I’m never going to let you go, I thought.
That lightness I had dreamed of. Which had existed as a mirage in my mind the whole time. It wasn’t quite there yet. I was still stuck in the same purgatory. And I still had the sense that I was living on borrowed time.
One silent minute followed the other. My heart was thudding so hard it felt like it was growing with each beat. I couldn’t help thinking that there was a limit to what a human being could tolerate. And that I had come dangerously close to my own limit.
Then Belle woke up. With a start and a hoarse cry. She struggled to get out of my arms.
I hurried to turn her round so she could see my face.
‘It’s only me, Belle,’ I said. ‘Only me. Martin.’
Softly, as I didn’t want to disturb her.
She looked at me with eyes wide as saucers, simultaneously horrified and relieved.
‘Where’s Lucy?’ she whispered.
Her voice was hoarse. Did she need to go to a hospital? Could she have been harmed by the fire?
I stroked her hair.
‘She’s just gone out for a little while,’ I said quietly. ‘But she’ll soon be here.’
Belle relaxed and rested her head against my chest. With something akin to fascination I realised that I was crying. My new self was evidently a softer character.
I lay down on the bed and waited. For Lucy to arrive, for my daughter to become herself. Belle nudged closer to me again.
‘Daddy,’ she whispered. ‘Daddy.’
TRANSCRIPT OF INTERVIEW WITH MARTIN BENNER (MB).
INTERVIEWER: FREDRIK OHLANDER (FO), freelance journalist.
LOCATION:
Room 714, Grand Hôtel, Stockholm.
FO: Sorry, but I’m almost in tears as well. So this was the room you stayed in? Is that why we had to meet here at the Grand?
MB: Yes. I didn’t move back home until I was sure Boris’s guys had checked the flat for bugs. There weren’t any.
FO: Bloody hell. Sorry to swear, but what a hideous fucking nightmare. And, sorry again, what a ridiculously unlikely story.
MB: You don’t believe me?
FO: I do. But the question is, will anyone else?
(Silence)
FO: And Lucy?
MB: She came to the hotel. She’s okay.
FO: But I mean, what the fuck? You’re really not going to the police with this?
MB: The police?
FO: So you get some protection!
MB: Protection? Against what? Against someone who found and snatched Belle even though she had Boris’s men looking out for her? That’s a ridiculous idea. The police can’t help me. Only I can do that. And the rules are simple enough. As long as I stick to them, I can feel safe.
FO: What does Lucy say about all this?
MB: She’s staying with me and Belle. She says she’s already far too involved to back out. Besides, Lucifer knows who she is. She won’t be properly safe until I am.
FO: So what are the two of you doing now?
MB: Well, I don’t know about the two of us. I’m attempting to find the person who’s still trying to frame me for murder. And, one way or another, I’m supposed to be trying to find Mio. Unless the two things are actually one and the same. That seems to be what some people think.
FO: What about the police, then? Do they still believe you murdered Bobby and Jenny?
MB: I’m sure they do. But the arson attack in the archipelago which killed Belle’s grandparents has messed things up for them. Because I obviously wasn’t responsible for that. At least that’s what they seem to believe at the moment.
FO: But they do know that Belle is back?
MB: Yes, but not where she’s been. And that bothers them. Above all because I’m not being particularly cooperative. I’ve said I have no idea who took her. The same way I have no idea who’s trying to frame me for two murders.
FO: I understand. But perhaps you’ll have to tell them in the end? So it doesn’t look like you were guilty of kidnapping Belle as well?
MB: Maybe. Right now the police seem to be divided. Their suspicions against me are weaker after the fire. But that’s not enough. It’s only a matter of time before whoever wants me out of the way makes their next move. The reason I called you was to make sure there’s a secure record of my version of events. I hope you don’t feel you’ve been deceived? I think I gave you a fairly accurate description of the task.
FO: Absolutely. And, like I said on the phone the first time you called, I’ve worked on sensitive stories before. Nothing quite like this, mind you.
MB: I can imagine.
(Silence)
FO: Lucifer. Who is he? Sheriff Stiller?
MB: For a short while I was absolutely certain. Now I don’t know. And I don’t know how much I dare investigate that question either. And, to be crass about it, it doesn’t really make any difference if he does remain anonymous.
FO: I’m thinking about what you found out in that phone call. That it was never the intention for Sara to be charged with murder in the USA. That Lucifer got worried when that cop, Benson, recognised her in a photograph and started a preliminary investigation against her. If Stiller is Lucifer, that shouldn’t have been a problem. As sheriff, surely he could have just sat on the investigation?
MB: Not without seeming weird or appearing to have poor judgement. And, on the other hand, he had easy access to the information and could make his countermoves quickly. If Stiller is Lucifer, of course . . . we just don’t know for certain.
(Silence)
MB: I’m trying to view everything that’s happened as a stage play. Sara Texas was the first act. Now the second act is about to start, and I’ve got the lead role in that. I’ve got two murders to solve. One missing child to find. And a family to take care of. God knows how I’m going to manage all that. But it has to work. One way or another.
KRISTINA OHLSSON is a political scientist and has held the position of Counter-Terrorism Officer at OSCE. She has worked at the Swedish Security Service, the Ministry for Foreign Affairs and the Swedish National Defence, where she was a junior expert on the Middle East conflict and the foreign policy of the European Union. Her debut novel, Unwanted was published in Sweden in 2009 to terrific critical acclaim and all her novels have since been bestsellers. Kristina lives in Stockholm.
Also by Kristina Ohlsson
Unwanted
Silenced
The Disappeared
Hostage
The Chosen
First published in Sweden by Piratförlaget under the title Lotus Blues, 2014
First published in Great Britain by Simon & Schuster UK Ltd, 2017
A CBS COMPANY
Copyright © Kristina Ohlsson, 2014
Published by arrangement with the Salomonsson Agency
English translation copyright © Neil Smith, 2016
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