by Jessica Ames
Because I’m never letting her go again.
Her hand feels so warm and good in mine. She completes me with her touch. I ignore the looks we get as we walk through the hospital. People stare at my kutte, seeing the monster I am. I’m used to being studied like a slide under a microscope, but with Sasha at my side, I want to protect her from this shit. She doesn’t seem bothered, though. She walks tall and proud, and why wouldn’t she? Her entire life has been embroiled with this MC. Her father was a member; she grew up in this world. She may have been out of it for a few years, but I can see she’s going to slot back into it without missing a beat.
When we get outside, I lead her over to the motorcycle parking area. There are a few crotch rockets parked, and two Harleys—mine and Kyle’s. I notice the other riders have been careful to park away from us.
I see the flicker of excitement dancing in her eyes as she takes my bike in.
“We’re riding?”
“Unless you want to walk.”
She shakes her head, then grabs my arm, stopping me. “Are you sure about this?”
I know why she’s asking. Having a woman on the back of my bike is a big deal. It says she’s mine. I thought Sasha understood that’s where I stood with her. I thought she knew I’d claimed her. I haven’t exactly been quiet about the subject.
“I’m sure,” I tell her, leaving no room for interpretation.
Her breath seems to catch in her throat and I watch as her eyes dart between me and the Harley.
I’ve upgraded since she was last on the back of my motorcycle. This model is newer, better and I can see the appreciation she has for it as she runs a hand over the fuel tank.
“This is beautiful, Ty.”
“Levi did the body work.”
“He did a great job.”
I unhook my helmet off the lock on the back and hand it to her.
She turns it over in her hands before raising her eyes to meet mine. “What about you?” she asks.
“Don’t give a fuck about protecting my head, but I do care about protecting yours.”
She ducks her chin, a smile playing across her mouth before she pulls the helmet on. It’s a little too big for her and wobbles a little but it’s better than nothing. I’ll get her one that fits right.
I climb on the bike and kick the stand up. Then I glance over my shoulder at her expectantly. Having her on the back of my bike is the right thing to do, but it makes me a little nervous. My dickhead brother is still out there somewhere. We’d be easy targets if he chose to take us out while we’re riding. I don’t think he’d have the balls, but who knows where his head is at.
So far, he’s evaded our every attempt to find him. I have men looking for him from across my business dealings—both legal and illegal. I’ve even put out an alert to the other Sons’ chapters, telling them not to help him in case the crazy fucker shows up at another clubhouse seeking sanctuary. He’ll get no help from my allies, I’ve made sure of that, but my frustration continues to grow as I wait for him to be found. I need him dealt with so I know my woman and child are safe.
Sasha pauses a second before she moves to the pillion on her side and, using my shoulders, settles herself on the back. After three years riding solo it should feel strange to have someone behind me, but it feels normal, like the old days. When her arms slide around my waist, my dick gives a twitch in my jeans. Feeling her press against my back is doing crazy shit to me and images of her beneath me as I pound into her sweet pussy flash through me.
I rev the bike and her arms tighten around my waist. Then, I hit the gas and we take off.
22
Sasha
Riding behind Tyler brings back so many memories of a time before my heart was torn open by Sin’s betrayal. It reminds me that I was once carefree, that I was happy and that I lived in the moment. I miss those days. I miss when I didn’t have to worry about things like bone marrow donors and whether my rapist is out there, looking to harm me and my child.
Even with all that swirling around in my brain, it’s easy to ignore for the one thought that is dominating my mind: we found a match.
My daughter will survive this.
It’s not a guarantee, but it is a chance, and that’s all she needs—a chance. If she takes to the transplant, her survival increases more and more with each day. I just can’t believe Fury matched. Of all the brothers I would not have imagined he would be the most closely aligned with my daughter genetically.
As Ty said, he’s one in a million.
I cling to Tyler as he navigates the bike through traffic, the roar of the Harley pipes loud, the vibrations beneath me strong. This is where I was always happiest, sitting behind him, the open road in front of us. The weight in my chest feels like it’s been dislodged, allowing my lungs to inflate properly for the first time in months. I feel freer than I’ve ever felt as I nuzzle against his back.
Part of me is scared to let him in again. Part of me is terrified of getting hurt, but when it comes to Tyler, I can’t deny how I feel. Every time I’m with him my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest and my stomach performs somersaults. He makes me feel something good, he makes me feel clean. Sin dirtied me in ways that I can never wash away, but Tyler never makes me feel anything but beautiful and whole. When he looks at me, he sees past the broken, damaged woman to the core of who I am. He sees the old me. I may no longer be that Sasha, but part of her still exists in me, buried deep beneath the filth. Every moment I spend with him, I feel my resolve to keep away weakening, and when he kissed me, I knew it was over. I can’t resist this man anymore. I want him. Hell, I need him. So does Lily-May. She needs her father and I know Ty will protect his daughter with his life.
Sitting on the back of his bike confirms the fact he’s claimed us both. He would never have me behind him otherwise. These men are precious about who rides bitch on their bikes, so he’s making a statement. It’s just another way of him proving to me that he’s made me his again and that sends tingles through my belly.
