by Starr, Bria
The following morning I still haven’t heard from Logan. When I see Zach, I sheepishly grin, thinking about last night. I sneak glances at him through the glass window separating us, and I continue doing that during the duration of the morning. Seeing him almost nude was...weird, and I can’t help but blush every time I think about it.
As we eat lunch together at The Edge, we joke about the awkwardness the previous night.
“I’m not going to lie, Zachary. When I saw you in your underwear, the only thought that crossed my mind was, don’t look down, don’t look down!”
Zach laughs really loud. “The entire time I was thinking, suck it in, suck it in!”
“Please, like there’s anything that needs sucking in,” I say motioning towards his abs.
“I was caught off guard. Last I knew, you were sleeping, and then BAM! You are standing right in front of me in the dark,” he says, chuckling.
“There was lighting,” I add. “From the moon.” I recall the beauty of the moment as the moonlight shined down from the open window behind him, before the fact that he had no clothes on occurred to me.
I see Jen up at the bar glancing our way from time to time. I’ve always thought she might have a thing for Zach. She probably heard ‘Zach’ and ‘underwear’ in the same sentence and was dying to hear more.
After we finish up our meal and pay our separate bills, we walk out to his truck since he drove today, and head back to work.
As we enter the shop he asks, “Do you work tonight?”
“Yeah, I have to work Cassidy’s shift since she covered mine for me yesterday.”
“Cool. We’re playing tonight, so I guess I’ll get to see you later.”
“Oh, awesome. That means I’ll make a fortune with the crowd you guys bring in,” I say, winking.
He smirks before he goes to the garage.
“And Zachary?”
“Yeah?” He turns around.
“Thank you. For yesterday. You really helped take my mind off of…everything.”
“It was my pleasure.”
*****
I get to the bar, and just as I enter the back, Connor comes out of the kitchen. “So, you and Zach?”
“What? No,” I say firmly.
“That’s not what I heard. I heard you’re definitely together and even consummated your relationship.”
Damn it, Jen! “Don’t listen to anything Jen tells you. She only heard part of a story,” I say, disgustedly. Jen has such a big mouth. You’d think I’d be excluded from her gossip, being I’m her niece and all, but no. “Guess I’ll have to go set her straight.”
I walk out to give Jen a piece of my mind when Logan enters through the front doors. He sees me and walks straight over.
“Hey you.”
I melt a little before I remember what an ass he is. “So nice to see you’re still alive. What do you need? A Coors Light, was it?” I say, dripping with sarcasm.
He shakes his head. “No, I came to see you. To apologize for blowing you off yesterday.”
“Well, that’s so thoughtful.” I force a smile. “It’s fine.”
“You haven’t texted me back, and you seem upset.”
“Are you talking about not responding to the one and only text you sent me yesterday? After you stood me up?”
“Listen, it was a onc-“
“Yup, a once in a lifetime opportunity. Got it,” I say, waving my hand dismissively as I start to walk away.
He grabs my hand.
“Don’t be mad. I’ll take you to another race.”
“Wow. Because that’s what was so important. Not the fact that I wanted to spend time with you, or go out on anactual date, but because I wanted to see some guys riding on boards and bikes out in the heat.” I let go of his hand. “I have to get back to work.”
He watches my hand fall from his and lets me walk away. He turns around and exits the bar. Not that I expected him to chase after me...but it is not lost on me that he didn’t.
When Draven arrives, I smile and wave at Zach. Cautiously aware Jen is watching my every move around him. As I serve my tables, he walks over to me. “Wren.” He smiles. “Can I get a pitcher of water and a shot of Jack?”
“Absolutely, I’ll be right back.” As I head towards the bar, Cassidy and Jack walk in, his arm around her waist.
“Hey, bitch!” she yells and wildly waves her arm at me. She’s already drunk, and he looks pretty drunk as well. I wonder who drove here. I wave back and continue walking to the bar to get Zach’s drinks.
I give Jen the evil eye. “You and I will be having a little chat later.” She shrugs and hands me Zach’s order. When I hand them to him, he winks at me.
“Thanks, babe.”
I can’t help but smile a little.
The place is at full capacity tonight. Draven is the biggest thing around here, so the dance floor is packed and, oh look, boobs. Someone is flashing the band. As I start to look away, I take a second look. Not at the boobs, but what is definitely Holly’s face. I see the butterfly tattoo on her arm that I’ve come to hate.Great. I’m still pissed off at Logan, and now Holly is here, and she’s working on sleeping with the members of a new band. My band. I notice Kate is next to her, staring up at Zach.
At the end of the night, as I’m washing down tables, I notice Zach is in a back corner with Kate, and having a conversation that looks anything but friendly. Zach looks up and sees me looking at them. He quickly says something and storms away to finish tearing down his gear. She watches him the whole time as he leaves.
There is no way two people can have a conversation like that if they didn’t already know each other, or have some type of history.
