“If I may say so, Commander, there are better ways to handle pain. If you’ll give me a short medical history and a list of other medications you may be taking, I can write you a prescription right now for a very effective painkiller.”
“You can—?” A profanity burst from his lips. He had the good grace to murmur a quick apology. “You’re a doctor. Elliott sent me another damn doctor.” He made it sound as if the profession made her first cousin to a horse thief.
“He did not. I’m a physician, yes. But Mr. Elliott told me to contact you for my benefit. Not for yours.”
“Uh-huh.” Reid held his glass up to the sun and squinted through the golden liquid. “If you think that, lady, you must not know Roger Bryce Elliott very well. Good ol’ Roger does nothing except for reasons of his own.”
“Frankly, Commander, I don’t know what you’re talking about. But if you’d seen Mr. Elliott with that little boy, as I did, you wouldn’t say that. His grandson is a patient of mine. He came to the hospital to see the child every day, sometimes way past normal visiting hours. After meeting Mr. Elliott, I gave orders to let him see Jimmy anytime he chose.
“One quiet night we had a chance to talk. I don’t usually talk about Tommy—Thomas Grant, my fiancé—but somehow or other, I found myself spilling out the story to Mr. Elliott.” The man deserved a medal for how long he sat drawing out her sad story, even offering a pristine white handkerchief when she got a little weepy. “He’s a good listener.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s a great listener, all right.”
The tone of sarcasm couldn’t quite disguise the disturbing new intensity in the steely gaze fastened on her.
Without breaking that fixed look, he sipped his drink.
“You said you want me to help you find your fiancé.”
“Yes.”
She glanced down at the diamond solitaire, which had fallen slightly askew on the third finger of her left hand, and twisted the ring back into place. It was always so painful to remember those last few months with Tommy. So painful to remember the biggest failure of her life.
“Rather a strange request, Doctor. How did your friend Tommy get lost?”
“About a year ago, he... disappeared.”
“Disappeared. I take it there’s no evidence that he’s dead. Accident, murder, suicide?”
She hissed in a quick breath. “You don’t mince words, do you?”
“Do you want me to?”
She had made up her mind finally to confront the facts head-on—especially the fact of her own guilt. She could hardly start by wilting under David Reid’s tactless honesty.
She slowly shook her head. “No. I don’t think Tommy’s dead.”
“So, how come you can’t find him? Hard to believe that any man in his right mind would just up and walk away from a woman like you.”
Cara snapped her gaze back to her interrogator. That last remark sounded suspiciously like some sort of compliment. The first time he’d given any indication whatever that he considered her anything more than a major nuisance and an unwelcome intruder.
“Where are you from, Dr. Merrill? Where was your Tommy when he disappeared?”
“I live in Baltimore. I’m a partner in a family practice there. Tommy was a resident at a New York hospital. He was last seen at his Manhattan apartment.”
Rubbing her forehead against the beginnings of a headache, she gazed out over the lake and wished she didn’t have to drag the whole excruciating mess through her mind again.
Reid gave an exasperated sigh. “Come on, Dr. Merrill. You didn’t come all the way out to my little corner of the Blue Ridge to admire the scenery. Give. What’s the story?”
The lungful of fresh mountain air she hauled in didn’t ease the tightness in her chest.
“You put it correctly a minute ago. Tommy wasn’t in his right mind when he disappeared. As I said, he’s a doctor, too, with a brilliant career ahead of him if he hadn’t—” She leaned forward, clasping her hands together over her knees, trying to give Reid some understanding of a man who, from what she’d seen of the commander, was his psychological and emotional opposite.
