by S. J. West
“You said my blood will give you the strength you need. What did you mean by that?”
“Without regularly ingesting your blood, my body becomes weak. I’ve already started to lose some of my abilities, since I haven’t fed in the last two weeks.”
“What kind of abilities do you have?”
“Well, I’m strong and agile. I can see in the dark and hear conversations at a great distance. You know about the coercion. Oh, and I can fly.”
He said it so nonchalantly I thought I might have misunderstood him.
“Did you say you can fly? Like, Superman fly?”
“Yes.” He doesn’t show it outwardly, but he’s secretly pleased he was able to surprise me with his answer, just as he had intended.
“What’s your kryptonite, then? Every superhero has a weakness.”
He isn’t prepared for my question and is immediately suspicious of my motives for asking it.
“As I said earlier, only your death, without having an heir to take your place, and the loss of a great deal of blood can kill me.”
“Will I be able to fly, too, after we complete the bonding ritual?” I can’t help but feel excited by the prospect.
“No, I’m afraid you won’t be getting that particular ability.”
“No night vision and super hearing either?” I ask, preparing myself for disappointment.
“I’m afraid not. I believe you only receive the gifts that will help you defend yourself.”
“What exactly do I have to defend myself against?” I ask with open suspicion.
“There are forces in this world the existence of which you have no idea. Your abilities will eventually come in handy against them. Plus, it gives you more protection from the other vampires.”
“Why would they want to kill me?”
“It’s only the rabid ones I mentioned that we have to worry about,” he says. “They believe those of us who abstain from drinking the blood of others are unnatural. They think that our refusal to become like them means that we should die.”
“Have you and the others like you thought about killing them before they have a chance to kill you?”
“The subject was brought up during our last conclave, but none of us have acted on it.”
We fall into an uneasy silence for a few seconds. Finally, I decide it’s pointless to postpone the inevitable.
“Will you have to drink my blood every night?” I ask, unsure I actually want to know the answer to my question.
“We can start out with it being every other night until you get used to it, but eventually we’ll need to get into a nightly routine. Are you ok with that?”
“Do I have much of a choice?”
Julian slowly shakes his head. “Not really. I’m sorry about that, Sarah. But if it’s any consolation, you’ll also gain the ability to heal faster. You don’t have to worry about your friend asking why you have my bite marks on your neck all the time. The wound should heal within an hour of being bitten.”
“I’m not sure that’s very comforting, but it’s good to know.”
I try to think of something else to ask, but draw a complete blank. I know what Julian wants to do. I can feel how hungry he is. I’m just not sure how ready I am to go through with it.
“Is there anything else I should know before we do this?” I ask, trying unsuccessfully to avoid the inevitable.
“Yes.” I sense he isn’t too sure about how I will react to his next statement. “You’ll need to move in with me.”
“Why?”
“It would make it a lot easier for the both of us. The further away we are from one another after the bonding ceremony, the worse the need to be together will grow.”
“I can’t just move in here,” I say heatedly. “Kaylee would think I’d lost my mind!”
“Maybe if you told your friend that we’ve fallen madly in love with one another she will be more apt to accept our new living situation.”
“She would know something was up. She’s not that stupid. I’m not someone who falls in love quickly.”
“What if you keep your apartment for appearance’s sake? I have no problem splitting my time between your place and this house. We can pretend we’re dating if you think that would help explain things to your friend.”
“She’d be over the moon if she thought I was actually dating someone seriously. Maybe it would finally make her stop trying to fix me up all the time with random men.”
“Then she may be useful to us in the future.”
Oh, yeah, I need to provide him with an heir so he’ll have someone to bond with after I die. Well, we would cross that bridge when the time came.
“I hate to rush you,” he says, standing to his feet. “But I’m afraid I won’t be able to control myself for much longer. I was proud that I was able to back away from you while we were dancing earlier. I can’t tell you how much self-control that took.”
I stand from the settee, feeling extremely nervous about what will happen next.
“So, umm, how do you want to do this?” I ask, feeling out of my element in this situation.
Julian holds out his hand to me. I tentatively place mine into his.
“I think it will be easier for you if you’re lying down. That way you’ll be more comfortable when you fall asleep.”
“I completely forgot about that part. Wait here one second.” I quickly run out to my car and retrieve my purse from the passenger seat. I rummage through the contents and find my cell phone. I type out a text message for Kaylee, saying that I’ve gone out of town and don’t know when I’ll be back. At least that way she won’t worry as much about me being gone.
When I walk back into the house, I find Julian waiting for me at the foot of the staircase leading to the second floor.
“I left Kaylee a text message so she doesn’t worry about me,” I tell him, sliding my phone back into my purse.
“That’s a good idea,” he praises, holding his hand out to me again. His skin is still cold to the touch, but somehow it seems so natural.
As I head up the stairs with my vampire, I wonder how my life became so monumentally screwed up in such a short amount of time.
