by Ivy Jordan
“Anything else?” I laughed.
“Nah, that should hold me over,” he smirked.
“Hold you over, til when, next Christmas?” I teased.
“Until I have to make that last trip down the mountain,” he stated.
“Last trip?” I asked curiously.
“Yeah. While I was in town, I made a few phone calls, and I have a job lined up,” he stated.
I knew he’d said he wanted a break, and that he wasn’t sure how long he’d stay. I was confused why he suddenly was ready to go back to work, unless it was because of Bailey.
“Don’t leave on account of me. I have to get back to work myself in a couple weeks, so I won’t cramp your style too much longer,” Bailey chimed in.
“Oh hell, it’s not because of you sweetheart,” Liam promised.
“Well, what brought this on?” I pushed.
“I’d put in my resume for a position with the NFL. I got the call back, they want me on the team as the personal trainer to the players,” he boasted.
“Holy Shit, Mr. Big Time,” I roared, rushing to my friend for a celebratory embrace.
Bailey congratulated Liam, making him promise that he wasn’t leaving because of her. He assured her she had nothing to do with his decision.
“I’ve been here driving Xander crazy long enough,” he winked in my direction.
He knew he hadn’t driven me crazy, well, at least not the last week or so. I was growing accustomed to having him around, and truth be told, I was going to miss him.
“So, who made this chowder?” Liam asked, taking his first bite.
It was easy to see by the expression on his face, that he was impressed.
“Lila, my best friend from school, and my neighbor,” she boasted.
“Tell Lila she is amazing,” Liam smirked.
Bailey had already opened the bacon and started peeling potatoes, dicing them up into small squares for the cast iron skillet. I jumped in, dicing an onion, heating the oil, and then slapping the bacon on the griddle.
It was nice having my stove back, but I didn’t really mind cooking over the flame of the fire. Bailey helped me clean up as we practically danced in the small kitchen area, synchronized perfectly with our movements.
Liam sat on the couch, eating the chowder and making sounds of pleasure with each bite. Bailey giggled at his reaction, leaning in to whisper that she really needed Lila’s recipe. I didn’t say anything, figuring if she did learn to make the chowder, I’d eat it every night of my life if it made her happy, even though I didn’t really like it.
“You about done with your appetizer?” I teased, breaking the eggs carefully over the hot griddle surface.
Liam grunted, brought the empty pan over to the sink, and then filled it up with water.
“That was incredible,” he patted his belly.
He looked over my shoulder as I peppered the eggs, growling as if he were starving.
“Over easy?” I questioned.
“Yup,” he smiled and then grabbed three plates.
Bailey scooped out potatoes onto each plate, and then placed three strips of bacon on each. I slapped two eggs on mine and hers, and then four onto Liam’s.
“Wow,” he gasped at the amount of food he’d been served.
“Really? I’ve seen you eat that for a snack,” I joked.
“Let’s eat outside,” Liam suggested.
The sun was out, and it was starting to warm up, but Bailey grabbed a large throw to keep over her shoulders anyways.
Sitting at the table, under the sun, it was pretty comfortable for me and obviously Liam who wore only a t-shirt.
The food was delicious, and the company amazing. I couldn’t have asked for a better morning.
“I’m gonna miss this place,” Liam admitted.
“I’m gonna miss you, brother,” I frowned.
“Ahhh, you’ll be fine. You got Bailey here to keep you warm at night,” he smiled.
“Until she has to leave again,” I winked in her direction.
“You can always come off this mountain and stay with me if you get cold or lonely,” she smirked.
That was a topic still up for debate. I wasn’t certain I would fare well in the town below my secluded mountain, but for Bailey, I might try.
We all sat and enjoyed the scenery while we ate, Liam telling us stories about his job offer. I was glad to see him happy and doing something other than training aging housewives.
Bailey got up, announcing she was cold, and grabbed our emptied plates from the table. When I tried to get up and help her, she pushed her eyebrows down, motioning towards Liam, insisting I stay and talk with my friend.
“So, this job offer, it is real?” I questioned once we were alone.
Liam laughed, his eyes squinting into the sun as he looked in my direction.
“Of course,” he sighed.
“Okay. I just thought maybe it was Bailey, and you didn’t want to say anything before,” I explained.
“Look, I saw her car last night. I was going to make the trip up the mountain once the storm calmed down, but I figured you might want some time alone,” he smiled.
“So you are leaving because of Bailey?” I pushed.
“No. Relax. I got the call, that is all true, and it’s my dream job,” he insisted. “If it weren’t for Bailey being here, I may have turned it down,” he finally admitted.
I was thankful he hadn’t. It sounded like an amazing opportunity.
