by Renard, Loki
I’m disappointed that I’m going to be on my own for this little plot. I’d kind of counted on Blaze being by my side, but I guess things are different now she’s married. Slick made an honest woman of her, in more senses than I care to admit. Me? I’m not married and there’s no sign of that happening any time in the immediate future. Vicious isn’t the marrying kind, he’s made that clear.
We swing by her place and she hops out. Before she goes, she leans down and looks in through the window at me. Her dark eyes are filled with concern. “I’m worried about you, Kitty. I think you should just go home and talk to Vicious.”
“Fuck no. I’m done talking. It’s time for action.”
She shakes her head. “You know this is going to end badly, right? I mean, really badly. He’s going to whip your ass when he finds that broken window.”
“No, he won’t, because he’s not going to find out I did it.”
“It’s Vicious, Kitty. You can’t outwit him.”
And now I’m pissed off. My best friend in the world doesn’t think I’m capable of taking Vicious on. She’s wrong. They’re all fucking wrong. I’m going to show everyone who underestimated me that I’m more than a walking meat wagon for a black market chip.
“I’ll see you later,” I say giving her a wave and hitting the accelerator.
2
Blaze
I watch Kitty pull away and half my heart goes with her. I wish I was in that piece of shit car, heading for adventure, not standing here like a goober who ran home to her husband. Kitty’s right. Slick has fucking neutered me.
I’m jealous of the freedom she still has, even though I know she doesn’t really want it. Kitty’s world is in chaos. The man she loves lies to her, the CIA wants to use her for the chip embedded in her guts, and she recently survived being hunted through a Russian forest by a madman. Her life is exciting as hell and I don’t understand how this happened. Used to be I was the one living on the edge. Now I’m the one who needs to go fold some socks.
Heading up to the apartment I live in with Slick, I find myself doing household chores, wiping off the counters, folding the laundry. I never used to do this stuff. My old apartment basically had to be condemned. I left everything behind there after…
I push my mind away from the event which changed everything. I don’t want to think about what happened there. I don’t want to ever remember it ever again. And yet I know I’m going to be living the consequences of it forever.
I wish Kitty hadn’t gone. I wish I’d asked her to stay. I wish I’d told her what I’ve been hiding from everybody. If I had, I know she would have stayed with me. But I couldn’t find the words, because saying the words would make this unspeakable thing real.
“Blaze?” A cheerful male voice rings out.
My husband is home. Tall, blond and handsome, he has a strong body which is still refined, like a model. I can’t believe I ended up with someone like him. Every time I see him, a part of me wonders if he’s with me for some underhand reason. In this world, nothing is real. Vicious lied to Kitty. Slick sort of lied to me. I thought he was a criminal, but he turned out to be a CIA agent.
Still, nothing about his job should require him to have married me, and unlike Vicious, he’s not a complete asshole about everything all the time. I get little butterflies in my stomach when he walks into a room. More so when I know I’ve done something wrong. Right now they’re erupting inside me.
“Hey sweetheart, how are you?”
Oh god, he’s so fucking nice. He steps behind me, wraps his arms around me and murmurs the words into my ear.
“I’m okay,” I mumble, putting the socks down and turning around to be engulfed by his embrace. It feels so fucking good to be held by him. Nobody hugs like Slick. He draws me against his body, makes me feel so safe and so cared for. I want to enjoy it, but I can’t. Kitty’s words are rankling in my psyche. She’s out there doing god knows what, and I’m at home doing laundry. She’s right. I’ve gotten boring, and I’ve gotten…
“What’s wrong?”
How does he know? He always knows.
“Nothing,” I say, pulling away and looking back down at the laundry to hide my face.
“Yes there is,” he insists, pulling me back and squeezing me a little tighter. “Tell me what’s happened. Did you not have a good day?”
I pull away from him and throw a sock on the pile of other socks which collectively make up my life now. “I’ve got no balls.”
“I’m fairly certain you never had balls, sweetheart,” Slick smiles calmly. “Is it getting close to that time of the month?”
“It is if by that time of the month, you mean the time I kick your dick off.”
“Blaze, that’s enough,” Slick says firmly. He likes my sass, but he’s been cracking down on the threats lately. “What’s going on really? You were happy when I left this morning. What’s changed?”
If I don’t check my attitude, I’m going to give Kitty away before she gets anywhere. Maybe I should blame it on my period. Men seem to think every bad feeling a woman ever experiences is to do with that monthly curse. Hell. Maybe it is. Maybe Kitty is on her period.
Slick’s phone rings.
“Hey asshole,” he drawls down the line.
It must be Vicious. I try not to stiffen up and give everything away, but he’s not paying attention to me right now. Vicious has a way of drawing your complete attention when he talks to you.
“The window’s broken? She’s gone?” Slick is repeating what Vicious is saying.
This is not going to go well, I already know that. They’re going to find her in five seconds flat. That chip she has inside her basically acts as a lo-jack, and I know Slick has a device he can use to track her. I don’t know what her plan was to foil that. She knows as well as any of us that she can’t really run and she can’t really hide.
“I’ve got the tracker in the office. Hold on.”
