by Rob Stevens
‘Oh, all my mascara’s running,’ she gasped. ‘I haven’t laughed this much since I don’t know when.’
I liked seeing Mum so happy and didn’t want it to stop. I mean, I knew she couldn’t keep laughing for ever – that would be weird. I just didn’t want her to stop just yet.
But she did stop because, out of the blue, Arnold made an announcement.
‘Leon saved my life yesterday.’
It took me a moment to work out what he was talking about. I’d almost forgotten about our close shave with the bus at the crossing. Immediately I could see the stress and anxiety etching itself back into my mum’s features. Instinctively I kicked Arnold under the table. A kick under the table is the universally acknowledged secret signal to someone to change the subject.
‘Ow,’ he yelped. ‘What did you kick me for?’
‘I didn’t,’ I said, doing the wide-eyed stare. The wide-eyed stare is the other secret signal to change the subject.
‘Yes, you did. And why are you staring at me like a lunatic?’
‘Where did Leon save your life, Arnold?’ Mum’s voice was icy calm.
‘We were just crossing the road near Chambers Park.’ I could see Mum’s grip on her glass tighten. Her lips went thin.
‘I see,’ she said. She was trying to sound interested but I could sense the fear in her voice. ‘What happened?’
‘It was nothing,’ I said, waving a hand.
‘Nothing?’ Arnold rolled his eyes. ‘If you hadn’t been there that bus would have run me over for sure.’
‘Did the bus jump the lights?’ Mum asked urgently.
Arnold shook his head. ‘The traffic lights were green. The crossing man was red.’
‘Why on earth didn’t you wait for the green man, Leon?’ As she spoke she slammed her water glass onto the table. Her voice was sharp and loud. The bar went quiet.
‘He did,’ Arnold said. ‘I wasn’t paying attention and started crossing the road.’
‘So Leon saw the bus and warned you?’ Dad suggested.
‘Well, he did call out.’ Arnold slurped his Coke. ‘But the bus was really close and I sort of froze. Leon rushed in front of it and shoved me out of the way. It must have missed us by inches.’
‘You could have been killed,’ Mum said, more fearful than angry now. She put her arm round me and pulled me towards her. I rested my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes. Mum kissed the top of my head and said, ‘I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you too.’
I hadn’t dwelt on how differently the incident with the bus might have turned out. Thinking about it now made me shiver.
There was an uncomfortable silence at the table. The light-hearted atmosphere of a few minutes ago had gone. It was as if that cheerfulness had just been a smokescreen masking what everyone was really thinking. Arnold’s story about yesterday’s near miss with the bus seemed to have blown away that smoke.
We all looked at one another. I tried to think what I might say to explain what I had hoped for from everyone being together. The longer the silence went on, the more awkward it felt. I wanted to talk about Lenny, but a year of avoiding talking about him was a hard habit to break. Mentioning Lenny might be awkward. Not mentioning him was excruciating. So nobody said anything. About Lenny, or anything else.
Except Arnold.
‘So what was Lenny like then?’ he asked loudly.
Mum breathed in sharply.
‘I don’t think now’s the time …’ Dad said calmly.
Fair enough. Arnold had tried to talk about Lenny and he’d been told (politely but firmly) not to. That was that.
‘When is the time?’ Arnold said.
‘Excuse me?’ Dad said.
‘We don’t talk about him because we find it too upsetting.’ Mum’s voice was firm.
That seemed to have put an end to the matter. Olivia studied her mobile phone. Arnold’s head bowed slightly and he picked up his glass and swirled his Coke.
‘Who finds it upsetting?’ Arnold asked quietly.
‘We all do.’ Now Dad’s voice was firm.
Arnold looked at me. This was my chance to speak up. This was the moment the whole weekend had been building up to – getting my family together to tell them I think we’re falling apart because everyone’s too scared to talk about anything.
I don’t, I thought. I love talking about him.
It took a moment for me to realise that everyone was looking at me and that I’d actually said that out loud.
‘Do you?’ asked Olivia. She had a gleeful twinkle in her eye. ‘Me too. I talk to my girlfriends about him all the time.’
