by Natalie Grey
She felt the haptics shudder and put her headset back on to find that someone had camped her corpse. She stared at the blue-white screen and the countdown timer and wondered if she was actually going out of her mind.
"Gracie?" It was Ushanas. "Are you there?" He sounded genuinely worried, and at that moment, she felt a deep stab of guilt. Her team was trying. They were.
It wasn't their fault she was entirely out of her depth here.
"I'm here," she said. "I just needed...a reset. Give me a sec.”
"Come on," Ushanas urged.
"I just said—“
"Yeah, and before that, you said for people to run to the other team's graveyard and rez there. Come on." He led the way, his character's robes turned a ghostly white by the world of the dead.
Bemused, Gracie followed him. It was her order, although it had been back from when they had thought they might still win.
As if Ushanas could sense her thoughts, he turned to look at her over his shoulder. "You didn't give up, did you? Because if so, I'm afraid I'll have to believe you got replaced by your evil twin. Does your sister look a lot like you or something?”
"My sister wouldn't get near a video game if you threatened her life," Gracie replied, rolling her eyes. "She's off on Nantucket or something, wearing seersucker and planning her surprised face for when her boyfriend proposes on the 4th of July.”
"I mean, that does sound like an evil twin, so…"
Gracie laughed. They were close to the other team's graveyard, and they saw Lakhesis and Chowder waiting there, still in the spirit world. The other two waved, and Lakhesis motioned for them to circle up. All of them leaned in, Lakhesis standing on her tiptoes. The human was surrounded by two Ocru and an Aosi, so she was the shortest by far.
"All right, gang," Lakhesis started. "They think they have this thing in the bag, but what have we learned from Gracie over the past few weeks?”
"Trust her instincts," Chowder said.
"Listen to her orders," Ushanas added.
"Guys, I am right here; this is a bit weird.”
"Above all," Lakhesis continued, ignoring Gracie’s interjection, "no matter how long the shot is, never. Give. Up!”
"Never give up!" Ushanas and Chowder chorused. They looked at Gracie.
”Come on," Ushanas said again. He was laughing. "Maybe you suck at PvP right now, but we started out Team Underdog, and that's our jam.”
Gracie's jaw dropped. She knew what he was doing, and she was trying not to laugh. "I do not suck at PvP.”
"Oh, really?" Ushanas did the side-to-side head bob for a sassy comeback. "Then prove it.”
"Game on." Gracie looked around. "We ready?”
"Ready!" the other three yelled.
They rezzed just in time to see the other team's flag carrier sprinting dead out through the oasis. She had broken away from her pursuers, and she and her attendant healer seemed to think they were in the clear.
They were very, very wrong. Gracie charged out of cover and took the healer out sideways with a shield bash. Chowder went to town on the flag carrier in a blur of short swords, and Ushanas was handing out DoTs like they were candy. Lakhesis, meanwhile, helped Chowder burn the flag carrier down while saving her interrupt until Gracie yelled,”NOW!"
Lakhesis stunned the healer, who was a half-second away from pulling out the lifesaving heal, and the flag carrier went down in a heap.
"Go, go, go!" Gracie yelled.
The team charged into the enemy headquarters, Ushanas throwing one last fireball at the healer and chortling. "He ate that one in the face. Pro tip, kids: don't eat fireballs.”
"Citation needed," Gracie told him. She ran for the flag. "Lakhesis, me or you?”
"You," Lakhesis said without hesitation. "You have more HP, and I like DPS more." She peeled away and began running for the exit. "East or west?”
"West, and right-o." Gracie grabbed the flag and headed for the west corridor with Ushanas and Chowder in tow. "All right, we're about to have everyone on our ass, and we didn't manage to bring a healer, so just keep an eye on your health bar, okay, kids?”
"I thought Caspian was unemployed right now," Ushanas grumbled. "What use is an unemployed healer if they can't save us from the consequences of our own decisions?”
"Good point," Chowder rumbled.
