by Ivy Jordan
My chest caved in, and my stomach rumbled.
“He can’t stop now,” I cried.
“He said it’s making him sick, and he’s gonna die anyway. He said he wants to have a few good days before he goes,” she explained.
That sounded like Dad. Yes, he was stubborn, but he was right. The treatments had made him sick, and if they weren’t working, I didn’t want to see him suffer more than necessary.
I nodded, wiping away my tears and fell back onto the cushion of the couch.
“So, where were you? Is it true a mountain man kidnapped you?” Lila questioned.
I giggled as I watched her eyes widen. This was seriously what people thought?
“I went hiking, and a storm hit. Xander found me on the path near his cabin,” I explained.
“Xander?” she quizzed.
“Yes. He moved out here a few months ago. He saved my life,” I added.
“Why is he living out there on the mountain all alone? Is he running from something?” she gasped.
Lila always did love a good rumor, even the ones she had to start herself.
“He’s a retired SEAL. He just likes his peace,” I smiled. A soft sigh rolled from my lips as I thought about Xander.
“What did you do in that cabin for two weeks?” Lila’s eyes widened even wider than before.
The curiosity in her expression was making me blush. We’d always told each other everything, but this, I wasn’t sure I wanted to divulge.
“Was he handsome?” she asked eagerly.
My cheeks burnt they were turning so red. “Yes,” I giggled.
Lila’s hand pushed over her lips as she gasped with excitement.
“So, you two?” she hinted.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I smiled politely, trying to hide my guilt.
“Okay, you can tell me about that later. But, seriously, how did he find you, and how did you get home?” she continued.
I filled her in on my accident and the fact I had no idea who I was. I neglected the part where I wanted to stay, feeling extreme guilt for leaving her to care for my father all that time.
“You had no memory?” she gasped.
I shook my head. “None,” I noted.
“When did you get it back?” she urged.
“This morning, actually,” I stated.
She was amazed at the details, about Xander, his friend, and how I’d lived there two weeks with no electricity or hot water. I was certain she would’ve exploded by day three without her cell phone, possibly even by day two.
“So Xander brought you back?” she went on.
“Only to the parking lot at the bottom of the mountain. Liam, his friend, brought me into the station and then home,” I reported.
“Why didn’t he?” she whined.
That was a question I wasn’t prepared to answer. I knew he didn’t bring me because I wanted him to stay with me, but I didn’t want her to know that. I felt foolish for falling so quickly for a man I barely knew.
“I’m really tired. Can we talk later?” I begged.
“Of course. I can only imagine what you’ve gone through. Jack ate about an hour ago, and his medication is all administered until bedtime. Do you want me to come back over and help?” she offered.
“No, thank you, you’ve done so much already. I’ll be fine,” I assured her and walked her to the door.
All the talk about Xander and my ordeal as Lila put it was making me sad. I missed the cabin and Xander, but I was glad to be home taking care of Dad, where I belonged.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Xander
It had been two days since Bailey left, but I couldn’t get her off my mind. The nightmares were back and stronger than ever, as if she’d never been there at all. Liam wouldn’t leave me, refusing to let me wallow in misery alone like I wanted. I hated having someone hanging over my shoulder, checking on me. I just needed to be left alone, and I’d be fine, or at least as good as I ever was.
“You don’t have to hang out here,” I patted Liam on the back as I walked by.
“And you don’t have to chop any more wood. Your fingers are raw,” he retorted.
I chuckled, realizing that I’d spent most of my time out in the cold splitting logs. I was running out of trees to cut down, but I didn’t want to be in that cabin.
Everything reminded me of Bailey. The bed where we made love, the table where we fucked, the tub where I first caught a glimpse of her body, and the couch where we snuggled and watched the fire. There wasn’t one room, one spot in that cabin that didn’t ooze with memories of her.
I couldn’t help but wonder how she was doing, what she was doing, but I didn’t ask. I knew Liam was aware of my brooding, but he was a good friend, a good brother, and he didn’t try to talk to me about my feelings.
I never asked him for details about her return home, who was waiting for her, how many people had been searching for the missing teacher. He did tell me he dropped her off at home, and that she was safe, but that was all.
“I’m gonna go fishing,” Liam announced as he exited the cabin door.
He held a fishing pole over his shoulder and a net in his hand.
“Wanna come?” he tempted.
I knew I could use a change of pace, and my hands could certainly use a break.
“Sure,” I agreed, heading into the cabin to grab another pole.
Liam was waiting for me with a smile smeared on his face as I came back out. I followed him down the path towards the large creek we’d passed taking Bailey down the mountain.
“This a good spot?” he asked.
I nodded, stepping over the large branch to the other side of the creek.
“It’s not really a sport when the fish are this slow,” I teased, dropping my line in the water.
Liam laughed, following suit, and within minutes, we both had a fish on our lines.
“So, how ya holdin’ up?” he asked.
Fuck. Here we go…the talk.
“I’m good,” I shrugged.
