Double sigh.
“Well, baby,” Alika said, stretching her arms outward. “Home sweet home.”
“Yep, home sweet home,” I replied, softly.
She leaned over to kiss me on the lips, then pulled back and rubbed her hand up and down my arm. “What’s going on inside that beautiful mind of yours, Rush?”
I turned to look at her curiously, and smiled. It might’ve been wrong to be turned on in the same moment that I knew there was something extremely important I needed to tell her. And she of course caught it.
“Uhhh…that look, as sexy as it is, is being used as a buffer. You’re trying to prolong a process. But I can tell that you’re ready to spill whatever is on your mind, so let’s go.”
I shook my head side-to-side in disbelief, blinking in the process. “How the fuck did you know that?”
“Listen. I’m a woman who takes my role seriously. You’re not the only one who pays attention, you sexy beast. Your woman watches everything. I have to stay on patrol,” she laughed. “You wanted to be the best boyfriend ever and wait until my birthday was over and now that it is, you’re ready to talk.”
I lowered my head as the reality of what all needed to be said swam around like darting fish. I hunched my shoulders in surrender. She had me. It was time to purge.
“So, come on,” she instructed, unbuckling my seatbelt. “Let’s get inside and get this over with so we can relax for the night.”
As we ascended the stairs into the house, I hoped with everything in me that relaxation would still be on the table as an option by the time I confessed everything to Alika. Although this situation had happened almost a full decade before her time, I could imagine that it would be mind-boggling for her as well.
~*~*~
The moment Alika and I walked inside, the aroma from the kitchen filled my nostrils. I could already tell that it was my chef’s signature Brazilian steak dish. The welcoming scent of garlic had made its way down the very long Spanish-tiled corridor.
“I see Hazel is at it!” Alika exclaimed, excitedly. “Let me go say hi, and then you pick the spot for our talk.”
“Damn, you’re bossy!” I exclaimed, playfully slapping her ass as she walked away.
“Hey!” she shrieked, rubbing her palm across the touched area.
“You know I do,” she purred, looking back over her shoulder.
While she went into the kitchen to speak to Hazel, I poured us both a Brandy & Coke and walked them out to the indoor patio where I sat them down on top of coasters, and slowly paced the floor in front of the window.
“Lord! The man don’ made us drinks!” she proclaimed, playfully taking a seat on the sofa and grabbing her drink into her hands. “I’m ready,” she instructed. “Lay it on me, baby.”
As bad as I wanted to grab my drink and down it, I couldn’t make myself do it. It wasn’t so much telling Alika as it was saying it aloud. It dawned on me that it was the one thing I hadn’t done—said out loud in any setting, that I have a daughter.
Alike patted the cushion to her right. “Come on, Rush.”
The period for contemplating was over. I stopped pacing; I abandoned my spot, and reached down for my drink before taking the seat next to her. I turned the glass up and in two gulps, emptied the contents. It was when I did that, that I could finally see the anxiety behind Alika’s eyes. There was no easy way to start, so I opted for just diving right in.
“I need you to take in every word, babe, because there’s a lot that I have to tell you.”
She nodded her head in affirmation, probably like, Fuck the speech. Just spit it out, already! She had taken to lightly tapping the side of her glass with her nail tip.
“Before we left for your birthday trip, I went to see Jacob.”
“Right. I remember. Jacob who Bart was mixed up with, right?”
“Yeah. I know I didn’t talk too much about that subject, but we all grew up together: Me, him, Bart, and Gavin. But I was really tight with Jacob’s family. Earlier in both of our athletic careers, I took responsibility for something that really belonged to him. Long story short, we got pulled over with drugs in the car, and I told the police that the shit was mine.”
“Okay…” she stated, anxiously.
“Well, there were a few reasons I did it. For one, he was a like a brother to me and I loved Miss Glenda, his mom, like she was my mother. And then also, he was days away from NFL draft. I felt it would fuck up his chances, so I took the rap knowing that my father had the power and resources to run circles around any damage they might try to do to my budding career. Jacob didn’t have that kind of backup. It’s ultimately what caused the beginning of the huge rift between my father and me. He used that one incident to pretty much form an opinion of who I was as a person.”
“Wow, baby. I’m sorry,” she empathized.
“Nah, it’s okay. I let that shit go a long time ago.”
“Oh okay,” she said, reaching over to caress the length of my arm. “I guess that’s why there was no rush to put us in the same vicinity,” she chuckled.
“Yeah, something like that. So, anyway, when I went to see Jacob, he told me something. It kind of put a lot into perspective because I’d wondered for years what had happened to the dude that I grew up with. The way we were, whenever you saw one, you saw the other; and if you didn’t, he wasn’t too far away. But when we grew all the way away from that brotherhood, it didn’t take long for me to realize that he had just gotten caught up in his new life. I chalked it up to him getting lost in the fame, and I just let him be. Then I’d hear all this stuff about him still getting into shit even though he had reached a status where he could leave the hood behind him—”
“I already know, baby. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of that. I’ve seen it. You can take the boy of the hood, but you can’t take the hood out of the boy…”
“Exactly.”
