“I know. I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to. I can see it all over your face.” I grab my bag and head toward the gate.
He follows. “Carlyn, wait. Don’t be upset with me.”
“I’m not upset,” I lie.
“I’m excited to play with you,” he says, sounding about as excited as a sloth.
I’m almost to the tree line when he stops me. “I’m sorry if I reacted weird. It’s just that Slade and I have a really complicated friendship. I like him a lot, but there’s also this intense competition with him, not just on the court, but off.”
“Why’s that?”
He rolls his eyes and then covers them. “It’s Trinity. She and I were together first, but he liked her, and I knew it. It was shitty of me. It was a couple of years ago. I was younger and stupid. This is what tennis does to me. It makes me into this intensely competitive beast, on and off the court. I don’t want to be the guy who goes for his buddy’s crush. That’s shitty.”
I narrow my gaze. “You told me you hadn’t hooked up with her.”
“I haven’t, not all the way, just…a lot of the way.”
I close my eyes, wincing at the possibilities of what a lot of the way are.
“Just… It’s stupid,” he says. “And I’m over it. I need to be over it.”
“Over what?” My words are slow and deliberate.
“This freakish competition with him. Not Trinity. I’m way over her. That’s ancient.”
“Maybe you and Slade can flip a coin to see who gets to play with Trinity and who gets the crappy girl.”
“Carlyn—”
“No, you clearly don’t want to play with me. You’ve been telling me I’m doing so much better, nothing but encouraging me. But I can totally see you’re scared shitless to play by my side. So which is true? Am I better, or do I totally suck?”
“You’re better,” he says, but it’s so weak that I have to laugh.
“God, Vaughn. You are such a bad liar.”
Fred closes the door to his garage on the other side of the tree line, and I start walking. “We have campers coming.”
He doesn’t follow me this time, at least not closely. I take off in a jog and don’t stop until I’m inside the cabin. I know I’m being unreasonable, but with all his encouragement, and all this work I’ve been putting in, I really thought I was getting so much better. But seeing the look on his face when he thought he had to play with me, even for a silly match that doesn’t count for anything, I realize now I’m nowhere near where I should be, and it guts me.
Chapter Twenty
Vaughn
Fred set up a volleyball net yesterday, and the kids have been at it ever since. I sit on a table in the pavilion watching them, Carlyn keeping score. Micah walks over and sits next to me. He showed up again this week, and I called his social worker again. Nobody seems to be alarmed that he keeps coming, so I keep letting him stay.
“Will I see you next week?” I ask.
He smiles. “Probably.”
“Why didn’t you just sign up for the permanent spot, or did Josh beat you to that?”
He frowns, which is unusual for him. “My life’s not real permanent.”
I nod, taking in what that may mean for him without knowing or asking about any details. “This camp is kind of my home now,” I say.
“Really?” he asks.
“You okay in that sleeping bag?” I ask.
“Don’t bother me,” he says.
“Then you’re welcome here the rest of the summer if you want.”
He smiles. “For real?”
“It’s not like I could have stopped you from coming anyway. You’ve been three of the weeks now, right?”
He chuckles. “Yeah. But it’s nice to be invited.”
My heart warms for this kid, and I wish I knew how to talk to him better…knew the right thing to say, but I usually don’t, so we just sort of sit together a lot. I’m cool with that if he is.
Josh walks up and tosses a ball to Micah. “Save me a seat on the bus.”
“I don’t want your white ass next to me.”
I give Micah a warning glance.
“Sorry, white butt,” Micah says, tossing the ball back.
Josh smiles and makes a chest pass to him. “You’re lucky anyone wants to sit next to you with your skunk breath.”
“What about your feet? You’ve got that whole cabin smelling like a rhino’s butthole.”
The two of them start messing with each other, but they’re both all smiles and insults, just as it should be. The bus pulls in and they both frown.
Micah turns to me. “Man, why can’t we just stay here on Saturdays? We’re coming right back tomorrow.”
