“Give Lauren some time maybe.” Bentley says, like it should have been so easy.
“I never planned to fuck Tanya, that's not why she was there. I mean, it crossed my mind of course, but I really don't think I could have done it. I just didn't want to go back to an empty apartment by myself.” I admit. “Do you have any idea what it is like to have the only woman you want, be the only one that doesn't want you?” I bite, knowing that women have always dropped at his feet.
“As a matter of fact, I do. Anna and Lauren have a lot in common in that regard.” He laughs lightly, clearly reminiscing on a past memory. “Look.” He says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I know what you're going through. I do. But you either need to find a way to make this right or let it go. You're miserable. She's miserable. And neither one of you is going to be able to move forward if you can't let each other go.”
“How do you know she's miserable?” I question, the smallest glimmer of hope finding its way back in. Not that I want her to be unhappy, but if she is, maybe that means there is still a chance.
“Because she is one of my Anna's best friends.” He says with no other explanation. “Listen, you know I've got your back, whatever you decide. But for everyone's sake, you need to figure it out.” He leans back in the chair, stretching his legs in front of himself.
“There's nothing to figure out. She hates me. I've tried calling. I have been to her apartment several times, she never answers her door. At this point, I feel like a fucking stalker. There's nothing more I can do.”
“What if I told you that I could arrange a way for you to see her?” He asks, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“I would say when and where?” I answer without hesitation.
“We're having a small get together for family and friends Saturday night. Now that Anna and Luke are home and settled, she wanted to have everyone over. It's going to be pretty low key. Catered finger foods and wine. Probably only about twenty people in attendance.”
“And why am I just now finding out about this?” I ask, picking up on the fact that this was not something he planned on inviting me to.
“Anna made me promise not to invite you.” He says, holding his hands up to stop me from interrupting. “She knew Lauren wouldn't come if you were going to be there.”
“So then why tell me now?” I ask.
“Because I have been in your shoes. And, because I really hope you two can work your shit out already.” He laughs. “Come to the house around seven. The party should be in full swing by then.” He says, pushing to a stand.
“Thanks man.” I say, watching him cross the small space of the office.
“Just don't fuck it up this time.” He laughs, pulling open the door.
Chapter Thirty-One
Lo
“So you're sure you can be here early enough?” Lilly asks me for the tenth time since I called her fifteen minutes ago.
“Lilly.” I laugh. “I promise. I will be there with plenty of time to spare.”
“Don't forget, we are getting our hair done at one. You need to meet me at the church.....”
“By ten in the morning, I know.” I laugh, shaking my head at my reflection in the mirror as I line my lips with a light layer of clear lip gloss.
“I'm just.... I'm so happy you're coming.” I can hear the emotion thick in her voice.
“Me too. I'm sorry it took so much convincing and that you had to drive all the way out here twice.” I say, still feeling a large amount of guilt for what I have put Lilly through the last few weeks.
“It was worth it.” She laughs. “Mom and Dad are so excited to see you. And Aunt Jill is absolutely beside herself. She thought she wouldn't live to see the day you came home.” Lilly rambles into the phone excitedly.
“Oh Aunt Jill.” I laugh. “What is she now, eighty?” I ask, knowing that my favorite great aunt is definitely getting up there in age.
“Eighty two.” Lilly corrects me. “And as feisty as ever.” She promises.
“I would expect nothing less.” I say, checking the clock behind me. “Lills I gotta go. I have to be at Anna's in less than thirty minutes.” I say, seeing it is already after six.
“Okay. Okay. Give that baby kisses for me and I will see you next Saturday.” She squeals into the phone.
“Don't act like you won't call me twenty times between now and then.” I laugh, knowing how anal Lilly is.
She will want to make sure I don't forget anything and that I know exactly where I am supposed to be and what time I am supposed to be there. Even though she has already told me a hundred times by now, she will still feel the need to remind me over and over again.
“Guilty.” She agrees, laughing lightly. “Okay go. Have fun at your party. I love you.” She sings.
“Love you too.” I say, quickly ending the call and dropping my cell on top of my dresser.
I am so happy that I get to be with Lilly on her big day but I can't deny the huge amount of dread I feel towards my impending trip home. When I called Lilly the night I opened up to Dax about my past, I think that's the first time I ever let her really see how much the past was still haunting me. Being the amazing sister she is, she listened to me cry for hours and even offered to drive all the way here just to be with me.
It was right then and there that I decided, there was no way I was going to miss her wedding. Lilly has always put me first, always. It's about time I do the same for her. Though, I can't deny how much I wish Dax would be there to help me through it.
Immediately the image of him holding my hand, his hazel eyes looking into mine as he spins me across the dance floor, my entire family watching, seeing how happy I am, dances through my mind. Shaking off the thought, I have to take a deep breath to stop the well of tears I can feel threatening to spill over the surface.
Turning, I take a long look at my reflection in the mirror. My blonde waves are tied in a loose side pony and I have kept my makeup light and natural, giving my eyes just enough definition with some dark liner and black mascara that the blue color pops. No matter how hard I try to hide behind my appearance though, I can still see the sadness in my eyes that I have been desperately trying to bury.
