by Liz Isaacson
“Oh, May invited me.” He glanced around the tables packed under the tent. “I think she’s sweet on me, but there’s not much spark there.” He seemed sorry about that too.
“May Sotheby?” Heather’s eyebrows went up. “I can’t believe you don’t like her.”
“I like her fine. And wow, she’s the best cook in the entire state.” Sawyer grinned like a child on Christmas morning. “But, well, she doesn’t seem all that fond of cowboys.”
Levi said, “Really?” and elbowed Sawyer. “Why’d she ask you out then?”
May chose that moment to arrive. “Hello.” She glanced at Levi without truly looking at him and settled her gaze on Heather. “How’s your arm, Heather?”
Heather knew the brunette because they’d been doing this food truck tasting for five years together. And May’s family owned the ritziest restaurant in Grape Seed Falls, and Heather loved their food. May could make a roast chicken and mashed potato plate that tasted better than anything Heather had ever put in her mouth.
“Healing up,” she said, leaning into a quick hug with May. She cut a glance at Sawyer, who stood there with his hands in his pockets, not even making an attempt to claim the gorgeous woman who’d asked him here. Were all cowboys as dense as him and Levi?
She almost rolled her eyes but refrained at the last minute. “Ready for this?” she asked May instead.
“Pizza Pipeline is here,” she said. “I can’t wait to try that artichoke chicken pizza.”
“I’ll leave you to that,” Heather said, smiling. “Artichokes and I don’t get along.” She fell back half a step when she noticed May ogling Levi. “I’m sorry. May, you know Levi, right?”
May gave him a tight smile. Or maybe Heather was imagining the squintiness of her eyes and the way her smile disappeared as fast as it came. “Of course. Levi. Old Grape Seed Falls blood.”
“Hullo, May.” He ducked his cowboy hat and made no attempt to shake her hand or give her a kiss the way Sawyer had. Tension definitely radiated between them, and Heather sensed a story there she very much wanted to hear.
“If you could take your seats, please.” A man stood at the front of the tent, a microphone in front of him. “Our first food truck, Slapfish, is bringing around their fish tacos with mango salsa.”
“Ooh, I want to try that one,” May said. “They’re also new this year, out of Llano.”
“That far, huh?” Heather peered toward the tables.
“Let’s go sit,” Levi said. He put his hand on the small of Heather’s back and guided her toward a table. She noticed that May and Sawyer went in a different direction, and she leaned over to Levi and hissed, “What was that?”
“Dated her right before I went to Kentucky,” he whispered back. “She was not…well, let’s just say she thinks I abandoned her, and she hasn’t been able to forgive me.”
“Did you abandon her?”
“I left town…suddenly. So maybe.” His eyes tracked a server as a platter of fish tacos came their way. “I’ve apologized a dozen times. She says she’s over it. And I don’t think she’s interested in me. But she doesn’t want to be friends either.”
“Well, you had a civilized conversation with her. So that’s something.” Heather looked at the beautiful fish tacos that were placed in front of her. The cardboard tray was standard and expected from a food truck. But the two fish tacos with bright orange mango salsa, red bell pepper, light green cucumber, and that gorgeous cilantro made her mouth water.
“This looks good,” she said, glancing at Levi. He still seemed wound too tight, and she hoped some food would help him relax.
“Sure does.” He picked up one of his tacos and put half of it in his mouth. He started nodding as he chewed. “Real good,” he said after he swallowed. The rest of the tasting passed uneventfully, with Heather only taking one bite of some of the dishes.
“So now what?” Levi asked, glancing around as chatter picked up again.
“We fill out the ones we like best,” she said. “There’s only twenty spots open for the festival, and we have too many entries.” She nodded toward his phone. “I just sent you the link to vote.”
“We do it online?”
“Don’t we do everything online these days?” She gave him a coy smile and focused on her phone to cast her votes. “So.” She tapped and slid down to the next one. “Why are you so tense tonight?”
“Lots of reasons.” He didn’t look at her. “None I want to discuss right now.”
Heather bristled at the note of finality in his voice. Like he would get to decide all future conversations. “You didn’t have to come. You could’ve dropped me off.”
“I wanted to come. The food was good.” He glanced at her and back to his phone. She didn’t look up and meet his eyes, worried she might have too much storming in her gaze to keep hidden from him. She didn’t want to have this conversation right now either, thank you very much. No, it would be better to discuss hard things behind closed doors. Her mother had taught her that, at least.
So she finished filling out the form, got up and visited with a few friends she’d served with on the Fall Festival committee for a few years, and walked beside Levi back to the convertible. The open top of the car made conversing difficult, and Levi turned up the radio anyway.
A hint of fall hung in the air, and a chill seeped beneath Heather’s skin by the time they returned to the farmhouse. He closed the garage. Hung the keys. Sighed as he swiped off his cowboy hat and tossed it onto the kitchen counter. “I’m going outside for a bit,” he said.
“It’s dark.”
“Yeah.”
“Levi.” She felt helpless, standing there in his house, watching him walk out.
He paused at the French doors, his back to her. “Do you want kids?”
