“I’m not sure what Rick told you,” I lied, “but none of this is his fault. I followed him and jumped at the chance to sign up before I knew much, but from the beginning, he tried to get me to stay away. I know it’s hard for you. Half a year ago I was a little school girl, but I’m eighteen now, and I made this choice willingly and have continued making this choice even once I understood what my work involved. Rick and I are a little different, and what we have isn’t some fun fling. We’ve been confused about each other for a while and this speed bump—that’s merely all it is.” I shifted further upright. “Mum, I’m not sure you understand … I’ll make loads for little work, and I have already, covering nearly my old wages with a slice of the hours I used to work.”
“Do you believe in God, Vee?”
Having my own mum ask me—this jarred my thoughts. I shook my head dumbly. We were atheists.
“No, and neither do I, but I know you had a soul, and now you’ve sold it to make things work at home. Sold it to rent your body out to horny men. Vee … I don’t want this, and I want you to listen to me carefully.”
She sat in, chewing up the space between us as well as my nerves. “If you work there one more shift, this is on you. It’s not for me, or Dad, or this house, or whatever it is you have been doing this for. If anything, bloody hell, do it for you. I refuse to be happy my daughter sells herself for men’s pleasure because of me, and I needed to make that very clear.”
Mum stood and walked to my door. “So think carefully if you ever step foot in there again …”
She’d said enough. My fate was sealed with a slam of my bedroom door. If I didn’t feel so bad for her misunderstood disgust, I’d have told her that her concern wasn’t an issue anymore.
But that would have been a lie, because I went to bed soon after, and heard my phone ringing, and I could have sworn, when I split one eyelid apart it read Amber.
16
RICK WOULDN’T ANSWER his phone for hours. I napped intermittently until late afternoon, unable to handle the anxious wait to hear his voice.
I gave up at almost five p.m. And since I wasn’t about to call Amber back after she’d dismissed us the way she had, I had to speak to Rick first. I shrugged on one of his hoodies before I left, then drove over to see him.
Pulling up at his house, there was another car there I didn’t recognise. It was parked right up in the driveway, slapped up close to the garage door and on an angle. I racked my mind for who it could be, but I realised I didn’t know Rick’s private life all too much.
The street was fairly quiet, just this one visitor … and … no way. Shit.
I stumbled backward, hiding behind the untrimmed bushes of the next-door neighbour. Between the leaves, I saw Cara in the front seat, thumbing her phone. She was oblivious to my arrival, and of anything else around her except for what was in her hands. Rick rented with a roommate, but he didn’t seem to be home.
Why the hell was she here?
For a minute, I gathered myself, shaking out my shoulders and re-assuring myself with thoughts I didn’t end up believing in anyway. I wasn’t about to walk away, but I didn’t want her to bust me, so I looked around the property for anyone home.
There wasn’t a car in this driveway and the curtains were shut. No one was here for the moment, and that was all I needed. I walked up alongside their property fence on their dead plant bed and scaled the fence, hopping over the other side behind Rick’s gate. It was dark under the shelter of climbing trees between the fence and house. I crept to the back door and paused for sounds nearby. Nothing. With soft steps, I went in, directed by the voices on the other side.
Rick’s house was nice in a simple way. As I slipped through corridors and rooms, I found it was a two-bedroom house. The roommate’s room was in the small, rectangular one at the back, which left Rick’s up front. The walls were clean, plain white and bare, the carpet a medium grey. I crept up near a wall, which I’d seen from a quick peek was just behind the tiled living area section.
The voices of Rick and Justin were clear from my distance, and the growl to their tones ran a cold shiver down my spine. Why was Justin here? Rick was built, tall and quick-witted, lest anything break out, but his brother could be vengeful, and I’d also learnt crazy, from some of Rick’s stories that reinforced I hardly knew my ex.
“Are you that fucking ungrateful?”
That was Rick, and his voice boomed through the small confines of this undersized family home, hitting me square in the chest. What was Justin doing?