“You don’t have to tell me that that’s who Jacob is, or was. I got a good read on him the day I saw him with Bart. You were blessed to have him exit and not stain your life the way he did his own. I mean, look at where he is now.”
“Right,” I nodded, solemnly. “According to him there was a method to all his madness. After all this time, that man hates me. Honestly, I’d be lying if I said I gave even half a fuck because I don’t. The way I see it is if the people in your life can’t tell you what their issue is, the moment there is an issue, fuck ‘em. That’s really how I feel.”
Alika nodded her head and her lips moved as though she wanted to say something, but then she stopped herself. But just as quickly as she stopped, she blurted out: “If it’s ‘fuck ‘em’, why did you go see him, Rush? I just have to ask.”
“It’s a legitimate question,” I answered, taking a small pause. “I went because something was tugging at me. I didn’t go to ask him why he did what he did or any of that shit because at the end of the day, he failed at what he came for. But, knowing him as I once did, I felt that something was off. Yeah, people disappear all the time when they come into a whole other lifestyle. People you thought were your closest friends, you grow apart from. So, I resolved that a long time ago. But when a person just shows up in your life after so many years and comes in with malicious intent, it gives you pause. And that’s what happened with him. I mean, he’s pimping, selling drugs, and a whole bunch of other shit—but inside my establishments. Kinda felt like his ass got bored and decided that he was gonna dedicate his life to fucking with me. But why?”
“Yeah, well we see where that got his punk ass,” she laughed, then bent down to reach for the last of her drink. “Just give it to me, babe. You said there was a method to this fool’s madness. What is it?”
The words rested on the tip of my tongue. They rested there because I knew what I was opening up—an onslaught of questions that I knew would be forthcoming. Ones that I didn’t even have the answers to. My mind wandered to what my daughter might look like. Did she have green eyes like her mother, or dark eyes like m
ine? Did she reach up a generation and have blonde hair? And was it curly, or was it straight? Was she smart? Would she like me? Did she think she’d been abandoned? Had she ever been told anything about me?
“Rush…! Baby, come on!” she pleaded.
I looked into her eyes trying to see into the future to see how she would take the news, but of course there was nothing there.
“Ru—”
“I have a daughter, Alika. She’s nine years old, and her mother’s name is Janae.” I paused a few short seconds. “Janae is Jacob’s sister…”
SIX
Alika
He just said he has a daughter.
I sat my glass back onto the coaster in slow motion. It felt like the day I had my first fight in fourth grade when the girl ran up behind me and punched me in the back with all her might and I didn’t even know she was coming for me. When that happened, my reflexes urged me to turn around, and I beat the dog shit out of her without mercy. But with this moment, all I could do was to be stunned. There was nobody to punch, and there was nobody to lash out at. There was just someone who needed me, and who in that moment…I didn’t know how to give myself to. Instinctively, I wanted to cry, but that would’ve been a very selfish act…an extremely selfish act. So I had to use every ounce of my internal strength to keep those tears at bay. It wasn’t the time. But fuck if I wasn’t dying inside. I couldn’t find the words to speak. I was hoping for Rush’s phone to ring, or for someone to knock on the door and break up the moment so that I could go somewhere and exhale as deeply as I wanted to, but none of that happened.
“Alika…?”
“Yes,” I said slowly. “I heard you.” Then I turned to smile at him, with great effort, and all I could do was nod my head. I had to let him know that I hadn’t tuned out.
“I have Oscar trying to find her for me so that I can get all of the details. I don’t really have any.”
Wow.
“So is that why your sister was calling so frantically before we left for Disneyland? Does she know?”
“Yeah, she knows. She called the house because she can’t call my cell. I’ve added her number to auto-reject.”
“Why?”
“Because she and her old man both knew about my daughter and said nothing. In fact, my father’s answer to it was to pay for her to go away.”
“And the baby’s mother took him up on his offer,” I found myself saying, before I could keep the words from coming out. “I’m sorry, Rush.”
“No, baby, it’s okay. You have every right to feel that way. I might too if I weren’t so concerned with how I’m gonna make this work.”
“Yeah…” I said softly.
My heart was shattering in a million pieces at the thought of what all of this could mean. What if he saw the child and instantly fell in love with the mother? I mean, realistically, she’s given him the most beautiful gift God could possibly create. And whether or not the baby was made out of love, which was something I was deathly afraid of asking, there now existed an instant bond between mother and father that might very well eliminate me from the equation altogether.
Stop with the selfish ass thoughts, Alika!
I tried my best to shake the way I was feeling so that I could be there for Rush, but I was finding it so hard to do. My mind had reached a point of exhaustion in a short amount of time, and all I really wanted to do was fall asleep and wake up brand new. And maybe even in a world new enough where I didn’t have to wait for the reaction from the man I loved when he found his daughter and her mother. In a world where I didn’t have to watch them become a family without me.
