Shannon tried not to laugh. The naïvety of the young. ‘I think they may have guessed.’
Faye looked up. ‘Really? I wanted to keep it secret for now. I don’t want to hurt my mom. I mean, she is my mom. I love her. She drives me crazy sometimes, but that’s just being a mom, right?’
Shannon nodded. Jessie was definitely Faye’s mom. And judging by what she’d seen so far, she’d done a pretty good job. So where did that leave Shannon? Where did she fit in?
‘Is there anything you wanted to know from me?’
Faye looked at the floor again, shrugged one shoulder, then looked up again. ‘I don’t know. I just felt like I wanted to see you. Obviously I’ve looked you up on social media, I knew what your face looked like, but I just wondered, y’know, if you were like me in any way. I can see you have my hair.’
‘I think you’ll find that you have my hair.’ Shannon was trying to keep it light. But even saying this made her voice catch in her throat. She put a hand to her mouth to try to stop her chin from wobbling. It must be the damn hormones. Her tear ducts were going to run dry.
‘Ha! I guess you’re right.’ Now Faye put her hand to her mouth and her eyes began to fill.
Shannon no longer cared what the protocol was. She moved to sit on the bed next to Faye – her daughter – and pulled her close. Faye clutched at her and they sobbed into each other’s hair. No longer able to tell whose was whose. Shannon began to rock gently; she pressed her lips to the side of Faye’s head and breathed her in. This was her baby. The child she’d never held. She was in her arms and she never, ever wanted to let her go.
After a few moments, Faye pulled back slightly and looked at Shannon. ‘I was so scared that you wouldn’t want to see me.’
Shannon wiped a tear from Faye’s cheek with edge of her left thumb, keeping her right arm still wrapped around her, unable to tear her eyes from her face. ‘Of course I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you so much.’
Faye searched in the pocket of her khakis and Shannon reached across to the tissue box on her bedside table and offered it to her. Faye smiled a watery smile and took one, blowing her nose loudly. ‘It’s just that Dad said…’
Shannon needed to go carefully. She had to be honest, to accept her mistakes. But this also meant being honest with herself. ‘Your dad was telling the truth. But it wasn’t that I didn’t want to see you. I just thought it was the best thing for everyone if I didn’t. You have two great parents.’
Faye nodded. ‘The best.’ She looked down at the bed, where she was tracing the quilt with her finger again. She took a deep breath. ‘Have you ever thought about me?’
Had she thought about her? Shannon had spent the last eighteen years trying not to think about Faye. It was like a wound that never healed, but when she pulled the bandage back to look at it, the pain was unbearable. It would have been better not to look. But that was impossible.
‘I thought about you every single day.’
Faye looked up and her face crumpled. Shannon pulled her close and held her tightly as she cried, her own tears dropping onto the top of Faye’s head.
‘I knew that Adam and Jessie would be great parents, that you’d be happy. But every time I saw a child who was about your age, I wondered how you looked, what you’d be doing, what made you laugh. When it got really bad, I just kept telling myself over and over that I made the right decision. That you had the best life possible?’ As the words came out of her mouth, Shannon realised this was not a statement, it was a question.
‘Oh, Shannon.’ Faye leaned forward and put her arms around her again. ‘You made the right decision.’
And, just like that, a million weights that Shannon hadn’t known she’d been carrying, fell away.
* * *
Shannon had a thousand questions for Faye, who had about two thousand of her own. As Faye talked about her school, her friends, her passion for art, Shannon drank in every word, every movement. She hadn’t known what Faye would be like, but she was exactly as she should be. Her heart felt as if it might burst. She was perfect.
Then Faye looked at her watch and groaned. ‘I really want to stay here and talk more, but I can’t. My course tutor is going to go ballistic if he realises I have split off from my travel buddies. We’re supposed to stay in a three at all times. I don’t care for me, but I don’t want to get the other two girls in trouble.’