When we reach the second floor, Julian leads me down a dimly-lit hallway and opens a door to a tastefully-furnished bedroom. It has a cherry wood four-poster bed with matching furnishings such as nightstands and chest of drawers. The walls of the room are covered with an embossed floral wallpaper in creamy beige and coral tones. The bed covers are pure white, which strikes me as strange considering what’s about to happen on them. It’s just my nature to worry that they’ll be stained by my blood. It’s a silly thought, considering the fact that I’m about to exchange bodily fluids with a vampire I barely know, but I guess the human in me is still thinking about the mundane practicality of everyday life.
With Julian’s gentle guidance, he leads me to the bed at an unhurried pace, even though I can feel how anxious he is to feed.
“Don’t be scared,” he tells me in a calm, even voice. I faintly wonder if he’s using his power of coercion on me, but soon realize that he isn’t. He’s simply trying to calm my nerves the old-fashioned way, with words and a gentle touch. “The initial pain from my bite will be fleeting. After that, all you should feel is a small bit of pressure as I drink.”
“This will probably sound stupid to you,” I begin, already feeling foolish for having to ask the question, “but do you have fangs?”
“No,” he tells me, looking amused by my query. “I don’t. I simply bite you with enough force to pierce your skin and draw out your blood. I’m not sure that brings you any comfort, though. Are you still all right with what I’m about to do?”
“Yes,” I say, meaning the word. I know I should be scared, frightened out of my mind, actually, but I only feel a slight twinge of trepidation. For some completely unexplainable reason, I want him to do it. I want this to happen. Nevertheless, there’s a small part of my psyche that’s screaming: Have you completely l
ost your mind? Run, fool!
Maybe I have lost my mind. Maybe this is all a dream and I’m actually safely snuggled up in my bed, having finally succumbed to exhaustion after suffering through two solid weeks of sleepless nights. What I’m about to do is totally insane, but I’ve never felt more confident in a decision than I do this one.
“Lie down on the bed,” Julian instructs as he begins to unbutton the front of his grey dress shirt.
“What are you doing?” I ask, not remembering him saying we had to have sex first. That isn’t part of the deal, is it?
Julian looks at me in confusion for a moment, but I quickly see realization dawn on his features.
“I just don’t want to get my shirt bloody is all,” he promises.
Well, at least he’s a practical-thinking vampire. I can actually appreciate that trait.
“What about the bed covers?” I ask, turning my gaze in the bed’s direction. Since he’s already brought up the subject of being neat, it doesn’t seem like bad manners to voice my own concern. “Won’t we get blood on them?”
Julian walks up to the bed’s nightstand on the right-hand side and opens the top drawer. He pulls out a small black blanket similar in style to one I gave Kaylee at her baby shower. It has a quilted piece of fabric on one side and washable plastic lining on the other. Julian lays it across the pillow closest to him on the bed, quilted side up.
“There. Now we’re ready,” he tells me, continuing to take his shirt off as he walks around the bed to the other side and hangs it on the bedpost there.
Julian doesn’t have huge muscles like a body builder, but he does possess a well- cut physique that’s quite pleasing to the eye. In fact, I become a little uncomfortable as I watch him move around the room. I’m certain our relationship isn’t supposed to have a sexual component to it. I am, after all, expected to have a child with someone else so my bloodline can continue to feed Julian. The thought makes me feel like a prized mare who is expected to mate with the stallion of her choice. I try to shrug off the feeling of being his property, but I know it will always linger like an unreachable itch in the back of my mind.
I sit down on the bed and slip off my tennis shoes before lying down on the bed. I try to make sure my neck is lined up with the middle of the mat beneath me. My heart is pumping a mile a minute, but I suppose that might be a good thing. It should help get the blood out faster for him. As I stare up at the white-painted ceiling, I begin to feel nervous. I have no idea what the proper protocol is when being bitten for the first time.
Julian lies down next to me, making the bed dip and creak with his added weight. I can feel the heat of his stare on me, but I can’t seem to make myself look at him or say anything. I feel helpless and totally at his mercy. If he wanted to, I’m sure Julian could simply force me to give him my blood. I suppose I should be grateful he’s being so patient. Otherwise, this scenario could quickly turn into a true nightmare for me.
“Sarah, look at me,” he says in a voice that’s both commanding and imploring.
I take a deep breath and slowly turn my head to meet his gaze. He’s propped up on one bent arm, looking at me questioningly.
“What are you thinking?” he inquires softly as he seems to study every feature of my face intently, searching for something intangible.
“That I don’t know what to do,” I confess in a small voice. “Now that I’m laying here, I’m beginning to feel a little frightened.”
He continues to study me thoughtfully, even though I can feel his hunger is about to tear him in two. He raises his free hand and brushes the hair lying across my neck off to the side.
“You don’t have to do anything,” he murmurs. “Just lie still. I’ll do all the work. Would it help you at all if I used my coercion on you again, to ease your tension this first time?”
“No,” I say determinedly. “No, if I’m doing this, I want it to be of my own free will. Not because you bewitched me into it.”
He smiles faintly, and I know he’s pleased with my answer.
“Very well.” He leans in closer and touches the throbbing spot at the base of my throat with the tips of his fingers, the same exact place his lips had lingered just a few hours before in New Orleans.
