by Ivy Jordan
“You want to meet Alan?” I hear the surprise in her voice.
“Well, yeah. He’s your son, and he’s a huge part of your life. We’re dating; don’t you think I should get to know him, too?”
“I don’t know, Cade.”
Her hesitation is written all over her face, and I want to try and smooth it over and make her feel comfortable with the idea. I’m picturing all these things I want to do with this woman, but we can’t move forward if she doesn’t want to introduce me to her son. There can’t be an us if it doesn’t include Alan because I know – and I’m sure she knows, too – that we will run its course and burn out faster than I know I want it to if she doesn’t feel like she can include me with the two of them.
“It’s up to you. I love kids, and I want to meet him, but only if you're comfortable with that.” She doesn’t say anything, so I continue. “I like you, Serena, and I’m pretty sure you like me, too, but how can we continue if you don’t feel like you can introduce me to your son? He’s your everything, I know, and I’d like to meet the little man that holds the key to your heart.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow I’m taking Alan to the mall to see Santa. Why don’t you meet us there?”
“Yeah?”
“Yes, I’d like for you to meet Alan.”
I grab her hands and bring them to my lips, kissing her knuckles softly. “I’m really looking forward to tomorrow now.”
***
With just a week until Christmas, the mall is packed. This might not have been the best plan, but I am going to do everything in my power to keep this low key and above all else, normal. I worry that I will fail at going incognito, but I try my best, pulling a hat down low and putting on sunglasses. I took great care to make sure that I’m not wearing any Condors gear to remove another layer of who I am.
Serena and I agreed to meet in the food court, and I spot her quickly. I wave as I approach, and she stands up with a smile.
“Hi,” she greets me.
“Hey.” I’m not sure if it’s okay to hug her, so I don’t. Instead, I turn towards the little boy peeking out at me from behind Serena. “Hello,” I say to him.
“Alan, this is my friend, Cade. Can you say hello?” Serena said quietly to him.
“Hi,” the little boy says shyly.
“Cade is going to go with us to see Santa. How does that sound?”
“Santa!” he cheers excitedly.
Serena and I laugh at his enthusiasm. She has a small stroller that is folded and has a strap that she places over her shoulder. She takes one of his hands in hers and I fall into step beside her as we head for the middle of the mall where Santa awaits.
Once we have make it to the line, I see immediately that we will have a bit of a wait. I try to get Alan to warm up to me so I start out asking him how old he is and if he likes doing science with his mommy. He starts to tell me about making fake snot with Serena, and I smile as I listen to him. I ask him if he likes the preschool he goes to, and he tells me that he likes to play with the trucks there.
“Do you play sports?”
“Mommy doesn’t play sports. But I like football. We play football at school.”
“Can I tell you secret?” I ask, squatting down so I am eye level with Alan. He nods solemnly. “I used to play football. Maybe we can play together sometime.”
His eyes grow wide and he looks up at Serena. “Can we, Mommy? Can I play football with Mr. Cade?”
“We’ll see, baby. Look, it’s almost our turn.”
I’m not sure if I overstepped, and I catch Serena’s eye, mouthing the word sorry. She shakes her head and squeezes my hand, but I’m still not sure if it’s okay or not. Santa’s helper motions Alan forward, and he heads straight for the Santa and crawls into his lap. As soon as Santa asks him what he wants for Christmas, Alan begins listing off a plethora of toys I’ve never heard of. I think he’s run out things to name when he stops, but then he speaks again.
“Oh, and a giant stuffed panda like Molly has. That’s all I really want, Santa. I love pandas.”
The mall Santa Claus chuckles and whispers something to Alan whose eyes light up. I find my heart melting. This kid is cuter than words can describe, and I realize that not only have I fallen for his mom, but I’ve fallen for her son, as well.