“Of course.”
He turned, his face a perfect storm of emotions. They rose and fell, surfaced and submerged, became louder and then quieted. He started to shake his head, his torment obvious.
“What?” She wanted to walk closer to him, comfort him, but she couldn’t. “You don’t want kids?”
“No, Heather.” His fingers tapped the tabletop, and he looked at her, his jaw muscles working overtime. “I can’t have more kids.”
Surprise and sorrow and shock traveled through her in equal measures. She opened her mouth, but only a strangled sound came out. She searched his eyes, trying to find an explanation and failing. “What?” she finally managed to whisper. Kentucky had so many secrets, and she suddenly wondered if she’d ever know them all.
“I don’t want to talk about it tonight.” He ran his hands up his face and through his hair. “I just need more time.” He turned and reached for the doorknob.
“Levi,” she tried again.
“Please, Heather. I’ve already told you a lot. I need more time for this.” He wrenched open the door and walked out onto the deck, leaving her in his house with confusion and sadness racing through her bloodstream.
“I don’t know, Mom,” Heather whispered into her phone, properly secured behind the closed and locked door. She’d changed into her purple pajamas, washed her face free of makeup, and curled up in bed to call her mother. “He just said he can’t have kids.”
She hadn’t cried, but she felt like it. Or maybe she was still just a little shocked.
“Well, what are you going to do?”
“We’re two days into our relationship.” She thought about all he’d shared with her, how much of him was exactly what she’d imagined and how much was different. How he was like the Levi she’d grown up with, but also a more mature, changed version of that boy.
“You’ve liked him for a long time. That colors your view. You’ve always wanted children. It’s why you went into teaching.”
Heather stared at the artwork on the wall, the irises bold and bright and beautiful. “There are other ways to get children,” she said. The words surprised her, as she hadn’t thought them before speaking.
“He has a
lot of secrets from when he lived in Kentucky,” Heather said.
“Oh, honey. A man needs his space. You can’t expect him to tell you everything in a couple of days.”
“Right, I know.” Heather sighed. “Mom, I really like this man.” In fact, she thought she’d started to feel the first inklings of love for him. The way he seemed to know exactly what she needed, from a movie day, a nap, and the most delicious cinnamon swirl bread in the world. He’d toasted it and slathered it with butter, and it was no wonder neither of them had been that hungry for tonight’s tasting.
“I know you do, sweetie. You know, not everything has to be worked out up front.”
“I like working things out up front,” Heather said. “It’s how I know how things are going to actually work out.”
Her mom actually let a few seconds pass before she spoke. Heather pictured her working up to saying something or actually considering what Heather had said.
“Relationships aren’t that predictable, hon. They’re messy and complicated, and you can’t control them.”
Heather’s teeth crushed against each other. “I know that, Mom.” If her failed engagement with Gene was any indication, she definitely knew she couldn’t control a relationship. And that they could certainly be messy and complicated. “I have to go. I’ll call you later.” She hung up and slouched against the pillows she’d propped against the headboard.
She didn’t feel like being alone, and the house seemed to swell in size until it swallowed her whole. She texted Dwayne, and Felicity, and Thatcher. Then she texted Cheryl about her pregnancy, and Darcy about the tasting.
In reality, Cheryl’s new baby was exciting but also heart-wrenching. Heather wanted to be in her shoes so badly. She’d started dating her husband a week after Heather had started dating Gene. They’d been married for four years, and this baby would be their first child. Heather closed her eyes and thought about how different her life would be had she and Gene been able to make it down the aisle together.
“Wasn’t meant to be,” she muttered to herself. And when she thought about Levi and compared him to Gene, there was no contest. Everything about Levi was superior—except his ability to open up to her.
“Not fair.” She opened her eyes when a flurry of texts came in. Levi had opened up to her. She couldn’t expect him to dump his entire life story on her in a matter of hours. So without reading the other messages that had come in from her friends and family, she opened the text string she had going with Levi.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. Please don’t stay out in the dark all night.
She read over the words again and again, hoping they didn’t sound too…needy. Too mothering. Too controlling. She sent them, and then typed, Let me know when you come back in so I don’t wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if you’re alive.
That definitely sounded mothering and controlling, but Heather decided she didn’t care. She sent it too and let her phone fall to her side, a sigh slipping from her lips. She didn’t want to go to bed without hearing from him. She didn’t want to fall sleep without the taste of him on her lips.
In the end, she did both, her heart heavy and her mind mourning.
Chapter Twenty
Levi didn’t go straight to Heather after coming in from the farm. Instead, he escaped to his master suite and dropped to his knees beside the bed.
Heather’s texts were branded on the backs of his eyelids. She cared about him, and he cared about her, and it was unfair of him to continue a relationship where he didn’t give all of himself.
I knew she’d be like this, he told the Lord. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed her. Shouldn’t have told her anything about my life in Kentucky.
His anguish rolled from him in waves, and he clenched his fingers tighter together, praying now for a release.
God was apparently used to Levi’s marathon prayer sessions, because the peace eventually came. Levi’s tears did too. Because he knew he had to tell Heather everything about Kentucky, and he feared that when he did, she’d walk out the front door faster than Johanna had.