Shaking off the direction my thoughts are going, I tug at the fitted bust of my black and white empire style dress, hoping I don't spend the entire night trying to keep it in place. I love this dress. It's fancy enough to wear on a night out and yet still casual enough to work perfectly for a dinner party. Slipping on my black heels, I take one last look at myself in the mirror before turning and walking away from the sad girl looking back at me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Dax
I arrive at Bentley's just after seven to find their large house crawling with at least forty people. Small get together my ass. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised. I'm sure Rebecca, Bentley's mom, insisted on inviting every distant relative she could track down, just so she could have the opportunity to show off her new grandson to anyone who would care enough to come.
Ethan nods in my direction when he spots me crossing the foyer towards the main dining area where a large number of the guests seem to be gathered around. Peeking around the corner, I immediately see about ten older women all grouped around Anna and her new son. I scan the room quickly, making sure that Lo isn't in here, before turning and heading in the opposite direction, not wanting to be spotted by Anna before I have a chance to find Lo.
Bentley and Anna's house is incredible. High cathedral ceilings, a spiral staircase that leads up to a second floor loft that overlooks a good portion of the first floor, two dining rooms, three living spaces and a kitchen bigger than my entire apartment. I can only imagine what the second floor is like. I have yet to venture up there, having no real reason to ever leave the first floor the handful of times I have been here.
I make my way from room to room scouring every inch as I go. When I stop in the kitchen to grab a beer, I finally stumble upon Bentley who appears to be desperatel
y trying to escape the grips of one of his elderly relatives.
“Ah Dax. There you are.” He gives me a look that says save me before turning back to the woman in front of him. “Rosie will you please excuse me? I have some quick business to discuss with Dax here.” He says, nodding in my direction.
“Work. Work. Work.” She swipes her hand through the air. “One of these days your going to wake up and wonder where your life has gone, working all the time like you do.” She shakes her head and turns, grabbing a glass of wine from the kitchen island before sauntering off.
“Let's step out back.” Bentley says, grabbing a beer of his own.
I nod, following him out onto the back deck that has the most incredible wooded view, stretching out as far as the eye can see. Taking a long drink of my beer, I collapse down on the stone steps that lead out into the back yard, resting my elbows on the tops of my legs.
“Thank you for saving me back there.” Bentley says, dropping down beside me.
“No problem.” I laugh. “I have a few relatives like her back in Connecticut.” I tack on “Have you seen Lo around?” I can't resist the urge to ask. It is, after all, why I am here to begin with.
“Yeah she's around here somewhere. I'm taking it you haven't seen her.” He says, taking a drink of his beer.
“No, but I did come across your wife. Don't worry.” I quickly add. “I avoided being discovered.” I laugh, taking a long swig of my own beer.
“Good thing too.” He laughs. “If Anna sees you before you find Lo, I can't promise she won't throw your ass out.” He laughs, giving me an apologetic smile. “She makes the rules, what can I say?” He laughs.
“What has that girl done to you?” I question playfully, shaking my head at him.
“She's completely rocked my entire fucking world.” He laughs, taking another drink of his beer. “In the best way possible.” He tacks on. “I really should get back inside before she comes looking for me. Good luck tonight man. I really hope you get the chance to work your shit out. I speak from experience when I say, if you find someone you love enough to fight for, then fight for them with all you have. Lauren is a good girl, a bit wild, but a good girl. If she actually forgives you, you better not fuck it up a second time.” He warns.
“Trust me, I don't intend to.” I say, nodding in his direction as he stands.
“I'll catch up with you later man.” He says, not waiting for a response from me before making his way back inside.
Just needing a break from the numerous people swarming inside, and a few more minutes to figure out just what the fuck I am going to say to Lo when I see her, I push off of the steps and head out onto the grounds.
I walk for several minutes along the perimeter of the woods before heading back up towards the house. Making my way along a stone path that leads through the flower garden, I am so lost in thought that it takes me a moment to realize that someone is standing just a few feet ahead of me. Silhouetted in the dim outdoor lighting, my heart immediately picks up speed when I realize who the person is.
Lo.......
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lo
“It's beautiful out here isn't it?” His voice washes over me from behind and I jump slightly, startled that I did not hear him approach. I spin from my place in front of the gardens to find Dax just a few short feet from me.
My heart immediately starts pounding out of my chest at the sight of him. Why does he have to look so incredible? He's dressed in an all black suit, his jacket draped across his forearm, no tie, the top two buttons of his shirt left open revealing a small sliver of his perfect flesh. His hair is shoved back in a messy style that puts his incredible hazel eyes on full display. He is absolutely mouthwatering and I hate him for it. He shoves his hands into his pants pockets and takes a hesitant step towards me, clearly not sure what to expect.
Honestly, I am so shocked by his unexpected appearance and so taken aback by how my body is reacting to seeing him again, that I am not even sure if I am able to react at all. I can't speak, can't move. All I can do is stand here, slacked jaw, staring at him.
