“Ready to go?” he asks the girls.
“Hey, sexy,” Payton greets him. “Buddy, you must have some pretty potent swimmers to get Ella knocked up while she’s on the pill,” she adds, grinning from ear to ear.
I see Ryder smile, but the smile doesn’t match the look in his eyes. His eyes look scared not happy. I’m not sure what to do.
“Payton and I are just going to go wait in the lobby for you Ryder. Give you and Ella a minute alone,” Karen quietly says. They both say they’ll be here tomorrow when I’m released and that they both love me, then walk out the door leaving Ryder and I alone staring at each other.
“Ryder, please tell me what you’re thinking,” I beg. “I need to know you’re okay with this.”
“Baby, I’m okay. Took me by surprise, but I’ll get used to the idea,” he says, sounding distant.
“Okay, handsome. I’m kind of tired now; it’s been a really long day. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Sure, baby. See you tomorrow,” he returns, walking over to my bed, placing a soft kiss on my lips.
When Ryder leaves, I try to rest, but it’s not easy when the nurses keep waking me up every hour to check my vitals.
****
The next afternoon, Dr. Ashford gives me the all clear and releases me from the hospital. He tells me to take it easy and get a lot of bed rest over the next couple of days. Payton lays my overnight bag on the bed next to me. She’s packed some comfy sweats and sneakers for me to change into for our ride home, which is a good thing because I’m pretty sure the hospital gown I’ve been wearing will be kind of drafty. As I walk out of the bathroom, I notice Ryder and Karen are in the room with Payton.
“Hi sweetie, how are you feeling today?” Karen asks, pulling me into an embrace.
“I still have a killer headache, but the nausea has passed,” I say, lightly rubbing my temples.
“We’re going to get you home and let you rest, honey.”
“You sure everything’s okay?” Ryder asks, looking worried.
“I’m fine, gorgeous. The doctor wouldn’t have released me if he didn’t think it was okay,” I say, trying to reassure him.
He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight and my body instantly relaxes into his. I feel his warm breath against my neck and he murmurs into my ear something that sounds like, “God, I’m gonna miss you.” No, I must have misunderstood him.
Pulling back, I look into his eyes. “What did you just say?” I ask, feeling panic deep inside.
“God, I wanna kiss you,” he says. And he does exactly that. I can’t help but respond to his kiss and melt into his arms. After all, this is Ryder Wilde I’m talking about.
“Okay, you two break it up. Let’s get home before you start knocking boots. This is a hospital not a hotel,” Payton says, interrupting the moment between Ryder and me.
Ryder releases his hold on me and says he’ll meet us down at the front entrance with his truck. He leaves the three of us in the room. Before heading to the hospital lobby, I stop at the nurse’s station and sign a couple of discharge papers.
When the three of us make it to the front entrance, Ryder is exactly where he said he was going to be. He hops out and gives me a hand getting into the front passenger seat and helps buckle me in. I love the feel of his body as he leans across me to push the buckle in.
Once everyone’s situated, Ryder pulls out of the parking lot and heads home. He drops us off at the house, but he tells us he has to leave and go to the bar for a couple of hours. He gives me a quick kiss on the lips and I get out of the car. Watching him pull away, I can’t help but feel something isn’t quite right with him.
Payton and her mom are staying at a hotel, but agree to come spend as much time as possible tending to me. God, I love these girls. The instant we get inside the house, Karen and Payton are urging me to go to the bedroom and have a nap. Since the nurses kept checking on me every hour during the night, I didn’t get much sleep.
Before I lie down, I feel the need to use the washroom, shower and brush my teeth. Nothing beats feeling clean and fresh. Walking back into the bedroom and towards the bed, I pull back the comforter and crawl in. Lying on my side, I can smell Ryder on the pillow and it instantly soothes me. I practically fall asleep within seconds.
I feel the bed dip and a hard, warm body press up against me. After a minute, I roll over and snuggle into Ryder’s chest. I can feel his warm breath on the top of my head and his hands gently massaging my back. I immediately drift back to sleep.