“No, I’m realistic. I’m not taking on a twenty-fucking-grand debt just because you got lazy.”
“You’re not, huh? Not even your own twenty-fucking-grand debt because of your idiotic, indulgent lifestyle?”
“After you throw me in the deep end and expect me to suddenly cough it up?”
“I coughed up the other sixty grand in the first place because of you!”
“And now it’s all yours,” Justin crooned.
“Sometimes, I wonder if our mother even gave birth to you or if you were adopted out from some drug-fucked whore from the streets. You are a self-absorbed, heartless, junkie. Look at your fucking eyes. Look at your fucking head. What guy has a receding hairline at eighteen? Where the fuck did your irises go? I swear, never again come here, to my home—my life—when you’re as high as this.”
“Ha! Easy for you to sit there and look disgusted. I could ask you the same if our mother gave birth to you, but we both know the answer to that. Poor pretty boy big brother … woe is me. Bullshit. You don’t understand anything.”
Rick sighed. It was a sound that usually ran through my body and blanketed me with the sensation, but today, it chilled me. “Go on then …”
“I don’t care why you can’t pay any more, and I don’t care. Fuck you. And fuck Mum and Dad. I’m sick of all of you. You’re so high up their asses they haven’t even looked at me once. Not in years since that day. I didn’t ask you to repay that money. You wanted to and now it’s your responsibility. You guys gave up on me? Well, I gave up on you. I have my own life and my own shit.” Something rattled and crashed on the floor. “I wish I died that day.”
“Justin …” Rick delivered his voice with care, the type of softness you’d caress a baby with. That was what I felt as I shut my eyes for a moment and prayed. Mum had reminded me of God, and I wished then I’d been a better person. Maybe I’d know what to do in this situation. Did I continue to flatten myself against this wall and eavesdrop or did I barge in, all lanky, bony me, and hope to end this fight between two large men?
I swallowed and rubbed my temples with the heels of my hands, holding the headache at bay and the rush of heat that swallowed up my eyes, threatening to spill down my face. I breathed slowly, deeply, and came to.
Several seconds had passed, but it felt like several minutes.
“They didn’t know how to deal with your moods. That’s why I was there so much. You scared Mum with the drugs and Dad … he was so clueless to why you were so up and down. Come on, that’s past.”
“Past?” There were footsteps—Justin’s?—that halted his voice. “How is it past when I can never forget how much of a fucking hero you are?” More footsteps, but he continued speaking. “I know the rat you are. I saw you looking at Vee the moment we met, and I knew from then you wouldn’t be the prized child anymore. So I took her from you, and when you fucking took off, she realised what a rat you were. She hates you. You lost, and I don’t give a fuck if I lost her because I fucking nailed that bitch. Snatched her right from your fu—”
“Back up,” Rick said in a stable voice, so controlled even my breathing sped up.
“—cking dreams. How does it feel to lose the girl of your dreams to me?”
“Now, Jus.”
“To see your hope taken by your own—”
Crack. I jumped as the moment exploded, the sound of a thunk into a hard surface and a shattering, eerily like a plate and utensils. I shot my eyes around and sp
otted a closet. I yanked it open. Inside were cleaning objects—bucket, a tub of sprays, wipes and the like, a vacuum … and a mop. I grabbed the latter and ran back, straight into the kitchen and living area and found Justin clutching Rick’s collar tight and a stainless knife above in the other.
“Stop!” I yelled at the top of my voice, a piercing, black-board-screeching wail. It was my only tool—well, that and the wood handle of the mop I held above my head. “Stop.”
“Vee!” Rick hissed, eyes bulging.
“Vee?” Justin questioned.
Rick’s eyes flicked back to his brother and in his slip of awareness, forearmed his arm, sending the knife clattering to the tiles. Rick slammed that forearm into the side of Justin’s neck, and he stumbled, Rick’s stiffened set of broad shoulders, bulging arms, and height advantage, sending him the other way toward the entrance corridor.