Kate looks over at me and starts heading in my direction. I grab what I have in my hands, tossing it in the trash, and practically run into the kitchen. No way is that girl going to try and get more information out of me. As I hide back there in the dark, I keep going over the heated argument I’ve witnessed between Zach and Kate. I silently wish Connor was still here, and the kitchen hadn’t closed at ten. As I make my way back out, I come face to face with Holly. This bitch is drunk.
“Wreeeen! Where have you been all night?” She stumbles to the right and leans against the wall.
“Working,” I say flatly.
“You’re such a whore,” she sneers.
“Excuse me?” Who does she think she is? What gives her the right to call me a whore after she just flashed her tits to the entire band and everyone else in the bar?
“You heard me. You’re fucking Logan and now Zach. At the same time? I knew you were a whore,” she slurs.
“You don’t know anything. Get the fuck away from me.”
“Stay away from them. Both of them. Zach is Kate’s. He’s been in love with her way too long, and now that she’s divorced, Zach can finally have the family he’s been dreaming about.”
My mouth falls open.How did I not know?
“And as for Logan, he’s mine.”
“You’re so full of shit,” I spit with venom.
“Am I? Why don’t you ask him why Jack and I broke up?” With that, she pushes herself off the wall and stumbles away.
Fuck me. Could this day get any worse?
The second I get home, I call Logan. He doesn’t answer.
He’s probably still upset about earlier.
I call him again, not caring if I come across as a crazy stalker. We have things to be discussed, and I can’t wait until tomorrow to get this resolved.
After the third time, he finally picks up.
“We need to talk. Now.”
“I’ll be right over.”
As I hear Logan’s motorcycle approaching, I open the front door. He doesn’t try to kiss me as he enters my home. Cassidy isn’t here, but we silently climb the stairs and go into my room. I sit down on my bed, and he follows.
I get right to the point. “What is going on with you and Holly?”
He makes a face. “Nothing. I wouldn’t t
ouch her with a ten foot pole.”
“Now, but what about before?”
“Before when?”
I sigh. “Holly says you’re the reason her and Jack broke up.”
He looks pissed. “Jack and Holly were throwing a party last summer when I was in town. She came on to me and tried kissing me. I was pushing her off when Jack walked up and saw. He watched me push her off of me. He knew it was all her. So, no. It was not me who broke up her and Jack. She did that all on her own.”
I hang my head. Why does it always seem as if someone is trying to tear us apart? “Okay. Thank you for coming over and explaining it to me. She bombarded me at the bar, and she really got to me.” I fell right into her trap. “She wants you, you know.”
“She’ll never have me,” he says, reaching over and pulling a lock of hair from my face.
“Are you happy?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
“Are you happy with us?”
“Yes, everything is great. I’m happy. You’re wonderful, and I’m so fortunate that I get to be the one with you,” he reassures me, but I get the feeling he wasn’t fully convinced himself.
He starts kissing me, and I let him, hoping he can convince me this way.
And he does.
*****
Saturday morning we sleep in, have more mind blowing sex, and eventually decide to get some breakfast.
“So what are your plans for the weekend?”
“Um, not sure. We’ve got a gig in Westmont tonight. I’ll probably hang out with Josh tomorrow and play video games or something.”
I’m kind of sad. No mention of him wanting to spend time with me. He didn’t even ask if I’m coming to his show. “Oh. Okay.”
We exchange a limited amount of words until he says he’s got to get going.
I’m left confused and wondering what to do next. I don’t want to be annoying and make him tell me what he’s thinking, but I also don’t like this uneasy feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. I decide I’ll just let him be for now. But I don’t hear from him the rest of the day, or the next day.
By Monday morning I’m going out of my mind with concerns, so I recap everything that happened Friday night when he came over, I was pissed, so I called him on it, and we talked and worked it out. It was just a misunderstanding, nothing more. He told me he was happy, and then we had amazing sex. Several times.
So, why isn’t he talking to me? Is he wondering why I’m not talking to him? Something felt amiss at breakfast on Saturday, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I should have trusted my gut that something was wrong. I should have pushed harder to try and make everything better, but I didn’t want to risk pushing him away. It appears that’s what happened anyway.
When did I become this person with such lack of confidence? I’m starting to feel like I did at the end of my relationship with Alec. What a horrible feeling.
This can’t be good.
*****
I’ve cried myself to sleep the last two nights.
Am I so unlovable?
Since I’m hell-bent on not being that girl, I don’t chase after him.
It is now Wednesday, and I have only sent him a couple text messages in which he answers with one-worded replies, if he responds at all, so I stop.
Zach has noticed a change in my behavior and tries to talk to me, but I ignore him. He’s not the man I want to talk to.
Cassidy is rarely home. We work opposite hours and all her free time is spent with Jack. I desperately need to talk to her, and she has no idea what’s been going on. I’m to my breaking point.
Me: Will you be home tonight? I need you :(
Cassidy: I work, but I can see if someone will cover my shift? Is everything okay?
Me: No.
Cassidy: I’ll figure it out.
I enter the house after work where Cassidy is sitting in the recliner, waiting for me. She puts down her Kindle and gives me her full attention.
I burst out crying, bringing my hands to my face.