“’Cause I need one day a week without rhinos and skunks in my cabin.”
Micah waves me off, and Josh backhands him on the arm. “Come on. Let’s get the back row.”
They take off running, and then both turn and wave before they load on. I jump down and head over there to say my goodbyes, watching Carlyn hug Keisha like she’s never going to see her again. We get them all loaded on and then wave as the bus takes off.
“Are you gonna make it a night without Keisha?” I ask.
“Possibly not. I can’t imagine what I’m going to do when this summer ends. I’ve never had a little sister.”
I smile. “You know, these are the first words you’ve said to me all week that you weren’t forced to say.”
She bites her lip, looking down at the ground, nodding. She meets my gaze, her expression strained. “I’m sorry I’ve been distant.”
“It’s okay,” I say, my voice gentle. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
She nods and then turns and heads toward the court.
“Where are you going?” I ask, but I know the answer.
“To practice.” What else is new? She’s spent the entire week on that court every chance she’s gotten.
I follow behind her. “They’ll be here at one. It’s hot out today. You’ll expend all your energy.”
“I’ll be fine.”
I wait until we cross through the tree line to help cover us a little, but God knows Fred will be here soon enough, breathing down my neck.
“Hey,” I say, and she stops and turns toward me.
“What?” Her face is flushed.
I walk to her and take her hands. “I’m worried about you.”
She lets out an exhausted breath. “You shouldn’t be.”
“You’ve skipped meals more than a few times to come up here and practice.”
“I eat.”
“Look, I appreciate you doing this for me, but I don’t care about this match…not if it does this to you.”
She pulls her hands away. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for me. I want to win. I don’t want a video out there promoting Avery tennis of me losing a match when I’m desperately trying to get on Avery’s team.”
Something worms its way around my gut. I can’t believe I didn’t think in those terms. “I’m sorry. Of course you want to win.”
She shifts her weight to one side, careful consideration in her expression. “You know, Vaughn, I know it’s hard for you to understand something like this, but you aren’t the only person on the planet who wants something. You can snap your fingers and any school in this country will let you in. You’ve had expert coaching and plenty of financial support to get you where you are now. I’ve had my dad who, God love him, tries, but is the worst coach in all of tennis.” She wipes a tear away from her eye. “I want Avery. This is important to me. Can you understand that? Can you understand that for me, this match is about me not you?” I try to take her arm, but she pulls it away. “Fred’s milling around by the pavilion.”
“Fuck Fred,” I say, the emotion and intensity of the moment getting to me.
Her eyes widen, and I think for a minute she might laugh, but her expression goes sour again.
“I know you want to pl
ay at Avery,” I say, “and I want that for you, too. But you know, have you ever considered DII? I know DI is the most prestigious, but DII is nothing to discount.” I clear my throat, knowing it’s probably not the best time to bring this up, but we are talking about it, and I have been thinking about it for a long time now. Because as much as she’s improved, I’m worried about that walk-on tournament, and I hate that she only has her eggs in this one basket. “Have you considered Halford? They’ve got an excellent program, and they’re only a half hour away from Avery. We could still be together.” I swallow, hard.
She stares at me, her face turning different shades of red, and I know before she opens her mouth that I’ve just screwed everything up. “You don’t think I’m good enough to make Avery’s team, do you? You think I’m gonna screw up this walk-on tournament.”
“Carlyn—”
She gets up in my face. “I. Don’t. Want. Halford. I want Avery.” She starts to walk off, and that part of me that does stupid shit can’t help itself.
“Why?”
She turns back toward me, smoke shooting from her ears, practically. “Why? Why wouldn’t I?”
“No, I’m curious. Why Avery? They’re a good school, but they aren’t nearly as prestigious as Vanderbilt or Stanford. Couldn’t you have gone to one of those schools? You’re smart. Like read math books for fun smart.”