Rebellious but loyal. She really was a chip off the old block. Shannon squeezed Faye’s hand. She couldn’t keep from touching her all the time. ‘That’s okay. Maybe we can ask him if you can meet me for dinner tonight? With your parents’ blessing, of course.’
After swapping cell phone numbers, and insisting she pay for a taxi to take Faye back to her friends, Shannon waved her off and came back into the hotel. She needed to see Robert. There was a lot she needed to tell him.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Laura
When James released her from his hug, Laura sat back on the bed and looked at him. He was handsome. And kind. And safe. And this impulsive side to him was new. He usually had to plan trips well in advance. And he’d told her that he didn’t even like Paris. Actually, that part didn’t really add up.
‘I can’t believe you came all this way to talk to me.’
He had hold of her arms and was smiling into her face. ‘You were upset and, anyway, I have a client out here that I can see at the same time so it seemed to be the sensible thing to do.’
Laura’s heart sank a little. So he hadn’t flown out here just to see her. Still, at least they’d managed to have this conversation about the future. Did it matter that he was seeing a client as well? Surely the working out was irrelevant if you got the answer you were looking for?
‘I’m glad you came. That we’ve talked. I just wanted to know that we are going to start making plans. Think about buying a house. Talking about having children.’
James stretched his arms above his head and yawned. ‘And we will. We will. Let me get this financial year wrapped up. Then we can talk about it. Maybe look into a small house somewhere.’ Well, that would please her mother.
Whilst they were talking like this, Laura wanted to get everything cleared up. She remembered Kate’s question yesterday in the café. ‘And kids. You do want kids?’
He nodded slowly and scratched his nose. ‘Of course. At the right time. Someday. I mean, everyone has kids eventually, don’t they?’ He laughed and took her hands again.
A strangely familiar feeling started to bubble in the bottom of Laura’s stomach. ‘But I want to plan, James. I want to know what we are going to do and when.’
James sighed and pulled his hands away. ‘Here we go again. I’ve said yes to everything you want. What else can I do?’
But he hadn’t. Everything was maybe and possibly and someday. Laura couldn’t work in vague adverbs. She wanted an actual plan. After ten years, was that unreasonable? She let her head droop down onto her chest. ‘It’s never going to happen, is it?’
James stood up and began to pace, running his hands through his thick, blonde hair. ‘I don’t know what’s got into you, Laura. We’re young, we’re having fun. My God, we’ve barely left our twenties. Why are you so keen to get us tied down?’
She could tell him. She could explain that she wasn’t asking for marriage and babies tomorrow, that she just wanted to know that it’d happen at some stage. That she didn’t want their relationship to turn out like Kate and her ex-boyfriend. That if they wasted another ten years on ‘fun’, she would be forty-two. But there was no point. They’d had this argument so many times before, she could have acted it out. Both parts. Sometimes familiarity really did breed contempt. ‘But I’m not having fun any more.’
James clenched his teeth and breathed out through his mouth. ‘Let’s not do this now. We’re in Paris. Look, I’ll go and meet with this client and then we can have dinner somewhere. Maybe we could book this room for another night? Travel home tomorrow, perhaps?’ The look on his face was
n’t so much hopeful as determined. He was expecting this argument to go the way of all their others. With her capitulation. But the adverbs hadn’t changed. Someday, maybe, perhaps…
Laura looked down at her hands. ‘Never.’
‘What?’
She took a deep breath and looked up at him. ‘It’s over, James.’
James began to run his fingers through his hair again. ‘This is getting ridiculous, Laura. We both know that we’re going to kiss and make up. We always do. You’re making more of this than you need to. Look, I’ll get on to the estate agent on Monday. Will that make you feel better?’
Paolo had said she was beautiful, not ridiculous. He told her she deserved to be begged to be married, not just made to feel better. He had offered her travel across another continent, not a visit to an estate agent in South London.
She was being unfair to James. She was being unfair to herself. She was one hundred percent sure this time.
‘I’m sorry, James, but you need to go. I have somewhere to be.’