Gracie let the conversation wash over her. She was smiling, although she didn't chime in. She had scanned to her left as they dashed out of the building and seen the bulk of the other team heading right for them.
"Get ready, guys. Ushanas, find a hiding spot.”
"Way ahead of you." Ushanas waved from halfway up a ruined stairwell as Gracie and Chowder sprinted by. "Squishies always have a good hiding spot planned.”
"Excellent." Gracie, much to her own sorrow, was not able to turn around and watch when she heard the fire start raining down. From Ushanas' hysterical laughter, however, she assumed that the other team had not expected to come around the corner and be trapped in a fireball-filled hellscape without any easy escape.
"Three got through," Ushanas reported. "A rogue, a sender, and a warrior.”
"Chowder, Lakhesis." Gracie didn't look.
"On it." Chowder stopped and pivoted in one smooth motion. "Hello, sender. Nice low health bar you got there. Would be a shame if something were to happen to it.”
"Threw another DoT on that rogue," Ushanas called. "Now he won't be able to go into stealth.”
"You're a dream," Gracie called back. She saw Lakhesis hurtle past her in the opposite direction to join the melee, and the two tanks waved cheerily at each other.
Gracie switched to the main team chat. "I don't suppose there's a healer anywhere near me. I'm coming out of the west hallway and getting close to our headquarters.”
"Hide for a second," a new voice said, and Gracie shrank into the shadows.
Another flag carrier ran out of their headquarters and toward the enemy base. Gracie waited until they were past, then snuck into the library and went to a dead sprint to get to their empty flag stand.
VICTORY, the screen announced in huge letters, and there was a cheer from her teammates.
"Look at that," Ushanas said privately. "You were right.”
"Sorry I was an ass," Gracie said. She heaved a sigh.
"You don't have much patience for losing, do you?" Ushanas was clearly smiling. "It's been a strength before. You can make it one again if you choose."
Chapter Eighteen
Alex was out with Sydney for dinner, so Gracie wolfed down a tuna sandwich and a beer and logged back into the game. By the time she arrived, Caspian was there, chatting seriously with Chowder, Kevin, Lakhesis, and Freon.
"Ushanas says she'll be back soon," Lakhesis told them.
"Ushanas is a she?" Chowder asked in surprise.
"Pretty sure," Lakhesis said.
"Huh." Chowder seemed very preoccupied with the idea.
"And Alan will be here soon as well," Kevin said. "He came over to my place for dinner to meet Jamie, here, and he's driving home to log on now. I have to say, it just feels weird not to call you Caspian.”
Caspian laughed. "You could call me Caspian. I don't mind, you know. I haven't been offended when you slipped up, just like you weren't offended when I totally botched the pancakes.”
"You botched pancakes?" Chowder asked skeptically. "Even I can make pancakes.”
"I got cocky," Caspian said. "I've never been able to make them properly, but I was on a roll, and...they just turned out horribly.”
"Which is why we have McDonald's," Kevin said. "Although, I'm beginning to remember why I stopped eating that stuff. I'm not twenty anymore, and my stomach isn't made of iron.”
"Where are you all?" Gracie asked curiously. She had walked into their usual tavern, only to find it empty.
"Oh, sorry." Kevin sent her a party invite. "We're up at the temple. You know, where things first went south?”
“Yeah?"
"Yeah. Come join us."
He didn't give any other details.
Gracie frowned curiously as she headed their way. They were bantering back and forth, throwing around lazy insults about each other's play style, into which were mixed some genuinely good pieces of advice. That seemed to be how they'd taken to helping each other out these days, and she didn't mind as long as the information got across and everyone was in on the joke.
She started up the hill during a particularly spirited round of “yo mama” jokes, including jokes about intellect buffs, equipment slots, and whether or not Chowder's mother was large enough that they needed an AoE spell to do damage to her. Gracie snorted at that last joke. She was high enough level now that she didn't need to pay attention to the patrolling ghosts in this zone. Instead, they were trying very hard not to notice her.
Gracie could still remember their initial climb up this hill. It was one of the first times they'd had Ushanas on board, and they'd been carefully planning out their strategy.
