by Tonya Brooks
She just stared at him in amazement and couldn't believe this was real. “Why? How?” she stammered and couldn't formulate a complete sentence.
“You'd have to ask Mark that.”
“Mark?” she repeated in confusion.
“He convinced the senator and even brought him to the office to sign the papers,” Luke explained.
“What did he do?” Desi asked in astonishment that Mark had managed to get Kyle to back off and leave them alone for good.
“My brother can be extremely devious when provoked, so I didn't ask any questions,” he assured her and was certain that Mark had done something underhanded to convince the other man to sign over his rights. The Senators appearance had been a clue because he seriously doubted a man like Kyle Chadwick wore makeup as a habit. “There are some things an officer of the court doesn't need to know.”
“My God,” she breathed in awe. Desi knew that Mark could be devious but she'd had no idea how much so. She knew exactly how determined Kyle was to get his hands on her daughter and there was no telling what lengths Mark had gone to in order to get him to agree to this. Then she remembered the hookers that she had seen entering his apartment earlier in the day and was certain that Mark had used them to somehow blackmail Kyle into giving her custody.
The relief that she felt that he hadn't had sex with them was overwhelming, but the knowledge that he'd done something that dangerous for her was staggering. For him to put himself in the position of blackmailing a US Senator was a hell of a risk. A man would have to be completely insane to do something like that. Or madly in love, a tiny voice of hope whispered from deep inside.
Desi turned dazed eyes on Luke and said, “I can't believe this is real.”
“Believe it,” Luke grinned. “The papers have already been filed and it’s an iron clad contract. There's no way in hell Chadwick can renege on the deal.”
She stood up and hugged him, grateful more than she could say for his help. “Thank you, Luke. I don't know what I would have done without you.”
“Don't thank me,” he denied. “Mark is the one who deserves your gratitude.”
“Yes, he is,” she admitted with a hopeful smile.
Desi seriously regretted lashing out at Mark the other day because she was the one at fault for getting herself into this situation. He'd never done anything except try to help her and she had treated him terribly. She had allowed Kyle to back her into a corner and Mark had rushed to her rescue, just like he always did. He had shown nothing but concern for her and Kylie and she had thrown it back in his face at the first sign of trouble.
Deeply ashamed by her behavior and determined to rectify it, she planned to go to the bar tonight and apologize. She'd get down on her hands and knees and grovel if she had to, but she couldn't bear to lose Mark. Especially not now that she knew without a doubt how deeply he cared for her. Oh, he'd never said he loved her, but why else would he go to these lengths? A man didn't take a risk like he obviously had, unless he had a damn good reason.
As soon as they had cleaned up the kitchen after dinner, Desi went to the bar to find her man. When she saw him, her heart skipped a beat. When she saw the woman his arm was around, it stopped beating. She sucked in air sharply and felt an arm slide around her waist. Raising pain filled eyes; she turned and saw John looking back at her with a compassionate expression.
“He doesn't want her,” the youngest of the brothers said seriously. John had seen his brother with enough women to know that Mark was just going through the motions. He didn't have any real interest in the blonde and Desi was the reason why. He knew that his brother was in love with Desi because Mark had never treated another woman like he had her. Hell, he'd never even been with one woman for this long before and now he was running scared. “He's just fighting the inevitable.”
“Which is?” she asked tremulously.
“Settling down with you,” he assured her and saw tears fill her eyes. “Don't give up on him, Desi. Mark's whipped. He just doesn't know it yet.”
“I'm afraid I pushed him away,” she confessed and bit her lip to try and hold back the tears.
He placed his finger gently over her lips to stop her from tormenting them. “Why'd you come here tonight?”
“To apologize,” Desi admitted. “And thank him for stopping Kyle from taking Kylie away from me.”
“Then do it,” She looked at him as if he were daft. “Trust me, Desi. Say what you need to say and leave the ball in his court.”
“Alright,” she agreed doubtfully and it took every ounce of courage that she had to walk across the room to where Mark sat at the bar with the blonde, especially with everyone in the place avidly watching.
~~~~
Mark had seen Desi come in and the guilt rose up in him again. This time it was because of Hannah. Or Heather. Whatever her damn name was. He'd been flirting with her for the last half hour and hadn't felt the least bit of desire for her. Oh, she was hot. A blind man could tell that, but she wasn't the one he wanted, dammit. She was interested and available and he was bored out of his mind listening to her prattle on about whatever the hell she'd been saying.
He saw John put his arm around Desi and scowled at the way the two of them were standing so close together even as he wondered what the hell they were discussing so intently. His eyes narrowed dangerously when his brother touched her lips. The sight of his Desiree with another man made his blood boil even though he told himself that she had a perfect right to be with whoever she chose, just as he did. They were finished. Over. Through. She could do whatever the hell she wanted and so could he, dammit. Somehow, that didn't make it any easier to bear.
“Hello, Mark,” she said softly, nervously when she stopped next to him.
“Desi,” he greeted in a low growl and released the blonde so he could turn and face her.
