by J. K. Rock
But as I jogged up my porch steps, a scrap of blue paper tacked to my railing caught my eye and stole my breath.
Another note from Nick. What did it mean? Had he forgiven me? Wanted to be friends again?
I unpinned the note, my fingers tearing the folded paper open.
Kayla, I’m glad your face is “fine.” I’m sorry you got hurt at the lake. I should have been watching. Brooke won’t hurt you like that again or anyone else. Oh—and the next time you write, consider using a few more words. Maybe even a full sentence. Yours, Nick
Yours?
Next time?
I was reading so much into this my brain cells overheated and my knees gave way. I sat on the top step and read and reread the note until Rachel emerged around a curve in the path, her brown curls streaming behind her.
“Are you coming back or what?” she gasped. “Mrs. Sutton’s pissed. Not to mention Brooke.”
I stared at her for a long moment, stuffed the note in my pocket, and stood, resigned. I’d have to figure out what this meant later. As for now, my time belonged to Brooke.
But the real question was if “Yours, Nick” meant a part of him might still belong to me.
I couldn’t imagine thinking an entire coherent thought about Nick, let alone writing one. Yet he’d said “next time.”
Would I answer him? Everything felt upside down and inside out, starting with my heart.
Chapter Four
THREE YEARS AGO
The senior level for campers was the next up from middlers. I’d been excited and nervous, too, because we had the option of changing cabins and I could be with all new girls. Preferably some who wouldn’t throw things at me during movie night.
Mostly, I was excited to see Nick.
Last year, he’d never commented once on the fact that I was a bigger girl. A couple of times, he’d stuck up for me when mean kids said dumb things, like how big of a splash I made when I jumped off the dock. But he’d never said anything directly to me about it and I guess I’d hoped he hadn’t noticed. Now that I’d grown taller and the old pudge had redistributed in a way that boys no longer made fun of, I wondered if he’d say anything.
Was it shallow of me that I kind of wanted him to?
“Nick,” I yelled, pounding on the bus window when I caught sight of his dark hair in the crowd of people on the sidewalk at Camp Juniper Point. He waited off to one side of the crowd in the late afternoon shadows.
He waved to me, and I noticed how much he’d grown since the summer before. He was definitely bigger than I’d remembered. His bright smile and his dimples, though, had stayed the same. As always, they did something a little funny to my heart, and I wondered if there was any chance this summer we could become more than best friends. I couldn’t hurry off the bus fast enough.
He grabbed my bags to help me out of the foot traffic, and I noticed the new muscles pop in his arms.
“Have you been working out?” I asked over his shoulder, following him toward the administration building where I’d check in.
Nick ducked his head and his hair swept forward. His eyes slid my way, then down to his feet again. “Yeah. I lifted weights with my brother until he left for spring training, then I sorta kept up the routine once he went.”
He shrugged like it was no big deal, but I happened to know he’d spent half his time alone at home since his parents went to Arizona for spring training workouts. Nick’s brother hadn’t made the big league team this year, but he was a lock on Triple-A and his career was still the most important event in Nick’s parents’ lives.
“Well you look great and I’m glad for you, but I’m hereby banishing all talk of His Fabulousness this summer.” I rolled my eyes.
Nick gave himself a little shake, and when he looked at me again, it was straight in the eye, his shoulders squarer. “Right. This summer is about you and me. Starting now.” And with that he dropped my suitcase and caught me around my waist, spinning me in circles until my feet lifted off the ground.
Wow. I hadn’t known he’d gotten that strong. And double wow—his arms around me felt amazing.
A shrill sound blasted a few feet away, and Nick put me down. A red-faced Gollum held his whistle in one hand as he frowned.
“Quite enough touching for one day, campers! Move along. We have a mixer for the seniors to sign up for new cabins once you register.” He shooed us into the administration building, his whistle already clamped between his teeth to scare the next unsuspecting huggers.
“You look really pretty, Kayla,” Nick whispered in my ear as we followed orders and lugged my bags toward the registration table.
