by T. T. Kove
That made me feel bad, even though it shouldn’t. I didn’t know him—I didn’t have any right to him. And considering how his life was, of course he’d want to get away. I would’ve too.
The house was locked when we came there, which meant Thomas was indeed at work. If Ben was in or not was a guessing game, but he wasn’t on the ground floor anyway.
“What does your uncle do?” He looked around with interest.
“He’s a doctor. Works at the hospital.”
“Has he got any children?” He stopped to look at our school pictures that hung on the walls in the staircase.
“No, none of his own. He’s taken care of my cousin Ben for most of his life. His mum’s dead. And then when our dad… died… he took us in too.”
“Who’s us?” He looked at me with interest.
“Me, I’m the youngest, and my older brother and sister. Andreas and Christina.” I pointed them out in each their picture. “Christina’s moved out with her boyfriend. Andreas’ in the army, but his boyfriend Alex comes back here during the weekends.” I couldn’t show him a picture of Alex, because he wasn’t in any of them. He hadn’t been in Andreas’ class.
“You’re lucky to have someone who takes all of you in.” He gazed at my school picture from seventh grade.
“That’s Thomas. He took Alex in too, last year. His parents are shitty. And after his brother celebrated Christmas with us, he comes back here most weekends too with Alex.”
He looked like he couldn’t quite believe it. “And your uncle doesn’t mind? All those people…”
“No, I think he likes it.” I smiled. “Uncle’s great. He’s done so much for all of us. He’s the only one in the family—in his generation and above, anyway—who we keep in contact with.”
“The rest of your family’s bad?”
“Well… yeah. Grandma’s okay, but she lives in Spain, so it’s not often we get to see her. My dad’s dead, Ben’s mum’s dead, and my uncle’s oldest brother… he’s not around. No one wants him around either.” I didn’t like to think about him and how Jo and Jørgen had suffered through their entire childhood.
If Thomas had known what had been going on there, I was pretty sure he would’ve taken them both in too. But they’d kept themselves separated from the rest of the family, so Jo and Jørgen had suffered without anyone being the wiser.
“So it’s not all good in my family either. In fact, some things are pretty bad.” I led him up the stairs. “That’s my uncle’s bedroom.” It was the door to the right. “There’s the bathroom, and that’s Christina’s old room that’s usually Leo’s now, and at the end of the hall… my room.” I opened the door and preceded him inside.
I wished I’d cleaned it better that morning, because clothes and books were scattered around.
Then again, I hadn’t known I’d bring Roar home earlier today.
I dropped my rucksack next to my desk. He tentatively took a seat on the chair, whereas I sat on the edge of my bed.
His foot kept tapping now he sat down, like he was nervous.
Maybe he is.
“Are you hungry now?” Considering he’d been outside fighting during lunch, I didn’t reckon he’d had anything to eat then.
He shrugged.
“Have you had anything to eat today?” I raised both eyebrows questioningly.
“No,” he admitted, voice low.
“Right then.” I dragged my laptop over and opened it. Once I typed in my password, my browser with all its tabs came up on the screen.
I typed in the URL for my favourite take-away shop, then turned it around to hand him the laptop. “Figure out what you want and I’ll ring and order.”
He took the laptop almost hesitantly, but did as I said.
As he went through the menu I took my phone up from my pocket. Or his, considering the hoodie was technically his.
I had several messages.
Iselin: Have you left school?
Never mind, I just saw you leave with Roar.
Roar, really? When did that happen?
You have to tell me everything!
And Jakob? Where does he fit?
Maria… answer your damn messages!
I smiled as I scrolled through and read all of her six texts. She did deserve an explanation though, she was my best friend after all, but not by text and not now.
Right now I had other, more important things on my mind.
I glanced up at Roar, whose gaze was trained on my laptop. His thumb traced his bottom lip as he read.
Yeah, I’ve definitely got more important things going on right now.
12
Come Prepared
I ran down to pay for the food once the doorbell rang, leaving Roar surfing on my laptop. Now he had access to one with stable internet, he’d instantly started searching colleges and universities to see what they had to offer.
I carried the plastic bag with the take-out containers into the kitchen, where I gathered seasoning for the chips, ketchup, cutlery, glasses, and drinks. We only had a bottle of Solo, so it would have to do.
It was too much for me to carry in one go, so I grabbed a plastic bag from under the sink where I put everything in. That way I only had to carry two bags upstairs.
Once out in the hall, I stopped with one foot on the stairs.
Roar’s in my room. We’re spending the evening together.
Maybe even the night.
I need to be prepared.
I sat the bags on that first step, then turned and hurried down to the basement. Since I knew neither Andreas nor Alex were home, I went into their room.
Surely they’d have some spare condoms lying around?
I searched through Andreas’ bedside table drawer, but only found a half-empty bottle of lube and some magazines with naked girls on front.
“Really, Andreas?” I stared down at the one on top. He was in a relationship with Alex. Did he need magazines with naked girls on them? Then again, those magazines did have interesting articles in them, so it wasn’t like they were porn. Not completely anyway.
