by Ivy Jordan
That was my Achilles heel, and I didn’t know how to get past it. I would need to if I was ever going to win, however, and get a sense of accomplishment, not to mention make my father think he hadn’t wasted his time on me.
I was no hack – hell, no. I had led all the tournaments to greatness every single time. It was just the majors that killed me. It had been three years of embarrassments; three years that I could have seriously lived without.
This year had to go right. I wanted it so badly that I could feel it in my bones. The ache of wanting literally lived beneath my skin, and I needed this year to be different. I couldn’t stand any more embarrassments. I was not the “boy who choked.” Gabriel was right about one thing: I needed to get my head on straight and figure out why I was choking, what was stopping me from getting to the top.
I was rubbing my temples when I got back to where Gabriel stood.
“Was that your father?”
“How could you tell?” I said sarcastically.
Gabriel nodded; he knew what it was like to go to the top. The expectations involved, the stress. But he also knew how great it felt to win, to prove everyone wrong to stand there knowing that you were the best. I had no idea how that felt, despite all my accomplishments during tournaments.
Despite his barking, I was happy to have Gabriel at my side. He had been there with me from the beginning and genuinely wanted me to succeed. I wouldn’t be where I was in my career without him, and for that, I would always be grateful.
“I know your father can seem… Well, like a dick at times. But he loves you, Caleb; he just doesn’t have great ways of showing it.”
“Well, winning the majors would sure get him off my back.”
“Then that’s what we are going to do.”
I smiled. “Hey, Gabriel, why don’t you come out with me tonight? There’s a new club opening on the beach tonight, and it’s going to be one hell of a party. You would have a good time. Hey, you might even meet someone.”
He laughed. “Oh, I do pretty well for myself.”
“I bet you do. So, what do you say? Come; everyone is going to be there.”
“I’m not sure. Maybe. I’ll think about it. While we are talking about it, I should warn you to not get up to any shenanigans tonight. The closer we get to the majors, the more people will have their eye on you. If you are getting into anything nefarious, you could get yourself in some hot water – and not just with your dad.”
“C’mon, Gabriel, don’t lecture me after I invite you out.”
He chuckled. “I’m not. I just want you to protect your image, at least for the next three months. People are watching you, Caleb, whether you care or not.”
“I think you worry yourself too much.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Let’s work on that swing for another thirty minutes, and I’ll think about your beach party.”
I smiled and got back into position. I could give Gabriel another thirty minutes of swinging if it meant I could have some freedom for the rest of the day. To hell with the people watching me. Who did they think they were, anyway?
I was in control of my own destiny; I was sure of it. I would get past my issues and win the majors. I had to. But I wasn’t about to let anything get in the way of feeling free and having my fun. It was the only thing that made me feel better these days, especially when people were talking about how I was going to play this year. They were all just sitting there waiting, wondering if I was going to choke again.
Well, they could talk all they want because this year was going to be different. It had to be; it just had to be.
I was going to go out that evening and not worry about anyone. Gabriel was way too overprotective. He could probably do with going out and having a good time. Fuck it all. They could watch me. In fact, I would let them watch me.
Chapter Two
Hailey
My impatience was mounting as I sat in an auditorium waiting for a callback. Thankfully, I at least had some company, even though my company just so happened to be my acting agent. She wasn’t so bad, though; a little bossy at times, but generally good to be around. Jillian always had my back. I could always count on her to look out for my best interests, and in the acting industry, that was a good thing to have.
I looked over at Jillian talking rapidly into her phone and smiled. She was a thin woman with brown hair and pretty green eyes. She was attractive, but she always wore these horn-rimmed glasses that were too big for her face; no matter how many times I told her to take them off, she insisted they suited her just fine. I guess I had to admit that they did suit her eccentric personality. How could you not have an eccentric personality working as an acting agent? How else would you survive all the madness around you?
I looked down at my nails and willed myself not to bite at them. The waiting was making me feel anxious. We were waiting to hear back from a small-time producer in LA working on a new reality show. It could be my big break, so I was willing to wait anywhere if that’s what it took. Normally, we wouldn’t be waiting around in an auditorium, we would just wait nervously by a phone somewhere, but whatever. If that’s what the producer wanted, I would do it.
Jillian got off the phone and turned to me. “Stop looking at your fingers. You realize when you bite them you look like you haven’t eaten in days? It’s like watching a pack animal find its first meal.”
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Jillian had a way with words, and she sure didn’t mind speaking them. “Yeah, thanks, I got it.”
“Never mind the fact that pretty nails are something an actress should have.”
I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, I said I got it, Jillian. I wasn’t even biting them; I was just thinking about biting them. Can you really blame me? I’m dying here. What’s taking him so long?”