“It was easy to love Tommy. He was such a sweet man. Gentle. Not coldly detached like some other physicians I’ve met.” Not like you, she added silently. “I guess that was part of the problem. The pressure started to get to him. He began—”
She broke off and scraped her teeth across her bottom lip. “He began taking drugs to help him cope. Oh, not much at first,” she added hastily. Her hard-come-by promise to herself not to hide any longer behind pain and willful ignorance made her backtrack. “The truth is, I don’t really know when he started, or how deeply he was into drugs before I noticed the change in him. When I did, I begged him to stop.” At the memory of that agonizing confrontation with Tommy, she squeezed her eyes shut. “He assured me he could handle it. I’m afraid Tommy wasn’t the first physician to abuse alcohol or drugs. He went on to cocaine. Then he made a serious mistake and almost lost a patient.”
“I see. Bottom line, the guy’s an addict.”
She sprang to Tommy’s defense. “You don’t understand. The hours a resident has to put in are brutal. They take their toll on a person, both physically and mentally. Tommy’s a sensitive individual...very sensitive. The exhausting work, the stress ... it all had a devastating effect on him.” She heard herself repeating the same rationalization for Tommy’s actions that she’d made so often. Under Reid’s unforgiving gaze those reasons sounded feeble.
“Yeah. Right. Sensitive.” A quick flick of his hand brushed away her attempt at explanations. “Excuses, Dr. Merrill. Lame ones. You must have gone through much the same tough medical training, but you seem to have come through in pretty good shape. Great shape actually.”
His gaze slowly raked up her body from her toes to the knot of straight blond hair swirled on top of her head, and back down again. His masculine scrutiny, though, seemed strangely impersonal, distant—and somehow threatening. As if he were interested in more than just checking out another female body. As if he were bent on ferreting out her private thoughts, her secret feelings.
This wasn’t the first mate once-over aimed her way. Usually she ignored them, or stared them down. This one sent warm blood tingling into her cheeks. She straightened in her chair and crossed her legs. Oh, for heaven’s sake. Her fingers had actually flown to the top button on her white silk shirt to check that it was securely fastened.
Too much to hope that Reid hadn’t noticed her ridiculously juvenile reaction. That hint of a mocking smile playing around his mouth told her he knew very well how much his scrutiny bothered her. He probably got a kick out of it. She was grateful when he dropped his gaze back to the liquor in his glass.
“Here’s what you’re facing, Doctor,” he said flatly. “Evidently your Tommy has dropped into the drug subculture. He could be anywhere. He could be dead. You’ll probably never find him. And if you do, believe me, you won’t want him.”
Lord! Reid gave no quarter. The man’s only saving grace was that he seemed to be every bit as hard on himself. She sighed. The commander’s personality grated, but a wimp would be of no use to her. And there was something to be said for honesty. Even the painful kind.
“Others have told me much the same thing, although they phrased it a little more delicately than you do. However, I intend to go on looking for him anyway.” Absently she brushed her thumb over the diamond Tommy had given her. “I made a vow to myself to do everything I could to find him.”
“There aren’t a lot of women who’d go to this much trouble to find a man who deserted her.” She flinched before she could catch it and hold back her reaction to Reid’s biting words. “That’s what he’s done, you know. Tommy has chosen drugs over you—over his career, over every other meaningful thing in his life.”
“It wasn’t a free choice. It wasn’t a fair fight.” Wanting to show no sign of weakness in front of a man as hard as this one, she swallowed against the tightness t
hat invariably rose in her throat when she spoke of Tommy. Controlling her emotions was always the toughest part of her job. “The drugs captured a man too gentle, too unaware of what was happening to him to be able to overcome his addiction by himself.”
Unfortunately the small break in her voice hadn’t escaped Reid.
“Look,” he said. “I’m sorry, okay? I guess I’ve been away from polite society so long that I’ve forgotten how to converse in those more delicate terms you mentioned. I suppose I shouldn’t have put it that way.”
She lifted her chin and faced him squarely.
“Why not? It’s the truth. It’s also the truth that Tommy didn’t get a whole lot of help in that fight from me.”
Reid plowed a hand through his still-damp hair. “You don’t need me to search for your fiancé, Dr. Merrill. Go hire a private detective.”
