Having It All

by Jenna Byrnes

  “It would,” Nick agreed, nodding.

  Mandy finally raised her head and looked at Jake. “So what do you want? Forgiveness on your deathbed? I’m not sure I’m prepared to give you that, and I guarantee Uncle Doug won’t be either. I can’t speak for Mom.”

  “Mandy!” Nick said sharply. He reached over and squeezed her hand.

  Jake stared into his coffee cup.

  Mandy continued hotly, “Well it’s true! He left my mother and uncle when they were young, and both of their lives were damaged because of it.”

  “They don’t seem to have ‘damaged’ lives now,” Jake said wearily.

  Tears flooded Mandy’s eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks. “Sure, they’ve done all right in later years. You know my mom got pregnant with me while she was in high school, don’t you? She’s lucky she graduated. She was also lucky my father stood by her rather than taking the easy road and walking out.”

  “If you think that was the easy road, you’re sadly mistaken,” Jake interjected.

  “It was a lot easier than what my mother went through all those years! My father got sick and she took care of him until he died. Then grandma got sick and we took care of her until she died. Then we befriended a lady from church, Melissa Montgomery, and ended up taking care of her until she died. It was a tragic few years, I can tell you that. Mom was alone for a long time, and Uncle Doug lived in the loft above our garage until he was almost thirty. No relationship issues, there, for sure…”

  Jake raised his hands. “I know and I’m sorry. If I could change the past, I would. Unfortunately, all I can do is try to make amends.”

  “What kind of amends do you propose?” Mandy asked angrily. “You disappear for…what? Twenty-five years? Now you’re dying and hoping to clear your guilty conscience. Well, you can give it a shot, I guess. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Uncle Doug is not going to be happy to see you, and Mom bows to him about stuff like this.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Jake agreed. “I just thought if you paved the way for me a little bit, maybe I could see Sarah, talk to her. Even get to know my grandson.”

  “You never bothered to get to know your granddaughter!” she sobbed, tears flowing freely.

  Nick put his arm around her shoulder protectively.

  “I tried, Mandy,” Jake replied. “I mentioned yesterday that I tried a couple of different times. It didn’t work out. I don’t have very many opportunities left. This may be my last shot at making things right.”

  She shoved her coffee cup away, no longer interested. Looking at her grandfather, she said sadly, “You may have blown your last opportunity, Mr. Kenny. I’m not sure you have any shots left.”

  “That sounds harsh,” he told her.

  She merely stared at him.

  “Mr. Kenny. It sounds horrible coming from my granddaughter.”

  Mandy inhaled and exhaled slowly but didn’t speak.

  He thrust a piece of paper across the table at her. “Here’s my phone number. Think it over. If you decide to talk to your mom for me, I can be reached here.”

  She looked at the paper but didn’t pick it up. Finally Mandy asked, “Why should I? What have you ever done for me?”

  He stared at her sadly. “I never took you for a selfish person, Amanda. I thought you had a giving nature like your mother. Willing to help out a person in need.”

  Nudging Nick from the booth, Mandy stood. “Where were you when we needed you? We’ve helped out plenty of people in need. Deserving people. I’m sorry if we don’t help out people who hurt us.” She glanced at Nick. “Let’s go.”

  Nick tossed a five dollar bill on the table and picked up the paper with the phone number. “I’ll hang on to this in case she changes her mind,” he told Jake.

  “Thank you, son.”

  “He’s not your son!” Mandy snapped. “You had a wonderful son and you abandoned him!”

  “Come on.” Nick led her to the door. “Let’s just go.”

  Mandy stomped out, not bothering to look back at her grandfather. He had some nerve coming here, asking her to smooth things over with her mother for him. Some damn nerve. She was furious and upset, and somehow managed to be sad and heartsick as well. He’s dying. Her grandfather reached out to her, just before his death. What kind of man was he?

  She thought about that as Nick settled her in the car and went around to his side. Mandy glanced at him, wishing she could forget her family troubles and concentrate on the gorgeous man beside her. She wanted to go somewhere—Nick mentioned renting a motel room. Maybe if they went, she could forget about everything for one night. One glorious night. But life was rarely that simple.

