by M. A. Innes
His boyfriend hit him with a pillow from the couch and growled at him. “You’re so dead when we get home. I’m getting the belt out this time.”
His cheeky boyfriend, Matt, may have blushed a little but he grinned and winked at Zach. “Yes, Sir.”
Bryan’s eyes got wide and his head looked like a ping pong ball as he watched their banter. One of the other guys, who was hanging out on the couch, not playing but talking shit, looked over at us. “Sorry. They’ve been weird since high school. Just ignore them.”
Zach looked over. “Sorry, we forget new people aren’t used to us. We can tone it down.”
Bryan’s mouth opened and closed several times but he couldn’t manage to say anything. He looked over at me, obviously asking for help. Just what he always wanted, to be the center of attention during a discussion on kink.
It also had to have completely blown his mind to know that at least a couple of people in high school had been into different things too. If the situation were reversed, I knew it would have blown mine. Hell, watching them tease and talk like that in public made me want to squirm—and not in a good way.
“That’s okay, guys. We’re not offended. Just be yourselves.” That seemed simple enough, but Zach gave me this look like he knew something was up. He went back to the game, but I knew he wasn’t ignoring us.
I was trying for subtle but Bryan’s reaction probably blew that all to hell. Still, I leaned down casually and let my hand rest on the back of his neck. That had to look innocent enough. Whispering low and giving him a squeeze, I tried to get him to calm down. “Deep breath, B. That’s good. Just relax. No one knows anything about what we’re doing. It’s okay.”
Once he seemed to have backed away from the panic ledge, I sat up and tried to look like I was watching the game. I was mostly keeping an eye on Bryan. He was doing better and leaning back in the chair again, but I could still see the wheels in his head going. Probably in circles like a little hamster or something.
I wanted to drag him out and see if he was really okay, but that would look incredibly weird. Either they’d guess we were doing something odd or they’d think we were offended. Neither option was a good one, so I sat there trying to look casual—and failing at it, miserably.
After another twenty minutes or so, the longest twenty minutes ever, someone hollered out from the back of the house that the burgers were ready. So the guys paused the game and we all headed out to the backyard. Bryan seemed to have found his footing again and was no longer looking pale enough to be one of the zombies.
“Hey, Bryan, come help carry some stuff out to the back,” Shelly called out as we headed through the kitchen.
Bryan gave her a nod. “Sure.”
We both headed over but she smiled at me. “Maddox, would you see if they need any more help setting up the food that’s already outside?”
There was no way to tell her I’d rather stay with Bryan right now without looking clingy. So I gave her a nod and him a little wink before I kept heading outside. The yard was big and open with a trampoline over in one corner and a small garden in another. The rest of it was filled with chairs and makeshift tables.
Turned out that they didn’t need any help. Just someone to occasionally move things from one table to another while they sorted the mishmash of stuff. I was moving a plate of brownies when Zach came up to me trying to look like his ending up there was completely unexpected, but the planning was obvious.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey.” I decided to play along. “You think this is where the girls meant for me to put the brownies?”
“Yeah, it should work. Everything else is desserts and stuff. You want a drink?”
Now we were getting somewhere. “Just a Coke is fine.”
“The coolers are over there by the chairs. Let’s go grab one before they make you organize something else.”
“Sure.”
We both grabbed sodas that were mixed in with beers and other stuff and found some empty chairs tucked away from everyone else. Yup, very subtle. The fact that we were probably the only guys without a beer looked a little odd too.
I wasn’t sure what he was going to say, so I didn’t have a good response when he looked down at our drinks and cocked his head. “Can’t play without a clear head.”
It was something simple enough that someone else might not have understood the reference. But I’d done enough reading lately to understand what he was saying right off the bat. The question was…what was I supposed to say?
Ignore it and pretend we were completely vanilla?
That might be what Bryan would prefer, but I wasn’t much for playing ostrich. Zach could probably tell I was trying to figure out how to respond because he sat back and waited, watching me. I nodded and took a sip of my drink. “Not a good idea. You’re right.”
A look of understanding flashed across his face. “Bryan seems…shy.”
That was an understatement if we were talking about kink stuff, and I had a feeling we were. “Yup.”
“I should have guessed. All of us bus kids turned out pretty interesting.” Now his smile was full of suppressed laughter and he shook his head.
“Bus kids?” I thought I knew what he was talking about, but I wasn’t going to guess.
“I’m sure Bryan’s told you by now.” Leaning back more, he took a sip of his drink. Then looked around before pointing to some short guy with longer hair over by the trampoline. “John’s brother was kinky as hell in college and didn’t hide it very well. John was the guy who brought the stuff to school.”
The guy didn’t look that sketchy now, but he must have been something else when they were all younger to have brought that stuff around. I wasn’t sure what to say. I couldn’t quite tell where the conversation was going so I nodded and raised an eyebrow.
He laughed. “Just about everyone from that day has turned out a little more interesting than everyone else. We either turned toward the kink or as far away from it as we could. We’d always thought that Bryan fell into the latter group…but that wasn’t right, was it?”