His tone made her even more nervous because it was anything but welcoming. “I wanted to thank you for convincing Kyle to give up his rights to Kylie,” she explained and cast a furtive glance at the blonde whose expression said she didn't appreciate the interruption either. “I don't know what you did, but it was nothing short of a miracle.”
“I told you I'd fix it,” he reminded her in a more even tone, his eyes drinking in the sight of her. God, she was so beautiful. Mark wanted to haul her into his arms and kiss her senseless.
“I know. I should have trusted you,” she admitted sadly. “I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I reacted the other day. It wasn't your fault and I shouldn't have taken it out on you.”
“It's over now, so none of that matters,” Mark assured her, determined to stick to his decision and leave her the hell alone, no matter how much it hurt. “I'm just glad everything worked out for you and Kylie.”
He couldn't have made it any plainer, she realized. Mark hadn't just been talking about the situation with Kyle. He'd been referring to their relationship as well. It was over. The pain was piercing in its intensity and she breathed in a bit unsteadily, forcing a tremulous smile to her lips and gave the first excuse that came to her. “I'd better go. Harley and I are finishing up the kitchen layout.”
“Don't forget we're meeting with the historical society Monday night,” he reminded her just to say something, anything to keep her with him for a little longer.
“I'll be there,” she agreed and took a step back, needing to get away from him before she broke down and begged him not to leave her. “I have to get back to Kylie.”
“Tell her I said hi,” he said without inflection.
“I will,” Desi agreed as the smile began to waiver. Without another word, she turned and walked away, her vision blurred by tears that she couldn't hold back any longer. John was waiting for her by the door. “It's over,” she managed to choke out.
“Come on. I'll take you home,” he said in compassion as he put his arm around her waist and led her out to his truck. His brother was a fool if he let Desi get away. John hoped Mark had enough sense to realize that before it
was too late.
~~~~
Mark had to stop himself from going after her, and when she left with John he cursed crudely. Giving up all pretense of being interested in the blonde, he went into his office and slammed the door. Mark opened the safe, removed the pictures of them and sat down at the desk with a bottle of brandy. Letting her go was the hardest thing he'd ever done, but dammit, why did it have to hurt so bad?
~~~~
Desi sniffled softly as he drove her back to the house and John really wanted to beat some sense into Mark for letting her go. He’d been sure his brother would drag Desi off to his office and make love to her, but the stubborn ass just refused to accept what everyone else already knew. There had to be some way to make Mark realize what a fool he was. “It's too damn bad you don't sing,” he said in resignation.
“Why?” she asked without any real interest.
“Mark loves music almost as much as I do,” he explained. “The lyrics speak to him and his moods change depending on what he's listening to. A love song puts him in a romantic mood and so on.”
“What does that have to do with me singing?” Desi asked in confusion.
“Trust me when I tell you that women respond strongly to having a man sing to them and vice versa,” he said with a confident bad boy grin. “If you sang him a love song, Mark would melt at your feet.”
“You're not serious,” she said in disbelief.
“Completely,” John assured her. “My big brother is a sucker for a love song and it could provide the nudge he needs to finally make him open his eyes and see what the rest of us already know.”
“What's that?” Desi asked curiously.
“That he's in love with you and too damn blind to realize it.”
Desi stared at him as she pondered what John had said. She knew that Mark loved music and had seen his moods change with the songs that the band had played on several occasions. He usually got really romantic when a love song was playing and she had heard him tell his brother not to play anything depressing once. Maybe John knew what he was talking about after all. “You know, I do sing,” Desi ventured hesitantly.
“Yeah?” he asked with genuine interest. “Ever sang in public before?”
“I've won several karaoke competitions,” Desi admitted. She had boxes full of trophies to prove it.
His grin was decidedly wicked when John announced, “Desi, I think we might be able to work something out.”
~~~~
Mark bit back a curse when Harley entered his office without knocking. Ah, hell, here we go. He'd known all along that there would be hell to pay if he hurt her friend, and it looked like the day of reckoning had finally arrived. He sighed in resignation and poured himself another shot. “I don't suppose you're here to show me the floor plans,” he said doubtfully.
“Have you lost your damn mind?” Harley demanded bluntly as she sat down across the desk from him. She had promised Matthew that she wouldn't get involved, but dammit, Desi had been beside herself with grief when John brought her home. Somebody had to do something before the two of them wound up as miserable as she and Matthew had been for fifteen long years spent apart.
“That’s a distinct possibility,” he agreed and tossed back the whiskey. There was no other explanation for his behavior lately. He damn sure hadn't been sane since he'd met Desi. “Want a shot?”
“Pregnant women don’t drink, you ass,” she growled in a tone that assured him she was going to raise hell. “Mark, tell me what’s going on.”
“It's over,” he said simply and reached for the bottle again.
Harley snatched it away and sat it out of reach on the floor beside her. “Why, dammit? What went wrong?” she demanded in genuine confusion. “You and Desi were so happy together. Why the hell would you just give that up? You got rid of Kyle... remind me to ask you later just how you managed to accomplish that feat... so there’s nothing to keep you two apart now. ”
If he was gonna have to talk about her, and it was obvious that he was, Mark damn sure needed another drink. “I can't stand the thought of Desi being hurt again,” he confessed rawly and stood up to walk around the desk and retrieve the bottle. God, even saying her name was painful.
