He ran his hand through his short hair. “You know what I always wanted to do? Join the Peace Corps.”
“Really? Isn’t that where you go to some third world country and help them plant crops?”
“Or help them build houses or teach them English.”
“That doesn’t sound like fun.”
“Nothing feels better than altruism. We have so much wealth in this country, it’s a shame we don’t share it. I mean, we can walk into Wal-mart and buy thousands of food items while some people still have to walk to a well every day just to get fresh water to drink.”
Her facial expression softened. “If that’s really important to you, then why are you sitting in your office five days a week?”
Cutting back to only five or six days a week had been his drastic lifestyle change once his diagnosis hit. “I don’t know. When I was married, it wasn’t an option. But now that Ivy’s no longer my responsibility. . . . She did say someone from the Peace Corps called for me the other day.” The blood started pumping faster through his veins. Thoughts swirled around inside his brain. Could he really do it? “They probably wouldn’t want me if they knew about my condition.”
“Oh. Does your doctor have to fill out some medical forms?”
“Actually he already did. When I first applied.” Would there be another physical before he was placed? He’d probably have to get some shots, but he could go to a different doctor—one who didn’t know his background. “I’m getting excited just thinking about it. I wonder where they’d send me. Somewhere in South America or maybe Africa? I’ve never been to Africa.”
“Me neither. Do you think I could go with you?”
He gave her a firm look. “No. You are going back for your senior year of high school to live with your mom. And then you’re going to college.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Can I at least visit you?”
“Definitely.” Then he thought about Beth. He may not be attached to Ivy any more, but he knew Beth loved him, and he’d been resisting the urge to tell her the same. He was trying to spare her the inevitable heartache down the line. It was better that he be single when his body completely gave out on him rather than see the pity in her eyes.
A resigned sigh escaped his lips.
“What’s wrong?” Hannah asked.
“It’s Beth. We’ve started dating. I tried to convince her that I’m no good for her, but she wouldn’t listen. She definitely won’t want me to leave the country for any length of time.”
“You mean my birth mom?”
He nodded. “We reconnected after we found you last year. My marriage was falling apart and so was her relationship with her boyfriend.” He studied her brown eyes to see how she felt about this revelation.
She fidgeted with her silverware. “So my birth mother and birth father end up together sixteen years later.” Her voice sounded flat.
“We weren’t in love when we were in college. I was such a jerk back then, having one night stands. Don’t ever let a man take you to bed if you two aren’t committed to each other.” The fatherly advice slipped out before he even realized he was going to say it. Her cheeks flamed bright red and he felt bad for her.
Her embarrassment passed quickly. “How did you and Beth first meet?”
“We were in speech class together. It’s hard to believe now, but she was so shy back then that she passed out the first time she had to stand at the podium. I managed to catch her on the way down. During my speech, I announced that I was starting a new club on-campus and she was the only one from the class who showed up.”
“So how did you end up getting her pregnant then marrying somebody else?”
He sighed. “Beth brought her roommate, Ivy, to the club. She was drop-dead gorgeous and unfortunately, that’s all that I could see at the time. Once, we had a fight at a party and Ivy said she never wanted to see me again.” He cracked his knuckles. “After everyone left, Beth stayed to help clean up. She looked at me as if I were her hero and I guess I needed that. So we spent the night together.”
“Was Beth pretty, too?”
He scratched his chin. “Not in an obvious way. She was sweet and kind, but a little, uh, chubby.”
“I can’t imagine. Anyway, you and Ivy weren’t speaking and you hooked up with Beth. Then what happened?”
“A few days later, Ivy and I reconciled.”
“So you’ve wanted to join the Peace Corps since college. You let Ivy stop you from doing what you wanted back then and now you’re going to let Beth stop you.” Judgment marched through her statement.
He opened his mouth to defend himself, but fortunately, the food arrived. They avoided conversation while they ate. The whole time he chewed his medium-rare steak, his mind toyed with the idea of going to a country where he could be of service. Was it still a possibility? He barely tasted his food as he dreamed of making his short life worth something.