****
Over the next two days, Karen and Payton literally spoil me to death. I’m feeling really good now. Any lasting effects from my concussion are gone. I want things to go back to normal, but I know normal means Payton and Karen will be leaving to go back to Boston soon.
Ryder has been loving and supportive over the last couple of days, but he’s also becoming very distant. It scares me because I don’t know what he’s thinking. Even with all the times I’ve asked him, he tells me he’s fine. I know the difference. Something is up with him and it scares me, BIG TIME.
Little do I know that I’m about to find out what is bothering him.
Chapter 26
Gotta Leave
Payton and Karen decided to go to San Diego for a little shopping trip. I wasn’t feeling up to it, so I decided to stay home and rest some more. I am lying on the sofa reading, when I hear Ryder’s Harley pull into the driveway.
After about five minutes, he still hadn’t walked through the door. I stand up and walk to the window, looking out for him. He’s still straddling his Harley with his arms folded up over the handle bars. He has his chin rested on his arms and he’s looking out over the lake at the back of his house. He looks so intense it frightens me.
I feel tears prick at the back of my eyes. I turn and walk back to the couch, giving Ryder some privacy. Whatever’s bothering him, he’s not willing to talk about it with me yet. Ten minutes later, I hear the front door open. Ryder walks in and looks at me tenderly.
Speaking softly, he says, “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself,” I reply.
Sitting next to me on the sofa, I notice his body is very tense. Not at all like the carefree, fun-loving Ryder that I’ve known all this time. Uh-oh, something’s up. He lets out a long breath.
“Baby, I don’t know how to say this to you.”
“Just tell me whatever’s on your mind Ryder. I’m a big girl. I can handle it. If something’s bothering you, tell me about it,” I urge.
“I fuckin’ love you.”
“I love you too,” I say, smiling. I think to myself that maybe he’s going to propose to me. We’re in love and I’m having his baby. Why not? That wouldn’t be a totally absurd idea.
“I wasn’t finished. Please, let me tell you this without any interruptions. It’s going to be hard enough as it is,” he sighs. Not good. My stomach starts to roll.
“I love you so fuckin’ much it hurts. I need you more than I need my next breath. You may not think it, but I love our baby just as much and that’s why I gotta do this.” He pauses, stands up and paces the living room floor.
“I’m no good for you and this baby. I can’t be the great husband and father you need me to be…”
I don’t care; I have to interrupt him, “That’s bullshit, Ryder. You would make me the happiest woman alive, if we were to get married. And you would be an amazing father. You would be a loving, protective and a dedicated family man. Even though we’ve only know each other for a short time, I know you’re a good man.”
“How can you fuckin’ say that? I’m a goddamn member of a motorcycle club and I’m a drug dealer. Okay, I might not do it personally, but I allow it to be done under my leadership. If you only knew the other shit that I’ve done over the years, you would run for the hills. I’m doin’ this because I love you. You need to forget about me. Move back with Payton and Karen. Find yourself a better man, a good and decent man, who will take care of you and our baby.”
> My bottom lip starts to tremble and the tears are falling down my face. “Ryder, please. You can’t mean what you’re saying.”
“Yes, I do, Ella.”
“Ryder, I love you so much. You told me we were forever. Where’s our forever now?” I go over to him and wrap my arms around his waist.
“I’m doing this for you and our baby. You both deserve so much more than what I can offer,” he whispers, pulling away from me and laying his hand on my belly that’s not even showing a baby bump yet. I watch as a single tear falls down his cheek.
Bending down, he lifts up the hem of my shirt and gently places small kisses around my belly. He pulls it back down and then his hands are at the sides of my face and he is kissing me passionately. Like it’s the last kiss we’ll ever share and he’s committing it to memory.
Breaking the kiss, I whisper against his lips “You told me you would never leave me.”
“I gotta leave.”
“No, you don’t. You’re choosing to leave. There’s a difference,” I try to keep it together, but I’m seriously close to losing it.