‘Why not with me?’ I asked.
Olivia raised her eyebrows. ‘I don’t really know. I suppose I didn’t want to upset you by bringing him up.’
‘I love talking about him,’ I said, laughing. ‘I love going places he and I used to go to. I love remembering his wild ways and his cheeky smile. I miss him like crazy but not talking about him makes me miss him even more.’
Dad sighed and puffed his cheeks out. ‘I try not to talk about him because I don’t want to upset anyone.’
‘And you avoid doing anything with Leon you used to do with both of them,’ Olivia said. ‘Which was everything.’
Dad looked at me and smiled guiltily. ‘I’m sorry, Leon.’
‘I was lucky to have a twin brother for twelve years,’ I say, pausing to swallow a lump in my throat. ‘Those twelve years of memories could keep me going through the saddest days but I’m scared they’ll fade if we don’t share them – keep them alive.’
‘Why don’t you talk about him, Leon?’ Mum asked.
I thought carefully and said, ‘Because I don’t want to upset you. Because it doesn’t feel like my place to be the one to say, “Hey, everyone, I really want us to start talking about Lenny”.’
‘What do you mean, not your place?’ said Dad.
I laced my fingers together and twirled my thumbs. Shrugged.
Arnold spoke. ‘Leon thinks what happened to Lenny was his fault.’
For someone so blunt he was amazingly perceptive. Just hearing the words brought tears to my eyes.
‘You think it was your fault?’ Mum’s voice was a whisper.
Without facing her I shrugged.
‘Leon, look at me.’
I turned my face slowly and said, ‘I just think if I’d done something different that morning, Lenny might not have run into the road when he did. If we hadn’t been playing chase, or if I hadn’t stopped to tie my shoelace …’
‘You can’t think about what ifs and if onlys.’ Mum shook her head. ‘You’ll send yourself crazy. I know I do every day. If only I’d driven you to school instead of insisting we walk … If only I’d told you to stop running around because you had a big rugby match that day … If only we hadn’t stopped at the postbox to post that letter … If, if, if.’
‘But I could have saved him, couldn’t I?’ I said. I felt a salty tear run into the corner of my mouth. ‘I was right next to him. I heard the car. I could have grabbed him.’
Mum was shaking her head, black mascara tracks trickling down her cheeks.
‘Yes, I could,’ I said. ‘I could have, Mum. You were there. You saw it happen. Lenny went into the road. I was right behind him, wasn’t I? I could have saved him but I didn’t. I just clung onto you like a baby. I just watched him get run over.’
Mum let out a little sob. She held her hand to her mouth and took a breath.
‘You did try to save him, Leon.’
I looked at my mother. It felt like my heart had stopped as I waited for her to say more.
‘You saw the car and you screamed for your brother to look out. As you screamed you started to run into the road. You didn’t even pause for a moment to consider your own safety. You just saw your brother in danger and you went to save him. I thought you’d both be run over so I grabbed you and pulled you back. I was clinging on to you to keep you safe.’
I felt an immense
weight lifting off my shoulders. The guilt I’d carried since the accident just evaporated.
‘So you don’t blame me?’ I whispered.
Mum shook her head. ‘If anything I blame myself. I lie awake at night wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t stopped you. Would you have saved your brother like you saved Arnold? Both of you might have survived to tell the tale.’
‘Or would we have lost them both?’ Dad said, squeezing Mum’s hand across the table.
‘I think that’s why I’m so protective of you now,’ Mum said. ‘You’re so brave and kind, Leon. I know if you saw someone in danger you’d try and help without considering your own safety. Just like you did yesterday. I couldn’t cope with losing you too.’
‘You won’t,’ I said. I put my arms round my mum and squeezed her tight.
After a long time we pulled apart. Mum and Olivia were crying, I was crying. Dad’s cheeks were wet and even Arnold looked like he might have a tear in his eye.
None of us had noticed the waitress waiting at the end of our table.
She smiled awkwardly and said, ‘Can I get anyone a refill?’