“I think you’ll be okay,” Liam slapped me on the back.
“I think so too,” I smiled.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Bailey
“What the hell is in this bag?” Xander exclaimed, lifting my backpack with both hands.
I laughed watching him struggle, knowing I’d carried that thing up the mountain in a storm.
“I brought some things for you,” I admitted, feeling that there was no better time than the present to bring up his PTSD.
Xander looked surprised as he set the bag down onto the couch. He opened the top, peeked inside, and then looked up at me with confusion.
“What did you bring me?” he asked.
I moved towards the couch, reaching into my bag, and pulled out a stack of books. I’d visited the local book store, purchasing every book they had on PTSD, and even printed out about a dozen articles and pages from the forums that helped me.
“I thought these could help,” I smiled, handing the stack to Xander.
He didn’t look excited or even impressed as he read the titles of the top books.
“What am I supposed to do with these?” he questioned, a sour look inching onto his face.
“Read them. I thought they could help,” I insisted.
“You’ve helped. That’s all I need,” he grumbled.
“Well, you want to get off this mountain eventually, don’t you?” I asked, worried that maybe I was wrong.
Maybe Xander has no desire to ever leave his secluded lifestyle. If that’s true, where does that leave me? Us?
Liam walked through the front door, stopping as he stared towards Xander and I.
“Everything okay?” he questioned.
I knew he and Xander were close, and if he’d been here with him all this time, he knew what kind of troubles he suffered from. Hell, he was there with him, through it all, or at least most of it. There was a good chance that he’d been through the same hell and struggled with the same pains of reality as Xander.
“I brought some books on PTSD, but he doesn’t want them,” I pouted.
Liam shook his head, walked towards Xander, and took the books from his hands.
“Here, this is a damn good book. It helped me tons,” he said, shoving the thickest one back towards Xander.
“You read this shit?” Xander snapped.
“Of course. It was part of my therapy,” he admitted.
I was so relieved to see Liam so open, and so eagerly pushing Xander towards the same goals as me.
“I’ve been telling him to find someone to talk to,” Liam told me.
“I don’t need someone to talk to,” Xander argued.
My blood was starting to boil at his stubbornness, but I remembered what my dad had told me. I had barely scratched the surface of Xander’s pain, and there was a good chance he hadn’t even come close to recognizing all his disorders.
I took a deep breath while Liam laughed at his friend.
“We all need someone to talk to,” Liam encouraged.
“I’ve got you, and I’ve got Bailey,” he sighed.
“You need a professional. Trust me, brother,” Liam pleaded. “It doesn’t make you a lesser man to admit you need help.”
I smiled, reaching my hand out to Xander’s arm, stroking it gently to let him know I cared about him, that I was there for him.
“I came back up here, not only because I missed you, but because I was hopeful we could work on getting to a place where we could have a future,” I confessed.
Xander’s eyes widened on mine and glossed over as if they were welling with tears. My heart swelled as I took his hand, squeezing it tightly.
“Okay. I’ll do it,” Xander finally agreed.
Liam slapped him on the back cheerfully, and then fell onto the couch.
“You have no idea how happy that makes me,” Liam boasted.
“Me too,” I sighed.
Xander pulled me into his arms, his hug so tight I gasped for air with the squeeze.
“I’ll call Lila and get her to set something up,” I announced.
“I really don’t want to go into town for these sessions,” Xander pushed back.
“Well, you can’t expect the counselor to climb this mountain, brother,” Liam chuckled.
“I’ll find someone that uses Skype,” I suggested.
Liam lit up at the idea, and even Xander seemed to warm to it.
I used Xander’s phone to call Lila since mine didn’t have service. I told her what I needed, and she agreed to find someone that would make a good fit for Xander.
“How are things going?” Lila asked.
“Amazing,” I gushed.
“I’m so happy for you, Bailey,” she breathed.
“Why don’t you come up here and visit?” I offered.
“I may take you up on that,” she agreed before we hung up.
It was all settled, Xander would start counseling, eventually hoping to have it set him free from his secluded lifestyle and help him begin a new life with me.
Liam pulled Xander in for a long, hard embrace, and then turned to me. He smiled softly, his eyes filled with love, and then pulled me into his chest. He was much shorter than Xander, making my cheek land awkwardly against his neck instead of his chest.
“Thank you, Bailey,” he offered, and then grabbed his bag that sat by the door.
“I’ll call to check on you,” he warned Xander before closing the door.
With that, Liam was gone, leaving me and Xander to spend more time alone.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Xander
My chest tightened at the thought of counseling, but I knew it was for the best. I couldn’t expect Bailey to give up her life and stay out here on this mountainside with me, so I had to get to a better place.
Why was she being so helpful?