After a photo with Santa is taken, Serena loads Alan into his stroller, telling me he will probably fall asleep quickly, and we walk through the mall. Alan oohs and ahhs over all the decorations, and then he’s asleep, just as Serena predicted.
“I really want to buy him the huge stuffed panda that he asked Santa for. Would that be okay?” I ask her.
“That’s fine, as long as you know I'm gonna tell him it’s from Santa.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything different.” We head out into the parking lot, and I walk with her towards her car. “I had fun today. Maybe next time we could go to a family friendly restaurant, all three of us.”
“I’m sorry?” she says, looking up at me sharply.
“Is that not okay? I liked spending time with the both of you, and I just want to get know you and Alan both. I thought maybe next time we have a date it could be the three of us.”
“I don’t know, Cade. This was a big step today, and I don’t to rush anything or confuse Alan. He’s never had a father.”
“Where is his dad?”
She looks away. “That’s personal.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I overstepped. I just want you to know that I’m serious, about both of you, that’s all.”
“I know, Cade.”
“I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Let me think about it.”
“I can live with that.” We reach her car, and I kiss her cheek. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
“I’ll call you tonight.”
I turn to leave, but stop and look back at her. “Serena?”
“Yes?”
“Whoever Alan’s dad is, he’s an idiot for leaving a woman like you behind, for not being a part of that kid’s life. You’re raising a good one, Serena, and I’m proud to know you.”
Chapter Eighteen
Serena
The days before Christmas pass in a blur as I buy the last few presents I need and everything I need for Christmas dinner bought from the grocery store.
I haven’t seen Cade since he joined Alan and I at the mall, but we’ve talked and texted every day. Everything has been great between us since we reconnected. Our relationship has been easy and has had no pressure to take it to another level. Cade has been sweet, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know him so much better. I can admit that I was wrong in my assumptions when he showed up in my lecture, and while I am still cautious, I know that I am falling fast.
Alan puts out cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas Eve, and after he falls asleep, I stay up wrapping the last of his presents and putting them under the tree. I fill his stocking and my own, and one for Ashley, too, who is joining us in the morning. In another room, I’ve hidden one last present, the one from Cade, with a tag reading “From Santa.”
I feel like I have barely fallen asleep when Alan is in my room, tugging my hand.
“Wake up, Mommy, wake up. Santa came!” His eyes are wide and bright, and I find myself smiling at his wondrous joy. I get up and let him lead me to the living room where he simply gawks at the pile of presents, oohing and aahing over all the brightly-wrapped gifts. Somehow, I manage to corral him to the kitchen for some breakfast while we wait for Ashley to arrive.
When she rings the doorbell before letting herself inside twenty minutes later, Alan runs from the room to tackle his aunt around the knees in a hug. “Aunt Ashley, Santa was here!”
She gasps in surprise. “Really? Do you think he left me anything?”
“You don’t live here, Aunt Ashley!” Alan laughs.
“I wrote him though and told him I’d be here with you. Should we go open them?”
&n
bsp; “Yes, yes, yes! Open presents!”
“Go have a seat on the floor, and we’ll open presents,” I tell him. ““But let’s see what’s in our stockings first.”
Alan runs to the living room and sits near the tree, and Ashley stretches out across the couch. I grab and hand out the three stockings. Alan immediately dumps it out on the floor and rummages through all the little goodies I’ve stuffed in there. I’ve put girly things like lotion in Ashley’s, as well a stash of her favorite paint brushes, and she thanks me. I sit down in a chair beside the tree and start to pass out the presents to Alan.
It’s so much fun now that he can open his own presents and get excited over them. The clothes I’ve given him are quickly discarded over his shoulder after opening them which makes Ashley and I laugh. She gathers them up and puts them into a pile. There are books, which I’m so happy he loves, and toys. So many toys. After everything is unwrapped, I stand up. “Alan, Santa brought you one more present, but I need you to close your eyes while I go get it, okay?”
