by Miss Merikan
Anna wobbled on her feet. “You’re welcome.”
Gavin wasn’t even sure if he should hug her now, but in the end, he did. “Let’s try and not make it weird, okay?” he asked with a heavy heart.
“Okay.” She nodded against his chest and stroked her hand down Gavin’s side. When it slipped off him, it really felt like a goodbye.
“I’ll call, don’t worry.” Gavin faked a smile and made his way to the door, listening to the clapping of Anna’s slippers behind him. Then there was the humiliating awkwardness of getting his boots on with just one arm, but when he left with Anna watching him through the open door, he wasn’t even sure if he really wanted to go. But he needed to.
The moment he turned the corner, he choked up, and his eyes welled up again. Here he was again, getting tangled up in a girl who didn’t feel as much for him as he did for her. His walk toward the Tube was a humiliating mix of crying and trying not to. Gavin wanted to be home so badly it hurt.
Gwen had been older than him, and he got over her attitude after a few months from the break up, but Anna? He really thought she was his equal. Only slightly older, quirky, fun, a bit weird, and enthusiastic. But he was never enough. Maybe underneath all the makeup, the loud clothes that got him in trouble so many times, there just wasn’t anything interesting enough about him? It couldn’t just be the arm. This shit started way before he lost it.
Yet he still couldn’t let go of at least being Anna’s friend. His life needed more people in it. He wasn’t a recluse. Despite the brave face, he needed help and friends to feel close to. Losing his arm ended up in not only the disability, but had him alienated from people he used to consider friends. He wasn’t there to go to parties, didn’t feel like going out. Everything changed.
He could only hope that Anna would think he was worth having as a friend.
Chapter 15
Gavin’s work was so amazing it was hard for Anna to comprehend that he started doing faceups only three months ago. It had to be his previous experience with painting combined with talent for designing makeup that let him excel so fast. Since he lost his job at the café, he was hard at work on learning from Anna. He came to her place every other day, and they shared Anna’s workshop. This way she could give him tips in real life instead of judging photos that didn’t always do justice to the work done. They shared pastels, watercolors, and cans of Mr. Super Clear. They usually had lunch together, sometimes watched a movie, and sometimes discussed dolls. Since Gavin had decided to pursue doing faceups, which happened really quickly, after only a week of trial and error—he’d become interested in dolls from a business standpoint. He wanted to be up to speed with popular molds, so he followed news on one of the dollfie forums. He even registered when he decided he was ready to show off one of his creations.
As Anna expected, Gavin took a different angle than her. Her faceups were mostly sweet, more or less natural, while his were theatrical and bold, though no less intricate. Gavin might have had one hand, but it was steady from all the practice with human makeup, so his progress was staggering from week to week. Two months in, he started getting commissions, and Anna loved seeing him so enthusiastic about building his own brand. They decided to advertise together, so that anyone wanting faceups from them both could get a discount. The customer could also save money on shipping by sending the heads in one package.
Annashi’s Dream Emporium got a new addition: The Dark Workshop, Gavin’s section on Anna’s website. His zest was inspiring. The way he restlessly worked on a whole body tattoo commission left Anna no less impressed than the customer who picked up the doll from their table at the convention just minutes ago.
As hard as it was to go back to being just friends, she’d rather have that than let Gavin disappear from her life altogether. There weren’t any guys as compatible with her, straightforward and interesting. She and Gavin were still friendly and joked around, but something was missing. When they sat close together by the desk, she could feel the warmth of his body caressing her knees, even through the jeans she started wearing around him. The last thing she wanted was to make him uncomfortable with revealing clothes. In fact, she started wearing cotton panties because all the fancy underwear she liked was making her think about sex, and she needed a reminder that they weren’t dating anymore.
Gavin was dedicated to his new job, but he wasn’t staying over all the time. It made her obsessively wonder whether he was dating anyone else. She forced herself to meet up with a few people, but it only left a sour taste in her mouth. Not that there was anything wrong with them. But they were plain. Boring. She’d rather play Cards Against Humanity with Gavin, Andrea, and Dan than go out on a dinner date. In a perfect world, they would have already gotten back together, but despite Gavin’s newfound interest in dolls, Anna felt it wouldn’t be fair to toy with his feelings, even if it made her horny like she had been celibate for ages.