Now I was backed into a corner.
CHAPTER 4
Bryan
“Hey, let me help with those.” Butterflies started turning a hurricane in my stomach when Matt called out from behind me. Where was a giant hole to swallow me when I needed it? What were the chances that he’d ignore my weird behavior back there?
Balancing several trays of snacks and hamburger buns, I looked like I needed help and he was right, I did, but still. I mumbled a quick, “Thanks.”
He took two of the trays and I should have been grateful, but there was this weird anticipation in the air. I didn’t want to deal with whatever he was going to say. I just kept my focus on the back door and hoped—
“Hey, we didn’t mean to embarrass you back there.”
Shit.
“No, man, I’m good.” Try and sound casual, moron. “Just wasn’t expecting it.”
There, that sounded a little teasing but not too nervous or formal.
“You looked so pale there for a minute, I thought you’d keel over or something.”
And he didn’t believe me for a minute. Shit. What was I supposed to say? The truth would never come out and it wasn’t his business, was it? From their conversation and teasing, he was clearly the sub in the relationship, but that didn’t have to mean anything to me. Right?
Struggling with the back door got me a few seconds of reprieve but that wasn’t much. As soon as we were outside, he started again. “You totally had that sub-trapped-in-the-headlights look.” Then he glanced at me expectantly.
“There’s a look?” Not what I meant to say. In my head, it had been something like fuck off, man, but that didn’t come out.
Matt laughed and shook his head. “Oh yeah, you meet enough new subs and you get a feel for it.”
He’d met other subs? He must have seen something on my face because he gave me this sympathetic look. “Zach and I have been playing si
nce high school.”
He let that sink in for a minute. I still wasn’t sure if I needed to say something or not. “Um. Okay.”
I got another smile that really didn’t seem happy at all. “Originally, we kept things quiet but then we got caught by a couple of other guys in the locker room. It was obvious Zach was in charge.” Now his grin was naughty and nostalgic. He shook his head. “You really didn’t hear anything about it?”
“No.” I kept to myself in school. I would have died before letting anyone guess my secret. Duh.
He shrugged. “All us bus kids turned out a little bit odd, so most people accepted it pretty easily.”
“Bus kids?”
Now he gave me a “You’re an idiot” look. “Dirty magazines on the bus. Don’t play innocent with me; I remember what magazine you got. I have a great memory for stupid shit.”
Fuck.
I had no idea what to say. I stood there with the trays, looking at him and trying to remember to breathe. Without Mad there to remind me, I was afraid I was going to forget.
“Sub in the headlights,” he mumbled. “Come on, let’s go put these down.”
I trailed after him automatically. It wasn’t long before we had the trays put down. Then he grabbed my arm. “Let’s go sit down and talk.”
Conflicted didn’t even begin to describe my emotions. Stupidly, I followed him anyway. Where was Mad when I needed him? Looking around as we went around the side of the house, I saw him sitting in the back talking to Zach. We’d both been cornered. Great.
Matt had to have been familiar with the house because he led us right over to a small hidden sitting area with a bench. It was quieter than the rest of the yard but at that moment, I think I would have preferred the noise.
“Most of us who were on the bus that day turned out interesting, to say the least.” Then he grimaced. “And some of us are in total denial but I won’t say who.” Then he looked back at the party.
Who was he talking about?
“For a while, we thought you were in that group too. Evidently, you hid better than some of us.” He gave me a cheeky grin. “I don’t hide well.”
Duh.
Still not sure what to say, I nodded and tried not to look like I was freaking out. It was clear he didn’t believe it for a minute. I used to be a better liar than this. I know I did.
“So you and Mad are in some kind of D/s relationship?” Then he sat there quietly and watched me.
What the fuck was I supposed to say?
It wasn’t his business, but he seemed to have good intentions. Maybe. He wasn’t making fun of me. He was openly submissive himself so it was hard to see this exploding in my face but still…why were we even talking about this at all?
“Okay. Let’s try it this way. You looked so freaked out in there we were worried about you. You’re okay, right? Like, everything with you and Maddox is good?”
That I could answer. Especially since I didn’t have to say anything. Nodding seemed to satisfy him somewhat.
“Do you have any questions you want to ask another sub?”
Dear God, I was going to die. Where was something to hide behind when you needed it? The world started to narrow. It was almost like when Mad and I played but this didn’t feel right. Where was Mad when I needed him?
Right there.
“Hey, Bryan, there you are. Thought you might want a drink.” Maddox suddenly kneeled down in front of me. He had a Coke in his hand and he opened it when he saw my hands were shaking. “There you go.”
I took several sips. The world started coming back into focus. He kept eye contact with me and I could see him silently encouraging me to take deep breaths. I needed to calm down but it was all just too much. Suddenly, I wanted to get as far away from there as I could.
“B? Look at me.” His voice dropped a little, not enough to seem weird but it got my attention.
“Yes—” I caught myself before I could say Daddy, but it was close. I needed him.
“Do you want to go?”
More than anything. “Yes.”