  * * * *

  It was a two hour drive from Urbana to Perry, Illinois. Mandy skipped her last class Friday to get an earlier start because she didn’t intend to spend all weekend in Perry. She’d get home in time for dinner Friday night and spend twenty-four hours with the family. It’d be time enough to discuss the grandfather situation with her mother.

  She wasn’t sure if she was ready to discuss the boyfriend situation. They’d freak when they discovered she’d slept with him—and intended to meet him at a motel in Urbana Saturday night. Dee didn’t expect Mandy back until Sunday afternoon, so she and Nick could spend the whole night together. The idea sent thrills down her spine.

  Nosing her car into the driveway of her parent’s house, Mandy felt another shiver of excitement. I’m home! That thought always made her happy. She loved her family and enjoyed spending time with them.

  “Hey you!” Her mother stepped out onto the front porch. “Get in here!”

  Mandy grinned. Her mother was so pretty with her long, wavy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She’d kept her figure shapely and attractive, even after delivering two children eighteen years apart. If Mandy grew up looking as good as her mother, she’d be thrilled. “Hi!” she called as she opened her door.

  “Need a hand?” Sarah called, shivering with no coat.

  “No, stay there. I don’t have much.” Retrieving one bag from the back seat, she headed up the sidewalk. “Jeez, it’s just as cold here! It’s been freezing in Urbana.”

  “Yep, here too.” Sarah reached for the bag and took it from Mandy. “This all you brought? Where’s all the laundry you usually cart home?”

  They hugged, and Mandy said, “I need to talk to you about that. I won’t be able to stay all weekend. There’s a study group Saturday night I need to attend.”

  “A study group on a Saturday night?” Sarah asked suspiciously and headed inside.

  “Yeah,” Mandy lied, hoping she’d buy it. She hadn’t lied much over the years and she was lousy at it.

  “Well, rats.” Sarah set the suitcase down. “At least you’re here now. I’m so happy to see you.”

  “Me too, Mom.” Mandy hugged her again. “I missed you.”

  “I always miss you,” her mother said softly into her ear.

  Mandy squeezed a little tighter.

  “Hey, look who’s here!” Sam stepped into the living room and called back over his shoulder, “Ty-bo! Mandy’s home!” He reached out and enveloped her in his arms. “Come here and give me a hug.”

  “Hey, Sam.” Mandy wiped a tear from her eyes and slid into her step-father’s embrace. Sam was well-built and muscular, not much bigger than Nick, but with more of a solidness that came with age. His arms felt comforting and reassuring, and Mandy sighed happily. She was going to need all the support she could get this weekend.

  “Mandy!” Her little brother flew into the room wildly. “Mandy!”

  She pulled back from Sam and smiled at him, then turned to Tyrone. “Ty-bo! How’s the cutest little brother in the whole wide world?”

  He catapulted into her arms and she lifted him up, squeezing tightly. “I missed you!” Mandy told him.

  “I missed you too.” He replied solemnly. “Dad said to tell you he saved some ‘sagne for you.”

  She grinned and flashed a look at Sam. “I hop
e that’s not what’s for dinner. Because if it is, I still remember the number for the Pizza Shack.”

  Sam reached out and touched her chin. “Lucky for you, so do I. Doug and Bailey are picking up pizza on their way over.”

  “Yes!” Mandy pumped her arm in the air and set Ty down. “We lucked out tonight, kiddo.”

  “Yay, pizza!” Ty agreed.

  Sarah shook her head. “Like you don’t get enough pizza at college. I thought we should have cooked something.”

  Sam grabbed his wife from behind and drew her back against him. “Except we both worked all day, and who wants to cook all night? We can cook tomorrow night.” He kissed Sarah on the cheek.

  She smiled over her shoulder at him. “Mandy’s not going to be here tomorrow night. She has some study group thing to do.”

  “Really?” Sam raised his eyebrows. “On a Saturday night? Isn’t that interesting.”

  Mandy shrugged and tried to appear nonchalant. “It was the only time everybody could get together.” She glanced around the living room and attempted to change the subject. “The house looks great. I can’t wait to see my room, I’ve missed it.” She hefted up her bag and headed down the hallway.