“I'm sorry if I startled you.” He says, taking another step towards me and then another, before he finally stops, clearly not missing the way my whole body tenses the closer he gets.
He is standing just a foot away, maybe less. Close enough that I could reach out and touch him. I could reach out and run my hands down his torso, feel the ripple of muscle under my fingertips. God how I've missed him. I have never felt such an incredible amount of love and hate for one person before in my life and I find the conflicting emotions more than difficult to sort through.
“What are you doing here?” I finally manage to speak, though my words come out weak and airy.
“I just needed to see you.” He says, his eyes locking on mine. “I've missed you.”
“Don't.” I immediately hold up my hand to stop him from coming any closer to me. I can't think clearly when he's too close.
“Lo, I'm so sorry.” He breathes, his eyes holding my gaze. “I'm sorry that I wasn't patient enough to give you the time you needed. I'm sorry that I had another woman in my apartment. I'm sorry for everything.” His voice is almost pained and causes a wave of guilt to wash over me. Even though I know I have no reason to feel guilty, I still feel it tight in the pit of my stomach.
“Did you fuck her?” I ask, knowing that if he did, there will be no going back from that.
“No.” He shakes his head adamantly. “I didn't touch her.” He promises.
“Why was she in your apartment?” I ask.
“I was fucked up over everything going on with us, over all the shit you told me. I felt this overwhelming urge to protect you, to make things better for you, but you shut me out and I didn't know how to handle that. When I felt like I couldn't stare at the same four walls for another fucking second, I headed over to Rips to have a few drinks.” He says, referring to the hole in the wall bar where him and I shared a few drinks after my first big fight with Lilly over her wedding.
“I didn't go there to pick anyone up. Hell, I had no intention of even talking to anyone. But then Tanya approached me and we had spoken a couple other times before when I had been at the bar. There is not and has never been anything between us, just pointless conversation. We spent most of the afternoon talking, mainly about you.” He admits, apology lining his forehead. “It felt so good to talk to someone that I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to go home and sit by myself, obsessing over the fact that you were hell bent on avoiding me, so I invited her back to my apartment for pizza.”
“And when you got there, your clothes just started falling off?” I bite, feeling like there has to be more to this little story of his.
“Tanya didn't want beer and the only other thing I had in my apartment was a bottle of champagne Malcolm and Chelle had gotten me when I started at Allure. I popped the cork and the damn thing exploded all over the front of me. User error, you saw the condition I was in.” He shakes his head. “I took my shirt off and was getting ready to go to my room to get a clean one when you knocked on the door.” He explains.
“Convenient.” I snip, not able to stop myself.
“Look, I was drunk, I admit. Really drunk. But Lo, you have to believe me when I tell you that nothing happened with Tanya. You are the only person I want. You are all I think about. I know I fucked up. I know I put myself in a very compromising situation and I can understand why you are hurt by that. I can only imagine how I would feel if the roles were reversed. But I promise you, there is no one else for me. Only you.” He adds, reaching out to lightly trail the back of his hand across my cheek.
The contact immediately sends a bolt of electricity through my body and I pull back, not wanting to let myself be distracted. He drops his hand, the deep sadness in his eyes only growing at my resistance of his touch.
“When you told me about Ricky, about what those fuckers did to you, it took everything in me not to hunt them down one at a time and kil
l them all. The only thing that stopped me was knowing if I did that, I would never see you again. I can't take back what they did to you. I can't change it. But I can promise you that I will never let anything like that ever happen to you again.”
“I love you Lo.” He whispers, tipping my chin upwards so that I am forced to look at him. “I can't lose you. You are all that makes sense to me now. Every moment I spend without you is void, empty, meaningless. I never intended to fall in love with you.” He says, causing my already hammering heart to drop somewhere into the pit of my stomach.
“I didn't want this. Any of this. I never wanted to give another woman the power to destroy me ever again. But with you, I had no choice. The more I got to know you, the more I fell for you. Now, there's no going back. I can't live without you. I don't want to.” I try to blink away the tears that are suddenly blurring my vision, not wanting to let myself be so vulnerable in this moment.
“I have fallen so deeply in love with you Lauren Hannock. Please tell me I haven't lost you.” He pleads.
“Dax. We are not built for this. You and me, it will never work. We will always find a way to fuck it up.” I say, my throat tight around my words.
“No we won't.” He shakes his head.
“How can you be so sure? Look at what we have already put each other through.” I say, knotting my hands nervously in front of me.
“We have both had some shit things happen to us. Going in, we both knew what we could offer one another. We were bound to run into issues the moment we strayed from that. But I'm ready now. I'm ready to be the man you deserve. I want to spend every minute of everyday of the rest of our lives showing you how much you have changed me. You saved me.” He says, reaching down to roll up the left sleeve of his dress shirt.
“I found love once before.” He continues, moving to his right sleeve. “A long time ago. I thought it was impenetrable, unbreakable. I was prepared to marry her and ride off into the sunset. I mean, before I caught her in bed with one of my friends that is.” He says, clearly not knowing that Anna has already told me this fact about his past.
Taming Lo: A You and I Novel Page 14