She looked around. “You know how it is. Just be patient. This is a great opportunity for you. Reality shows have made some pretty big stars. Just look at the Kardashians.”
I groaned. “I think a sex tape did that.”
I sat there thinking about what it would like to be on a reality show. They were certainly popular these days, and they seemed to get crazier by the year. It wasn’t exactly acting; I would essentially be playing myself, but I didn’t care. The exposure would be huge.
I had gone through so much just to get to this point, which wasn’t very far in the acting industry. This had to be my big break, or it would all be for nothing. I didn’t want to think that I had come so far just to fail. I was starting to get a panicky feeling about my life, especially my career. I was starting to think that maybe my dreams weren’t worth all the nonsense. What if I never made it? I didn’t even want to think about it.
But I had to be realistic at some point. I didn’t want to be a B-rated actor. I wanted to go all the way up like Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston to work alongside leading men like Ryan Reynolds and Brad Pitt. I was still young, but in Hollywood, you couldn’t wait forever to be an actor. Being as young as possible was important.
The thing that made me panic the most was the fact that I had made a huge decision that year to drop out of the theater program in college to make the big jump in my acting career. When I thought about my parents, I cringed every time. They had absolutely freaked about my decision and were sure that I was ruining my life. I was determined to prove them wrong. The process of doing that, however, was going very slowly.
I would die if I had to go back to them with my tail between my legs, admitting that they were right. The thought of that scene made me instantly want to throw up. No, this had to work; it just had to.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jillian trying to straighten out her glasses. I slowly turned to her and smiled. She was always messing with the glasses; they were much too big for her face, but she was never going to get rid of them.
“Don’t you say a damn thing,” she stated.
“I can’t help it. They are so big.”
“No, they’re perfect.”
�
��If you say so. I can’t believe I’m here.”
“This is a good thing, Hailey. This could be exactly what you are looking for, and we will max out the exposure, I promise you that.”
“I know, and thanks for waiting with me here.”
“Oh, of course. It’s not like I have a long list of clients waiting n my office for me.” She rolled her eyes.
I laughed. “But I’m your favorite, right?”
“Of course,” she said.
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. She was so businesslike all the time that I wasn’t sure if she was cracking a joke or just being straight with me. I didn’t care. I was glad she took time out of her day to be there because I would have been far more rattled without her by my side.
“God, we should have got coffee before we got here!”
“Oh yes, that’s what you need, Hailey: more caffeine. You’re practically jumping out of your chair already.”
“But it relaxes me.”
“Just chill out. You are going to start making me nervous. This is a process – there are no overnight successes anymore. Look at George Clooney; it took him half his life before he became as big as he is now. We thought he would be stuck on Roseanne forever.”
“Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear, Jillian: that this could take me forever.”
“I didn’t say that it would take you forever, Hailey. I said that these things take time. You could find your big break tomorrow; you just never know with these things. But I believe in you; I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. You will be the one who makes it. I’m sure of it.”
Just then a door opened, and a woman came out. She had been the one that had taken the original roll call, and now she was coming back to announce who had been chosen for the reality show.
My heart was in my throat as I watched her approach the group of us waiting. I was dying to know what she had to say, but it was also terrifying to find out. I was desperate for the role, and it scared me to think that I might not get it.
The woman had a list in her hand and she started calling out names of the people that were going to be on the show. I held my breath as I listened. As she was calling out names, there were girls and guys screaming out, excited to hear they were chosen. The excitement was contagious as I waited anxiously for my own name to be called. It would be so wonderful to be part of the show, just watching the people around me jumping up and down. I wanted to be with them, to be excited about the future, as well.
The woman finished the list without calling my name. I sat there in stunned silence as she asked the people on the list to follow her and then thanked the rest of us for our time. I continued to stare straight ahead, scared to look at Jillian. It would make it real, and I didn’t want it to be real.
What was I thinking, dropping out of school? It wasn’t going to work out for me. Tears began to well up in my eyes, and I fought hard to not let them spill down my cheeks. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry.
“Hailey?” Jillian put her hand on my knee, and I jumped. I stared at her in a daze and couldn’t fight the tears any longer. They poured down my cheeks, making me feel even more foolish.
“C’mon, let’s go.”
I stood up with Jillian and started to make my way out of the auditorium. As I was walking by other people, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who looked crushed. I wasn’t the only one feeling disillusioned about the ordeal. Everyone there was banking their lives on that reality show. Failure. The whole day had been one big failure, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. I had no other prospects. I just had to go back home and wait for another gig to spring up.
We got outside into the sunlight, and even that couldn’t cheer me up. Jillian almost ran into me when I stopped suddenly in front of her. “What are you doing?”
“That’s exactly my thought.”