Am I ready to be claimed?
I don’t know, but what I do know is I don’t want him to walk away after this is done. I want him with me and Lil.
I cling tighter to him, as if I can keep him close with my touch and I feel his muscles bunch beneath my hands. He’s not unaffected either by this ride and that has my mouth pulling into a grin.
As we approach the clubhouse, I feel my mood slip. The last time I was here, I wasn’t sure who Lily-May’s father was and I thought no one would believe Sin attacked me. I’m not sure who knows my secret beyond Tyler and Nox, but I don’t want to see pity in the eyes of people who were—who are—my family.
When Zack steps out of the security booth and pulls the gate open, my veins turn to ice. Can I do this? Can I walk back into the clubhouse after all this time?
My emotions are mixed.
I have a lot of good memories of this place, as well as the new nightmares that plague me. Sin might not be here, but his presence is embedded in the bricks and mortar of the building. I try to push that aside and remember at one point this was home. It will be again.
Tyler leads the bike over to a space near the side door and puts his feet on the ground. I climb off, my legs a little shaky. It’s been so long since I last rode, I feel jellied. He kicks the stand down and pulls the bandanna off his face as I tug his helmet off and hand it back to him.
His eyes rove hungrily over my face as he takes it from me without a word. Without warning, he pulls me into his arms and captures my mouth. I can’t stop my body from reacting, from wanting him. Loving Tyler was never an issue. I’ve always loved him, but knowing I can have him again has my stomach flipping like I’m a love-struck teenager.
It doesn’t mean I’m not terrified, because I am. The thought of letting him in again, of getting hurt again scares me to death, but with each passing day, my trust of Tyler is growing more and more.
When he pulls back from my mouth, he’s breathless. So am I. His
kisses add to the wobbliness in my legs and I cling to his forearms to keep steady as I peer up into his eyes.
“I’ve missed this,” he says quietly.
I can’t help but smile. “Me too.”
He places the helmet on the back of the bike, then slips his hand into mine, giving me a squeeze before we start walking towards the door. I squint as we move from outside to inside, the change in lighting taking a moment to adjust to.
I steel myself, taking a deep breath as I glance around. I don’t know what I expect, but the common room hasn’t changed in three years. It’s still the same old ratty sofas, the same beat up pool table, the same dirty looking bar and linoleum flooring. The stench of weed is heavy in the air, as is the smell of stale beer and cigarettes. Nostalgia washes through me as I remember all the times I was here as a girl while my father saw to club business, and I feel my spine snapping straight as I step into the shoes of the old Sasha, the woman I was before Sin’s attack—the brave, brazen, sassy, don’t fuck with me bitch who was devoted to her man and the club. It’s hard not to become her again when I’m surrounded by my past. I remember sitting at the table near the door when I got my property patch off Tyler, I remember my first kiss with him in the corner near the pool table, and I remember the first time he told me he loved me by the bar.
There are other memories too. Especially of Priest. My father used to sit at the end of the bar every day. It was always his spot and his face floats across my mind as I stare at the empty seat. How much everything has changed.
When he was alive, he had Daimon’s position of Treasurer while Ty’s father was President until his death. They were both taken out when a rival club opened fire on them at a bike rally. The Sons burnt that club to the ground in the years after, Tyler leading from the president seat, which he took shortly after his father was gunned down. Ty rebuilt the ranks and restored peace to the club.
I hate that my memory of my father is hazy, and grows hazier with each passing year. One thing I do remember is that he was amazing with numbers and figures in a way I could never be. He’s been dead years now, but his memory still lingers. I miss him every day. Had he still been alive, none of this would have happened. He would have been the one to take care of me when Ty was on that run, not Sin.
I push those thoughts aside. Dwelling on the what ifs doesn’t do any good.
As I peer around the room, I see most of the brothers are here, as are a few of the club bunnies. I ignore those skanks and focus on the lads.
“Good to see you back where you belong, Sasha,” Titch says, raising a pint glass in my direction.
“You sticking around then?” Daimon asks, and I nod, but my attention goes to the corner of the room, where Fury is sitting alone, twisting a blade between his hands.
I don’t even think. I cross the room, intending to throw my arms around him and thank him for saving my daughter’s life, but fingers on my bicep pull me up short.
I glance back at Tyler who shakes his head at me. “Fury ain’t going to appreciate you touching him, Sash.”
Right. He doesn’t like that.
“I forgot.”
He runs his fingers over his beard and grabs my hand. “Come on.”
We head over to Fury’s table and Ty pulls up two stools. I take one, he takes the other.
Fury peers up at us. His knife, which he had been sticking in the tabletop, pauses, and I see the confusion in his face.
“Prez?”
Tyler leans forward, clasping his hands together on the tabletop.
“The doc gave us the results of the test. You matched.”
Fury’s brows draw together. “I matched?”
“Yeah, brother.”
He mulls this over for a moment before he says, “Good.”
“You going to be okay with the procedures?” Tyler asks. “There’s going to be needles.”