All of a sudden, I became angry—with myself. I was a girl who was dismissed when she could no longer be cared for by family, and who subsequently grew up in foster care because of it. I grew up without the love of a mother or a father, and yet there I was worried about how all this was going to affect me without worrying about the little girl in all of the drama. Her little life was about to change overnight to epic proportions. And it was in that very moment, having that epiphany, that my heart went out to her. She was a part of a family who wanted her gone so badly that they paid for her existence to remain top secret. Yeah, this was going to encompass a whole lot of tricky shit that nobody saw coming. Just that alone made me realize that now was the time I needed to be there for my man and not nursing my own non-existent wounds.
I moved closer to Rush and placed my hands inside his. I held my head low momentarily before speaking so that I could choose my words carefully.
“That’s a lot to take in baby,” I acknowledged, looking into his eyes. “I can only imagine what it feels like for you, and I’m so sorry. I’m here for you. For whatever part you want me here for, I’m there. We’ll deal with this together.”
“Really?”
“Really. You’re where I want to be. And so anything that comes with that is what I’m signing on for. I love you, Rush. With all my heart, I love you.”
“And I love you with everything in me, Alika. Thank you,” he told me, pulling me to him in a tight embrace.
“So…” I started, still holding onto my baby. “You said that you needed to see if Oscar had any news for you. When are you gonna do that? I think the sooner the better. You should probably go check emails and check your office for messages. We need to get you some resolve soon. Okay?”
He nodded his head at me. I could see in his eyes that he was happy. But I could also tell that he was anxious and deeply concerned about how any of this would pan out for him.
“You go do that, and I’m gonna go eat that delicious meal that Hazel cooked. If you’re done by the time I hop in the shower, then I can lather you up in the steam,” I flirted. “But if not, then I’ll bathe solo and hang out until you’re ready. That sound good?”
“Sounds good,” he responded.
“Okay. Kiss me,” I instructed, pulling his lips to mine.
“Love those kisses,” he complimented, after our lips parted from our short kiss.
“Me too,” I said, slightly blushing. “I’ll see you in a little bit,” I said, getting up from his lap, grabbing both of our glasses and heading back inside toward the kitchen for dinner.
~*~*~
November 7, 2014
By the time the weekend rolled around, I was beat. Rush had tried to tell me that it was jet lag and all the excitement of our trip and then finding out about his daughter. He reasoned that it was enough to knock anybody down for a few days and insisted that I stay in bed. The true workaholic that he is, though, he headed into the clubs to check on things. Instead of lounging around our bedroom flipping through channels on the big screen and finding nothing, I decided to head into the media room. Once there, I plopped down onto the oversized sofa, and elected The Wolf of Wall Street. I pulled the fleece cover across my lower half and dialed the number of someone I hadn’t talked to in forever.
“It took you long enough to finally call, heffa! I’ve been wondering what was going on in your world,” Tracie shrieked into the phone.
“I know, girl. Life has been one big ass whirlwind. And it’s been good.”
“You sound like it,” she said, chuckling.
“I’m trying to get all the tea, girl. Spare no details. I’ve been itching for this shit.”
“I know you have. And I don’t want to rehash the super old shit, so I’ll condense that part. Curtis was all bad. Like, way wrong. That experience had me running for my life—literally.”
“Oh my God, Lika,” she gasped. “Did he hurt you?”
“It’s kinda hard to really answer that because I was so far into survival mode when everything was taking place, I don’t know if hurt is the right word for how I felt. All I knew was that I needed…no I wanted, to live, and so I set out to do whatever I had to do to ensure that happened. If I never felt that I had purpose before, when I was there in that situation, my desire for a good life hit me dead on.”
“Damn. Okay, so you managed to get away from that situati
on. Please tell me that he hasn’t had the nerve to try contacting you.”
“He can’t contact me. Number is different. Life is different. And now, poof! So much about that asshole.”
“Yes! I’m just glad my friend is okay. I was so worried, and then I was pissed at myself for how I reacted to the situation. It was probably the reason that you didn’t contact me, huh? You thought I was in my feelings.”
“I did feel that way. You told me not to do it, and I did it anyway, like some stupid ass naïve ass female. So, there were no hard feelings toward you. You know I love you like a sister. I felt that you were right and that if you never wanted to talk to me again, you were well within your rights not to.”
“There’s never gonna be a time where I won’t want to talk to you. Not ever. You’re my girl.”
“Cool. That’s good to know and I feel the same way.”
“Alright then. So, with all that mushy stuff out the way, and you knowing that you’re stuck with me, give me the juicy stuff I’ve been dying to hear.”
I began to prematurely blush and I hadn’t even spoken his name yet. If I didn’t know it before, I knew right then…in that moment, that I was all the way gone off of this man.
“Alika! Are you listening? Details, girl!”
“Oh okay,” I responded, trying to stop smiling. “His name is…”
Rapture 2: a BWWM, Alpha Male Romance Page 4