And someone to see.
* * *
Paolo’s face lit up when he saw her, but crumpled into confusion at her question.
‘What’s your plan?’
‘My plan? What, right now? Maybe lunch or…’
‘No. I mean us. What’s happening now?’
‘What do you mean?’
Laura’s heart sank for the second time that hour. Was this just going to be a repeat of the conversation she’d just had? This time, she wasn’t going to waste twelve years. He was in. Or out. ‘Paolo, if we’re going to do this travelling thing, I want to know where it’s headed. I’m not about to just wander the globe for the next however long.’
Paolo’s face cleared. ‘Oh. Okay. Let’s sit down.’
Laura’s stomach was clenched tightly. She had never been this forthright in her life before. Although her lack of confrontation hadn’t exactly worked out well.
They sat on chairs beside a small table in the hotel atrium. His was royal blue and hers was yellow. They were designed for aesthetics over comfort. But Laura wasn’t planning on sitting here for long. It was time for doing, not talking.
Paolo’s legs were splayed lazily in front of him and he leaned forwards so that his elbows rested on his knees. Then he pressed his fingers together as if he were about to pitch a marketing plan.
‘So, we go back home for one month and both work out our notice to Sentek. I have saved those stock options that we got as a bonus last Christmas. If you still have yours, and we’re careful, that should give us enough money for at least the first six months. I will visit you in England next weekend and we can make a plan of the countries we want to visit. Start looking at tickets. Then, in the next two weeks we can book the first leg of the journey. After that, we can plan each destination as we go along. How does that sound?’
Great. And he’d clearly thought this all through. But it wasn’t what she meant. She needed more. ‘And after?’
Paolo sat back up in his chair. Laying back, legs still splayed, he looked like a model from the front page of GQ. ‘After twelve months, we will decide if we want to go to Stage Two.’
Laura held her breath. ‘Which is?’
‘Decide where to live. Maybe Italy. Maybe England. Maybe somewhere else altogether.’ When she tried to interrupt, he took hold of her hands. ‘Then when we want babies. And how many to have.’
Laura’s heart bounced down to her toes and back up again. She could barely get the words out of her mouth. ‘Are you serious?’
Paolo looked deeply into her eyes. She felt as if she was slipping. ‘Completely serious. I want it too, Laura. A family.’
She needed to keep a grip on reality until she had everything nailed down. ‘But what will we do? What jobs will we have?’
Paolo shrugged. ‘I could go back to teaching.’
That one came from nowhere. She hadn’t known about his previous job. There was a lot she didn’t know about him yet. ‘Teach what?’
Paolo turned one of the hands he was holding and kissed her palm. ‘Mathematics. I have a PhD.’
Laura had to stop her mouth from falling open. ‘A Mathematics PhD?’
Paolo stopped before he kissed her second palm and frowned. ‘Yes. Why? Do you not think I am clever enough?’
Laura just wanted him to go back to the kissing thing. ‘No, no. It’s not that, I just, thought you would have done something more… interesting or… creative.’
Paolo smiled as he leaned in to kiss her mouth. ‘If you don’t think Mathematics is interesting and creative, my Laura, you’ve been doing it all wrong.’
As their lips touched, Laura had to agree. She had been doing it all wrong. This time, everything seemed to be adding up just right.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Shannon
The Pont des Arts used to be covered in padlocks which were attached by lovers to the bridge. They would lock a padlock etched with both their names and then throw the key in the Seine. Eventually, the weight of the padlocks got to be so much that it was destroying the bridge, so they’d all been removed by officials. This had been the subject of much debate around the world, and opinions were very mixed, but now the view of the Seine was clear and unimpeded as Shannon leaned on the side of the bridge and looked up the river. How nice it must have been for the bridge to be freed from all that weight. She took in a large breath. The city was beautiful in the sunshine.