‘No thanks,’ said Dad. ‘I think we’re going to go.’
‘Did somebody mention getting ice cream?’ Mum said.
As we stood Dad said, ‘Lenny used to love Ben and Jerry’s, didn’t he? He’d eat it by the bucket-load.’
I smiled. ‘Yeah – he always used to call it Tom and
Jerry’s.’
I caught Mum’s eye and for a moment I wasn’t sure how she was going to react.
Then she nodded and said, ‘I remember.’
The following morning we had breakfast in the kitchen – all of us sitting round the table together for the first time in almost a year. Dad had taken the day off work and Mum had postponed her road-safety meeting. We were all going to the cinema in the afternoon.
Everything felt new. I mean it all looked familiar – but it felt very different. The constant air of suspicion, misery and guilt was gone. It was as if Arnold had made us all face up to stuff instead of burying our feelings. It felt like everyone was feeling a little bit more hopeful.
Without Arnold’s bluntness I might never have discovered that I had tried to save my brother. Maybe I’d always have believed Mum was constantly nagging me because she thought I’d caused Lenny’s accident. And we might all have continued avoiding any mention of Lenny – allowing our memories of him and our family to wither away.
Talking about stuff had changed everything and I owed it all to Arnold.
Olivia went out to see some friends after breakfast and Mum made Arnold and me some more toast. While we ate, I watched Mum and Dad chatting in the hallway – even smiling. Then Dad reached out and pulled Mum gently towards him and gave her a kiss and I thought my heart was going to burst.
‘Kissing’s gross!’ Arnold said, watching next to me. ‘Fancy playing Xbox?’
Arnold and I were on our fourth game of FIFA when Dad came into my room. I could tell immediately from the look on his face that something had happened.
‘Sorry to bother you boys,’ he said in sort of official tone that suggested he wasn’t really sorry at all. ‘But I can’t seem to find one of my watches and I wondered if either of you two has seen it?’
‘What’s it look like?’ Arnold asked.
‘It’s gold with—’
‘Your Rolex?’ Arnold interrupted. ‘I haven’t seen it. Sorry.’
‘Are you sure? Maybe one of you borrowed it and forgot to put it back?’
‘Why are you looking at me?’ Arnold asked.
‘I’m not looking at you, Arnold,’ said Dad. ‘I mean I am looking at you but I’m not “looking” at you.’
‘Sorry, Mr Copeman, but that doesn’t make sense.’
‘If you remember anything, I’ll be downstairs.’ Dad gave us a curt smile and left.
I breathed out loudly. There was a question in my head that I was desperate to ask but I knew it would upset Arnold if I did. I wrestled with the dilemma for a while. If there was anything I’d learned from Arnold it was that it was better to speak up if something was bugging me.
‘Do you know where the watch is?’ I asked.
‘No.’ Arnold casually shook his head. ‘Shall we finish the match?’
‘Arnold – this is serious. That watch is worth a small fortune.’
‘How much is a small fortune?’
‘That’s not the point. Look, if you have accidentally borrowed it, please put it back.’
‘How could I accidentally borrow your dad’s watch?’
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But you did accidentally nearly rob a bank so you do have some history of this sort of thing.’ I was trying to be light-hearted.
‘Why does everybody think I took the watch?’
‘Nobody is saying you took it.’
‘Your dad seems to think I did.’
‘He wasn’t saying that,’ I argued. ‘He was just asking if we’d seen it, that’s all.’
‘He seemed to be asking me more than you.’
‘That’s not true.’
Arnold turned to face me. ‘Do you think I took it?’
The mistake I made was pausing to consider my response. In that moment of hesitation Arnold had the answer he’d been expecting.
He shook his head sadly. ‘Why won’t you believe me?’ His sad eyes looked into mine. Without blinking he spoke quietly. ‘I didn’t take the watch.’
I went downstairs alone. I’d asked Arnold to come with me but he’d refused so I’d left him sitting on my bed, arms wrapped round drawn-up knees. Mum and Dad were in the lounge. They stopped talking when I entered.
‘Well?’ Dad said.