He stares at the knife in his hand, then his eyes rise to meet mine. “For that little girl, yeah.”
I blink back my tears. He’s never even met her, but because she’s mine, he’s embraced her as family.
“I can’t thank you enough, Fury.”
He grunts, then glances at Tyler. “When?”
“As soon as they have an available spot for you to do the blood test. Whizz might be able to take them instead.”
That would probably be safer for everyone involved. Fury might want to help, but his fear of needles isn’t going to go away.
“What you’re doing will save Lily-May’s life,” I say, swiping at my eyes. “Thank you.”
I watch as Fury twists the knife in his hands, his brow drawing down. “I’ve never saved someone before.”
That thought makes a shiver crawl up my spine. I know these men are not saints. I’ve been around the club for long enough to know that. I know they sometimes do terrible things, that they are all swimming in the blood of people they’ve hurt and killed over the years, but I don’t care. Fury is family and in this life that counts for something. Family always comes first, which makes what Sin did to me worse. He not only shit on Priest’s memory by touching his daughter, but he shit all over his brother by betraying his trust in the worst possible way.
Fury might be cracked, but he’s still family, and that means something.
I don’t care if he slaughtered ten people, hell a thousand people. He’s going to save my daughter’s life. His past means nothing to me.
23
Ravage
I leave Sasha in the common room to attend church, our club meeting. No one but patched brothers and prospects—if they’re invited—attend, and what is talked about never leaves the four walls. It’s where we conduct our business and decide on the direction the club is heading in. Today, there’s only one topic on the agenda—my shithead brother.
“Tell me someone has good fucking news,” I growl out from my place at the head of the table. As my new VP, Nox sits at my right-hand side, Fury, my sergeant-at-arms to my left.
“Little fucker is slippery,” Nox says.
“I did get a bead on him moving into Devils territory,” Daimon adds from further down the table. “I asked Maverick to keep an eye out, but so far no one’s seen shit.”
The Devil’s Dogs are another London-based club we have a tenuous alliance with. I don’t think the Devils would hide my brother and risk pissing us off, not after recovering from their own spat with the Northampton Reapers not that long ago.
I bang my fist on the table and lean across it. “I want that cunt found,” I hiss.
“Do you want to tell us why you’re so hell-bent on finding him?” Titch asks with a hint of steel in his voice.
I know the lads are getting restless, that they can feel something brewing. I know it because I can feel it too. A storm is coming, and I don’t know when, but I know it’s going to destroy everything it touches when it lands. Finding my brother before it starts is the key to keeping bloodshed to a minimum.
“It ain’t my story to tell, but just know he did something he can’t come back from. I want his fucking colours and I want his life.”
“Does this have anything to do with Sash being back in town?” Daimon presses, flicking his ash into the ashtray on the tabletop before taking a long drag of his cigarette.
When he gives me his eyes, I see the hardness there—not for me, but for the thought something might have happened to Sasha. Their loyalty to her is a relief to see, especially after I spent the past few years talking her down.
“Just fucking find Sin, yeah?” I snap out. “Let me worry about Sash.” I drag my fingers through my hair, which is loose of the tie. “He shouldn’t be this fucking hard to pin down.”
“The bloke is resourceful,” Levi says, “I’ll give him that.”
Too resourceful. How is he managing to evade us when we have everyone looking? I can’t stop the rage from roaring through me. I shove my feet and kick the chair back out of the way before slamming a hand on the table so hard the pain reverberates up my arm.
“Widen the search. Put out a reward for information on him,” I yell. “I want him fucking found!”
“We’ll find him,” Nox says, his voice low, trying to calm my anger. It doesn’t work. I’m too fired up.
“He’s a fucking risk to Sasha and my daughter! So, you find him and you fucking find him fast. I don’t care if we have to tear London apart to get him. Anyone hiding him is fucking dead. Anyone helping him is fucking dead. Do you hear me?”
“Yeah, Rav, I hear you.”
I kick over a trash can, sending rubbish spewing into the air, and drag the doors open, my heart galloping in my chest as acid burns through my veins.
“Meeting a-fucking-journed.” I throw the words over my shoulder as I storm off in the direction of the common room.
My frustration is rolling through me like hot magma. I can barely control my fury. The longer my brother is out there, the longer this shit drags out for. I want it done. I don’t want his murder hanging over my head for weeks. I don’t want him out there, risking my child and woman’s safety. We’re a powerful club. Finding one man shouldn’t be this hard a fucking task.
As I shove into the common room, I find Sasha sitting in a booth talking with Briella, Levi’s little sister. Levi only patched in after Sash was gone, so Sash and Briella can’t know each other, but they’re deep in conversation, as if they’ve been best friends for fucking life.
Sash’s eyes raise to me as I stand in the doorway, huffing like a bull. She murmurs something to Brie then slips out of the booth, coming to me. There’s no fear in her, despite the fact I’m radiating homicidal levels of rage right now. Her hand comes to my arm and I feel the anger start to leech out of me at her touch. She always did have the power to ground me again.