I tripped as soon as he said it. You know how some people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time? I guess I couldn’t walk and enjoy a compliment like a normal person.
“Oh!” I practically fell into a pair of giggling junior campers wearing matching purple baseball caps that said “I (heart) Camp.”
“Whoops.” Nick laughed and kept me upright, his arm snaking around my waist, even though he juggled my suitcase with the other hand. “Didn’t mean to catch you off-guard.”
“You didn’t,” I said in a rush, hoping like crazy that he didn’t take back those nice words. “I, ah…that is…” I cleared my throat. “Thanks.”
His hazel eyes were warm and kind. He was still shorter than me, but not much. I couldn’t believe we had all summer together.
“Kayla West?” a girl nearby called me and I turned toward the new senior mixer event where kids mingled and decided on their cabin groups.
This first year as senior campers was the only time we got input. Even then, a lot of kids kept to the same friends they’d always been paired with. The Munchies’ Manor girls, for example, would never change. They’d been friends since their first year. But I’d been in a cabin called BFF Bungalow, and I’d hated it.
“Isn’t that one of the Divas’ Den girls?” Nick said as we stopped just past the registration tables.
My stomach knotted a little since those girls were the most popular ones at camp. The divide between geeks and beautiful people wasn’t as fierce here compared to school, but obviously, those differences didn’t just stop mattering at camp. Divas’ Den girls were the top of the food chain.
“Yeah, she is.” I waved at the girl—Brittany, I remembered. She was weird but nice.
She waved me closer, and I wouldn’t have gone except that Nick gave me a gentle shove, the way a friend would when opportunity knocks and you’re too scared to open the door.
“Killer braid,” the girl observed, pointing her purple Sharpie marker at the difficult fishtail I’d slaved over that morning. “You should totally sign up for the Divas so you can show me how to do it.”
She stood by a table decorated with a Divas’ Den banner, and there was a pink legal pad there with about twenty names scribbled down, since everyone would at least try to get in to the Divas’ Den. It was like pledging the best sorority.
My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I wished Nick had walked over to the table with me. I couldn’t be a Diva. That pudge I’d lost could creep back anytime, and I’d be laughed out of there like a bad joke. I would live in fear of fudge pops all summer.
“I don’t think I’ll get in,” I finally managed to say, my clammy hands clenching and unclenching.
“Don’t be silly. Even Hannah says you could get in this year if you lose the geekster accessory.” She pointed the purple Sharpie at Nick.
She might as well have jabbed it in my chest. Nick and I were a team. He was my best friend.
Still, I turned to where he stood with my oversized suitcase. It was half his size. He smiled at me, not knowing that Brittany had just said something cruel about him and I hadn’t even come to his defense. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I just wasn’t good at disagreeing with people.
“Oh…um… Okay.” I smiled at her so she didn’t think I was being impolite. “I have to go put my stuff in my cabin, but I’ll think about it.
”
Brittany frowned for a minute, like she couldn’t imagine anyone not rushing to join the best cabin at camp. But then, she smiled and nodded.
“Oh, I get it.” She winked. “You need help with that bag. Smart girl.” She patted my shoulder. “You’ll make a great Diva.”
Horrified, I walked back to Nick. Heat flared in my cheeks.
“I didn’t see you sign up.” Nick looked worried.
“I don’t…” Words escaped me. I couldn’t tell him what she’d said. “Um. Maybe when we come back from the cabins.”
But I knew that wouldn’t happen.
I’d rather have popcorn thrown at me again than lose Nick. My BFF.
Still, when he gave me a crooked grin, his dimples appearing in both cheeks, I couldn’t shake a sense of worry. I mean, I worried about everything, but this was different. It felt like a gray cloud had taken away all my sunny hopes for the summer and I wasn’t sure why…
TODAY
Three days after the mysterious “Yours, Nick” letter, I stood on the beach with one foot pressed to the side of my knee, back straight, the lake lapping against the rocky shore. I squinted in the rose-colored light as a sliver of lemon-colored sun peeped over the horizon.