‘We don’t know anything about your watch,’ I said.
‘I don’t want to be heavy-handed about this,’ Dad said. ‘But I will have to contact the police if it isn’t returned.’
I nodded. ‘Maybe you should.’
‘Look, Leon,’ said Mum. ‘I think we all know where the watch is – or at least who’s taken it …’
‘Do we, Mum? How do we know that?’
‘Look, we don’t know anything about this boy,’ said Dad. ‘He seems a nice kid but he could be a delinquent for all we know.’
I didn’t know what a delinquent was but it didn’t sound good so I said, ‘Thanks for being so open-minded, Dad,’ in a sarcastic tone.
Mum tried a more measured approach. ‘I know you like Arnold and he does have some nice qualities – but he’s been nothing but trouble since you sneaked him into this house. He’s been a terrible influence on you. He’s got you into all sorts of trouble. If he wasn’t egging you on then none of this would have happened.’
‘That’s not true, Mum,’ I argued. ‘Arnold’s been nothing but a good influence on me – on all of us. He’s shown us that we need to talk about our feelings instead of bottling them up. He’s made us see we need to pull together to get through this. That it’s better to remember Lenny and celebrate him than pretend he was never here.
‘I’ve had the best time with Arnold. I haven’t had so much fun since we went on holiday to Spain and Lenny fell off the pedalo.’
Mum and Dad smiled fondly at the memory.
‘OK, I’ve broken some rules and I expect to be punished for that. But Arnold and I have laughed and got into scrapes and broken a window and given blankets to the homeless and accidentally tried to rob a bank and it’s been brilliant. We’ve really bonded and he’s taught me stuff – like how important it is to speak up.’
‘Rob a bank?’ said Mum, horrified.
‘My point is that Arnold and I are friends,’ I continued quickly. ‘He’s the best friend I’ve had since Lenny and I trust him completely. He’s honest. Too honest sometimes. I don’t think he could tell a proper lie if his life depended on it. If he says he didn’t take the watch, he didn’t take the watch.’
‘Are you sure it’s missing?’ Mum asked Dad.
‘Course I�
��m sure.’
‘Why don’t you have one more rummage around to be absolutely sure it’s gone. Have a look in all the drawers.’
‘I never put it in the drawers though.’
‘Just go and have a look.’
Reluctantly Dad went upstairs and Mum and I waited for him to return.
‘If it’s not there we’d better report it missing,’ she said.
‘What’s missing?’ Olivia asked, standing in the lounge doorway.
‘I didn’t hear you come in, love,’ said Mum. ‘Have a nice time?’
Olivia smiled. ‘It was cool.’
Just then Dad came down the stairs looking really embarrassed.
‘Well?’ Mum asked.
Dad held up his Rolex. ‘I found it in the drawer of my bedside table.’
‘What did I tell you?’ Mum said crossly.
Dad shook his head. ‘But I always put it on the top, not in the drawer. Did you put it in there?’
‘Possibly,’ Mum said defensively. ‘I can’t remember. I am the only one who seems to tidy up around here.’
‘Why didn’t you say so? Instead of letting me think it had been taken?’
‘Well I assumed you’d have opened your eyes and had a good look around before accusing everybody.’
‘I didn’t accuse everybody,’ Dad pleaded.
‘No – just Arnold.’
Dad ran a hand over his face. ‘I’m really sorry, Leon,’ he said, blushing.
‘Don’t worry,’ I said, jumping up. ‘I’ll go and get him so you can apologise to him yourself.’
‘Oh, he’s gone out,’ said Olivia.
‘Out?’ I echoed.
‘Yeah – it’s like the opposite of in. I passed him on the drive when I got back. He was shooting off somewhere on your bike. Looked like he was in a hurry.’
A horrible feeling swept over me. Without a word, I dashed out of the front door, leaped down the stone steps and pelted along the drive.
I tried to imagine where Arnold might go. I thought back over the time we’d spent together and where he’d opened up to me most. One place stood out more than any other as being the one Arnold had connected with most. I clenched my fists and ran as fast as I could.
