing. Of course that could go bad. Cloud likes to use his claws on that mouse. Biast moves forward and I follow mostly because I don't know what else to do.
We talked. That's a step in the right direction, right? I want to say something more. I want to tell him how I feel. I'd like to be honest with him. I even start to but then my throat closes up as fear grips me in a tight, cold embrace leaving chills running down my limbs. If I say it out loud and he rejects me, I don't think I could handle that.
So we walk. Silent, miserable, and alone even though we're together. This sucks. I thought GameCon was awful with so many people wanting to talk to me and hang out with me but they all at least seemed happy to see me. They got their pics, did most of the talking, and I could just smile and nod. They left happy. I didn't feel a connection to them. Awkward? Sure. Unsure what to say or do? You bet. But no connection. I wasn't left wanting more, like this.
The passage widens. It happens slow and at first I don't notice. It comes to my attention when I stumble and reach out a hand to catch myself on the wall but it's not there. Pinwheeling my arms as I struggle to maintain my balance Biast catches me, lifts me up, then places me on my feet. His hands linger on my shoulders, not long, just a bit more than necessary. His stunning eyes sparkle in the light of the torch and I fall into them ready and willing to lose myself. He jerks his hands back and the moment is broken.
"Sorry," he mumbles as he pulls his hands away.
My heart breaks. He can't even stand to touch me? God how horrible must I have been? Tears well up, I'm struggling to hold them back, not let them break free. I don't want him to see me cry. Let him know he hurt me. I sniffle and turn trying to keep my composure.
BAMF!
The cherub-dwarf pops into existence hovering in the space between us. His round little face looks purple in the flickering light of the torch. Biast reacts without hesitation. He swings the torch at the little man. The cherub-dwarf darts down and back then holds up a finger at Biast.
"Stop it," he orders. "You big, blundering idiot."
I snort, finding the insult funny for some reason that's utterly beyond me at the moment. The cherub-dwarf whirls in mid-air on me.
"You're no better!" he yells and I take a step back in shock.
"Leave her alone you little monster!" Biast orders.
The cherub-dwarf shakes his head.
"Leave her alone? Why in the name of the stars are YOU leaving her alone?"
Biast drops the hand holding the torch to his side. "What?"
"What is wrong with you two? You have to be the densest, slowest, most ridiculous pairing I've ever arranged. Why can't you two see it? How about this, just for a novelty, say what's in your hearts! Speak your minds!"
The cherub's voice gets higher with each sentence until it cracks at the end. His tiny hands are balled into fists and he's shaking with obvious anger.
"You can't talk to us like this," I say.
My mind is racing trying to process. He knows what I'm thinking? And, more important, he knows what Biast is thinking?
"One day, tiny man, I'm going to end you," Biast says but there's no force in his words.
Biast glances in my direction and our eyes meet. The spark is back. The electricity, the attraction between the two of us. He's a magnet pulling me in, a gravitational force. One tentative step closer. His arm rises, his hand reaches towards me, I place my hand in his and it fits. Perfect, like it's designed to be there.
"JUST SAY IT!" the cherub screams, his voice cracking.
Glancing over he's tapping his foot on the empty air below him, arms crossed and highly impatient. Words spin in my head but I don't know how to say them. I can't put them out there, can't risk it. I can see the thoughts spinning behind Biast's eyes, his mouth moves but he doesn't say anything.
"Stars above save me from blind idiots," the cherub-dwarf mutters. "Okay let me help."
He floats closer, almost within reach and I expect Biast to grab for him but he doesn't let go of my hand.
"Biast, she thinks you're stunningly handsome. She feels a connection to you that she's never felt in her life. She is dreaming of what a life with you might be like." He turns to me. "Jenna, Biast thinks you're the most stunningly beautiful creature he's ever laid eyes on. He's scared he hurt or offended you while you two were being intimate. He feels he forced himself on you in some way because he doesn't understand why you're not talking to him afterwards. He also has wondered about how to spend his life with you as he wants no other."
All the air is gone. I can't inhale, my chest constricts, and I'm spinning. He is? He does? I…
When I turn and meet Biast's eyes I see the truth. His mouth moves, stops, he swallows hard, then he nods.
"Yes," he says.
A simple word that carries so much more with it than any speech, no matter how eloquent, ever could. Tears stream down my cheeks, I can't stop them, I'm overcome. Emotions rage leaving me shaking all over.
"Fools, have to do everything," the cherub-dwarf mutters then BAMFs out of existence
Laughter bursts out of me. Uncontrollable, full belly, side-shaking laughter. Biast stares at me with wide eyes then he chuckles and a moment later he's laughing too. I wipe at the tears streaming down my face and then he takes me in his arms and sweeps me off of my feet, cradling me so that our lips meet in the greatest kiss of my life.
"He was right?" I gasp, breaking the kiss to breathe.
Biast nods before kissing me again.
"Yes," he answers the next time we come up for air. "Yes."
"Well, I guess he was right about something."
"I'll give him that," Biast says.
"He's still a bastard," I laugh.
"That I agree with whole-heartedly," Biast laughs and I join him until we're kissing again.
10 JENNA
We kiss for a long time. What difference does time make when you don't have a clock? Or anything that could possibly be more important. Knowing that he feels the same about me changes everything. I'm not alone. The awkwardness fades away. I'm close to him like I've never been with another
person. I've known him for less time than seems reasonable but we click together. The connection between us is real. The torch sputters burning low and that alone finally pulls us from our enjoyment of each other.
"We should-" he starts.
"Yeah," I agree not needing him to finish the thought.
He smiles and my heart leaps into a gallop. I love his smile. It warms me, drives the chill from my body and makes me feel like everything will be okay. The passage is wide enough that we can walk side by side so we hold hands as we explore. It isn't long before I feel a breeze too then a dim light is in the distance. We work our way along and the silence is easy now, comfortable. His hand is cool in mine and I like it.
I study the way our hands fit together. His is huge, dwarfing mine by far but mine fits in his perfectly. There's no strain to hold his hand. It's wonderful. Safe. Comforting. The light grows brighter ahead as the torch burns lower. The torch sputters out and Biast drops it but I can see an opening and a dim green sky ahead. We're almost out of here.
As we emerge from the cave my breath is taken away. We're looking down into a valley that looks like a replica of Rivendell from the Lord of the Rings. A set of stairs leads down from where we're standing, cut into the mountain so that it's shielded from above, wide enough for two. The drop on the side is sheer. There's no sign of life and as my eyes adjust to the light I can see that the buildings look worn. A soft rain drizzles down and the air is damp and cool. Watching the rain come down it sizzles where it touches the edge of the stairs. Biast shivers and pulls his wings tight around himself.
"Cold?" I ask.
"Why is water falling from the sky?" he asks, sounding miserable.
Ribbed For Her Pleasure: Scifi Alien Dragon Romance (Celestial Mates) Page 5