Slick walks away, phone to his ear. I know he’s going to come back in a second because the device he uses to follow Kitty around is gone. I took it before I went over and saw her today.
“Blaze? Have you been in my office?” He comes striding back.
“Nope,” I lie.
I can’t hear Vicious’ side of the conversation, but I can imagine how pissed he is. Kitty is gone, and so is the tracker they use. I am guessing she took the one Vicious owns too. Smart girl. I’m impressed. There will be other ways to find her, but not in the short term.
Of course, they don’t know Kitty has run away. They probably think she’s been taken. It’s what she wants them to think, after all.
There’s a pause. Then Slick says what I don’t want to hear. “I’ll ask her. Will get back to you in a minute.”
He hangs up. I do my best to conform my features to an innocent expression. I don’t know if I have ever been innocent before, so it’s quite a trick.
“Kitty’s missing.”
“Oh?”
“What do you know about this?”
“Nothing! If she’s missing, why would I know? Maybe she has been taken. Maybe she’s in danger.”
“You, Blaze, are a terrible liar,” he says, tapping the counter. “I’m not going to ask you twice.”
“Don’t call me a liar.”
“Don’t lie.”
I glower at him. I don’t want to be forced to give Kitty up. I don’t think I am going to. Being married to him doesn’t mean he owns me. Kitty has only been gone an hour or so, I want her to get a more decent head start.
“How do you know she wasn’t taken?”
“The glass is on the outside, not the inside, not to mention the fact that there’s no need to break the window to get out of that place. It’s pretty obviously staged for attention.”
Well they saw through that quickly.
“I don’t know where she is. She wanted me to go with her, but I said no.”
Shit. I’m telling the truth. What the fuck is wrong with me?
He nods, resting on one leg and running his hand through his hair. “Jesus. This is not going to end well for her. I’m glad you didn’t go, Blaze. You were a good girl.”
“Yeah, that’s me, super good,” I roll my eyes.
“It is a good thing you didn’t go with her. If you had, you’d be punished the same way she’s going to be.”
“If he can find her.”
“He’ll find her. And if he doesn’t, I will. We can’t have her running around loose.”
“Why not?”
“You know why not,” he says calmly. “She’s at constant risk. That chip…”
“Maybe she wants to be more than a walking chip. Maybe I want to be more than a laundry machine. Maybe…”
He holds up his hand to stop me. “Blaze, is this about you, or Kitty? Because I can’t do anything about Kitty being missing, but I can sure do something about this attitude of yours.”
I bite my lower lip. “Nothing. It’s not about anything.”
His long fingers find my chin and he holds my face gently. I hate this. I hate how good he is, how kind he is. He deserves better than me. He deserves more than I can give him. I wish I’d gone with Kitty. Then I wouldn’t have to feel the deep shame which always overwhelms me when I’m in his presence.
“I wish you’d talk to me, Blaze.”
Forcing a smile, I do my best to lie to him. “I’m just tired. That’s all.”
“You’ve been tired a lot lately. Maybe we should get you to do the doctor.”
“Seriously, Slick. I’m fine.” I push his hand away.
There’s a sadness in his eyes that kills me, but there are some things I just can’t bring myself to tell him. There are some things that would take that sad look and turn it to devastation.
“I’m going to make us some dinner. You get some rest.”
“You’re too good to me,” I say softly.
“I’m exactly as good as you deserve me to be,” he replies. “And one of these days, you’re going to trust me enough to believe that.”
3
Kitty
I can practically feel Vicious and the CIA breathing down my neck, but I’m prepared. I am wearing a fireproof foil suit I found on the Internet. I crinkle when I walk. The inside of the roof of my car likewise shines with foil. I’m actually not entirely certain how this chip inside me works, but I do know it interfaces with various electric systems. They say wrapping RFID passports in foil stops them from being scanned, so maybe the suit will work. I’ll find out soon enough one way or another.
I’m aware that I’ve transcended the ridiculous at this point, but I have to do what works, and I suspect that this will work.
I park up at the edge of the city and wait. They’re going to know I’m gone by now. If they can track me, they will be here soon enough. No point putting any more of my plan into action if I’m going to get caught right out of the gate. It will hurt if he catches me now, but that’s a risk I am willing to take.
He told me he’d lie to me. Fine. I am going to fuck with him right back. He’s going to discover that I’m not some fuck toy captive happy to be with him just because I love him.
I feel strong and proud and… then it occurs to me I’m sitting in a piece of shit car wrapped up like a baked potato and maybe I shouldn’t be quite so smug about that.
* * *
After waiting a few hours, I decide I’ve probably made as good of an escape as I’m going to. There’s no sign of Vicious. There are no spook cars pulling up to capture me. That means I can get started on the next phase of my plan.
I turn my not so trusty vehicle out of state and head toward what will be my base of operations, the cheapest motel off the interstate in New Jersey.
It’s not great. It’s as different from Vicious’ luxury apartment as I can get, but that’s the point. This shitty motel is a perfect place to stay. Nobody wants their presence noticed here. Everybody is shifty and they keep their eyes to themselves. I pay cash and I get my little room at the end of the row. It is filled with dubious furnishings and a bed I wouldn’t sleep in if I were being paid to.