His eyes pressed into me, telling me he knew better. That smile of his was death. It could get anything out of anyone.
“I just hope she’s doing okay,” I admitted.
“She was pretty torn up about leaving you, but it sounds like her dad’s really sick,” Liam offered.
I nodded, hoping that was the end of the conversation, but knowing it wasn’t.
“You considering going after her?” he questioned.
I looked up, shocked that he would ask me that. I had considered it every fucking moment of every day since she’d left.
“No. You know the town isn’t my thing. Besides, she has a busy life, lots of people in it, and probably not much room left for the likes of me,” I chuckled.
“I don’t know. Seemed to me she was pretty willing to make room for you,” he smirked.
“You’re the one who told me she’d forget about me after a few days,” I reminded him with a smirk of my own.
“I know, but I may have been wrong,” he confessed.
Every bone in my body wanted him to be wrong, but I still had to hang on to the fact he may not have been.
“Time will tell,” I shrugged.
“You know, having someone to love in your life isn’t a bad thing,” Liam chanted like some sort of fucking budda.
Really? After he convinced me I needed to let her go, now he pulls this shit?
“You know what? I’m tired. I think I’ll head back and take a nap.” I pulled my pole out of the water and grabbed my bucket.
Liam called out to me as I walked up the path. I didn’t look back. Bailey probably hated me after the way I treated her, and for that, I had Liam to thank.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Bailey
The roads were all cleared, so Lila took me to get my car. As we pulled into the parking lot, I stared out the window of her little red car up the mountainside. I wondered what Xander was doing. I wondered if he missed me at all.
/> Liam’s truck was parked next to my car. A sense of relief fell over me knowing that he was with Xander and that he wasn’t alone.
“I’ve got jumper cables in the back,” Lila stated as she pulled her car next to mine.
I got out, feeling the familiar cool breeze of the mountain air on my face. It felt good, comfortable.
“Aren’t you freezing?” Lila gasped, quickly wrapping her face in a wool scarf as she climbed out of her driver’s seat.
I shook my head. No. I wasn’t cold. I was perfectly fine.
“Pop your hood,” I instructed, grabbing the jumper cables from the back seat and moving to my car.
I unlocked the door, tried starting it once, and as expected, the battery was dead. I popped my hood and connected the cables to my battery, and then Lila’s. I leaned against the front bumper of my car, staring up the mountain.
“What went on with you two?” Lila asked, pulling me from my trance.
“Nothing, why?” I questioned.
“Because you’re staring up that mountain like you’re lost down here, and every time Xander’s name is mentioned, you blush,” she pointed out.
I sighed.
“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes.
I slid into the driver’s seat of my car and turned the ignition over. The motor rumbled, but finally started.
“Louie’s?” Lila suggested.
I nodded and took the cables loose from our cars. I’d promised her lunch if she took me to my car, and she wasn’t going to let me skip out. I’d been distant, not just with her, but everyone. Most of my time was spent at home, caring for Dad, and the other part was at home, sulking about Xander.
“I’ll follow you just in case there are any problems,” she stated, and shoved the cables into her back seat before sliding back into the driver’s position.
I hated to leave, but I knew she was waiting on me to pull out. I wanted to run up that mountain, beat on the cabin door, and have Xander take me into his strong arms.
I pulled out, trying not to stare up the mountainside and keep my eyes on the road, but I ended up hitting the curb anyways. Lila was in my rearview mirror, her expression filled with shock. Shit.
The drive to Louie’s took a little over twenty minutes, and during that time I kept going back and forth on whether or not I wanted to tell Lila about Xander. It was obvious she already knew something happened, but I dreaded the way she would look at me when she found out exactly what.
Lila’s car pulled beside me, parked in front of Louie’s, the best burger joint in town.
“How’s your tire?” she asked, walking around the passenger side of my car.
I shook my head, fighting back the color that was forming on my cheeks, and walked over to take a look.
“It’s good,” I smiled, hitting the lock button on my keychain and heading inside.
“Two?” the woman at the door greeted us.
“Yes,” I responded quickly, hoping to get Lila distracted with the menu before she asked any more questions.
The hostess handed us two menus, which I immediately opened.
“Have you tried this new avocado burger?” I asked, pushing Lila to start browsing the menu.
I knew she’d get enthralled in the listing of all the delicious items, going through them one by one, even though she’d read the menu a thousand times.
“Bailey, you need to tell me what’s going on,” she demanded, showing no interest in the menu.
I placed the menu in front of me, flat on the table. My friend stared into my eyes with curiosity that I knew wouldn’t go away until she got details, but I couldn’t get myself to tell her. I didn’t want to tell anyone.
“I just really like the guy,” I offered up.
“Xander?” she questioned.
“Yes. I hate that he’s out there all alone,” I sighed.
“Didn’t you say that was his buddie’s truck?” she asked.
I nodded. What I didn’t say is that I knew if Liam was still there, Xander was obviously taking things rough. It didn’t matter how tough his exterior looked, he was soft inside. I knew that.
“Well, then he isn’t alone,” she stated.