My foot lowered, and I reached overhead, fingers stretching to the lavender clouds. My back and shoulder muscles loosened and relaxed, my mind soothed. After a minute of holding the yoga pose, I lowered my arms, brought my palms together, and bowed to the sunrise. Namaste. Something so beautiful deserved my respect, as did all living things, my yoga teacher taught me. And yes. That included Brooke.
After splashing my flushed face and neck, I flopped down on a raised, oval-shaped rock and pulled Nick’s creased blue note out of my shorts pocket. My eyes lingered for the bajillionth time on “Yours, Nick,” the same lightness overtaking me at words that could mean so little or so much.
I didn’t know how he felt, so I hadn’t written back. Besides, even if I wanted to start something with Nick… obviously, I couldn’t. Brooke was mean enough to Hannah. If she thought for a second that I was trying to steal her man? Hell hath no fury like a YouTube sensation scorned. Or something like that.
A stuttering whistle broke the quiet as a kingfisher glided to the shoreline. It cocked its blue-feathered head at me before scuttling along the beach, searching out breakfast. It dismissed me as easily as humans did.
In fact, I was pretty sure I saw one of the Munchies’ Manor girls on the beach when I’d first arrived this morning, but she’d been so intent on meeting a boy, she hadn’t even noticed me. Who knew Trinity—the astrology-obsessed artist with a notorious crush on an older boy—would land the crush of her dreams? I was ninety-nine percent sure she met the camp owners’ grandson, Seth Reines, in the woods just before sunrise. Last summer, Seth had been all eyes for Lauren Carlson, a Munchies’ Manor girl who fell for her school boyfriend instead. Now Seth looked plenty happy with Trinity.
Anyway, they never saw me. I’d read a book once about a girl who called herself wallpaper. I knew exactly what she meant. I was the backdrop to everyone else’s lives, their peripheral vision.
“Kayla, is that you?” called a familiar voice. I sat up and peered in the strengthening sunlight at two jogging figures.
“Alex? Emily?”
Two straight cartwheels sent the Munchies’ Manor counselor, Emily, to a tumbling stop at my feet. One of the cabin’s campers, Alex, slowed and brushed back her damp, auburn-streaked hair. She took the water bottle Emily pulled from her hip pack and chugged before giving me a nod and smile.
“What’s up, home girl?” Emily handed me a squashed granola bar. “Hungry?”
“No, thanks.” I passed it back, stood, and brushed the sand from my shorts. “I’m going to breakfast soon. Victoria might be looking for me.”
Emily’s gums flashed, her bark of laughter sending the kingfisher flying. “Victoria? Puh-lease.” She sat and pulled me down beside her. Alex squished in on my right side.
O-kay. So much for being wallpaper. I was currently the main attraction. Since we barely fit on the rock, I was doubly glad I’d turned down last night’s dessert. Being regular-sized meant less people noticed you—a plan that usually worked, until now.
“So what are you doing out here? Didn’t think the Divas got up this early.” The way Alex said it, with the corners of her mouth curled up, her green eyes twinkling, made it sound less mean. In fact, this was the happiest I’d seen her since her boyfriend left camp last week.
“We don’t do everything together.” Or at least, I wished we didn’t. It was one of the reasons I’d snuck out this morning.
“You don’t tell each other everything either, I bet,” murmured Emily, her eyes scanning over a blue paper scrap. My note! I must have handed it to her with the granola bar.
“I need that back.” I grabbed the paper and stuffed it in my pocket. “And please don’t say anything, Emily.”
“Say anything about what?” Alex’s smile faded, and concern pinched a line between her wide-spaced eyes.
“That Kayla and Nick are writing notes.”
“What?!” Alex jumped off the rock and grabbed my clammy hands. “That’s awesome. Are you two friends again? I hated seeing how upset he was that year when you were so—”
“Ancient history, Alex,” Emily interrupted. “Remember our seminar…let your future guide your present, not your past.”