“I already did. My man took a lot of time and a lot of money over the past year. He quit the case two months ago.”
“He quit while you were still paying the bills?” She nodded. “Seems a little unusual. Why didn’t he keep on with the job?”
“He said he’d run up against a brick wall and there was no point in going on. I pressed him for details. All I could get out of him was that there was a possibility that Tommy might have headed for South America.”
“South America!” Reid’s glass clunked down on the table. “That sure is a long way to go for a fix. South America’s a very big place. Your man didn’t narrow it down any?”
“No. He didn’t tell me any more than that. There didn’t seem to be any point in hiring another detective if Tommy isn’t even in the country.”
She leaned toward him. “I know I can’t search the whole of South America, Commander. The most I can manage is one small part of it in a very limited amount of time. Mr. Elliott mentioned that you’re familiar with several countries in that part of the world. I don’t know it at all. My search for Tommy would be a lot easier with you as my guide.”
“You don’t mean you actually plan to travel all the way to South America to look for the guy?”
“I told you I intend to find my fiancé.”
“You’d be going on a fool’s mission, Dr. Merrill.”
She managed, just barely, to hold on to her temper. “You misunderstand, Commander. I’m not asking for your approval, only for your help.”
His eyebrows lifted in mild surprise, but her sharp retort didn’t seem to annoy him any.
“I agree that my approval or disapproval isn’t worth a damn thing.”
“This will probably sound silly to you. But I feel that I took a big step toward that vow of ‘for better or for worse’ when I accepted Tommy’s ring. I saw our engagement as a serious pledge. And if I’d stuck to that pledge at the time Tommy really needed me, I wouldn’t be searching for him now.”
A strange look flashed over Reid’s face. Almost as if what she’d said had hurt him in some way, although she saw no reason why it should have. But she must have been wrong. The wince of pain was gone as quickly as it appeared.
A muscle flexed in his jaw. He slanted toward her and reached out to envelop her hands in his. An action that may have confounded him as much as it did her. He gave a quick break of his lips and a swift glance down at their joined hands.
She didn’t mind the unexpected gesture, she discovered. Didn’t mind it at all. The warm, strong clasp of his fingers sent a tingling wave of pleasure up her arms and through her body.
His movement brought his head into disturbing closeness with hers. One wouldn’t have expected that a face carved of such severe angles would boast of black lashes so thick and long. It didn’t seem fair, either, that a mouth set so implacably firm should be drawn so distractingly sexy.
“No, Dr. Merrill. I don’t think you sound silly.”
Where had the steel in his eyes gone? Cara wondered. The soft, smoky gray that now captured her gaze was fogging up her normal clinical detachment. Her heart gave a couple of crazy skips.
What in heaven’s name was going on with her? She considered herself a reasonably intelligent woman, and had the diplomas to prove it. So why should this man’s lingering look leave her feeling completely witless? Maybe she should have taken in more carbohydrates at breakfast.
“Listen to me, Cara.” Reid’s voice was quiet, earnest. “This really isn’t something you should—”
He seemed to realize that he was still holding her hands, and yanked his away. He sat back in the chair. The rigid mask again dropped over his face.
Apparently his momentary lapse into civility was over.
“Listen to me, Dr. Merrill. You can’t go prowling through the South American drug trade.” He enunciated each word slowly and clearly. “It will chew you up and spit you out. No chemically dependent man goes there merely to get drugs for himself. He can do that right here. Chances are good that he became involved somehow in the production or delivery system.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Whether you believe it or not is irrelevant. If your idiot fiancé got himself tangled up in the drug trade, he hasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell of staying alive. Assuming he still is.”
“Nevertheless, I’m going. I told Mr. Elliott that. I’m sure that’s why he sent me to you. I don’t even know where to start. I hoped you may be able to point me in the right direction.” She wanted considerably more than that. “Actually I hoped you might agree to come with me. Naturally I’ll pay for your time and all expenses.”