“You wouldn’t understand.” She says it so dismissively, like I’m a stupid little kid.
“Why, because I’m just a dumb jock? I don’t know anything about Ivy League schools? What’s so damn special about Avery?”
Her whole body shakes. “My mom. That’s what’s so damn special.” She spits her words at me, and I flinch at how much she seems to hate me right now. “My mom played tennis at Avery. She’s a legend there, actually. I could have used her name, but I didn’t. I wanted to get in on my own merit. That’s why I’m here this summer, working my ass off every chance I get. Not for you. For me.”
She turns and heads toward the barn where we keep the ball machine. As I consider whether or not I should go after her, my text alert dings. It’s Slade.
Headed your way, man. Look forward to seeing you again. And Carlyn.
On its own, the text reads innocent…cordial even. But he’s got some sort of fucked up symbol after it—a smiley face turned to the side with this huge tongue looking like it’s licking Carlyn’s name, insinuating all sorts of shit that makes my chest burn like an incinerator.
It’d be just like Slade to try to hook up with Carlyn somehow to get back at me, and what’s worse is I’d deserve it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Carlyn
I should have listened to Vaughn, at least when it came to practicing. This July heat’s like a prized fighter knocking me around. I’m exhausted, and we haven’t even taken the court yet.
Trinity chats Nancy up like they’re old BFF’s. Even though she was once with Vaughn, she’s so ridiculously likable that I can’t find it in me to harbor any ill will toward her. She walks my way with a huge smile on her face, like she’s genuinely looking forward to hanging with me. I try to match her expression, hoping I’m looking happier on the outside than I feel on the inside.
She jabs a thumb at Nancy. “She’s awesome. Do you not just love her?”
“Yep,” I say. “She’s pretty awesome.”
“I’m so sorry we couldn’t get here in time to see a few campers. I’m totally jealous you’re getting to do this. If Vaughn had asked me, I’d have pounced.”
I can’t help but wonder if he didn’t ask her because he knew he’d want to hook up with her. The two of them out here alone, how easy would it have been for him to have fallen for her again. I scratch my head, an uneasy feeling souring in my stomach. “I don’t think that would have worked,” I say.
She looks taken aback, and I’m already sorry I’ve said anything. “What do you mean?”
“No, it’s just…with the rules about fraternizing.”
She stares at me a minute and then drops her posture. “Vaughn told you we had a thing, didn’t he?” I shake my head, like it’s no big deal. She sits on the table above me, feet next to me on the bench. “I’m sorry I didn’t say something that day we met. I didn’t want to seem like I was being territorial or anything like that. I did feel weird not telling you, though. It’s just, I liked you so much. I didn’t want to ruin the dynamic we had together. Can you understand that?”
Impossible to hate her. “Of course I understand. I’m fine with it, I promise.”
She smiles at me, “How’s it going in that department, by the way? Anything happen in Chicago?” Her eyebrow lifts up.
“No, nothing to speak of. Just a little…kissing.”
“A little kissing is bien. Tres bon, I’d say.”
I smile at her. “I read the book on centering. Let me give it back to you. I saw you had it highlighted and everything.”
“No, absolutely not. It’s yours.”
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Sure.” She nudges me. “Give me one of yours, and we’ll be even. I’d love to see what you read.”
“Oh,” I say, trying to think of a book she could have interest in from my shelf.
“Come on. I want to see your cabin.” She’s off the table and headed toward the cabins, so I follow her. I let us in, and she looks around. “Wow, this is nicer than I pictured. You have your own little kitchen and everything.”
“I don’t cook in here, of course. But the sink is nice, especially with nine girls most of the time. The bathroom fills up quickly. There’s only two stalls and two showers, and it’s always either steamed up in there or stinky.”
She laughs. “I imagine so.” I show her my stack of books under my nightstand, and she sits on the floor crisscrossed, settling in to look. She furrows her brow as she reads some of the titles. “Journey Through Genius.” She pulls one out. “The Quantum Labyrinth.” She looks up at me, and my cheeks warm a little. “You read these for fun?”