“What would your parents think about you doing something like this?” I ask him, instantly regretting the words as they slip past my lips.
“Don’t fuckin’ bring them into this. They’re dead. Dead people’s opinions don’t matter,” he hisses at me.
And just like that, he lets me go and stomps out the door, jumping on his Harley. I hear the engine rev, while my brain tries to process whether or not this is actually happening. This can’t be happening. I just stand there in shock.
What’s wrong with you Ella? Run after him. When I run out the front door, it’s too late. He just rode out of my life. I sit on the step crying for the love that I’ve lost, that we’ve lost. That’s how Payton and Karen find me two hours later. They have to physically carry me into the house and put me to bed.
Chapter 27
Devon
Five days later…….
I pull into the parking lot at the hospital for my first prenatal appointment. Payton didn’t want me coming alone, but if Ryder couldn’t be here to experience this with me, I didn’t want anyone there. I’m still reeling from the fact that Ryder left us, still not believing it. He told me that he doesn’t think he’ll be a good father. I don’t think he’ll be a good father, I know he’ll be an excellent father.
He told me that he loves me and this baby and wants nothing but the best for us. What he doesn’t realize is that he’s what best for us.
After finding out that I was pregnant, I could see the panic in his eyes right from the start, but he kept reassuring me that everything was alright. Everything was as far from alright as it could be.
I have no idea where Ryder is, but I hope he can come to terms with this. It saddens me to know that he thinks so little of himself. For all of the bad things Ryder’s done in his life, the good ones have outnumbered them. If only he could see that in himself, like I see it in him.
He wants me to move back to Boston with Payton and Karen, but I won’t do it. I’m not giving up on us yet. It’s not over until G.I. Jane says it’s over. I stand by my car, absently rubbing my non-existent baby belly, trying to fight back the tears that threaten to fall. I miss Ryder so much.
I am walking towards the hospital when I feel it; a sharp, stinging sensation on the side of my neck, like a needle injection. Not even getting a chance to turn around to see what’s going on, everything goes black.
My eyes open, but I feel really strange. I feel groggy and I’m fighting to stay awake. I can’t seem to move my arms or legs. Lifting my head up, I try to scan my surroundings. I can’t see anything. What the hell is going on? Where the hell am I? “Ryder!” I cry out in panic before I drift away into the darkness again.
I regain consciousness, still feeling a little bit groggy. I try to look around again, but it is still pitch black. It feels as if someone has me blindfolded. I try to move my arms and legs again, but can’t. It definitely feels like I’m lying on a bed with my hands above my head. Something chafes the skin around my wrists and ankles, when I try to move my limbs.
Not being able to see and from sensation alone, I would say that there are some sort of restraints keeping me prisoner. It feels like I’m only wearing a pair of panties. The rest of my skin feels bare.
There’s a sound in the corner of the room and every muscle in my body tenses.
“Who’s there?” I ask, trying to be brave and not cry.
The sound of footsteps approach and my blindfold is removed. It takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the sudden intrusion of light, when I see Axel leaning over me.
“Thank you God. Axel, get me out of here now.”
“Not gonna happen, Ella,” he says coldly.
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
“You’ve fucked up everything for the club, so we’re gonna fuck you up!” he lashes out, almost snarling at me.
“I don’t understand,” I whimper. I’m so scared and have no idea what’s going on or where I am. “What have I fucked up for the club?”
“Mayhem has recently had some lucrative business opportunities become available to us. The kind of opportunities which could make us a lot of money. So much money, we wouldn’t have to keep workin’ our shitty day jobs. But because of his bitch, Ryder doesn’t want anything to do with it! he spits out at me, at the same time hitting me across my cheekbone with the back of his hand.
“Once again, how did I fuck that up for you? I never told Ryder how to deal with club matters. That’s all on him,” I finally break down and cry, as he back hands me again.
“I know you already know about the drugs, but what I’m not sure of is whether or not he told you about how we wanna get into the business of pushin’ women. Ryder is against it.”
