Dylan stands in front of us. She looks stiff, nothing like the Dylan I’m used to. Her eyes are dark, heavy with make-up. She tried this look once before and I told her it made her look scary, only I can tell she’s been crying. She looks at Hadley and back to me, her eyes becoming wet.
I look at Hadley as she pulls away, joining my mom in a pew. My mom nods to Dylan and looks at the side door. I suppose that means I need to talk to Dylan, but what do I say? I’d rather sit with Hadley through the sermon and deal with Dylan later. I turn around and walk back down the aisle toward the side door with Dylan following.
She slams the door and pushes me, her fists clenched. “What is she doing here?”
I step away from her and her flying fists, waiting for her to calm down. I’ve never seen her like this. Dylan crosses her arms and stares out the window. I wait, but hope that she gets on with whatever her issue is because I want to get back to Hadley.
“Ryan?”
“Yeah?”
“You said you’d take me to Homecoming.”
“And I will.”
“But you’re still going to see her?”
I run my hand through my hair and sigh. Maybe this is why I’ve never had a girlfriend, because this is all complicated. Did agreeing to take Dylan to a dance mean we were now a couple? Because if that’s the case it’s not what I meant.
”Why would I stop seeing her? I like her.”
Dylan turns and shakes her head. She presses her face into her hands. I don’t know if I should reach out and touch her shoulder or what, so I just stand here with my hands stuffed into my pockets.
She walks to the door and opens it, leaving me rooted in my spot. She turns and looks at me and doesn’t say anything before walking back into the church. I scratch my head, wondering why I had to come back here if she wasn’t going to talk.
I also wonder what is going on with her.
I quietly close the door behind me and walk to the pew where my mom and Hadley are sitting. They are right next to each other, sharing a Bible. I can’t help but smile. I sit down next to Hadley and pull her hand into mine. She looks over at me briefly and smiles before giving her attention to my mom. I think this one time I’m okay with not being the focus of her attention because when I lean forward I see my mom smile – and that is a sight I want to see every day.
Sitting through this sermon is torture. I think this is why mom suggested Hadley come, to teach us a lesson. I think about plugging my ears, but I’m not sure that would go over too well. Instead I listen to Reverend Monroe talk about the sins of sex before marriage and I start thinking that while this may put my mom’s mind at ease, it only spurs mine.
I don’t think Sally Stone would be too happy to find out her son now wants to test the waters after listening to Reverend Monroe go on and on about the pleasures of sex between a man and a woman, even if he’s telling the young members of the congregation that we should wait.
When he finishes speaking there are snickers from the younger members. I have a feeling his message of abstinence didn’t hit home like he thought it would. I look around and spot Dylan, who is glaring at me. I try to grin, but clearly that is the wrong thing to do. She stands and walks out of the church. A few people turn and look when the door slams. This, of course, catches my mom’s attention. She looks down and shakes her head before standing and greeting other parishioners like she’s never met them before.
I pull Hadley up, leading her out of the aisle toward the basement door. I can’t sneak her into the utility closet this time, even though all these thoughts are running through my head, courtesy of Reverend Monroe. I’m tempted to find out just what her skin feels like against mine. If it’s as pleasurable and sinful as he described. This is a sin I’m willing to commit, but I doubt she’ll let me.
When I look back, she’s staring at me. For a moment I think her eyes sparkle, but I know that’s ridiculous – it’s the light from the stained glass window shining just right against her, making her beauty stand out. I’ve never seen someone so pretty, at least not like her. I’ve never thought of Dylan as pretty, I guess maybe she is. I know guys at school think she is, but to me she’s just Dylan. But when I look at Hadley, I want to get lost in her as if she’s my salvation.
She pushes me forward, shaking her head and laughing. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the way I feel when I look at her, or the way she makes me feel. I suppose if I don’t, it’s something I can look forward to each time I see her or am in a room with her. This feeling, it’s not something I want to go away.
Hadley wraps her hand around my forearm and leans into me. I like this. I like the way she’s being with me here. But I know this is only because we're away from others and somewhat secluded. No one has headed toward the social gathering in the basement, but they will soon.
I’m surprised to find Dylan downstairs when we get there. She looks at me briefly before turning away. She’s putting out the cookies, which is something I usually help her with. Hadley grabs my hand and drags us over to the table.
“Hi, Dylan.”
Dylan stills, her hand lingering over the tray. She sets down the package of cookies and turns toward Hadley. I can’t tell if her smile is genuine or not, but her eyes definitely look cold.
“Hadley, it’s so nice for you to join us.”
“Thanks. I like your church.”
“Of course you do,” Dylan mumbles as she turns back to the cookies.
Hadley lets go of my hand and starts unwrapping a pack of cookies. Dylan looks at her out of the corner of her eye, but doesn’t stop her. Maybe if I leave them, they can talk and Dylan can go back to being Hadley’s number one fan.
I step away and go set up the coffee. As much as I’d like to stay and listen to what they’re talking about, I’d like Dylan to go back to liking Hadley. I’m still not sure what Dylan’s problem is. I wish someone would tell me though, because I miss my friend and don’t really like being on the receiving end of her dirty looks and angry outbursts.