# # #
The phone was ringing when Beth returned to her apartment, so she rushed through the door. “Hello?”
“I have a surprise for you,” Parker said. “Guess who’s here.”
Beth plopped down on her couch and watched out her window as the old lady walked her beagle. It was the one who’d seen Kaylee break her arm. “Tell me.”
“Hannah.”
She sat upright. “Where is she?”
“With me. She’s on Spring Break.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It was a last minute decision and I guess it slipped my mind.”
She worried how often important details slipped his mind these days. A visit from the daughter they’d placed for adoption was kind of a big deal. “I’m supposed to have dinner with the family next door, but I’ll cancel so I can come right over.” A weight lifted from her.
“No, don’t do that. We just ate and Hannah said she’s so tired, she wants to turn in early.”
“Really? I’d love to see her.”
“She’s had a long trip. Tomorrow she wants to swim laps at the Y, though. I thought we could all go together.”
Her head nodded even though he couldn’t see her. “Sure. There’s a Zumba class I’d like to hit.”
“Great. I’ll call you in the morning.”
“Wait. Aren’t you even curious about my dinner companions?”
He paused. “You said it’s your neighbors.”
“Kaylee’s dad, who is the gruffest man I’ve ever met, is finally going to say thank you for the fact that I took his daughter to the hospital.”
“OK then. Have a good time.”
She couldn’t believe he didn’t hesitate. Why wasn’t he jealous? Another man was cooking her dinner. Kaylee implied that it might even be a date. “You don’t need to worry, I have absolutely no interest in Jim.”
“Is that Kaylee’s father? You haven’t said one good word about him, so I’m not worried. Is he cute or something?”
Pausing, she considered his features. He had blue-gray eyes and brown hair that hung close to his collar. “He might be attractive if he ever shaved or smiled. But nothing compared to you.”
“Aww, such flattery.” He was quiet for a moment and she heard him walking across the floor and closing a door. “If you did like this guy, I’d understand.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no way I’d ever be interested in Jim Stein.”
“Well, if not him, maybe somebody else.” His breathing became audible over the line. “All I’m saying is keep yourself open to finding the right one.”
“I did find the right one. You.”
“Beth, I’ve told you all along that we can’t get serious. I don’t want you to miss out on marriage and kids because of me.”
“I’m not missing out on anything. I love you and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Awkward silence lingered between them. There was nothing worse than saying, “I love you” and not hearing it back. But Beth forgave him. She suspected he felt it, he just wouldn’t say it out l
oud.
He sighed. “Gotta go. Bye.”
She hung up the phone and allowed herself to feel hollow inside. The man she loved just told her she should find someone else. And she already knew there couldn’t possibly be anyone better than him. Even if their relationship was doomed to end eventually, it was the best thing she’d ever experienced. Like a firecracker that lights up the sky and makes you smile long after it’s gone.
On top of Parker’s rejection, there was Hannah’s. Hannah had flown to Indiana and wasn’t anxious to see Beth at all. This hurt even more than her boyfriend’s pushing her away because there wasn’t any reason for Hannah to hold back. She just did.
Knowing she’d be unable to focus on the Jennifer Weiner novel sitting beside her bed, Beth flipped on the computer and did some research on children who hoard food. It said children do this for a variety of reasons including neglect, a disruptive home life and troubles at school. It can signal trust issues and recommended being patient, providing access to snacks and collaborating with caregivers.
Who didn’t Kaylee trust? Her dad or someone else?
Before she knew it, it was time to go to dinner. She forced herself to get off the computer and head over to the Steins’s.
Thank goodness Kaylee opened the door and leaned forward to give her a one-armed hug. “I’m so glad you came back!” Beth reached around and returned the embrace. Immediately, her spirits lifted.
As she entered the apartment, the savory smell of pizza sauce and melted cheese wafted in her nose and caused her stomach to growl.
Jim pulled a pan out of the oven. “Hope you like pizza.” When he turned toward her, she saw he wore a red chef’s apron emblazoned with “Buon Appetito.”