For a different boss than the one they got.
Instead of the ice boss, they had wound up with the first boss in Harry's quest line, and Gracie smiled to remember the way they had thrown desperate suggestions at one another and banded together to defeat it. It was something she had loved about those bosses, despite the stress of them: you never knew what was coming. You had to think on your feet and go by instinct.
Like PvP.
She slowed to a stop at the entrance to the temple, her mind whirling.
It was true. She loved pitting her wits against game bosses who forced her to think outside the box and react cleverly. And what boss required more outside-the-box thinking than a human opponent, someone who adapted to your play style and acted illogically sometimes? She had a very low tolerance for failure, and she'd allowed those experiences to scare her away instead of forcing her to adapt...which was the best-case scenario for Harry.
She was damned if she was going to let him win because she couldn't learn something new.
"Gracie?" She whirled with a muffled exclamation and saw Jay standing there. He waved, then blew a kiss.
She sighed. "You know, I wish we could actually kiss. That would be much nicer.”
"Guys?" Kevin said. "Public channel.”
"OH SHIT!" Gracie clapped her hands over her mouth. "Don't mind me. I'm just going to go sink through the floor. It's fine. Everything's fine.”
"Oh, don't do that." Caspian was laughing. "You two are cute.”
"They're together?" Chowder asked. "Did everyone else know that? How do I not know anything about this guild?”
"They've kept it on the DL," Lakhesis said. "But they're super adorably awkward around each other.”
Gracie sank her face into her hands.
"Ignore them," Jay said on a private channel. He held out his hand, and she put hers near it. There was a pause while they stared at each other's hands, and then, in unison, both of them made a fist and did an airy fist-bump. Jay emoted a laugh. "Who says romance is dead?”
"Not me." Gracie grinned at him. "A ruined temple filled with ghosts and zombies? You really know how to treat a girl.”
"I don't want to brag," Jay said, "but it looks like there's a considerable amount of mold as well.”
Gracie laughed. They were strolling toward the main group, and they came around the corner to find that the team had laid out a feast by the view out over Kithara. Gracie looked at it all in interest as she walked over.
"Holy crap, that’s a lot of food.”
"Remember how Alan and I were learning to cook?" Caspian asked. He swept his hands over the array of dishes. "Well, here you go!”
"If you knew how good his cooking was in real life, you'd be as hungry as I am right now," Kevin commented. "I bet you could make a roast pig.”
"In your apartment?” Caspian asked skeptically.
"I have a balcony.”
Gracie laughed. “So, a pixelated picnic. I love you guys.”
"And we love you," Kevin said, giving her an elaborate bow. "And we figured, what better place to hang out and strategize? We've heard you had a few successes in Saladin's Keep today.”
"We did indeed." Gracie settled her character down on a chunk of stone. "It's not my forte, I'll tell you that, but Ushanas whipped my butt into shape, and I'm definitely not about to let Harry win this confrontation.”
"Speaking of which," Jay said bluntly, "I've been tasked by Dan and Dhruv with finding out what he's planning, so if any of you have any ideas, let me know. I don't know that I'll pass everything on to them, of course, but it'll be nice to know what we're going to be facing.”
Gracie smiled at him. "They might have really changed their tune," she pointed out.
"They might." He sounded troubled. "I don't think they trust you as a queen.”
"Well, to be fair to them, I haven't had any official training." She noticed his hesitation before he laughed and reminded herself to ask him about it later. "In the meantime, unless anyone else has a different gut feeling, I'm definitely going to be preparing for us to face Harry in a PvP match of some sort, and—what was that?”
"What was what?" Jay looked over his shoulder. Gracie slid off the stone and headed for the edge of the temple, her heart pounding all of a sudden. They had teammates coming to join them here, but the person she'd seen was trying to hide, not join them. Which meant—
She came around a tumbled-down wall and gave a grim nod. "Yaro. What a surprise."