Harley stood up to face him and asked, “What the hell do you think this is doing to her?”
He sat back down and poured himself another shot before answering. “Hell, Harley, it’s the only decent thing to do. The woman is already in love with me and she'd just be hurt worse when this thing between us runs its course.”
“This thing?” she repeated in disbelief that he still hadn't realized he was in love.
He couldn't call it an affair. The term was too shallow and insignificant to describe what he and Desi had shared and Mark didn't have a better word for it. “Attraction,” he finally expounded.
“Attraction,” she reiterated and shook her head. God, if the situation hadn't been so damn serious, she would have laughed. “Well, who the hell said it had to end?” she wanted to know.
“All good things...” he quipped and swallowed the smooth brandy.
Harley really wanted to smack some sense into her oldest friend, but she knew it wouldn't do any good. Mark could be as stubborn as she could when he set his mind to something. “So you're just gonna let Desi go and drink yourself to death trying to get over her,” she surmised without an ounce of sympathy and gestured to the photographs of them spread across the desk.
He slammed the empty shot glass back down on top of the desk and snapped, “Dammit, Harley, I can't be what she needs.”
“How do you know if you don't give it a chance?” she persisted. “The Mark Baker I know can do any damn thing he wants to.”
“Because I don't know how!” he all but shouted and raked a hand through his hair in agitation. “I don't know how to love her, dammit,” he said in a calmer tone that was no less frustrated despite the effort.
“Mark,” Harley sighed and walked around the desk to wrap her arms around his shoulders from behind in a comforting gesture. “Love isn't something you learn how to do. It’s what you feel.”
He turned his head and met her worried gaze with an even look. “There was a time when I thought I loved you,” Mark admitted and saw her eyes widen in surprise. “Apparently I didn't know what love was. What I felt for you didn't even come close to what you and Matt share.”
“Of course you loved me,” Harley said as she turned the chair so he was facing her. “I was your best friend, but Mark, you were never in love with me.”
“What's the difference?” he asked in confusion.
Oh, hell. How could she describe something as wonderful and confusing as love? Harley sat down on the edge of the desk, determined to make him understand and tried to describe what she felt for her husband. “Love is when you want to be with one person all the time. Nothing and no one else is as important. Even your own wants and needs take second place. Everything takes on an entirely different perspective,” she said softly, a tender smile on her face. “You can't stop thinking about them when you're apart and when you're together... God, it’s incredible.”
What she was describing sounded a lot like the strange malady that had afflicted him since he’d met Desi and was not what he wanted to hear. “Spare me the details of your sex life.” he said dryly.
Harley shook her head. “I wasn't talking about sex, but since you brought it up...” Sex was something that Mark understood all too well, so she might be able to reach him from that level. “You don't have sex, you make love.”
Now she had his complete attention. “There's a difference?” he asked in amusement.
“Sex is just the act of satisfying a bodily craving, like hunger or thirst,” she pointed out. “Making love is entirely different. Sure, the physical act is still the same, but it’s what you feel that makes the difference.”
“What you feel?” he repeated seriously, a frown covering his brow.
Harley had never made love to anyone except her husband,
but Matthew had known more than his share of lovers. He had explained the difference to her once and she knew Mark would understand the significance. “You feel connected to that person on a deeper level than you've ever known before. The sense of intimacy goes beyond the physical act. You actually crave their touch and even though it leaves you completely sated and replete, you can't wait to experience it again.”
“Like an addiction,” he said hoarsely because that’s exactly what he'd felt with Desi every damn time and the realization scared the hell out of him.
“Exactly,” she agreed in satisfaction that he seemed to be comprehending.
Mark did not like where this was going, so he forced a smile to his lips and joked, “Sounds more like a disease to me.” Harley stared at him in disbelief before she punched him in the shoulder. “Ouch, dammit,” he complained and glared at her because she'd hit his injured shoulder on purpose.
“You are completely hopeless,” she vented and shot to her feet. “Go ahead and be miserable. If you're too damn stupid to open your eyes and realize what the rest of us already know, then you deserve it.” That said she turned on her heel and stormed out of the office in a fine fury.
Mark threw the shot glass across the room and sat there brooding for a long time after she left. Hell, he'd been confused enough to begin with and Harley damn sure hadn't helped matters. She had done her level best to convince him that he was in love with Desi and she'd damn near succeeded. But it wouldn't matter even if he were, because he still couldn't be the man that she needed him to be, and he knew it.
Hell yeah, he could be a selfish bastard and try, but in the end he'd just wind up hurting Desi and Kylie and that was a risk he wasn't willing to take. Not after everything he'd done to protect them. Taking further advantage of Desi would make him no better than Chadwick and the very idea sickened him. Mark knew he had done the right thing, now he just had to live with the decision. And without her, dammit. He sat there staring at the photos and drinking until closing time. He didn't get hammered, but he came damn close.