He nods expectantly before I leave the room, coming back with the huge stuffed panda. Ashley looks up at me with a questioning look as I set it down. I shake my head and give her a look that promises to explain when there are not little ears present. The panda is bigger than I am, and I know it is going to engulf Alan, but I also know he is going to love it. I toss Ashley my phone to record the moment and tell Alan to open his eyes.
There is a loud, piercing scream and then Alan is throwing himself at the panda bear. “He got him! Santa got me my panda!”
I feel tears prick my eyes at my son’s excitement. I can’t believe how happy a giant stuffed toy makes him, and I can’t wait to share the video with Cade. The thought sobers me, especially since I haven’t told Cade the truth about Alan. I don’t know how to even go about telling him. It just isn’t as simple as “hey, meet your kid.”
“Mommy, Santa remembered.”
“Yes, he did, baby.”
“Mommy?”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Do you remember when we saw Santa?”
“Yes.”
“I liked your friend that came. I like that he gonna play football with me. When can we play football with Mr. Cade?”
I see Ashley’s eyebrow shoot up. I haven’t told my sister that I let Cade meet Alan yet. “I don’t know, Alan, but I’ll talk to him and see if he can play sometime.”
“Okay, Mommy,” he says happily before dragging the panda bear to the other side of the room to play with.
“Cade met Alan?” Ashley asks quietly as we gather the presents we got for each other. We sit down on the couch facing each other so we can open them.
I nod. “Last week. He asked if he could meet him, and he met us at the mall when I took Alan to see Santa. He heard Alan ask for the panda bear and asked if he could buy it for him. I told him he could, but that I was going to tell Alan it was from Santa.”
“He was okay with that? I mean, he is his father.”
I look over at Alan, who has curled up on the stuffed animal and has fallen asleep. “I haven’t told him,” I sigh.
“What?!”
“Shhh!” I quiet her, but Alan doesn’t stir. “I don’t know how to tell him. It’s been me and Alan for so long...and now this thing with Cade. It’s complicated, Ashley. I just can’t drop it on him.”
“You’ve been talking and going out for almost a month now, Serena. You’re hiding it in plain sight now that he’s met Alan. Wouldn’t you rather tell him the truth than have him figure it out on his own?”
“How do I tell him, though? I do feel terrible for not telling him. I mean, you should have seen him with Alan, Ash. He was so good, talking to him and keeping him entertained while we were waiting. I couldn’t believe how good he was, to be honest.”
“Now imagine that if he knew Alan was his.”
“I know, I know. And, Alan hasn’t stopped talking about Cade, either. It’s just... How do we go from just the two of us to us plus Cade? It’s so weird. I never thought I’d ever see him again, that he’d be any part of my life after that one night. I know I should tell him, that it isn’t fair to him and it especially isn’t fair to Alan. He deserves a dad, but I can’t just assume that Cade wants to be a dad.”
“Be honest. After Cade met Alan, how was he? Was he different, has he been distant with you?”
“No. Actually, he wants our next date to be the three of us at a family restaurant.”
“Serena, what are you worried about? He likes you and Alan. Just go for it and tell him the truth. You’ll feel better. I can tell it’s eating at you.”
“I need a plan.”
“Then let’s make one. We’ve got all day. But first let’s open these presents.”
***
I get a text from Cade midafternoon wishing me a Merry Christmas. I’m so caught up cooking with Ashley and Alan, though, that I don’t answer until several hours later after Ashley heads home with leftovers and I get Alan to bed. I send Cade the video of Alan with the present he got for him along with my message.
“Merry Christmas. Sorry it took so long; we were cooking. I just got Alan down for the night.”
His reply comes back almost immediately. “It’s okay. I’m sure it was a hectic day for you. I just got home myself.”
“You were with Tyler, right?” I text back.
“Yeah. And his wife and their kids. We should double date with them sometime. I think you’d really like Tamara.”
