“That’s about as realistic as me playing basketball professionally.” Hailey barely topped five foot two. “We already know something’s hinky with the whole set-up. Look at the report. Suzanne has been returning to her home every night and ordering take out and clearly charging her phone. What kind of ruthless kidnapper would allow that?”
“Look Peterson, we are not involved in the mail fraud investigation. I say we just do what we’re supposed to and let Jakob Kim and his people handle this.”
Hailey smirked. “Oh, it’s Peterson now, is it? Well Osman, I know it’s not part of our investigation, but aren’t you curious?”
“You know what happened to the cat. I don’t think you should have gone into Don’s office.”
“What can I say? I just happened to see the report on Don Halverson’s desk, and it fell open and I just happened to read it. On a whim I decided to try Suzanne Turcotte’s number and she answered. How wild is that? Do you think the money we found in Beverly Nichols’ motel room is part of the ransom?”
“Like I said, it’s none of our business. We’ve already stepped way outside of protocol with our, as you put it, situational romance and have been re-assigned to checking out tips from the FBI hotline. I say we keep our heads down and do what were told.”
Jamal walked over to his desk and picked up a sheet of paper.
“Here’s one tip that is going to prove exciting to follow-up on. One neighbor suspects the other neighbor of ‘cooking meth’ in their chicken coop because the chickens have not been clucking the same way they were before. She thinks they’re high on dope.”
Hailey laughed. “Right. We’ll stake out the yard and listen to the chickens all night. Come on Jamal; what’s wrong with trying to track down Bev?”
Jamal shouted. “Yes, okay, we lost our number one murder suspect!” He winked and lowered his voice. “So I think we better try and find her, don’t you?”
The former lovers stood facing each other in the field office; both surprised by Jamal’s suggestion.
Hailey raised an eyebrow. “That is not what I thought you were going to say. Well then, do you have a good singing voice because we’re heading to an Irish pub to enter a karaoke contest!”
Her work partner was already searching on his phone. “We got your Shillelagh Shenanigans; your Kelly O’Brien’s and finally, the Irish Pub. Where should we start first?”
***
This night could not get any better, Sean thought as he sat drinking green beer and listening to the contestants. There was one older lady on the stage right now, who you would not want to be meeting in a dark alley and that was for sure. She looked very mad, like she could actually shoot laser beams out of her eyes and yet she was singing very nicely about a good dog.
But like Sean, her eyes kept searching the crowd.
“Another pitcher of green beer?” his waitress asked.
“That’s right kind of you little miss, I reckon I could have another at that,” Sean drawled. Despite Miss Hailey’s recommendation, he decided to go ahead with the Texan accent. The drunker he got, the better he sounded.
“Well aren’t you the polite one,” the waitress said, putting her hand on his arm. “Even though Saint Paddy’s day has come and gone, we serve green beer year ‘round. And that’s not all we serve here.” She took out her pen and wrote her number down on a napkin.
Sean had heard about such things, of course. But he was saving himself for his bride. And wouldn’t it be lovely if that bride was one Miss Hailey Peterson? In the meantime, he would enjoy the night and look for a small woman with quite the head of fiery colored hair.
And then Miss Hailey Peterson walked in the door.
“Sean how are you buddy?” she asked and shook his hand.
He had never understood the expression I’ll never wash my hand again but tonight he did. Everything tingled in a most delightful way where Miss Hailey had embraced his hand. Sean could already smell the rose and jasmine garlands they would exchange at their wedding ceremony.
“Miss Hailey! I see you have brought your Jamal knocking boots partner with you tonight. How disappointing.”
Hailey shook her head. “Oh, um, that’s all over, we’re work partners and that’s all.”
“Have you seen Beverly Nichols?” Jamal asked.
“No, but I am thinking of standing on the stage. It would prove a most efficient vantage point.” Sean began humming a traditional song about a wicked Mother-in-law. “And how is your Mother these days?” he asked Hailey.