She races over to the couch next to me. “What is wrong? Is it Logan? What’s happened?”
“I don’t know!” I wail.
She holds me as I ugly cry into her pink sparkly shirt.
That’s a true friend.
After my sobs let up, I explain everything that has happened. It makes me feel better when she is just as confused as I am.
“So you’re saying you haven’t really talked to him since Saturday?”
I nod.
“And you’ve tried texting him, but he barely responds?”
I nod again.
“Sweetie, you just need to go talk to him.”
“I think… I think it’s over.”
“You need to go over there and end it then. If you feel deep down that it’s over, it probably is. Go finish it.”
I nod again since that’s all I seem to be able to do.
Knowing what is about to happen, I can’t shake the uneasy feeling of showing up at his house unannounced. I wash my face, then grab my purse and car keys. When I get into my car, I play Radiohead’sCreep.
Because if the shoe fits…
Chapter 8
Feeling nervous as I make the drive to Logan’s, I listen toCreep over and over. I really do feel creepy driving to Logan’s house when he isn’t expecting me and has been ignoring me for days.
As I pull in the driveway, I see his bike parked next to his truck and what must be his roommate’s red Mustang. I knock on the door, and a bald headed guy who looks to be in his thirties, answers the door.
“Is Logan home?” I quietly ask, waiting for him to say no and slam the door in my face so Logan can continue ignoring me.
He curiously looks me over from head to toe. I wonder if he even knows I exist in Logan’s life. “He’s upstairs.” He points up as he lets me in. He must be the roommate, Josh.
I make my way up to Logan’s room. His door is shut, so I knock.
“Yeah?” I hear him call from inside his room. I open the door slowly. He’s lying in his bed watching a movie. I guess it never crossed my mind that he might have someone in here with him, but he doesn’t.
Our eyes lock. Let’s do this, is the only thought that goes through my mind as I enter his room and approach his bed, kneeling down on the floor nearest to him.
“So what’s going on?” I say softly.
“Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. You’ve been avoiding me for days. Something is going on. Tell me. Please,” I plead.
He hesitates. “I just don’t think…that I’m the one for you.”
There. He said it.
“Don’t you think that should be up to me to decide?”
“I like to be able to do what I want, when I want. I don’t want to be tied down right now.”
That hurts.
“Tied down? Is that how I make you feel? I feel like I’ve been good about letting you do what you want to do. I don’t bitch if I don’t get to see you every day. I didn’t even bitch when you stood me up. I wasn’t happy, but I didn’t end things over it.”
“I know this is going to sound bad, but it isn’t you. It really is me.”
Really? He just said that? Do guys actually believe we fall for this line?
“So it’s over,” I say.
“Yeah, I think so. For now.”
“For now.” I repeat. What the hell is that supposed to mean? “All right then,” I say plastering a fake smile on my face making my way towards his door. It’s all I can do to keep from crying right in front of him. I’m holding it together quite well, considering I’m getting my heart broken for the second time in three months. I don’t want to lose him, but why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want me back?
He gets up and follows me out the front door to where my car is waiting for me. We don’t speak to each other. I can hear the crickets chirping, and they’re rather irritating. I stand in his driveway and kick at my tire, waiting for him so say someth
ing. Anything.
“I really hope we can be friends.”
I look up and laugh out loud. “Did you really just say that?”
He smiles and looks down. “I think you’re awesome. I really do want to keep being your friend.”
“I’d like that.” Would I? Could I even just be his friend? Probably not. It’s just what guys say to get out of a relationship. Even the ones they claimed they wanted. I feel so sad and let down, even though I had a feeling all of this was coming.
He comes over to me and pulls me in for a hug. Probably the last one I’ll ever get from him.
Then he kisses me, and I let him.Probably the last kiss I’ll ever get from him.
I know we’re over.
He kisses me on the forehead and takes a step back, letting me go.
I can feel the tears welling in my eyes, so I go around and get into my car. I plaster a smile on my face and wave at him as I back out of his driveway and head down the street.
The tears instantly start to fall. After I’m a few miles down the road I can barely see what’s in front of me. I pull over on the side of the road and sob. I’m heartbroken. I thought I had moved on and found someone I could spend eternity with, but I was mistaken. Again.
Why can’t I be loved?
Not that love was what we had, but I knew it was there. I could feel it.
After fifteen minutes of tears and snot, I reach over to the glove compartment and grab some extra napkins I have stuffed in there. I clean myself up and blow my nose, pull back out on the road, and make my way home.
Cassidy is sitting back in the recliner reading as I enter. I give her an apologetic shrug as I scurry up the stairs. She doesn’t come after me, which is good, considering the last thing I want to do right now is talk. I just want to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.
I call my dad in the morning and tell him I’m sick. He buys it and tells me he hopes I feel better.
Yeah, now I’mthat girl.
The one who calls in sick because she’s broken over some boy.
The girl who fell too hard too fast.
What was I thinking?
I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now.
I’m a little hungry…
I roll over and go back to sleep.
*****
I wake up to three missed calls, two voicemails, and one text message.