I sneak glances at Dylan and Hadley every few moments. They seem to be chatting and Dylan smiles a few times. My mom joins them and laughter ensues. I’m a bit jealous that I’m missing what’s so funny, but I have feeling I’m the cause of Dylan’s anger so it’s probably best that I stay away. Even if that means I’m missing Hadley.
Reverend Monroe comes over, slapping me on the shoulder.
“Coffee, sir?”
“If you’re offering, I wouldn’t mind a cup.”
I press down on the pump, watching the hot liquid fill the Styrofoam cup. I can’t stand the smell of coffee and don’t know how people stomach it. Dylan loads hers full of sugar, not sure why she just doesn’t eat a candy bar. I hand the Reverend his cup and pretend to be interested in the packets of sugar. I don’t know why he’s lingering, I hope that mom didn’t ask him to talk to me. I mean, if she’s worried about me doing something with Hadley, she shouldn’t be. Hadley won’t let me even touch her like I want to.
Never have I thought about being with a girl before until Hadley and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
“Did you learn anything from today’s sermon?” he asks.
Yes. I learned that I want to find out what my girl tastes like thanks to your sermon about sweet and sinful desire, I want to say, but I don’t.
“Yes, sir,” I reply without making eye contact. If I look at him, he’ll see right through me. I peek over his shoulder, looking for Hadley. She’s with my mom, talking with others. Reverend Monroe looks behind him and smirks.
“That’s exactly what I was talking about. Young men like yourself getting involved with the poisoned apple.”
I look at him, confused. What’s he talking about, poisoned apple?
“I’m sorry?” I ask, this time making eye contact. I want to see him when he tells me that Hadley is poison and that I have to stay away from her.
“Just saying that girls like her, they are poison. They lure you to their wells only to drown
you when they’re done with you.”
I scratch the back of head, wondering what the hell he’s talking about. I don’t remember him saying any of this stuff. Maybe I zoned out more than I thought I did. I don’t know, but he isn’t making any sense. Hadley isn’t poison. She’s far from it.
“Um… I think I’m going to go –”
He steps closer, leaning in. “Your father knows about your little friend. It might be best for both of you if you cut your ties before things become too complicated.”
I step back and look at him. He raises his eyebrow before he turns, walking away. I’m left standing, rooted as if my feet were buried in cement. I don’t like the idea of my dad knowing about Hadley. Nor do I care much for the subtle message that Reverend Monroe just gave me.
I need to talk to my mom, find out what she knows. I don’t want my father talking to Hadley or knowing anything about her. I’m not ashamed of Hadley, just afraid of my father and what he might do.
I look over to where mom and Hadley are standing, only to see Hadley stalking toward me. Her eyes are pinched, her mouth in a straight line. I’ve never seen an angry Hadley, but I have a feeling this might be it.
“We need to talk,” she says as she walks by me. I have no option but to follow. I’m a few steps behind her as she stomps up the steps. She pushes the door, hard. It hits against the outside wall and bounces back in time for me to stop it with my hand before it hits me in the face.
I follow her to her car. The driver is resting against the side, trying to look nonchalant against this blacked-out car. He looks up when he sees us coming and opens the back door. She slides in. I hesitate until I hear her sigh loudly. The door slams just as I sit down. Good thing I moved my leg in time. I reach for her hand, only to have her pull away. I knew a relationship like this wasn’t going to last. She realized today, being with my mother and meeting the parishioners that she can do so much better.
“Do you have something to tell me?”
I look at her, confused, and shake my head.
She turns her head slowly, her eyes penetrating. Whatever it is that I should be telling her and I’m not is pissing her off. I slowly inch away from her gaze. For the first time since I’ve met Hadley Carter, I’m completely uncomfortable. She turns and looks out the window, shaking her head.
“I should’ve known a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work.” She says this so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.
“Why won’t this work? I mean, I know I can’t drive or fly to see you, but soon –”
“It’s not about you being able to drive or fly to be with me. I’d do that if you asked.” She turns her body, resting against the door, bringing her knee up and hooking it behind her leg. I so want to run my finger along the curve of her knee to the hem of her dress, but don’t know if I can take her shying away from me again.
I don’t know what to say so I stay quiet, just like I do at home when my dad is harping on me.
“Are you in love with Dylan?”
“What?” I squeak out like a girl. I clear my throat and ask her again.
“You heard me.”
“I did, but not sure why you’d ask me that question.”
“Because Dylan said that you asked her to the homecoming dance the other day and I’m trying to figure out why you’d ask her if you have a girlfriend.”
“I didn’t ask her.”
Hadley shakes her head. “So you’re not going to homecoming with her?”
“No, I didn’t say that. She asked me. She said she couldn’t find another date and didn’t want to go alone or something like that. I’m so used to saying yes to her that I didn’t really understand what I was agreeing to.
“She told my mom before I had a chance to tell her that I really didn’t think you’d like the idea of me going with her and I’m gathering from the way we’re talking, I was right.”
Hadley bangs her head against the car window. Her hands cover her face. When she pulls away, her eyes are glistening.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how.”