She looked confused as she adjusted her glasses. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about my life, more specifically, my career. This is stupid. I need to just quit. Find a regular job, go back to school. I don’t know, but I can’t keep doing this.”
“I can’t believe you are saying this. This is your dream. You can’t give up now.”
“When do I give up? When I’m middle-aged and doing Vaseline commercials?”
Jillian rolled her eyes, “You are 22, Hailey, you are pretty young to be this jaded. Shouldn’t you be optimistic with stars in your eyes?”
“Maybe, but you don’t have two parents who think that you screwed up your life. I get almost daily calls from them, trying to talk me into going back home and getting back to school.”
“Do you know how many actors out there have the same issue as you? Do you really believe all those Oscars speeches where they thank momma for always believing in them? C’mon, half those parents probably laid awake at night worrying themselves sick about their children.”
I stared at her feeling like shit. I just wanted my life to start. I didn’t expect to be in the next blockbuster – I knew I had to pay my dues – but nothing was coming my way.
“I don’t know what to do, Jillian. I’m scared.”
She sighed. “I know what you’re going to do. You’re going to pick yourself up and wipe those silly tears away. Things are going to be okay. I know it’s not easy and that you are putting yourself out there. Getting rejected is not fun, but you are beautiful, Hailey, and talented. We will find the right role for you.”
“You really think I shouldn’t quit?”
“No, quitting isn’t going to work, Hailey. I know you’re feeling bad right now, but that’s an easy fix. Just go out and get laid.”
I burst out laughing. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
Jillian pulled me in for a hug, and it felt nice to be held. I was feeling instantly better, especially knowing that my agent believed in me. It was her job, but she had a reputation for taking on people who were a success. She thought it was pointless to have clients she couldn’t sell; it was no way to make money. With her behind me, how could I fail? Things were going to be okay; I just had to believe in myself as much as Jillian believed in me.
Chapter Three
Caleb
The new club was hopping; the music was intense, and the whole room seemed to be throbbing with energy. As I looked around the room at all the warm bodies, I felt alive. This was certainly the place to be if you wanted to be surrounded by plenty of women gyrating all over the floor.
The club was packed, and the crowd was filtering in and out of the club onto the beach. I couldn’t figure out what party was better – the one inside the club or the one out on the sand. It was already an amazing night. I looked over at Matthew, my best friend, and winked. I couldn’t wait to get on the dance floor with some chick and get dancing.
“Pretty cool party, right?” he yelled over the crowd.
“Yeah, this is awesome.”
I was happy to have Matthew with me that night; he was the guy who could cheer me up from anything. Our friendship went as far back as high school, and I knew that I could depend on him for anything – he always had my back no matter what.
He, too, used to be on the golf circuit, but his career took a tumble when he tore his rotator cuff a few years back. He had been playing together all through high school and college, and the fact that he couldn’t play golf any longer had devastated him considerably. He hadn’t let it get him down, though; he wasn’t the kind of guy that would fall into a depression. He was always laughing, the life of the party, and his outlook on life was always positive. That was why I loved being around him all the time. It was hard to feel bad about yourself when you were with a guy that loved life.
These days, Matthew worked with me. He hadn’t wanted to give up on golf and had a personal mission to make sure I got to the majors and succeeded. It was awesome to have a friend like that behind you every step of the way. What more could a guy ask for?
He had agreed to work as my caddie, and havin
g him on the courses with me was beyond what I could ever hope for in regards to a support system. It was certainly more than my father did – though I couldn’t discredit the money he put into making sure I was a success. Matthew and I spent a lot of time in the gym, as well, staying fit and getting ready for the tournaments.
I smiled as a few girls approached our booth and asked if they could come in. We had a private area with bottle service, and people had been in and out all night. We never had a problem attracting women, especially Matthew, with his blond hair and blue eyes. He attracted so many that it really wasn’t fair to the rest of the men in the room.
As the girls started chatting amongst each other in the booth, Matthew started pouring them some drinks. He looked over at me, and I nodded for him to make me another.
“So, your father was harsh with you today?”
“Not so much harsh as he was making it obvious that I would not embarrass him again this tour.”
Matthew laughed. “He acts like you do these things on purpose to aggravate him.”
“Yeah, I know. Believe me; I want to win more than anything.”
“You will, buddy, trust me. I have your back, and you are going all the way this time.”
I smiled. It was exactly what I needed to hear. No judgments, no lectures, just straight up support. Why couldn’t my father do that instead of stringing me up every chance that he got? I wondered.
“You bet your ass I am. I can’t wait. April is going to be killer, especially with you there with me. When I win, we are going to party like we never have before.”
“How is that different than our regular life?”
I laughed, “Yeah, I guess we do party pretty hard. Hell, we’ll figure something out.”