There were no condoms, which was weird, because I knew they had sex.
Maybe they do it bare.
Easy for them; they don’t have to worry about unwanted pregnancies.
I drew a deep breath as I closed the bedroom door after me, then I walked over to knock on Ben’s. If he was home I had to confess what I needed—better than have bare sex—and take the embarrassment that would lead to.
But Ben didn’t answer, and when I cracked his bedroom door open, his room was empty.
And Ben had condoms. Heaps of them.
“Thanks, Ben.” I grabbed three from the stash he had in his drawer. Considering how many there were, I didn’t think he’d miss the few I took. Or stole, but condoms from my cousin wasn’t the worst thing I could’ve stolen.
I stuffed the condoms in my pockets, ran back upstairs, grabbed the two bags, and hightailed it up to my room.
Roar still sat on my desk chair with my laptop propped on his knees. He looked up as I came in.
“Dinner’s been delivered.” I didn’t have much space for eating though. It was either the desk or the bed.
Andreas and Ben had bigger rooms than I had, with sofas and TVs. I only had my bed, desk, and several bookshelves.
I opted to sit on the bed, scooting up so I rested my back against the wall.
Roar watched me silently as I sat the take-away containers out, then took out cutlery that I lay atop them, and poured soda into two glasses that I put on each bedside table.
“Come on.” I patted the bed next to me.
He glanced from the empty space to me and back again, but then he put the laptop on the desk and came to sit besides me.
Our shoulders pressed together as we sat down to eat, but whereas he again seemed nervous, I only felt content. Content… and excited. Because who knew what would happen once we’d finished dinner?
“How was your mum, Roar?” I asked, just as mu
ch to try and put him at ease as to get my thoughts out of the gutter.
“She was nice. A gentle person. I don’t know how she managed to keep up with my step-dad, but she did. Other than that, she was perfect.” He smiled slightly as he talked about her. “She loved me. But she also loved him, something I can’t understand. He hit her. Not that often, but when they fought, it got dirty. He never hit me though, not back when she was alive.”
“That only came after?” I felt so sorry for him.
“Yeah. If she’d known… I don’t think she would’ve left me in his care if she had.”
“How did she die?”
He swallowed audibly, emotional now. “Aneurism.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.” I cut my chicken fillets up into small pieces. “Didn’t you have any other family? What about your biological dad?”
“He’s never been in the picture. He was a sailor and whenever they docked here, he’d get together with my mum. But he had a wife and kids back home.”
I blinked. “So you’ve got siblings you’ve never met?”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. He knew she got pregnant and never bothered to come back. That’s all I need to know about him. Then my mum married my stepfather and that was that.”
“My dad couldn’t live without Mum. He managed, for a few years, but then… yeah.”
He stared down at his food. “Sometimes I think that’s the case with my stepfather too. Before Mum died, he had a good job, he only drank on weekends, he could laugh and be fun to be around. But once she was gone… he changed completely.”
“So you loved him once?”
He nodded. “He resents being stuck with me now.”
“Has he told you that?” My heart bled for him.
“Yep. In those exact words.”
We fell silent after that. I didn’t know what to say, and he likely didn’t want to talk about his stepfather anymore.
So we ate our food, sitting in loaded, but also sort of comfortable, silence.
He finished before me, and he folded the box back together and put it in the bag. Then he leaned back to stare up at the ceiling until I finished and followed his example.
I had to lean over him to get the bag from the floor, and then again as I put it back down with my take-away box added in there atop his.
I put a hand on his chest, bracing myself, then chanced a quick glance up at him.
He stared at me, face unreadable, but his brown eyes swirling with emotion.
“Roar…” I took a chance before I could second-guess myself and sat up to straddle his lap. Then I bent forward to kiss him.
He ran his hands up my arms, over my shoulders, and down my back, where he settled them on the small of my back.
I pressed down closer to him—and he took the hint. His hands moved further down, over my bum, and gripping my thighs.
Then he flipped us around so I was the one on my back and he was the one atop me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him down, refusing to let him ease off me. He wasn’t too heavy, not yet anyway. In fact, having his weight press me into the mattress felt good.
“Hey, Maria?” he asked, lips hovering close to mine.
“Hmm?” I needed him to kiss me again. We’d talked a lot earlier, now it was time for this.
“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea?”
“This is a great idea.” I hooked one leg over his hips.
He squirmed uncomfortably—and he moved so that I felt exactly why he was uncomfortable.
I smiled against his lips, nipping on his bottom one. “Don’t you want to do this?”
“Oh, trust me I do.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I don’t want to force you into anything.”
That brought me up short. “Does it look like I’m being forced?” I stared at him. “I want this so much I’m about to force you if you don’t hurry up and get with the plan.”
He gave a startled laugh. “I’m with the plan. It’s just I don’t have anything. Protection, I mean.”