The front door gushed open as if taken by the wind. In the blinding light from outside stood Cara’s dark form, somewhat silhouetted. “Baby!” she cried. And then she saw me. “Vee?”
It was all anyone was saying. And suddenly, my blood was boiling. “What the fuck?” I spat. Looking directly at Cara, I asked, “What the hell is with you and randomly turning up?” but she diverted my gaze. It was all the answer I’d get.
Rick stepped back, one foot on the knife under his shoe and then leant forward, yanking Justin up by his shirt. He shook him straight up, Justin’s eyes dazed and unfocused, just like Rick described.
I didn’t recognise this person. His hair had thinned and his complexion was paler. From a split second view, I noticed his pupils dilated. Either Rick had knocked something to alter his balance or he was spinning with a combination of the drugs and the force.
Cara was not the girl I saw at my house. She was puffier, all around, in the legs, arms, and very much so in the face, but she hadn’t expected me here. She hadn’t planned it out, and now I could see what I didn’t then—a bump at her tummy. And an unmistakeable rubbing hand over said belly. She was startled seeing my inspection and dropped her hand, but it was too late to un-see the evidence she displayed so clearly. For a split second, Rick eyed me. As we had with our knowing, silent conversation with hardly any expression at my house, he told me right there he had found a few more puzzle pieces. He realised why Justin didn’t want to part with his money given the situation he was in—on top of being a selfish bastard who had no remorse or care for his brother’s selfless deed.
“Get the fuck out of my house. Both of you. NOW!” Rick roared, the veins popping with strain in his neck, redness flooding his face, and the deepest, angriest growl I’d ever heard in my life. “I’m done paying your debt. Figure it out yourself.”
Justin’s disgusted lips and scowl ran over the both of us, and then he stormed out. Cara rushed behind to keep up.
• • •
“BABE,” RICK RASPED and threw his arms around me.
I pulled my arms around his waist and clutched his sides tight as he layered kisses upon kisses on my hair, forehead, cheek, making his way around. He kissed me on the lips finally, a longer, paused sign of affection, and then said, “Wait right there.”
He jogged off to the front door. I was on my hands and knees cleaning and heard him unlock and open it. I scooped up the smashed plate, glass, the fork and spoon, and some papers that had littered the floor, and just as I finished sorting it into the sink and trash can accordingly, he came back.
His face was still raw red, a pulsing vein on his forehead and down his neck. I reached out to him and placed my hands on his cheeks. I was flushed from cleaning, but he was scorching.
“Is everything okay now? Have they left?”
“No, everything is fucked, but I saw them drive off.”
“O-okay.”
We stared deep into each other’s eyes for a long time, maybe half a minute or maybe a few minutes. My hands itched to hold his pain at bay, but my limbs were frozen by the shock of what had just unfolded.
I spoke first and said, “Rick … what the hell is going on? It’s about as ugly as it can get. I’m right here, and I don’t want to be shut out.”
His eyes dropped to his hands, which he held out, palms up. The way his eyes ran over them and his lips screwed up, I could swear they were grubby. He picked me up by my waist in one hand, eyes never meeting mine, and brought me over to the kitchen bench top, using the other hand to swipe clear anything in the way before placing me down.
“You never told me you ran into Cara,” he said in a soft but broken voice.
“I was angry at her and wanted to forget it. She randomly turned up at my place and wanted me to forgive her. Like that! After months of crickets. What happened with Justin back there?”
“I was trying to work shit out. I fucked this up.” He buried his face in my neck and wrapped his arms around me again. “We should get out of here.”
“Wait, explain first.”
Rick pulled back and rested the heels of his hand on the surface on either side of me. “Last week after …” he trailed off and I understood the night he meant when we were at the skate park. “I met with the guy and told him the deal is off. I can’t pay any more than what I have and my brother needs to deal with the rest. He was against it and didn’t want the trouble, but this week, I eventually convinced him since the remaining debt is a much smaller amount. He still has a beef with Justin, so he said fine so long as if I stopped paying, he’d still get his twenty grand from Justin. I asked for a bit of time to sort it out. I’ve been trying to talk to Justin this week, too, get him to come around to the idea … he didn’t want to hear a word of me reconciling our issues and wasn’t interested in coming over.”