The goofiness of him wearing an apron caught her off guard. “It’s my favorite. Haven’t had any in a while.” Because she was on a permanent health kick, she hadn’t allowed herself pizza in months. “May I help?”
“No. Kaylee already set the table and it’s time to eat.” He rolled a pizza cutter across the crust and divided it up among the three plates. In one fluid movement, he untied his apron and whipped it over his head, then tossed it on the counter. “I’m afraid all I have to offer you to drink is milk or water.”
“Water’s good.” Zero calories would help make up for the cheese. She and Kaylee sat down at the kitchen table and Jim joined them after placing their drinks. “Smells delicious.” She cut the corner closest to her and blew on the steam rising from it. “Did you make this from scratch?”
He took a drink of his Coke. “Yep. I worked in a restaurant for a while and learned how.”
Kaylee kicked the table leg and jiggled the liquid in everyone’s glasses. “Oops. Sorry.” As if it weren’t a totally separate thought, she added, “He tosses the dough in the air like you see on TV. It’s neat!”
Her dad smiled and his blue eyes almost twinkled. Beth couldn’t believe it. He was kind of handsome when he stopped scowling. In case he might notice her staring, she looked down and started eating. That first taste was an explosion of oregano and thyme and tomato sauce. Then the gooey mozzarella and parmesan sailed across her tongue. My Lord, it was better than she remembered! She couldn’t wait for her next bite.
The crunch of the crust reminded her of the good old days when she celebrated every Friday night by ordering a pizza and eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Her tongue was trying to trick her. Part of her brain wanted to deny the other facts. Like how she’d hated her body and how she’d overindulged to mask her feelings of inadequacy. She wouldn’t want to go back, but she sure could savor this one reprieve from her diet. In fact she loved this pizza so much, her heart softened a little toward Jim. If he could cook like this, he couldn’t be all that bad.
After several minutes of everyone chewing, she realized she would need to be the one to make conversation. “So, Kaylee tells me you played professional baseball. Who did you play for?”
His dour expression returned. “I never played ball. I hoped to play professionally, like every other boy in America, but that’s all it was.”
“Oh.” Beth chose to hide her confusion by taking another bite. Kaylee had said her dad played baseball and that he was a cop. None of which was true. She was starting to worry about the adult that this eight-year-old would grow into. “I bet it can’t be easy raising a daughter on your own.”
“I manage.” He jammed a big piece of pizza into his mouth and she realized she was the only one using a fork.
“If you ever need help, let me know.” Did that come out wrong? “What I mean is, outside of work, I’m available to keep an eye on her. When your sister can’t.”
He shook his head. “If Kaylee had stayed in the apartment like she’s supposed to, she wouldn’t have a broken arm right now.” He narrowed his eyes at his daughter.
Beth’s back muscles tightened. “What matters is Kaylee’s OK.” She gave the girl a sympathetic nod, but Kaylee just ate and didn’t speak. Suddenly the pizza lost all its flavor. She chewed and swallowed mechanically.
He spoke before he finished swallowing his bite. “I’ve told Kaylee a million times to come home and lock the door behind her. I’m not sure what’s so difficult about that.”
Seeing Kaylee’s shoulders slump, Beth felt the need to stand up for her. “The doctor said this wasn’t the first time she’s broken her arm. Maybe since it healed wrong, it was more likely to break.”
He put down his crust. “Kaylee’s never broken her arm before.”
“But the doctor said--”
“Have you ever broken your arm?” He directed his question to Kaylee who focused on the table as she shook her head.
Beth cleared her throat. “Well, the doctor said she must’ve broken it, but not had a cast put on. She showed me the way it’s bent a little.”
He clenched his fist next to his plate. When he saw Beth staring at it, he released it.
Was he the one who broke it the first time? Was that why Kaylee was so quick to latch onto Beth? She needed a soft place to land?