“Liam will have to go home soon, and then he will be,” I protested.
“This guy really got under your skin, huh?” she pushed.
There was the color and heat forming on my cheeks. I couldn’t hide it. My lips curled into a smile, and I could feel my eyes dancing as they struggled to lose contact with Lila’s.
“Wow, you got it bad,” Lila teased.
“Stop it,” I sassed, picking my menu back up.
I buried my face behind the plastic menu, pretending to read each dish thoroughly.
“Can I get you something to drink?” a young waitress offered.
“Iced tea, please,” I quickly ordered.
Lila ordered water, and then she told the waitress we were ready to order. I wasn’t. I’d only pretended to read the damn menu to hide from Lila.
“I’ll have the avocado burger,” Lila chirped.
“Same,” I smiled at the waitress as she took our menus.
“So no more barrier. Tell me what really happened up there in the woods,” Lila pushed.
“We just spent a lot of time talking, and we got to know each other,” I insisted.
“How did he get to know you when you didn’t even know who you were?” she giggled.
“I was still me, it was just details I was missing,” I argued my point, even though hers was a good one.
“I think you’re really into this guy,” she purred, batting her eyes in my direction.
“I just really like him, that’s all. He saved my life, took care of me, and was super sweet,” I added.
“So why don’t you go after him?” she asked.
“Really? What am I supposed to do, pack my shit and move to the woods?” I laughed.
Lila’s lips pursed together, and her eyes rolled.
“Well, if you really liked him, I guess,” she sighed.
“I can’t leave Dad,” I asserted.
Dad wasn’t the only thing holding me back. I had a teaching job, and I loved my students. Xander was so distant when we parted. I wasn’t sure about how he felt either, at least not entirely. Plus, living in the woods, I wasn’t sure I could handle that, at least not long term. The two weeks I spent in the cabin with Xander was amazing, but I didn’t know what I had here, at home.
We finished our lunch, and I rushed out after paying the bill. I knew it was close to the time Dad would need his medication, and I didn’t want to ever let him down again.
“I’ll call you later,” I promised Lila as I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home.
Inside the house, Dad was up, but he looked horrible.
“Why are you out of bed?” I lectured.
He gave me a crooked smile, and shook his head. I knew what he was trying to say. He was still the dad, and I was the kid. He spent his entire life ordering men around, ordering me around, and keeping us all safe. Having someone tell him what to do wasn’t easy for him to swallow, especially when it was me.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
He groaned, wrinkling his nose to make a face of disgust. I hated that he was so sick, but with the treatment, that would get better, but he would not want it.
“I can’t wait to eat again, to want to eat again,” he grumbled.
I smiled, taking his arm and helping him back to bed.
“Until then, would you like another Ensure?” I offered.
He chuckled as he shook his head. “Fuck no,” he groaned.
I couldn’t help but laugh. He was so ornery, so stubborn, that trying to get him to do anything was damn near impossible. I wasn’t sure how Lila managed him for two weeks.
“Thank you, Bailey, you make me so proud,” he said, gripping my hand in his.
It was the same words, the same voice that I’d heard when on the mountain with Xander. It brought tears to my eyes t
o hear him in person. I feared so badly that he wouldn’t be here when I got back, that I’d stayed gone too long and lost my chance to say goodbye, to hear his voice one last time.
“Here,” he grumbled, reaching over to grab a pamphlet from under his pillow.
“What’s this?” I questioned, holding the stiff paper in my hand.
“You need to call them this afternoon,” he insisted, pushing my hand away from his.
“This is hospice,” I choked, fighting back the stream of tears ready to roll from my eyes.
He looked up at me, smiled, and reached out for my hand.
“It’s time. They will make sure I’m comfortable once this medication is out of my system,” he assured me.
I’d spent plenty of time reading about hospice, and I knew it was the best option for him now, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. Admitting that it was time for them to come in meant admitting that it was the end of my father’s life.
“I’ll be okay. I promise,” he insisted.
I smiled, nodded, and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. I pushed the pamphlet into my purse and prepared his medications for the afternoon.
Soon, my father would be gone. It hurt so bad to imagine that day. I wanted to fall into Xander’s strong arms and have him comfort me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Xander
“Hey man, you really need to get up and out of bed,” Liam’s voice was more than annoying.
I jerked the blankets from over my head and stared into his dark eyes. It had been almost a week since Bailey left, and each night, the nightmares got worse. Not only did I have the flashbacks from the war, but now I had ones that showed me how horrible I was to let her leave the way I did.
“I’m not sleeping well,” I grumbled.
“No shit,” Liam sighed, gripping the blankets from over me and pulling them from the bed.
My blood was boiling. I hated that he was there. I wanted to be alone.
“You’re a real dick, you know that?” I snapped.
Liam chuckled, shaking his head.
“What’s so fuckin’ funny?” I demanded.
“Xander, this is obviously more than PTSD,” he stated.
“I just need to be alone so I can process all this shit. I can’t process shit with someone here,” I snarled.