“That sounds nice. I’d like to meet your friends,” I reply
“Ty is pretty much my only friend. I was kind of a hotshot in my playing days,” he sends.
“You’re still kind of a hotshot,” I tease, adding an emoticon with its tongue sticking out.
“I see how it is,” he teases back, then changes the tone of our conversation. “The video is great, by the way. I’m glad Alan liked his gift.”
“He loves it, Cade. Thank you for thinking of him. You didn’t have to do that,” I reply.
“Well, I wanted to.”
“He fell asleep on it earlier. It was so cute.”
“And, you didn’t send me a picture?” he asks.
“I have one. I’ll send it in a minute.”
“What did you think of your present?”
I blush as I trace a finger over the delicate bangle on my wrist. The man affects me even when he’s not by my side. A little after noon, my doorbell had rung, and I was surprised to find a delivery man on the other side with the wrapped gift and card. The card had been sweet, and I had gasped at the iconic blue Tiffany’s box when I unwrapped the gift. The white gold bracelet with round diamonds dotting their way around was a simple but elegant piece. It wasn’t showy, a gesture that let me know without words that Cade gets me.
“It’s beautiful, thank you, but you didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know, but I wanted to.”
“I feel bad because I didn’t get you a gift.”
“Don’t. When I was out buying Alan’s panda, I saw it the in the store window and it just reminded me of you. It was an impulse buy. I am glad you like it, though.”
“I love it, Cade. I’m wearing it now. I might not ever take it off. I’ve never owned something so beautiful.”
“Hearing you say that is present enough. You deserve to be spoiled, and I enjoy spoiling you. I suggest you just let me. It’ll be easier for you and for me,” he messages and ends with a winky face.
“I’m not used to that,” I inform him.
“You’ll have to get used to it. You deserve it, and I intend to, in case you hadn’t figured that out.”
“You’re too much, Cade Thomas.”
“It’s possible I’ve been told that once or twice,” he texts, adding a smile. “I hate to cut this short, but I have to be up early to film the show in the morning, so I better get some sleep. I missed you today, by the way.”
“I missed you, too,” I reply.
“We’re s
till on for next week, right?” he asks.
“Yep. Ashley is going to watch Alan.”
“Cool. I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can grab lunch or something.”
“I’d like that. Goodnight, Cade.”
“Sweet dreams, Serena.”
I smile as I put the phone on the table by my bed and can’t help but think about him as I get ready to turn in.
Chapter Nineteen
Cade
In the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, I only see Serena once. I find myself missing her when I’m not with her, and the little pang in my heart makes me think that I’ve been missing out on something in my life for a very long time. I want to take her out on New Year’s Eve for a night she’ll never forget, but finding something that feels right proves harder than I expected.
I end up deciding to take Serena to a New Year's Eve party that the Condors are having for a night of dancing and revelry. Even though I’m not on the team anymore, I’m still invited to the Condors’ big party they throw each year as an alumnus of the team. Even though I’ve been retired for a few years now, I am still one of the faces of the organization, and I enjoy doing community outreach with the team still.
I know it will be someplace that I can take Serena without fear of paparazzi or other club goers snapping our picture and sending it to XYZ, the most popular gossip site around that has plastered countless pictures of me and Josephine or whatever flavor of the week passed through my life. I know we have been lucky that no one has snapped any pictures of Serena and me since we started seeing each other, and I’d like to keep it that way for as long as I can.
The last several weeks with Serena have been so beyond words. I feel like we have really connected on a level I’ve never connected with another woman before, and it is simply amazing. I realize now that the ease of our relationship is something I crave, especially after the back and forth rollercoaster Josephine and I were on for all those years. This feels like an actual adult relationship, and I couldn’t be happier. It’s also incredible to me that we still haven’t had sex and that I’m one hundred percent okay with that. When Tyler told me I should wait and we should take our time, I thought he was a little nuts. Truth is, though, it was the best advice I’ve ever received.