Emily was leading a personal growth and development workshop this summer. She’d also come up with this cool idea for all of us to wear Secret Camp Angel bracelets that had one camper’s name written on a piece of paper tucked inside the lanyard. I was Brittany’s secret angel, and I was supposed to give her gifts and do nice things for her. I had no idea who my angel was, but I’d gotten a cute Santa hat from them, which was going to be great for the Christmas-themed dance later this summer.
“Oh. Right.” Alex looked thoughtful, then popped in a piece of gum after offering me a slice. “I think about that whenever I miss Javier too much. Now that you and Nick are back together, at least you guys will have a fun summer.”
I couldn’t stop a short, bitter laugh from escaping or the wet gathering at the corners of my eyes. Small hands gripped mine.
Alex sat back down. “Kayla, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Emily squeezed my knee. “You can tell us.”
“Yeah. It’s not like we’re friends with the Divas.” Alex coughed. “I mean, you’re the only one we talk to over there. So we’re neutral.”
“Like Sweden. Look, I’m even wearing clogs.” Emily slid her heels out of her sneakers and lifted her feet.
“It’s Switzerland, Em. Jeez.”
“Right. Like there’s a difference? Anywho, can we focus on Kayla here?”
“Can we not and say we did?” I burst out.
Alex’s giggle made me clap a hand over my mouth. Had I actually said that out loud? She gave me a little shove.
“Spill it, girl, or we’ll have to go straight to Nick.” I must have paled because she gripped my hands tighter. “Kidding. But seriously, what’s up?”
Something in their sincere, caring expressions made my resistance crumble. Or maybe I just really needed to talk. I missed my mom. Missed home. And I still missed Nick. I needed friends. Ones I could trust.
“Nick acts like he doesn’t know I exist half the time and the other times, he and Brooke are all over each other.” My voice ended on a hiccupping sob, each word a painful piece of me that I’d kept inside too long.
Emily rubbed my back. “Boys suck. He won’t forgive you at all? Maybe in the past you used to be a—”
“—little misguided,” Alex cut her off with a warning look. “But he needs to get over it. Shame on him if he won’t accept your apology.”
I looked down at my toes shifting through the sand. Oh crap.
“You did apologize. Right, Kayla?” Alex pushed aside the hair hiding my face.
“Of course she did, Alex. Do you think she’s an idiot?”
Suddenly, I couldn’t take their questions. I flung myself off the rock, backed up a few paces, and stood, trembling, lava-hot anger running through me.
“Yes. I’m an idiot! Okay? But he’s been a jerk, too. How am I supposed to tell him the truth when he makes me feel like it wouldn’t matter anyway?”
“Does it matter to you?”
Emily’s quiet question was magic. It made my anger disappear. A deep sadness rose in its place, and my eyes overflowed. In the distance, the wake-up bell blared.
Still, they must have heard me when I choked out, “Yes.”
Their arms circled me.
“Then we need a plan.” Alex’s voice turned fierce, and when I looked at her, the lost expression she’d had since Javier left had vanished.
“Let’s meet tomorrow morning and talk more.” Emily peered through the trees at the sounds of cabin doors opening and closing and children’s voices calling to one another. “We’ll recon at o-six-hundred hours tomorrow and strategize how to take down this Björk girl.”
Alex snorted. “It’s Brooke, not Björk. Isn’t she a Swedish singer? My mom was into her.”
Emily’s nose lifted. “Icelandic, actually. You really should know your geography.”
I couldn’t help but smile. What a pair.
“Seriously, guys. You don’t need to get involved.”
“Oh, we’re in it now. See you tomorrow, Kayla. And don’t forget to sign up for the Counselor-in-Training program. It’ll be fun to whip the new campers into shape.” Alex gave me a final squeeze, then pulled back. “I thought the rest of this summer was going to suck, but I love a little extra drama!”
“Shhhhhhhhhh,” someone hissed later that night. A chorus of giggles quieted. “Gollum will hear and we won’t get in the CIT program.”