Chapter Nineteen
Yaro smiled at Gracie, a sharp-toothed smile on the pale, sickly-looking face. He was still dressed in the Level 1 robes, so she couldn't imagine how he'd made it up here without being killed by a bunch of ghosts, but she wasn't going to waste time on logistics right now.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Gracie asked him bluntly.
"I came to see you," Yaro said, his tone dripping with insincere warmth. "I wanted to watch the queen hold court.”
"Would you stop it with the queen bullshit?" Gracie's temper was spiking. Everything was coming home to her now: the PvP, the constant uncertainty of what was coming next, the fact that people were trying to sabotage her, and they didn't have the first idea of who she was or what she was even trying to do.
The fact that she didn't really have the first idea of what she was even trying to do.
Fuck my life.
Yaro smiled again. "You don't like being called a queen? I thought you earned the title. That's what you told me last time, isn't it?”
Gracie's hands clenched, and when Yaro laughed, she remembered too late that he could see her gestures.
"Why did you come?" she asked again. "Because it wasn't to observe me with my friends, that's for damned sure.”
"You're wrong," Yaro said simply. "You don't know the first thing about me.”
"And you don't know the first thing about me!" Gracie shot back. "You're acting like you know some deep, dark secret of mine, but you don't. I didn't cheat my way to this. I didn't take anything from you—unless you're Harry, of course, in which case, you deserved it.”
"You see, you're inconsistent," Yaro said. "You did take something. That is where it begins and ends. You took something that was not yours, and you've used it to rise above those who should be your equals.”
Gracie had nothing to say. There was nothing to say to that.
Yaro was right, after all. It was no use saying she hadn't stolen anything or cheated. She might have fallen ass-backward into the quest, but she had known how to give it back—and she hadn't done so. She had known that the quest wasn't something Dan and Dhruv intended, and while the two of them could easily claim that their vision of the game was just as important as Harry’s...
She definitely couldn’t.
"You thought you deserved this?" Yaro asked. "Or did you just want to be the queen and have a pretty crown and listen to your teammates fawning over you and telling you how smart and wonderful you were? Did you actually want loyalty or just sycophants?”
"That's enough." J
ay's voice was hard. He had come to stand by Gracie's shoulder. "I don't know who the hell you are, but you need to stop stalking her. This isn't anything to do with you.”
"It's not anything to do with you either," Yaro said. He crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head slightly. "You just wanted to be close to power, didn't you?”
Jay started to respond, but Gracie cut him off with a swipe of her hand. Caspian and Kevin were at her other shoulder, and she felt more embarrassed than anything to have her team standing up for her. After all, wasn't Yaro right? Didn't Gracie like being in charge? Didn't she like winning?
"No answer to that?" Yaro asked. "Typical. You thought you could come in here and all the men would fall all over themselves to—“
"Shut up." Gracie's temper blazed to life. "Shut. Up.”
Yaro fell silent, but Gracie could sense his smirk through the internet.
"You want to know why I held off coming here for so long?" Gracie snapped at him. "Because every other group I played with treated me like shit for being a woman. They expected me to be available to them; they told me how they wanted me to dress, how they wanted me to do my hair and my makeup like I fucking owed it to them to be their personal idea of a fuckable gamer girl.”
No one said anything. Yaro's posture had changed slightly, although Gracie didn't know what to make of that, and her team had stepped back.
"You know why I love these people?" Gracie demanded, sweeping her hands out to indicate the guild. "It's because when they found out I was a chick, they didn't give a damn. They didn't take me any less seriously, and they didn't stop thinking I was a good tank. They didn't treat every interaction like it was some sort of power struggle someone had to win. They suggested things to me and took my suggestions." She was heaving for breath. She wanted to scream and scream and never stop. "I walked into this world, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and you know what? You were right the other day, okay? You were right about my family. They do think I'm a piece of shit. I'm a disappointment, okay? I had a shit job. I didn't have a boyfriend. I never got my Ph.D. And here, in this insane world with magic and faeries and swords the size of my whole body…“ she was shaking, tears leaking out the bottom of her headset, “this was the one place I felt like I could make a difference.”