I’ve taken precautions, picked up a cheap sleeping bag. The polyester sticks to my skin, but at least it is clean, and I have a pillow too, again, not a great one, but it will work. I’m excited, in spite of the dinginess of my surroundings. This is the beginning of the greatest battle of my existence. Me versus Vicious.
I’m sure nobody thinks I can win, but I’m not going to stop until I do. He’s going to pay for turning me into his toy, for thinking his lies are as good as the truth, for being so arrogant as to believe he owns me and is doing me a favor in possessing me. He is going to learn what it means to be bested by a woman, one who is eating cold pop tarts on a sleeping bag while giggling to herself at the sheer excitement of it it all.
I fall asleep in crumbs, as free as any woman can be.
* * *
TAP TAP TAP
A knock at the door makes me jump out of my sleeping bag. For a second, I don’t know where I am or what I’m doing, but then the smell of untreated black mold in the bathroom brings me back. That’s right. I’m winning.
It’s earlier than I expected, but I am expecting a visitor. I can’t do all of this on my own.
“Hey Chad.”
Chad smiles as he wheels himself through the door. He was born with a spinal defect which makes walking more than a few steps at a time practically impossible. He was one of my first illicit delivery clients, though he’s since gone somewhat straight since then, or at least, so he says.
He’s a soft spoken guy, about my age with longish brown hair that needs cutting and spectacles that are never in style, smudged with repetitive fingerprints from the constant adjusting he does to them. I called him because he’s a fucking genius, and best of all, he’s not affiliated with Vicious in any way that I know of.
“So I hear you turned into a walking talking spy drone?” He smirks at me.
“Something like that. It’s top secret. Don’t tell anyone.”
Chad laughs. “I don’t have anyone to tell who doesn’t already know.”
“You better not double cross me. I know you’ve got connections now.”
“I have connections like dogs have fleas,” Chad says. “They want something from me, but I don’t necessarily want them around. Except for you.”
Maybe Chad has a little crush on me. Maybe it’s kind of a dick move to call on him now, but he’s a big boy, and he knows what he’s getting into. We met through my old, somewhat recently deceased boss and did some favors for each other. He does owe me one, but maybe not this much of a one.
“Okay, so this is a modified internet capable TOR linked signal repeater,” he says, opening a briefcase he pulled from the back of his wheelchair and showing me a little black box. “Basically what it will do is bounce the signal of that chip inside you through a series of cell towers and then through a secure online proxy. You won’t be traceable anymore. You’ll still, er, function, but you won’t be a walking homing beacon. I can set it so you look like you’re in Madison Square Garden, or on the Great Wall of China. Just make sure you keep it on you. If you’re away from it, you’ll light up like a Christmas tree on the sensors of anyone looking for you.”
“Wow, that’s really fucking cool. You’re a lifesaver!”
He smiles. “So, where do you want the goose chase to start?”
I could send Vicious all around the world looking for me. That would be hilarious. But I have another plan.
“Can you, I don’t know, just dead end the signal? Or make it look like it’s coming from his apartment?”
“I can do whatever we have to do,” Chad grins.
4
Vicious
“She’s gone. We can’t find her. She’s completely off the radar. Could be anywhere.” There’s an edge of desperation to my man’s voice. I have everyone who works for me out looking for Kitty, and I know Slick has deployed everyone he can. We should have her by now. H
ell, we should have had her right away.
“She’s literally a walking lo-jack! How is it possible for her to disappear? We found her in the middle of the woods in Russia? We can’t pick her out of the NYC grid? Come on.”
“She might have found a way to deactivate it. Or, worst case scenario, the chip has been recovered…”
The chip can only be ‘recovered’ if it is cut out of her stomach. It’s not a survivable operation. But Kitty isn’t dead. She can’t be dead. There’s no way I’m accepting that she’s dead.
“Keep looking. Let me know when you have something.”
I hang up.
I’ve been pacing this apartment for the past half hour. There is a path being worn across my very expensive rug. A… sparkling path? As I turn on my personal axis, I realize it looks like a unicorn has been trotting around the apartment. It’s at that moment that I realize someone has stuck glitter to the base of my shoes. A parting prank from Kitty, I take it.
Jesus. I want that girl back so badly, and I want to beat her even more badly. She is pushing every button, getting on every nerve, and she’s not even here.
I’m surprised she didn’t leave a note. She obviously wanted me to be irritated with her, and usually she likes to try to get the last word in. Maybe I’m missing the note. Maybe it’s hidden somewhere I’ll only discover when another one of her pranks is unearthed.
I kick off my shoes and walk around in socked feet. Do I have a vacuum cleaner? Surely I must. I’m not in the mood to call for service. I’m not in the mood for anything. Kitty’s disobedience and disrespect is on full display in this moment, and it annoys me precisely as much as it is intended to.
“Goddamnit,” I curse to myself. “You’re going to pay for this, girl.”
A knock at the door interrupts my fury. I’ve never been so thoroughly pissed off at anyone. Kitty should know better than to run from me. She knows I can keep her safe. This running away bullshit is going to end in tears - hers.