Before she could answer, Jamal interrupted. “I entered us in the contest. Sean here is right; you could get a better view from up on the stage.”
***
Eureka! Helen Percy thought as she watched the blonde woman up on stage belting out a tune. She was small and she could sing. Her partner, on the other hand, sounded dreadful. When the woman got off the stage, Helen got up and followed her to the bathroom.
“Don’t turn around,” Helen said as she pointed her gun in Hailey’s back.
Hailey rolled her eyes. “I don’t need to; I can see you in the mirror.”
“Whatever. Look, Don wants his money back. I’m here to collect it.”
“Is this a prank lady? Wait, where are you out of? The Springfield Office? You tell Don that I already chipped in for Jakob Kim’s going away present; I don’t owe him anything.”
Helen pressed the gun barrel hard into Hailey’s back and growled, “I said Don wants his half million back. He’s really upset with you and he is not the kind of person you want to make mad. Now you and I are going to become good friends. Such good friends that we are going out to the parking lot and you are going to give me your car as a kind of goodwill gesture.”
Hailey calmly turned around and looked at the small gun in Helen’s hand. “Well that isn’t a standard issue firearm.” She reached into her shoulder holster and pulled out a gun and pressed it into Helen’s nose. “Now see, this is the Glock I’m to carry at all times.” Hailey took advantage of the older woman’s confusion and with a quick chopping motion knocked the gun out of Helen’s hand and kicked it across the floor. Hailey kept her Glock pressed against Helen’s nose.
“Would you care to explain why you think pulling a gun on an FBI agent is a good idea?”
I’m getting too old for this crap, Helen thought, but at least I have one more trick up my sleeve. She whistled.
“Any thoughts?” Hailey asked as she heard the washroom door opening.
A huge man with reddened cheeks walked in the door. “Excuse me,” he said to Hailey, “But my Auntie Helen wanted me to…”
“Oh good God Tony, pull out your gun.”
Hailey kept her gun on the woman but looked at this new threat. The large man continued to be embarrassed but was talkative.
“Okay, but like I told you Auntie, I used all my bullets trying to kill Bev up in Seattle.”
Hailey assessed the situation. The big goof seemed to be telling the truth.
“Get down on the floor,” she ordered him as she quickly reached in her pocket and then zip tied her captives’ wrists.
Tony bent his knees and started to crouch, then froze with indecision.
“Run you idiot!” his Auntie yelled.
He did.
***
The run from the pub to his car was nearly did Tony in. He was trying to catch his breath as he drove to Carmen’s storage unit.
“I’m not going to work for Auntie Helen anymore,” he panted as he told himself in the mirror. He had slept most of the day and was finally feeling like himself again. In fact, he was feeling more awake than he had been for days.
It was true, he told himself, Auntie Helen was mean and rude. Besides calling him all sorts of names she would phone him and demand that he drop everything and do her bidding. Like she did earlier tonight.
“Look, I need you over at Shillelagh Shenanigans right now. I’ve got a line on one of Don Baum’s bad debts. You’ve got to back me up.”
> “But Auntie, I have a, a thing I need to do tonight for Carmen. She’s expecting me.”
“As long as I’m paying you, you will do what I say. Now get over here!”
The big man parked his car outside the storage unit but continued to sit and think. Wouldn’t it be nice to work for somebody who didn’t call me names? He got out of his car and locked it. Or somebody who didn’t threaten to break my kneecaps; that should be on the list too he thought.
A very tall woman, almost as tall as him, came toward him and shook his hand.
“You must be Tony; I’m Luna. Carmen had to go home; her youngest is beating up her brothers. Something about a ‘stupid video game’ and ‘girls can play too.’”
“That sounds like Nella. She pretends she’s tough and not girly at all, but she still uses the change purse I gave her with the silly kitten on the front.”
“I understand she is quite the character. Carmen showed me the system before she left; but I don’t understand these cabinets. What are they for?” Luna pointed to the large locked cabinets bolted on each of the storage units walls.