After a few more minutes of going through the motions of dining without any dialogue, Jim sighed. He leaned back in his chair, causing it to creak. “I don’t like to talk about our past much, but there’s some stuff maybe you should know.” His chest rose and fell. “I wasn’t there when Kaylee was growing up. Her mom and me, well, we were like oil and vinegar. We fought all the time and so finally I left when Kaylee was about two.” Glancing at Kaylee, he opened his mouth and then closed it as if he’d decided not to finish his thought out loud. “I didn’t come back for Kaylee until a couple years ago when her mom was killed in a car accident. So it’s possible Kaylee broke her arm before. I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t around.”
All Beth could think of to say was, “Oh.”
Kaylee finished her slice. “Dad, can I show Beth my American Girl doll?”
“Not until we’re done eating.”
“I’m done.” She stood and put her dishes in the dishwasher. “Now?”
“We’re still eating. Why don’t you go take a bath and get ready for bed? That way Beth can have time to digest her food for a few minutes.”
“Awww, Dad. Do I have to?” She stuck out her lower lip and looked especially adorable.
He nodded. “Bring me a plastic bag first so I can cover your cast.” He used a Wal-mart sack to envelop the cast and then used a rubber band to secure it at the top. He waved his hand for emphasis. “Now go.” He watched Kaylee leave the room and then got himself seconds. “Want another?”
Licking her lips, Beth stared at the crumbs on her plate. Boy, did she want more, but she shouldn’t. Of course she was doing Zumba tomorrow. “A small slice, please.”
In the background, she could hear the water running in the bathtub. Something about the sound soothed her so she wasn’t so uncomfortable sitting there alone with Jim. “I want you to know I’m serious about watching Kaylee after school. I mean, once I get home from work. She’d have a couple hours by herself, but it
’s better than it is now.”
He made his way to the counter and served them both another slice before returning to the table. “How much do you charge?”
Laughing, she cut the corner into a tiny triangle. “Nothing. I make a good living.”
“I don’t need charity.”
Uh-oh. She’d offended him. “It would be nice to have company. I’m not used to living alone.” Suddenly she regretted her honesty. She shoved the cheesy triangle into her mouth.
“Divorced?”
“Lived together. I thought we’d walk down the aisle at some point, but the day just kept getting pushed back. Then I went on a road trip with a guy I knew from college and I realized what I’d been missing.” As if Parker were just a guy she once knew and the road trip hadn’t been to meet their daughter for the first time in sixteen years. Jim didn’t need to know her whole screwed up mess of a life, though.
“Well, a marriage license ain’t no guarantee. I married Kaylee’s mom just long enough to make a baby neither of us was fit to raise.”
She sensed they’d both revealed their soft underbellies quicker than they’d intended. “At least you have Kaylee to show for your relationship. She’s a sweetie.”
He cocked his head at her. “If you say so. In case you haven’t noticed, she tends to fib an awful lot. Back in my day, you lied to your father and he’d whoop ya. But we’re not allowed to do that anymore.” Did she sense a note of regret in his voice?
Beth knew better than to give a parent advice from the sidelines. “Maybe it’s just a phase.” Her shoulders jerked upwards in a shrug. She peered around the corner to make sure Kaylee wasn’t listening. “I am worried about her hoarding food, though. Have you talked to her about that?”
Something flashed across his face and she couldn’t quite read it. Was he going to say it was none of her business? Was he going to say she was mistaken?
He leaned forward. “She has some left-over Halloween candy, but I would hardly call that hoarding.”
“Look in her closet. Bread and donuts and cereal. I’m worried she’ll attract ants.”
At this revelation, he placed his hands over his unshaven face and drew in a deep breath. “Like I said, I wasn’t around when she was little. Her mom wasn’t exactly Mother Theresa, if you know what I mean.” He seemed to consider if he wanted to say anything more. “I heard she’d leave Kaylee home alone for days while she went on a bender and so Kaylee learned to fend for herself.” He sighed again. “Even though she’s been safe with me for two years, she still hasn’t recovered from what her mother did to her.”
Next Door Secrets (Secrets Series Book 2) Page 6