“Until this morning,” I finished. “Why didn’t you make Justin pay earlier? Why only now say enough is enough?”
“I found out Cara was pregnant before today,” he admitted and squeezed my hand. “Your mum spoke of when she came by your place and the whole thing seemed odd. I figured she wanted something or something was going on with her. Little bit of snooping and I put some things together.
“I wanted you to tell me about that night on your own terms, but you didn’t. And then I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I hate hurting you, and you told me you didn’t want to hear anything about him, or talk about those things. So I didn’t, but it pissed me off so much he was enjoying himself, living freely. I took the debt to take the stress off, but he didn’t learn a damn thing.”
“I feel so stupid about not realising what was up with Cara, but babe, I’m not mad at you. You wanted to protect my feelings.” I bit my lip, then released it and added, “I’ve held secrets before to protect my loved ones.”
“I should have cut Justin off earlier. I held out hope, but he’s just as selfish as when he let me take the debt.”
Rick’s voice became strained, the texture of his words gravelly, and sterner. I had to remind myself not to hold my breath and to remain calm, at least for Rick’s sake.
“Justin was finally in contact with the guy this morning and heard about what I’d decided. Course, when he said he was free to come over this morning, he didn’t say a word of hearing from the guy, the little prick. We haven’t spoken properly in ages. If we had, and I knew he relapsed so badly, I wouldn’t have let him come over whacked like that.”
“What’s the bet,” I said, “that Justin heard about us and got Cara to snoop and give me a ridiculous sob story about forgiveness and shit, all to see if I’d spill the beans about us?”
“It’d make sense.” Rick scrubbed his head with his knuckles. “Justin is a dumb-assed yuppie when he’s sober but high, he’s reckless and heartless. I’ve got no idea what to fucking do now. I’m done paying his shit, but,” Rick raised one eyebrow, “I don’t think he feels the same as I do.”
“You can’t stay here,” I agreed.
Justin knew we were together now. I knew it’d make him mad, but now that Rick refused to pay any more of his debt, I could only imagine the exem
plified rage. He stalked me for months after the break up and possibly again via Cara’s snooping. Was it all to see if he’d perfectly ruined Rick’s happiness?
Rick chose me over his brother, but more importantly, he chose his own life over his brother. He’d given up enough to save him, but Justin needed to do the rest.
I wished I knew then what I did now. I was a pawn in Justin’s petty games.
God, I hate myself.
“I’ll warn my roommate, but since Justin’s beef is with me, I don’t think he’ll be a problem. I’ll let him know my brother is reckless and is here for money or some shit.”
“Do you want to stay at mine?”
“Your mum might murder me in my sleep. I’m no safer there.” But he winked.
“Look, I’ll make sure she’s fine with it. You don’t have the money to waste, and here you are about to fund a vacation for yourself. I get where you’re coming from, but you can’t save everything.”
“Don’t say that,” he said, stepping back from me and into his crossed hands behind his head, elbows bent. He cursed under his breath as he walked in circles, breathing becoming louder and harder. “Sorry,” he said. He stopped, looking at me. “Just after Justin’s shit about being a hero.”
I stared at my hands, needing a focal point, and asked, “What was Justin talking about almost dying?” I sensed it was a different occasion to the night Rick told me about on the pier.
Rick sucked in a long hard breath, the air loud through his nostrils. “A month before we met, he had an incident and ended up in hospital. Dad was away for work, and it was just Mum and I. He almost overdosed at a party. Since then, I was keeping a close eye on him and he hated me for breathing down his neck but our parents had no trust in him, and I could keep a better eye on him than they could. Half the time, I think he rebelled just to make things difficult for me. I was trying to keep things under control … until I had no choice but to go dealing. He got more reckless then.”
The Rental Page 19