“Do you want to go to homecoming with her?”
I shake my head.
Hadley comes over, straddling my lap. “You can’t ever lie to me, Ryan. If you don’t want to be with me or want to date other people, just tell me. Don’t worry about my feelings or breaking my heart. I’m falling in love with you, but if you don’t want me, just tell me and I’ll go away. I promise.”
I look around for the driver and notice that he’s no longer standing near the car. I drag my hands up her legs, under her dress. I’m waiting for her to stop me, but she doesn’t. My hands rest on her ass, pulling her closer to me. I lean my head back, my eyes rolling, when she pushes down on me. The feeling of her against me, it’s something I want to explore. Her hand trails up my chest, around my neck and into my hair. Soft lips press against mine and as much as I’m enjoying the feel of her in my hand, I need her closer.
My hand finds her hair as her tongue touches mine. I hold her face softly in my hand. My other hand grazes over the side of her breast. She pushes into me more, urging me. Leaning forward, I take a chance. Moving my hand to the top of her dress, my fingers trail over the swell of her breast. She bites down on my tongue, lightly, but enough to keep me going. I want to tear away from her so I can see what I’m doing, but I don’t dare stop. I move one strap, then the other and finally move away from her lips to her neck until I reach her breast. Her hand pulls at my hair. It should hurt, but it feels good and I want her to pull harder.
I move the top of her dress, exposing her pink bra. I kiss along the lace, moving it a little each time until her hand stops me and her face is buried in my neck.
“I want you, Hadley,” I say into her ear, taking a chance with my words. “I know I’m not experienced, but I know everything in my body is telling me that you can help get rid of this ache I’m feeling.”
“I can’t, but I want to.”
“Can you look at me?”
She lifts her head, kissing along my chin to my lips before she’s upright. She moves my hair away from my eyes; her touch is tender and loving.
“I’m falling in love with you, too.”
“Yeah?” she asks, her eyes beaming.
“Yeah,” I say, matching her expression.
“I can’t wait to be with you.” Her lips find mine again and all I know is that my birthday can’t come soon enough.
CHAPTER 22
Hadley
It’s been a month since I’ve seen Ryan. Actually, it’s been thirty-seven days, eight hours and forty-two minutes and I hate every second of it. The last day that I saw him, I was angry at him. I thought he was a no good two-timer, but he isn’t and I have to remember that. Just because Cole cheated on me, doesn’t mean Ryan is going to.
We’ve officially begun the countdown until his birthday. I don’t have anything planned, other than to see him. It will, however, be a welcome relief to kiss him in public without the threat of being arrested. Right now all we can do is video chat or text. By the time we can actually meet up on the phone, he’s either tired or doing homework or I’m exhausted. The time difference doesn’t help, either. All of this has made me crabby or a royal bitch, as Ian says.
I knew my occupation was going to be a problem, I just didn’t expect it to be something like this. When I came back from my impromptu trip, Ian was pissed and completely unhinged. Apparently, my escape from my life cost me dearly. I missed an important interview with a high profile magazine and they aren’t willing to reschedule. In fact, they ran with an expose and went as far as saying that I was shipped off to rehab, causing a total uproar.
This prompted Ian to call my parents. I could’ve asserted myself and reminded him that I’m an adult and his employer, but he was right. My decision to just up and leave had a repercussion on my career and I can’t afford bad press, which brings me to my latest dilemma, Ryan. He’s angry, hurt and anxious for me to vi
sit. I can’t blame him and I feel the same, but there isn’t anything I can do. Ian has me on a short leash and each time I tug, he tightens the collar a little bit more. The last thing I want is Ryan’s mom thinking I’m some junkie.
Alex is another story. Her mom fell ill so she has stayed back in New York while I’ve been in Los Angeles working. It kills me that I want to be in three different places and can’t be. I should be with Alex and her mom, but I also want to be with Ryan. Work calls though and with Ian watching me like a hawk there’s no way I can sneak off for a weekend.
“Hello?”
“Good morning, sunshine.” I pull my phone away, look at the screen and roll my eyes. With the invention of caller ID I should never have to talk to someone I don’t want to and yet, here I am, doing just that.
“What do you want, Ian?”
“You have a meeting today.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You do. I just scheduled it and you won’t miss it.”
I sit up and adjust my pillow. I know I pissed him off, but I think he’s being a bit extreme. “It was one interview Ian, that’s it. I don’t understand why you’re being like this.”
“You have no idea what it is I do for you on a daily basis, do you?”
“I guess you’re about to tell me, aren’t you?”
“You’re right, I am. When you took off to do God knows what with that underage boy, I was left to pick up the pieces. This isn’t the first interview you’ve missed. Remember last year when you blew off the talk show because they had Coleman on the hour before and you didn’t want to run into him? How about the day you showed up to your photo shoot and looked so doped up because you hadn’t slept in two days? Is any of this ringing a bell, Hadley? Each and every time I’m there to fix your mistakes. The pregnancy rumors, the drinking, the drugs, over and over again I’m putting out fires that you’ve started because you’re too stubborn to think before you act.
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