“I don’t know. Serafino and Carmen put them in before I started to work here, even though I told them you’re not supposed to hang anything on the walls. The owner made me read through the rules when I rented the unit.”
Luna tented her fingers. “So your cousin made you rent this unit in your name?”
“Oh he gives me money to pay the rent every month; I just couldn’t see the storage unit for the first month while they were setting everything up.”
“Well, since you’re paying the rent, I think you’re entitled to a little peek, don’t you?” She walked over to one of the cabinets. It was about six feet in height, four feet across and only about six inches in depth. She knocked on the cabinet and pulled at the lock on the off chance it was open.
“Odd. Maybe they keep their bank statements in there? No that’s stupid. Everything is done by email. But why would they need something so big, let alone three cabinets?”
“I don’t know Luna. Maybe they have recording devices?”
She grinned and spoke to a cabinet door. “Sorry Carmen, we’re starting work now!”
Tony laughed and directed his own comment to the cabinet door. “I guess you can keep your little stool for your feet Carmen; both Luna and I can touch the ground when we sit down.”
As usual, Tony sat down at the table and started opening the mail with a sharp letter opener. Because he was still upset with Helen and because he was basically clumsy, he immediately poked himself and drew blood.
“You know Tony, why don’t we switch jobs? Your hands are too big to deal with that finicky work. I’ll do it and you sort the money. Later we can put the money through the counter and band it up.”
Carmen never let Tony use the counter. He liked Luna. She smiled a lot and just had a real slick look about her. From her perfect eyebrows to her vinyl skirt to her lace up knee high boots, she reminded Tony of Serafino for some reason. Mentally, Tony snapped his fingers. She was confident just like Serafino was.
And somehow Tony knew that she would be as kind to him as Serafino was. Feeling emboldened, Tony leaned over and suggested to Luna, “Why don’t we turn on some music?”
***
“Talk about taking out the competition!” Jamal said as Hailey walked Helen outside.
“She pulled a gun on me, Jamal. Did you happen to see the big guy who ran out of here?”
Jamal shook his head. “All I know is Sean suddenly took off like a bat out of hell. I think he was going to be sick. He must be out here somewhere. Maybe he saw him.” Jamal looked around the parking lot. “Do you know what Sean drives?”
“Well a Chevy Malibu was parked in the Manager’s spot at the Shady Rest Motel everyday for the two weeks we were there; so I’m guessing he drives a gray Chevy Malibu,” Hailey said sarcastically as she held onto Helen.
“Actually, Miss Hailey, the color is “Nightfall Gray.” Most pleasing, wouldn’t you agree?”
Jamal flinched. “Where the hell did you come from Sean?”
Sean rocked back and forth on his heels. He was extremely pleased with himself. “Just when I am deciding that the big man should not have gone into the Ladies washroom and that I should politely ask him to leave; the big man ran out.”
Sean realized that he forgot to use his drawl. “So I high-tailed it outside and found the varmint vamoosing in a reasonably priced automobile such as my own.”
Helen muttered under her breath, “Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”
The most important manager, now a helpful FBI informant produced a piece of paper on which he had written down the license number of the fleeing accomplice.
“For you Miss Hailey.” Sean then bowed but nearly fell over. He righted himself and announced, “And now partners, it is necessary for me to see a horse about a man.” He wandered a meandering trail back to the pub and went inside.
Hailey smiled and then phoned her boss. She was a little drunk and thus a little too casual in their conversation.
“Say Don, I’ve got a woman here who pulled a gun on me. Sounds like she’s mixed up with Don the Bomb out of Reno. Her accomplice mentioned he was shooting at Bev in Seattle. You interested in interrogating her tonight?”
She listened to Don talk and then said, “No, no we were not going rogue and pursuing our own investigation. We just went to a pub to kick up our heels a little after we were stuck in Seattle.” Hailey listened some more and rolled her eyes. “Yes Don, I know this is Jakob Kim’s investigation. Yes, I know we are off the case. We are standing outside the Shillelagh Shenanigans pub off fourteenth. Yes, by Eureka Childcare Centre. Fine. We’ll be here.”