He leans in closer to me, his head barely an inch away from mine. I can feel his cool breath chill my skin, and I involuntarily shiver. Just as he’s about to bite me, I notice a shadow against the wall behind him. I turn my head toward the set of windows to the left of me and see the first light of day shine through the glass.
“It’s almost daylight,” I tell him, knowing I’m simply looking for any excuse at this point to delay the inevitable. “I guess it’s a good thing sunlight doesn’t bother you.”
“Sarah, look at me.”
I do as he bade and turn my head back to look up at him again. If I thought my heart was hammering inside my chest before, now I think it might be doing double flips. In the warm light of dawn, Julian looks devastatingly handsome. His lips are slightly parted and he seems to be breathing as haltingly as I am. The hunger he feels is mirrored in his eyes now, and he isn’t trying to hide it from me anymore. For some reason, it makes him look even more handsome and primal. Suddenly, the thought of being bonded to him for the rest of my life seems a bit more thrilling of a prospect.
He reaches down and picks up my right hand, placing it against his smooth, hairless chest directly over his heart. I didn’t think vampires had heartbeats, but there it is, pounding sluggishly against the palm of my hand. It’s slow like a metronome adjusted to its lowest setting.
“Why is your heart beating so slowly?” I ask in a whisper.
“Because it’s been so long since I fed.”
“What would happen if you didn’t feed for longer than two weeks?”
“If I went another couple of weeks without feeding, my body would start to shut down, and I would enter a coma-like state. Your blood literally keeps my heart beating, Sarah.”
It wasn’t said in the most romantic of situations, but it was probably the most romantic thing a man has ever said to me.
“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t wait any longer. If you’re not ready, I need to leave now before I lose control of myself.” I can see his hunger pangs quite clearly on his face. He’s been trying to hide it, afraid it would scare me away. Now, being so close to what he desires the most, he’s having trouble restraining his baser instincts.
“I’m ready,” I tell him. As he leans in closer to my neck, I keep my hand over his heart. I need the physical contact to remind me why I’m doing this.
The sharp edges of his teeth clamp down on the flesh at the base of my neck. Involuntarily, my body tenses as Julian bites me. Just as he promised, the pain is fleeting and all I feel is a bit of pressure as he begins to suck. I close my eyes as he continues to feed. The sound of him swallowing my blood is strange to my ears, and when he involuntarily moans in pleasure I feel my body react of its own accord. I’ve never been one to associate pain with pleasure, but with Julian, in that moment, that’s what happens to me. Deep down, I think the idea of being the only one in the world who can satisfy his needs makes me feel powerful. Without me, he’s left vulnerable to the world and even to his own body. He needs me, and having that type of control over someone else can be intoxicating.
As he continues to feed, I know that he feels happy and sad all at the same time. I think his sadness stems from regret for having to do this to me in the first place. I find a small bit of comfort in that fact. At least he understands what I’m giving up. This is the moment my mother’s dream of me having a normal life dies. There’s no turning back now even if I wanted to.
I keep my hand on his chest and feel the beats of his heart increase in speed and strength. For some reason I thought I would fall asleep almost immediately, but it takes a while before I feel that moment of pleasurable exhaustion you sometimes experience when you finally get the chance to lie down after a hard, busy day.
When Julian fi
nally forces himself to pull away from my neck, I’m still awake, but I feel so tired I can’t seem to open my eyes. I hear and feel him get off the bed and move around the room.
I muster up enough strength to curl up onto my side. Just before I fall asleep, I feel him lay a blanket on top of me. I smile at his thoughtfulness and soon find succor in a world of my own imaginings.
My dreams have never been filled with cute little puppies, fuzzy kittens, and magical rainbows. For some reason, they’ve always leaned more toward the macabre. While I sleep after our bonding ritual, I dream a plethora of things, but they all have one common element: Julian. The dreams have a surreal look and feel to them, like a Salvador Dali painting come to life in my mind.
The most vivid one includes Julian in a starring role. He and I are dancing across a sparkling ocean of liquid sand. We’re dressed much like people do in New Orleans when they attend fancy Mardi Gras parties. Julian is wearing a mask that keeps changing shape between a cat and a bird. I’m wearing a traditional white mask of a normal human face, but it has tears of blood painted down both cheeks. I’m wearing a white silk dress with a crumpled skirt and matching rosettes scattered within the folds. It reminds me of a gown I saw while shopping for Kaylee’s wedding dress. Julian is in a simple black tuxedo and bow tie. No music plays as we twirl like marionettes being guided by an unseen hand. The only sound is the ticking of a clock. As we dance aimlessly around on the sand, a trail of gaping black holes appears where our feet touch. This is the last dream I have before I wake. When I open my eyes, the image of us dancing in each other’s arms is fresh in my mind.
I find myself lying in the same position I was in when I fell asleep. I’m still on my side, facing toward the windows in the room. Julian is sitting in a chair next to the bed, watching me with a thoughtful expression on his face.
“How do you feel?” he asks, his voice practically reverberating in the quiet of the room.