“That’s okay. I do.” I reached into my pocket and drew out the three brightly coloured condom packets.
Roar eyed them incredulously. “Have you been going around with those in your pocket all day?”
“No.” It was my turn to laugh. “I stole them from my cousin when I went down to get the food. Don’t worry, he won’t miss them, he’s got a whole stash.”
For a minute he seemed embarrassed , but then he smiled widely—before he crushed his lips to mine.
I moved my hands down to slip under his hoodie and T-shirt, and once I encountered his bare skin, he followed suit. I still wore my leotard though, so even when he unzipped the hoodie, he was met with only stretchy material.
“Dammit.” I should’ve changed after my dance-class.
He chuckled.
I unzipped his hoodie and slid it off his shoulders. Once it was off, I pulled his T-shirt up.
He sat up on his knees, grabbed the tee, and pulled it off in one quick movement.
I stared at his naked torso, taking in the fading bruises over one side of his ribs. I sat up too and ran my fingers feather-light over the discoloured skin.
“Is this from your stepfather too?”
He stared down at himself. “Yeah.”
“What about today? Did he hit you anywhere but your face?” He still had a red mark on his cheekbone, and it was redder now than it’d been after the fight. He’d probably get a bruise there too by tomorrow.
“He hit me once in the stomach, but not that hard.” He traced a circle around the spot he’d been hit.
I let my hand fall down his skin until I met the hem of his boxers. I moved my fingers lower, to grip the fly of his jeans.
He sucked in a breath, but stayed quiet as I unzipped and pulled the jeans down his thighs. His boxers were tight, and in them, clearly outlined, was his dick.
I licked my lips, then looked up at him.
He stared back. “Are you absolutely sure?”
“Oh yeah.” I’d never been surer of anything in my life.
“Considering what you’ve just been through, what could’ve happened to you—”
“Nothing happened. I’m good. Besides, I’m not drunk now. And you’re not someone who would sexually assault me.”
I threw my feet over the edge of the bed so I could be rid of my joggers. I had to take my tights off too to get my leotard off.
“Are you about to give me a striptease?” he asked teasingly.
I glanced over my shoulder at him. He still sat on the bed, with his jeans halfway down his thighs. “Would you like that?”
He licked his lips, eye going darker, which told me all I needed to know.
It was weird how I wasn’t embarrassed at all. If this had been last year, with my ex, I never stood in front of him to strip. We would’ve had sex in the dark.
But Roar… there was something special about Roar.
So I inched my tights down, stepped out of them, then pulled the straps on my leotard off my shoulders. All the while, Roar’s gaze was glued to me—and nothing made me feel better than to see the desire in his eyes, as well as the hard dick still kept in place by his boxers.
I slid the leotard down and off in one fluid motion, leaving me standing there in only my panties.
“Your turn.” I needed him to get naked before I stripped off all the way, so I was a little embarrassed after all.
He stared at my tits.
I looked down too. They were quite small, to the point I was almost flat. I hardly ever needed bras to keep them in check. I liked them small, it was so much better to dance with a nearly flat chest than to have big, flappy ones attached.
I knew guys generally liked bigger tits though, and for a minute I worried my lower lip.
Roar moved, standing up on the floor, and pulling off his jeans and boxers in one move. His dick slapped hard and leaking against his lower stomach.
I pushed my panties down over my arse and let them fall to the floor, then I stepped out of them.
Roar took my hand and pulled me flush up close to him.
I hooked my arms around his shoulders, and when he reached down to slide his hands under my thighs, lifting me, I wrapped my legs around his hips.
He turned us around and we fell onto the bed. It bounced a little as our combined weight hit the mattress.
He was all hard planes and muscles, so warm I didn’t even feel the chill in my room. He enveloped me, pressed me down, and it was so good.
I could definitely get used to this.
13
Together
His fingers teased me, and I arched my back as one slipped inside me. I was pretty sure I moaned too, because it was him, his finger inside me, and I was so wet.
I wanted him so much.
Wanted more than just his fingers. I wanted all of him.
“Roar.” I fumbled over my head for the condoms but only encountered bunched sheets.
“Impatient?” He grinned at me, nipping at my bottom lip.
“Yeah.” I wasn’t even ashamed to admit it because it was so true.
He chuckled, produced one of the brightly lit packets, and ripped it open with his teeth.
“Smooth.” I laughed, albeit breathlessly.
“I know, right?” He took the slippery condom out, threw the packet away, then reached down in-between us to roll it on himself.
I stared down, watching as he covered his flushed cock with the not-quite-transparent condom.
This is it.
I spread my thighs wider to accommodate him. It’d been awhile since the last time I’d had sex, and I tensed a little in trepidation as he positioned himself against me, head nudging my opening.
“You sure?” He looked down at me, gaze questioning.
“Y-yeah.” I was—I wanted this, wanted him.
He pressed in and I stopped breathing for a second. I’ve forgotten what it feels like, to be filled like this, to have someone else inside me.
But oh God, it’s good!