“He’s pissed?”
“That would be an understatement.”
Jamal came up with a brilliant plan. “Nothing to stop us from going back to the pub; it’s not like we’re on the clock. Like you said to Don, we’re just here to kick up our heels, so let’s do it!”
Hailey pulled on Helen’s wrists. Helen stumbled forward and caused Jamal to jump again.
“You’re a bit skittish for an FBI agent,” Helen said, “What did you do to get in; blackmail somebody?”
Jamal sneered at her.
Hailey cleared her throat and asked casually, “What shall we do with our prisoner? Bring her inside for a couple of brewskis?”
Jamal sighed impatiently. “Just lock her in the car, Hailey. She’ll be fine.”
Never again, Hailey thought as she stared at Jamal’s thick dark brows and captivating grin. Never again am I having a situational romance.
Hailey held up the fob to her car. “I can lock the car with this, but once she is inside the car, she can unlock it herself.”
“With her hands zip tied in front of her? Get real.”
Hailey pushed Helen forward. “Okay lady break out of the zip ties, but remember, I now have two guns. Yours and mine.”
Before Hailey could even finish talking, Helen had lifted her arms over her head, and then brought her arms down swiftly; sticking them out like chicken wings while she pushed her hands into her stomach. The zip ties snapped.
Helen knew that the little FBI agent would shoot her just as soon as look at her, so she didn’t try to escape. Instead, she put one arm around Jamal and began running her fingers through his hair. With the other hand she made a nasty gesture to Hailey.
“My boy here is going to take me in for a beer; you can stay put.”
Jamal wriggled out of Helen’s embrace and said, “Okay I get it. We stay here.”
Helen knew she was in the soup. She was busy trying to figure out how she would get out of this one. Her current lawyer was on vacation and his partner was on sick leave. She smacked herself on the forehead. She had inventory scheduled for tomorrow. What was the store going to do without her?
Chapter Ten
“How many days did I lose?” Bev asked as she stared across the room.
“What are you
talking about?”
Bev sat upright. “I may not remember much, but that is definitely a different door than what was here before I, um, decided to take a nap.”
“You passed out. It is a different door. The door guys came and replaced it tonight while you were sleeping. Simple.”
“I see. You just have door guys on retainer. You just phone them up and say, heah, it’s me, I need a new door and no matter what time of night it is, they come out and replace it? I mean, how does this happen? Don’t they have to measure things and order things?”
Belinda decided to tell Bev the truth. “I had actually planned to replace my front door before that guy broke in. It was already ordered weeks ago.” She walked over to the new door and admired the geometric design on the frosted glass.
“I know we didn’t worry about the door last night…”
“Well, we were busy breaking into the cemetery and somebody already broke into your house, so the likelihood that someone else would break in was pretty slim,” Bev offered.
Belinda continued, “But when I thought about going the whole weekend without a secure front door; well, I phoned them up and offered them a bonus if they installed it tonight. You know Bev, if you throw enough money at people, they’ll do practically anything.”
“I think the question is, where did you get enough money?” Bev caught sight of the duffel bag and grunted. “New question, how did you know I was going to be here with enough money to pay the door guys?”
Her sister got up and stretched. “I think the real question is how did you manage to sleep through all that noise?”
Bev wasn’t giving up. “Money?” she asked.
“I work from home.”
“Last I heard, you were a transcriptionist of some sort… now what was it?” Bev thought hard. “Nope can’t remember. But whatever it was, surely it doesn’t pay you enough to keep you in pretty puzzles and mortgage payments and doors?”
Belinda shrugged. “You’d be surprised.”
Bev felt good so she decided to let the matter slide. She didn’t have a job to get up for in the morning; she had a duffel bag of cash and she and her sister were talking.
Eating Cupcakes in a Cemetery Page 8