  “It hasn’t changed in the month since you’ve been here,” her mother called after her teasingly.

  Mandy knew they weren’t buying her story, but she also knew they weren’t going to give her any trouble. Her folks knew she was a responsible young woman. That wasn’t about to change. Her hand went instinctively to the birth control patch under her clothes. Is it?

  “Can I come with you?” Ty hopped up and down behind her.

  “Sure, buddy, come on.”

  He darted down the hall, zipped past her legs and wound up in front of her. Mandy chuckled at his enthusiasm then sighed. It felt good to be home.

  She’d stretched out on the sofa and was catching up on all the local news when the front door opened and two little girls rushed in. “Mandy! Mandy!”

  “Hey you guys!” She opened her arms and her cousins fell into them. “Wow, I think you’ve grown!”

  “I’m the tallest girl in my preschool class,” Lissa told her, nodding.

  Mandy grinned and touched the pretty little face. Both girls had thick, dark brown hair like their parents. Lissa wore hers long in a ponytail and she sported pink plastic-framed glasses. Denise’s hair was cut into a chin-length bob very similar to Mandy’s style. “And how are you?” she asked the younger girl.

  “Good! We might get a dog!”

  “A dog?” Mandy grinned. “You’re kidding me! What kind?”

  Her Uncle Doug stepped into the front room, laden with pizza boxes and twelve-packs of beer and soda. “Don’t ask them. They want some ten cent dog. If we’re getting one, it’s going to be a lab or a shepherd—something decent.” He stopped to lean over the back of the sofa and kiss Mandy’s cheek.

  She patted his face then grabbed his ball cap and plopped it on her own head.

  He winked as he headed into the kitchen, calling back, “That’s my lucky Cubbies cap. Don’t mess it up.”

  “Smear pizza all over it.” His wife, Mandy’s Aunt Bailey, entered the room. She reached over her daughters to hug Mandy and whispered, “The Cubs suck, anyway. The White Sox are the only team Chicago needs.”

  “This is the Cubbies’ year,” Sam chimed in and pointed to his U of I sweatshirt. “I only took off my favourite Cubbies shirt because you sent me this one, which I love, by the way.”

  “Great!” Mandy grinned and watched the activity around her as the children clamoured for pizza and soda.

  Sarah got the little ones settled in the kitchen and sat in the doorway so she could keep an eye on them while the adults ate in the living room. “Good pizza, guys. Thanks for bringing it.”

  “You bet.” Bailey handed a plate to Mandy.

  “Thanks.” Mandy smiled at her aunt. “You look great.” For a woman with two small children, Mandy thought she looked damn great. Of course, she’d thought her aunt was beautiful the first time she’d laid eyes on her. Obviously her uncle had had the same thoughts. But Bailey hadn’t been an easy person to get to know, having just lost her mother to cancer and coming to Perry to sell the woman’s house.

  Melissa Montgomery’s death had hit Mandy’s family hard as well, she recalled. They’d befriended the sweet woman from their church and ended up caring for her until her death. When Bailey had showed up, she’d managed to rub each of them the wrong way until they’d all gotten to know each other. Now she was a fully-embedded member of their family.

  Just like Sam, Mandy thought, watching her step-father and uncle engage in a heated discussion about something that was probably sports-related. Sam, with his earring and ponytail, was animated and funny and serious all at the same time, and Mandy loved him.

  Her initial reaction hadn’t been as friendly, especially when she’d caught him and her mother making out in the back yard. That had been a horrible night. Mandy had overreacted wildly in the way teenagers tended to do, her uncle had yelled loudly, and everyone had been upset. Once Mandy had realised how much happier her mother was with Sam than without him, she’d accepted him into the family.

  Thinking back on it, she was sorry for the time it took her to come around. She could see now how easy it was to become attached to someone. She wondered how her family would react when they discovered she was involved with Nick.

  “You’re lost in thought.” Bailey nudged Mandy’s toe. “Got something on your mind? Or someone?” Her eyes twinkled.