Robert had barely spoken the whole way here as she had told him everything: Adam, Faye, the baby. He had listened as carefully as if she had been expounding her plans to market a new range of printers. She had tried to gauge his feelings, but his face was giving nothing away. Now he was leaning with his back against the bridge, his arms folded.
‘So, after fighting me so hard about meeting my daughters, I am going to meet yours?’
Daughter. Even the word felt strange. Shannon shook her head. ‘I don’t know. I guess we’ll talk tonight, but just seeing me might be enough for her. She might have satisfied her curiosity and I’ll never hear from her again.’
Robert put his head on one side. ‘But you would like to?’
Shannon had spent the last eighteen years trying everything to not think about Faye. And failing. Every birthday had been a struggle. She had tried so hard to lock away any feelings in a box at the back of her mind. But now that lid was off and it was all rushing out. ‘Yes, I hope that she will want to know me. I know she doesn’t need a mother. But whatever she wants, I want to be that for her.’
Robert nodded slowly; he seemed to be taking these revelations remarkably well. ‘And what about our baby? How do you feel about that?’
Our baby? Our? Shannon’s stomach flipped. This one wasn’t quite as straightforward. But she had made one decision. ‘I am going to have the baby. I want to have the baby. But I am not expecting anything from you. However much you want to be involved is fine by me.’
Robert reached out and held her elbows. ‘I want to be involved, Shannon. I have always wanted to be more involved. It was you keeping me at arm’s length. And, as for the baby, I will be his or her father. It was a big shock. I thought my days of being with a little one were over. But now I have had a chance to think it all through, I think this is going to be a good thing. For both of us.’
Shannon still wasn’t convinced. ‘But you said that babies were’ – she paused for second to get the correct wording – ‘the end of civilised life. You hate babies. Their noise, their mess, their… babyness.’
Robert nodded slowly. ‘Yes. It is true. I am not a huge fan of babies. But that’s other people’s babies. This will be our baby. He or she will be a mixture of you and me. How could I not love a child like that?’
Shannon bit her lip. ‘Really? You really mean it? Because, I’ll be honest with you, I’m a little bit freaked out by the whole baby thing myself.’
Robert placed his hand on her cheek. ‘You forget, I’ve done this before. I have two daughters. I’ll
help you through it.’
‘Ha!’ Shannon coughed out a laugh. ‘I have heard about your parenting skills. You forget, I’ve met one of your daughters now. She told me how keen you were when they were small.’
Robert held out his hands and shrugged. ‘Well, maybe. But that was twenty years ago. I was too young. I am a different man now. You’ve changed me with your strange American ways.’ He smiled at her and then his expression changed. Became serious. He looked directly into her eyes. ‘I will be a good father, Shannon. I promise. I will look after you both.’
Tears were burning the backs of Shannon’s eyes. Was this all going to work out? Could she be that lucky? ‘And what about work? How will everyone react?’
Robert took both her hands in his. He was smiling again. ‘It’s not a problem. I’ve already told my boss that we are dating – don’t get cross, it would have been unprofessional not to – and I don’t think Fabienne has been quite as discreet as you think she has. I doubt it will be a huge surprise to anyone in the office that we are together and I’m sure they’ll be pleased for us about the baby.’
Shannon allowed a smile to turn the edges of her mouth. ‘Well, then. I think it is going to be a good thing, too. Scary. But a very good thing.’
Robert’s smiled widened. ‘And maybe we could talk about getting m—’
Shannon put a hand over Robert’s mouth. ‘Hold on there, Mister. I’m having a baby, not a full frontal lobotomy. Let’s just see how this works out, shall we? I’m not the marrying kind.’
Robert raised an eyebrow and threaded her arm through his. ‘We’ll see.’
They started to walk slowly back to the hotel. From the look on Robert’s face, the sales people he would be seeing this afternoon might be getting a much easier ride than they’d envisaged.
He stroked Shannon’s hand gently with his thumb. ‘At least we have everything out in the open now. There’s no more surprises, are there?’
One Way Ticket to Paris: An emotional, feel-good romantic comedy Page 23