“Hell, lady, it should be pretty clear to you that you’ve got the wrong man. Look at me! I walk like my grandfather.” He slapped his injured thigh. She knew the self-inflicted blow must have hurt even before she noticed his hand lingering to rub the muscle. “I’m not in any shape to protect anyone. Certainly not among South American drug traffickers.”
“I’m not looking for a protector, Commander. I can take care of myself. I need you for the brains Mr. Elliott says you have, not for your brawn.”
“I’ve got brains enough not to do it,” he snapped back. “And Elliott should have had more sense than to suggest me for the job.”
Cara slumped in her chair, deflated.
“I see.”
It was certainly Reid’s right to turn down her request, but his understandable refusal gave her a surprisingly keen stab of disappointment.
For all the commander’s off-putting ways and questionable personal habits, there was something admirably solid about him. The gray eyes held a penetrating intelligence and a dark intensity that suggested he’d be a good man to have around in a pinch. She wasn’t naive. She knew dam well that tackling the job she’d set herself would be no picnic.
“Well, that’s that then.” Her letdown was her own fault for counting so heavily on the commander before she’d even met him.
She rose to her feet, picked up her handbag and looped its long gold chain over her shoulder.
“Mr. Elliott warned me that you’d probably refuse if I spoke to you over the telephone. It seems I had no better luck talking to you in person. Thanks for your time, Commander Reid. I suppose I can’t blame you for not being anxious to make such a trip for a woman you don’t even know.”
“Put it down to cowardice on my part, if you want to.”
His voice contained the bite of self-directed anger.
“Cowardice?” Cara shook her head. “Not hardly. Mr. Elliott said you were one of the most courageous men he’d ever met.”
“I had courage once. It was burned out of me almost two years ago. I also used to think I was immortal. I learned that I’m not.”
“That’s no news to me. I’m a doctor. I learned a long time ago that no one is immortal. That’s why we have to make each day count. And that’s another reason why I have to find Tommy. To help him climb out of the mess he’s in and make something of the rest of his life. I owe him that. He’s too valuable a man to waste.”
Reid levered himself out of his chair. She moved quickly to hand him h
is makeshift crutch. He slid his eyes away from her and grabbed it.
She fished in her handbag for the small silver case holding her business cards. She took one out and flipped it down on the table. “Just in case you change your mind.” Not that she expected him to.
Reid ignored the card. Once again his face bore the closed-off look of rejection with which he’d first met her. True to form, he didn’t offer his hand in farewell.
“Give up your crazy idea, Doctor. It’s over between you and the very sensitive Tommy. You’d do better to write him off and get on with your own life.”
Her cheeks flamed. She, like most people who’d known him, always called Tommy by the nickname that suited him. But every time Reid used it, it irked her. On his lips the perfectly good masculine name sounded dismissingly childish.
“Since you seem to have no problem dispensing blunt advice, Commander, I’ll give you my professional opinion—free of charge—of what I’ve seen here today. You’ve undergone a serious physical trauma, which, I suspect, has led to a correlating deep emotional trauma. Different people have different ways of blunting that kind of pain. Evidently closing down your emotions, cutting yourself off from the world is yours. You’ve holed up to lick your wounds in the nice, safe cave you’ve built for yourself, complete with a warning sign at the front gate.” Her gesture encompassed the house arid its isolated surroundings.
“But you’d better be careful that you don’t hide away for so long that you bury yourself in your cave for good. Frankly I think you may be well on your way to that already.”
Not waiting to hear Reid’s reaction—maybe not brave enough to face a predictably stinging counterattack—she hurried down from the deck. It took every ounce of professional discipline that she possessed not to look back at David Chandler Reid as she left him.
Chapter 2
David limped back and forth across the deck, pounding his makeshift crutch onto the planks as if it could stomp his irritation into submission. It was none of Cara Merrill’s business how he chose to live his life. If he could no longer control his own body the way he once did, he certainly could control where he lived, who he saw.
Unbroken Vows Page 2