The Nippon Expo convention drew in all kinds of people, from manga fans to casual visitors and people interested in somehow expanding their businesses. It also served as the unofficial European ball-jointed doll meet up, and so a whole area was dedicated only to dolls. Most of the reserved tables were used by small businesses such as Anna’s. There were doll customizers of all kind, as well as people selling handmade clothes, accessories, and even furniture. For the first time in the convention’s history, two doll companies from Asia were also present, and they came with a whole assortment of products. Anna couldn’t wait to go and see some of BlueEye’s wigs in real life. She planned to purchase new haircuts for her babies as well, but wanted to try various options first.
Maka-chan, a girl Anna knew from the London doll meet ups, came up to the table Anna and Gavin shared, and drifted to Gavin’s side of the store. Maka was cosplaying some goth Lolita character Anna didn’t recognize, but it was weird to see her all dolled up like that next to Gavin. Gavin’s dark makeup, the piercings, and his black mohawk complemented the lace and frills of Maka’s outfit. Maka looked like she could be Gavin’s gothic bride. Anna wanted to puke.
Maka’s black lips stretched into a smile. “Gavin, your faceups are so amazing.”
Anna took a sip of ice tea, watching them from behind Andrea’s shoulder as they talked. She hoped Gavin would see through Maka’s bullshit. The girl had a brain the size of a doll’s head.
“Thanks, I’m trying to experiment with new techniques. You have to be careful with so much dark pigment, not to hurt the resin,” he said like a pro, smiling back at Maka. He circled the table to show her something from the other side, and Anna found herself getting to her toes to see what was going on. Her heart skipped a beat when Maka put her hand on Gavin’s shoulder. She was clearly flirting with him, just like she had when Anna and he had come to the doll meet together. That was the kind of girl she was, but this time, Anna felt it wasn’t her place to say anything or take Gavin away.
Andrea snapped her fingers in front of Anna’s face. “Hey. Are you even listening?”
Anna felt a flush creep up her face, knowing she was caught red-handed. “Yeah, you want the matching outfit.”
“With which doll?” Andrea raised her glittery-pink eyebrows.
Anna closed her mouth, squeezing her jaw tight. “Look behind you. Discreetly,” she muttered.
Andrea stilled, rubbed her chin, and a bit later, looked over her shoulder at Gavin showing Maka something on her face with a serious expression. When Andrea looked back at Anna, she rolled her eyes. “Jeez, she’s so annoying. But I guess Gavin needs some slack.”
Anna glared at her. “He doesn’t need any slack with her. There are plenty of girls who actually know their shit,” she said, already knowing she’d be just as unhappy with any other girl gravitating too close to Gavin. She needed to get a grip.
Andrea cocked her head to the side with a smile. “Oh, really? ‘Cause, you know, Maka does like her J-rockers ...”
“She’s not the only one. And he’s not a musician. He’s an artist,” whispered Anna
, flashing a bright smile across the room when she spotted someone waving at her. She didn’t really remember who it was.
“You know she likes their look. I bet she listens to Disney soundtracks in secret.” Andrea sneered.
Anna chewed on her lip, feeling completely hopeless. “Make her go away. You know I can’t.”
“Someone’s jelly ...” Andrea teased and reached out to pinch Anna’s nipple.
Anna slapped her hand. “I’ll let you do it if you chase her away. Don’t you have any strong laxatives in your pretty purse?”
Andrea opened her eyes wide and laughed. “You are evil. Don’t worry, I don’t want nipples that are getting hard for someone else than me.” She stuck her tongue out at Anna.
Anna clapped her hands over her face and nodded. “I know. I’m a bitch. Guilty. But she’s way worse.”
“I’ll deal with this,” Andrea said with a self-assured smile. Seconds later, her face changed into an expression of shock, and she turned around. Andrea trotted to Gavin and Maka in her pink platforms.