“P-pushing women?” I stammer, trying to make him believe that I don’t understand what he’s talking about.
“Yeah, whoring them out. Some come here on their own, others against their will. Kinda like you.”
“Oh my God,” I choke out.
“So we voted, without Ryder. The vote was unanimous. Get rid of you!”
“NO! I’m pregnant! You can’t do this! Ryder trusted you!” I scream out, thrashing against my restraints.
He laughs. “We’re not gonna kill you, bitch. I left a few openings for that preppy douche bag ex of yours to get you, but the idiot kept fuckin’ up. And Macie’s sad attempt at scarin’ you off failed too, so we came up with alternate plans. I betcha you’re wonderin’ where you are. You’re at one of the whore houses we’ve set up, behind Ryder’s back. You’ll be kept drugged and restrained, entertaining men for the rest of you damn life. Although, don’t know how much greenback we’ll get on a scarred bitch like you. As for your baby, the future is uncertain. Maybe, you’ll have it and maybe you won’t,” he sneers.
“You can’t mean that! Ryder loves you all like brothers. How could you hurt him like this, he loves me and this baby!” He just doesn’t want us. I try to push the thought out of my head.
“Fuck you and fuck your baby!” He punches me in the face and I pass out from the searing pain.
When I come to, I feel light-headed and nauseous. Axel must’ve drugged me again because I’m finding it very hard to keep my eyes open. I hear voices in the hallway, just outside the door of the room I’m being held in.
Axel walks in with another man. Even though I am not fully alert, my body tenses when I see a familiar face looking down at me. The man with dark brown hair and bearded face is glaring at me with angry eyes, making him look even more dangerous than the last time I saw him. It’s Hunter, the biker that attacked me that very first night at Ryder’s bar.
I try to fight back the bile coming up in my throat.
“You’re her very first john. Unfortunately, for you, she’s no longer a virgin. Ryder beat ya to it, man,” he says, slapping him on the back.
“Fuck, you serious? I was hopin’ to tear her apart tonight.�
��
“Oh, I’m sure you can still do some damage,” he laughs, while leaving the room and shutting the door.
The scary biker immediately locks the door and says, “Don’t wanna be disturbed now, do we?”
Thoughts of my near rape with Matt flash through my head and I start thrashing on the bed and feel the restraints cut into my skin. Stalking over to the bed, he grabs my wrists and I can feel his hot breath on my face.
“Please, don’t hurt me,” I slur out. This can’t be happening again.
“Close your eyes and sleep,” he whispers.
My eyes are closing and there’s nothing I can do about it’s because of the drugs coursing through my system. My eyes finally close against my will and I slip in to the darkness, once again.
****
When I regain consciousness, the throbbing in my head is so intense I feel like I’m going to be sick. I realize that the restraints have been removed from my wrists and ankles. I can see rings of dried blood around them and they throb. I feel a chill down my body as I am still only wearing my panties, but covered in a sheet.
“You’re awake,” says a voice from the corner of the room.
I scream in response.
Hunter quickly runs to the side of the bed and I try to scramble away from him, but end up falling off the edge onto the floor. Straddling me and covering my mouth with his hand, he hisses, “Calm the fuck down and be quiet. If I take my hand from your mouth, do you promise not to scream?” I nod, watching his eyes narrow. Then he removes his hand from my mouth allowing me to speak.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I say, as I turn my head and vomit. He grabs me by the arms, hauling me up off of the dirty floor.
“Please, don’t hurt me. I’m pregnant,” I plead.
“I’m not going hurt you or your baby. I’m trying to help you,” he says, his eyes now softening. Say what?
He sits me on the bed and backs away from me, pulling off his hoodie. Sensing the panic in my eyes when he starts to undress, he quickly says, “I’m just taking it off to give you something to wear. You must be cold, Ella.” That’s when I finally remember that I’m only wearing a pair of panties. He hands me his hoodie and I gladly put it on. Because of his size, it falls to just above the knee.
Wilde Ride Page 18