I suppose the jig is up. I shrug. “I’m a nerd.”
She full-on laughs at this. “You’re fucking amazing, is what you are. It’s not fair for one person to be super smart, athletic, and gorgeous. Save some for the rest of us, please.”
I plop down on the bed. “You are a really good liar, you know that? You’re going to Vandy.”
“Sweetie, you’re too modest.” Her expression turns serious. “Really.” She goes back to the books and pulls one out. “What’s this one?”
“Oh, it’s fiction. I just finished it. Sort of Hidden Figures meets Stranger Things. Totally weird.”
“Was it good?”
“I liked it.”
She holds it to her chest. “Then I want to read it. Can I have it?”
“Of course. Here.” I take it from her, open the inside cover, and then write, From one smarty-pants to another. Enjoy, Carlyn.
She reads it and sets it in her lap, gazing at it. She looks back up at me. “Thank you, my smart, new friend.”
“Hello.” We both turn to the doorway where Slade comes through. I expect Vaughn to follow, but he doesn’t. “What’s up, Venus and Serena?”
Trinity holds up her book. “A little light reading.”
He plops down on the other side of the twin bed. “Count me out for that.”
She sits on the bed with us. “You know, men who read are sexy.”
He backhands me playfully on the knee. “You ready to get your butt whipped?”
“Oh, please,” Trinity says. “She could probably take you in singles.”
“Or we could play Canadian doubles,” Slade says. “We’ve got the right amount of players for that, or other things.” He puts his hand on Trinity’s knee, and then leans in toward me like he might kiss me, which shocks and completely weirds me out, even though I think he’s joking.
The door opens, and Vaughn stands in the entryway. “What’s going on?”
Slade pulls away and meets Vaughn’s murderous
gaze. “Little Canadian doubles.”
Vaughn’s face is so red, I’m pretty sure you could fry an egg on it. “You can’t be in here, Slade. Get out.”
“Dude, I’m just playing.”
“No, you’re fucking not. You’re trying to psych me out or some stupid shit, and it’s not working.”
Slade huffs a laugh. “I wasn’t trying to do anything, but looks like I’ve succeeded.”
“What was that weird text you sent earlier?”
“Uh, a joke?” Slade says.
Vaughn comes rushing over. “Get the fuck out, now!”
Afraid Vaughn is going to do something really stupid, I try to lunge between them, but I sort of fall headfirst on Slade’s lap instead. “Sorry,” I say to him.
“Nothing to be sorry about, baby.”
“Get up!” Vaughn shouts at Slade.
I stand in front of Vaughn. “Stop it. Someone’s going to hear you.”
“Hey, dude, she landed on me, not the other way around.”
“Oh, wouldn’t you fucking love that.”
“Vaughn,” Trinity says.
Vaughn meets Trinity’s hard stare, and he seems to wake up.
Jeffrey comes through the doorway. “What the hell is going on in here?”
“Nothing,” I say. “Everyone was just leaving.”
Jeffrey assesses the un-breaking stare between Slade and Vaughn, and then says, “Let’s keep the fight on the court, okay, guys? Vaughn, go cool off in your cabin. Slade, head to the court and get warmed up with Trinity.”
Jeffrey waits for everyone to leave the room but indicates for me to stay. “What was that? What just happened?”
I exhale a deep breath, rubbing my forehead. “I don’t know. Just too much testosterone.”
“What’s going on with you and Vaughn? You’ve been off all week.”
“It’s nothing…this match I guess.”
“Mmm,” he grunts, looking me up and down. “How’s it going with him otherwise? Are you making any progress with his decision to go pro or not?”
I wince as I realize I never told him I wasn’t going to do that. He hasn’t asked me about it since we got back from Chicago, so I was halfway hoping he’d forgotten about it. But I should have known better.
Courting Carlyn Page 15