“Maka-chan! Oh, my God! I got a tip that Nocturnal Bloodlust is gonna play in the evening. Hiro must be somewhere in the hotel next door!” she yelled, running over to Maka and grabbing her arm.
Maka’s jaw dropped, and Anna fought the urge to stuff the breakfast baguette she had in her bag down the bitch’s throat.
“You’re not serious. Oh, my God!” She instantly backed away from Gavin and looked at Andrea, indicating her mask-like makeup. It looked like the thick foundation Anna knew some of the J-rock performers were wearing on stage. “Am I smudged?”
“What? Are you kidding? You’re perfect. Let’s go!” Andrea said and pulled Maka away from a dumbstruck Gavin.
Anna quickly reached for one of the heads, pretending she had been busy all this time. She could only hope the flush she felt on her nape wasn’t clearly visible. “What was that about?”
Gavin stepped closer, so tall, glam, and hot as usual. “It must be her favorite band or something ...”
Anna shrugged, keeping a smile off her face. She didn’t even have to invent any compromising details. “Nah. She’s a bit of a groupie of all J-rock bands. She’s really into the style.” Slowly, Anna turned around and walked closer to Gavin. “A friend of Andrea’s organized a concert, and he told us that Maka and one of her girlfriends got the band really high on drugs. I don’t want to assume anything about what they did that night, but on the next day, the band members asked for them to be banned from the venue.”
Gavin’s brows went up and he cringed. “Ugh. Okay. That’s a bit scary. She looks so cute though.”
“Yeah, she looks good in black,” said Anna with an internal cringe, but she quickly changed the topic. “I saw quite a few people taking your leaflets. How is that going?”
“You never know who will actually e-mail later, but I had two people saying they’re gonna commission a faceup, and I sold one of the show heads. Yuniko, the one with red eyebrows, you remember?” Gavin said excitedly and stepped closer.
Anna’s knees got softer when she sensed his cologne, earthy and fresh. She let out a nervous chuckle only to pat his arm a moment later. “That’s great! You’ve already accomplished so much, and it’s been only three months. I had to work so much longer to get to the place you’re at now.”
“It’s because I did it full time and had makeup practice. But I could compare my stuff to others’ today, and I think it’s really not worse than anyone else’s.” Gavin leaned down to one of Anna’s dolls and arranged its hair with so much care Anna could marry him. She stared at his long fingers arranging the locks, at his narrow hips, with the black tank top riding up to reveal a tiny bit of skin. Her mouth went dry. Her throat clenched, and as much as she wanted to say something, nothing that came to her mind made sense. And she couldn’t just touch him now because she had no idea if he had given up on her completely or not. She didn’t even know if he was dating or not, since he most probably wouldn’t tell her if he was. It was hell.
“Your dolls look so classy today,” Gavin said with a smile. “I think your faceups are getting a bit more natural than they used to be. The new way you do lip gloss is very lifelike.”
“Yeah, I got inspired by the way you dolled me up,” she said, stepping close enough for their arms to touch, as if by accident.
Gavin looked straight into her eyes. “Maybe I should do it again some time.”
Anna opened her mouth, forcing some air into her lungs when someone grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back. She wanted to yell at them, but before she could, her breasts met their match as she was pulled deep into a pair of surprisingly strong arms. The first thing she sensed was the overwhelming scent of sweet, sweet perfume, but the high-pitched voice that blew straight into her ear was a dead giveaway of who it was that almost scooped Anna off her feet.
“Annashi, oh, my God, it’s so good to see you again!” screeched Fairy Dollmother, still kneading Anna against her boobs. Anna blinked, staring at two doll heads sticking out of a carrier Fairy Dollmother had on her back.
“Oh, yeah, hi,” she said, gently patting her shoulder blade, unable to believe that this sorry excuse of a hug disturbed whatever was going on between her and Gavin a moment ago. They had a fucking moment, and there just had to be someone to ruin it!
“That faceup you did on my Pedro was so amazing, Annashi!” The high pitch of Dollmother’s voice was ear bending, especially in combination with her strong French accent. “And your new work partner?” She turned to Gavin, finally letting go of Anna’s head. “I mean, the faceups aren’t my style, but he’s got so much talent!”