“All right, then.” He took my hand and helped me to stand up. Then turned to the other couple who was still watching us like we were interesting circus animals, or aliens. Maybe they didn’t understand our dynamic or maybe they thought we were too shy, I didn’t care. “I don’t think lunch settled well, food poisoning or something. We’re going to head out. Thanks for inviting us.”
Food poisoning? Well, at least it gave them something to tell everyone else. The fact that I preferred people to think I had the shits rather than tell them I was a sub probably said something about my mental health. I just wasn’t ready yet.
Mad kept a tight hold on my hand and led us around the front of the house. We nodded to a couple of people walking in but he kept heading straight for the car. It was probably only seconds until we got to it but it felt like so much longer.
Mad didn’t even ask if I wanted to drive. He simply reached into my pocket, grabbed the keys, then tucked me into the passenger seat. With a little bit of help, I managed to get buckled, but it took more focus than it should have.
He kissed my head then shut the door. I kept playing things over in my head and I couldn’t figure out what I’d done wrong. Why couldn’t people mind their own business? I must have asked that out loud because Mad answered, starting to sound upset.
“That’s a damned good question. I got cornered by Zach in the backyard. It wasn’t until I saw you head around the house with Matt that I realized they were going to corner you too. I’m sorry I didn’t get there faster.” The tone of his voice pulled me away from the fog; he sounded so upset with himself.
“No, I should have been able to tell him to go to hell or something. I just…it was incredibly unexpected. He could see I was uncomfortable; I know he could, but he didn’t stop. If he’s a sub, why didn’t he get it and just leave me alone?” Shouldn’t he have understood?
“He might be a sub in the bedroom, but he’s bossy outside of it. Zach wasn’t too bad. But I still can’t figure out why they thought it was a good idea to corner strangers about their sex lives.” Now he was starting to get angry. His deep daddy voice was tinged with anger, and I was glad it wasn’t focused on me. Reaching over, I put my hand on his leg.
That seemed to be enough to remind him to calm down because he took some deep breaths and tried to relax more in the seat. At least the anger seemed to distract him from yelling at other drivers.
Neither of us was in any shape to go home yet. Mom wouldn’t rest until she knew who’d messed with her boys. “Let’s head over to the lake. It’s late enough now that it’s probably pretty quiet over there.”
The calm of the water must have sounded good to Mad as well. He nodded and started heading in that direction. It didn’t take long, or maybe that was just how it seemed to me. Soon we were pulling into the parking lot. Mad must not have trusted how steady I was because he came around to the passenger door before I could even open it.
“Come on, B. Let’s go watch the water. Is that little emergency blanket still in the trunk?”
“Yes.”
“Great.” He let go of my hand and went around to the trunk to dig through the back. He made a mess but soon he handed me the blanket, and we were wandering down to the lake. I’d been right. There weren’t that many people, just a few families packing up and the odd people fishing. We kept going further around the edge of the water than I usually went. The best beach area was closer to the parking lot, but today I wanted privacy.
We wandered for a while…until we were far enough away from the beach that you couldn’t see us too easily. Just the walk seemed to help. By the time we found a good spot to spread the blanket out, I was much calmer.
Mad sat down and pulled me to sit between his legs. Leaning back against his chest, looking out over the water, the fear and stress were starting to fade.
“Why didn’t they leave us alone?” At that moment, I needed Daddy, not just Maddox.
/> “I don’t know, Baby. I know some people are more out there than us but that was just…surprising.” He was quiet for a minute before he continued. “They didn’t know us well enough to have opened up like that. They weren’t like good friends in school, were they?”
“No. They both lived a few streets over. Other than riding the bus together and a few classes, I didn’t know them at all.”
“That damned bus.” He laughed but it wasn’t funny. “Did he tell you that stuff about the bus kids?”
“Yeah, really oversharing.” I let my head fall back to rest on his shoulder. “I don’t get it. I’m sorry I lost it.”
Had I embarrassed him? My panic had basically outed us as in some kind of a D/s relationship. Would he be mad? Had he even realized that yet?
“Hey, I’m not upset. I don’t really care what anyone else thinks. While I’m not really the share-our-sex-life-with-the-neighbors kind of guy, I’m not ashamed of our relationship. And you had every right to panic. He cornered you and wouldn’t back off. You’re a really private person. He should have respected that. I’m sorry I didn’t get there faster, Baby.”
“You came as soon as you knew something was wrong.” I laughed then teased him. “I’ve never been happier to see you.”
He kissed the side of my head and tightened his arms around me. Daddy must have still felt my uncertainty because he started talking through some of my fears again.
“We’ve looked stuff up online. You have friends in the lifestyle; sure, they’re online friends, but they’re still people who you can talk to and open up with. You share things when you’re ready. There is nothing wrong with that. We’ll do things on our schedule and not someone else’s. When we’re ready to talk to people in person about this stuff we will, but not until we’re both ready.” He squeezed me tight. “There is nothing wrong with doing things on our own timetable.”
“You sure?” Matt seemed to feel like I should have opened up right away. Like it was some kind of special club that meant we had to share things.
“Positive.” His confidence was absolute and it settled some of my remaining worries.