Maybe you want her to, he thought as he readied himself for bed. In a lot of ways, being alone was so much easier. Even though Heather had only been front and center in his life for a few days, he’d experienced more happiness than he had in the seven years since he’d returned to town.
And he didn’t want to go back to being alone. He finished brushing his teeth, but going to bed wasn’t an option. The house was hulking, huge, haunting him. So he crept down the hallway to the living room, bypassed it, and headed toward Heather’s bedroom.
No light shone under the door, and when he tried to open it, he found it locked. His heart bumped out an extra beat. She’d locked him out? After pleading with him to come check in with her when he came inside?
Feeling slightly stalkerish but desperate to fulfill her wishes, he backtracked and went into the bathroom. It connected to her room, and that door wasn’t even closed. So he went into the bedroom, the moonlight casting silver shadows across her face as she slept.
He sucked in a breath and paused, his whole world coming to a complete halt. I’m in love with her, he thought, the words so foreign and so horrifying, Levi almost bolted. Then that peace returned, and he remembered how to breathe.
“Heather?” he whispered. “It’s Levi.” He rounded the bed and swept two fingers across her brow line. A powerful feeling moved through him, and he’d never felt this protective of and this much emotion for Johanna.
“Sweetheart, I came in from the farm.” He spoke louder now, and her eyes shot open.
She sat upright, staring at him until recognition came. “Levi.”
He didn’t know his name could hold so many things at once. Just four little letters, two syllables, and somehow she poured everything she felt for him into them. Love. Fear. Hope.
He swept his fingers down the side of her face, the moment between them lengthening as she leaned into his touch and closed her eyes in a long blink.
“I didn’t want you to worry,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I—”
“Don’t apologize.” He dropped to his knees for the second time that night. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who walked out.” He took a deep breath, his defenses threatening to fly back into place. “There are some memories that are too painful to talk about.”
Heather’s eyes searched his for answers, and she lifted both hands and stroked them down the sides of his face. The gesture was intimate, and caring, and Levi sighed. She ran her fingers through his hair, and the need to kiss her and make sure she never left him intensified.
“You need a haircut, cowboy,” she whispered.
A smile touched his mouth. “Yeah.”
“I can do it for you tomorrow, if you’d like.”
“You cut hair?”
“My mother taught me how. With two brothers and a father, she said it was a good skill to have.”
“I don’t have any clippers or anything.”
Her smile was soft and slow as she leaned forward. “You have money.” She touched her lips to his, and Levi received her kiss willingly. She pulled back after only a moment, her mouth barely there before it was gone. The look she wore now was filled with vulnerability, and Levi got to his feet.
“Are you too tired to talk?” He extended his hand to her, his invitation clear.
She flung the blankets from her legs, put her hand in his, and stood. “No.”
“I’ll make hot chocolate then.” They moved into the kitchen hand-in-hand, nothing said between them. She sat at the bar while he pulled out the milk and got down the mugs. At least he knew where they were, as he drank coffee every morning.
“So I don’t want kids,” he said, keeping his back to her. “My first wife, Johanna, she got pregnant. We were thrilled.” His voice slipped into a monotone, and he kept his hands busy with gathering spoons and searching for the hot chocolate powder.
/> “She was a Southern socialite,” he said. “Everything was a big deal, from what kind of shoes she wore to who she was seen with. The pregnancy was monumental news. First grandchild of the famed Southern Remmingtons.” He reminded himself to breathe, to think, to trust Heather.
“Her father owned a big horse stable in Kentucky, and their money was endless and old.” He filled two mugs with milk and stuck them in the microwave. Finished with the preparations, he finally turned to face Heather.
One look at her and everything boiled to the surface. Words leapt to his mind and flowed from his mouth. “The baby was stillborn. A boy. We named him Montgomery and had a funeral. It was…harrowing. But we didn’t come together to grieve. She had her family nearby, and she always relied more on them than me.”
He moved to the counter, just three feet from her, and leaned into it. “And she did, because I wasn’t there for her. I didn’t love her the way she needed to be loved, and those were her parting words to me when she left me, only five days after we buried our son.”
Heather sat wide-eyed and rapt at his story. “I’m so sorry, Levi.”
His emotions hardened. “So everything about children brings bad memories.” His words choked him now. “I don’t want them. A child broke me, broke my marriage. I can’t—”
The microwave beeped and he spun away, unable to truly articulate how he felt. He got the mugs down, his fingers burning from the hot ceramic. He welcomed the physical pain, because it was better than this emotional agony.
The barstool scraped and Heather joined him at his side. She stretched up and kissed his cheek.
Levi swallowed, staring into the swirling depths of hot milk. “I love you, Heather.” His voice came out rough around the edges. “The thought of losing you….” He shook his head, his jaw tight. His fingers clenched. His muscles screamed as they bunched. “I can’t do it. So that’s why I can’t have more kids.”
“Levi.” She curled her good arm around his right one. “You’re not going to lose me if we have a child.”
“It’s irrational, I know. But it’s how I feel.”