Anna let out a low exhale, looking at Gavin at the moment Fairy Dollmother pulled him into her arms. With her shirt being pink, they looked like a black asparagus stem wrapped in ham. And, of course, there was ‘Free Hugs’ written on the front of her top. Anna didn’t have anything against the initiative itself, but she’d have loved to be asked if she wanted a freebie.
“You are amazing,” said Fairy Dollmother, squeezing Gavin as the T-shirt promised.
“That he is,” muttered Anna.
Dollmother stepped back and put her hands on her voluptuous hips, winking at them. “Oh I see! There’s something cooking between you two love birds.”
Gavin went behind the table as soon as she let go of him. “Um ... It’s not like that.” He laughed nervously.
Anna was embarrassed enough by the comment, but it wouldn’t stop there. Dollmother approached her and put an arm around her with a wide smile. “Don’t worry, Annashi. He’s far too young for me.”
Anna’s head felt as if steam were about to come out her ears pretty soon, but she didn’t have to cut the conversation, as Dollmother found another topic to screech about. Predictably, she walked up to the table and looked over it, at Fiona, which Annashi carefully arranged next to a column. “She looks stunning. May I see her up close?” asked Dollmother, walking behind the table before any of them could say ‘no.’
At least Anna saw that Gavin was tense and right behind her in case something happened. They exchanged wide-eyed gazes.
“Annashi ... your Katyusha is so pretty. I just can’t look at her anymore because my heart is about to break.” Dollmother gasped and grabbed at the front of her T-shirt.
Anna joined them behind the tables, going through with ease. “Maybe not here? I mean ... I can see you’re flushed. Maybe you should get something cold to drink over at the bar?” she said with hope.
“Oh, silly!” Dollmother laughed loudly and patted Anna’s shoulder. “It’s just a joke.”
Anna took a deep breath. “Look, I’d rather no one but me, Gavin, and Dan stay behind there. There are supplies all around. I’m sure you understand.”
Dollmother sighed and did step back to where she belonged. “I know, I know, I was just so excited. Sometimes I forget myself. Us BJD lovers are all like one big family after all.”
Anna made herself smile. “That we are. I saw your new M
omoko, and I think she could use some body blushing to go with the colors you chose for her. What do you think?”
“Oh, yes!” Dollmother said excitedly and nodded so fast all her extra chins jiggled. “You always think of everything, Annashi.” She wiped an invisible tear. It was hard to say how honest she really was, but Anna chose to give her the benefit of doubt and nodded. They spent the next twenty minutes talking about the faceup before Dollmother disappeared into the crowd to hug someone else. Anna dropped into her chair with a low growl.
Gavin exhaled deeply. “Christ. What a crazy lady. It’s good that she didn’t bring her dogs.”
Anna dragged her hands down her face. “She’s mental. I actually checked her address online, and she has a fucking palace that she uses as a museum for dolls. She actually lives in the former servant’s house with all her pugs.”
“What? The dolls have the palace and she lives next door?” Gavin snorted and to Anna’s surprise, his slim fingers were on the back of her nape, giving her a gentle massage.
She didn’t know what to do at first and eventually relaxed into his touch. “Yes. And she actually writes this on a public forum. Must mean that she considers this normal.”
“As long as she pays for faceups, I guess it’s none of our problem.” Gavin’s voice was so soothing Anna half-expected to get a kiss on the top of her head, but it didn’t come. She knew it wouldn’t.
Chapter 16
Gavin brought the last bag with dolls up to Anna’s bedroom. Since they broke up, the dolls had crept back into her space, but now that Gavin knew them better, he didn’t find it all that freaky anymore. He supposed their presence could provide a sense of companionship, like they were vessels for imaginary friends that would never leave if you didn’t want them to.
“Guys, dinner will be ready soon,” called Anna from the kitchen. She seemed exhausted from all the networking she’d done throughout the day, but her eyes sparked with the same energy he knew so well. It was as if there was a battery inside her that always had some backup power it could rely on.