  Mandy felt her face heat up in a blush. “No! Of course not.”

  “Who would she have on her mind?” Doug shoved the last of his pizza in his mouth, looking at his niece. “You have something you want to tell us?”

  “No!” she said vehemently. She absolutely did not want to tell them anything. She had to tell them about Jake, but that didn’t mean she wanted to. “Of course not.” She flashed her aunt a dirty look, and Bailey smiled.

  Mandy added, “I was just thinking about Easter. It’ll be here before we know it. Grandma always loved the holiday so much.”

  “She did,” Sarah agreed. “Mom went all out at Easter time.”

  “She told me once that grandpa used to like colouring eggs with you and Doug.” Mandy watched her mother’s reaction closely.

  Sarah shrugged and sipped at her can of soda. “I barely remember.”

  Doug snorted and stood up. “I have plenty of memories, but a happy family colouring eggs isn’t one of them. She probably told you that to make the old son-of-a-bitch seem human.”

  “Doug!” Sarah glanced into the kitchen at the children.

  “They didn’t hear me. And he was a son-of-a-bitching bastard, you can’t argue that fact with me.” He raised his eyebrows at her as if daring her to try.

  She shook her head. “I won’t argue with you. But you didn’t used to swear in front of Mandy.”

  He laughed and finished his beer. “Mandy’s been at college for almost three years. You think no one cusses there?”

  “I’m sure of it,” Sarah replied, closing her eyes and nodding.

  They all laughed and Sam raised his beer to his lips. “Fuck yeah,” he murmured, and the room erupted again.

  Mandy curled up on the sofa after dinner, reading to the children until they were ready for sleep. Denise dozed off, and Bailey knelt in front of Mandy to slip her daughter’s shoes back on.

  “So you haven’t told anyone about the boyfriend yet?” Bailey asked softly.

  “There’s nothing to tell.”

  “She said, unconvincingly…” Bailey teased. “Okay, I’ll wait until you’re ready to talk. But you know you can call me anytime, about anything.”

  “I know.”

  Bailey looked into her eyes. “Really, Mandy. If you ever want to talk, just between you and me, call me. You know I can keep a secret if you ask me to.”

  “I don’t have any secrets,” Mandy objected, but even she wasn’t convince
d by her tone.

  “All right. We need to get the girls home. We’ll probably see you tomorrow for a bit.” Bailey hefted Denise on her shoulder. “Doug, you want to get Lissa, please?”

  “You bet.” He leaned down and snatched his cap from Mandy. “See you tomorrow, Squirt.” He lifted Lissa and patted her back when she stirred. “It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s got you. We’re going home now.”

  “Bye you guys,” Mandy watched them go. Their family made a beautiful picture. She squinted, imagining herself and Nick in Bailey and Doug’s place. Nick carrying one child out to the car while she brought the other—it was a very pleasant thought.

  Sam leaned a drowsy Tyrone down in front of her for a good night kiss, and Mandy smiled. “Night, buddy.” She ruffled her brother’s hair and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Night, Mandy,” he murmured, and Sam carried him off to bed.

  Sarah returned to the living room, settling into the sofa opposite her daughter. “So how’s school?” She tucked her feet underneath her.

  “Fine.” Mandy nodded. “I like my art class. We’re going to a bunch of different museums.”

  “Sounds pretty easy. How about that math class?”

  Mandy shrugged. “I’m doing okay. I got a ‘B’ on my last test.”

  “That’s good.” Her mother looked down the hallway and then back at her. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about before Sam gets back? I get the feeling there’s a reason you’re here.”

  Shifting nervously, Mandy nodded. “I guess there were a couple of things.”

  They heard the hallway light snap off. “Goodnight, buddy,” Sam told his son affectionately and headed back into the living room.

  “Honey,” Sarah glanced at him. “Mandy and I might need another minute.”

  “No!” Mandy declared. “He can stay. I should probably talk to you both.”

  Sam curled up on the floor at his wife’s feet. “What’s up, kiddo?”

  “A couple of things,” she repeated, trying to decide where to start. “I wanted to tell you I met a guy.”

  “A guy?” Sam raised his eyebrows.