She’d read my letters, and I was certain she’d read the words ‘I love you’ in the last one I’d written. She hadn’t said anything, nothing at all. Was she feeling the same way?
Lila called back, and when I answered, she sounded sweet, talking to me like she’d known me forever. I still got a little anxious talking to people I didn’t know, so I quickly handed Bailey the phone and made an excuse to get outside.
“I’m gonna restack the wood,” I smiled, leaving her to talk to her friend.
I knew it was about me, about the counseling. Shit, did she find someone that quickly?
I stepped out of the cabin and into the fresh air. It was still crisp, but warming up with the sun in full blaze above the mountain. I moved towards the wood pile, moved a few logs around, and then covered it back up. There really wasn’t much for me to do out there, but I wasn’t ready to go back inside.
I took a walk, using the path that Liam and I cleared that led to the creek. It was nice not having to push through heavy brush and get scratched by the low branches of the thick, tall trees.
With the rain, the sunshine, and the new clearing, wild flowers had blossomed along the tall grass, leaving a colorful rainbow of life lining the path. I stopped, taking it all in and feeling hopeful that Bailey and I would work.
She had to love me, otherwise she wouldn’t have come all the way out here, pushed those books in my face, and said she’d stand beside me while I dealt with my PTSD.
Sigh.
“Xander!” Bailey’s sweet voice echoed off the trees.
I turned back towards the cabin, making my way to the sound of her sweet tone.
“Where did ya go?” she asked, handing me my phone.
“I was just checking the creek, thinking about fishing for a little while,” I responded.
“Okay. Well, Lila found a counselor. She is going to call you on the phone to set something up for next week,” she blurted excitedly.
I watched her eyes dance on mine. Yes, she loved me. There was no doubt that this woman loved me.
“That is perfect,” I smiled.
“I’m really tired. I was thinking about taking a nap, is that okay?” she asked.
“Of course. I’ll bring us back fish for lunch,” I leaned in, kissing her on the cheek before she went inside.
I pulled a pole and net from the shed, and started back down the path towards the creek. I looked down at my phone, surprised that I had a signal away from the cabin, and knew I had the clearing and Liam to thank for that.
I dialed Liam’s number, curious as to how far down the mountain he’d made it.
“Hey, miss me already?” his voice was cheerful.
I could hear music in the background and what sounded like wind.
“Are you already in your truck?” I gasped, shocked that he could make it down the mountain that fast.
“Hell yeah,” he chuckled.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“It’s great. I just wanted to thank you for the clearing you talked me into,” I responded.
I made it to the creek after grabbing a few slugs, tree worms, and beetles along the way.
“Man, I can hear the creek rippling,” Liam sighed.
“You miss it, don’t ya?” I teased.
“I do,” he admitted.
“What’s on your mind?” he pushed.
He knew me well enough to know I wasn’t one to just call and chat.
“I think that Lila girl found a counselor. Gonna start next week,” I spewed.
“Yeah, that’s great,” he boasted.
“I guess,” I sighed.
“What else is it?” he urged.
“Would Bailey be doing all this if she didn’t love me?” I queried.
I felt foolish asking the question, especially to Liam, my SEAL brother. This was another topic we didn’t talk about with one another, but after he’d opened the gates to unchartered territory, I figured what the hell.
“Love… That’s awful soon, don’t ya think?” he asked.
“Not really. I mean, I wrote those letters, and she found them and read them. I said I loved her in the last one,” I admitted.
“And?” Liam asked.
“And she hasn’t said it back, hasn’t even mentioned the word,” I added.
Liam laughed, hard and from the belly. I was growing irritated as he continued to find humor in my pain.
“I’m sorry. Look, if you love her, then tell her, not in a letter, but with your own words,” he suggested.
“You’re right,” I sighed.
We said our goodbyes, and he promised to contact me as soon as he made it back to Texas.
I s
lid my phone into my pocket and baited the hook at the end of my line. I dropped the bait into the water and almost instantly had a hit. I jerked, pulling a nice size bass from the stream.
After about an hour, I’d collected over six nice-sized fish, all ready to clean and grill for tonight’s dinner.
The flat rock just a few feet from the creek was my cleaning station. I knew Bailey was sleeping, and the smell of fish guts wouldn’t be a nice aroma to wake up to, so I decided to get them all cleaned before heading back.
The filets were thick and meaty, and I was careful to ensure no bones were left on the meat as I tossed them into the bucket.
On the way back, I stopped at the open path and stared at all the flowers. They were beautiful, just like Bailey. I leaned down, picking some of the purple ones, and then moved towards the white. I picked three of each, even crossing into a thorn bush to gather the bright green ones that matched her eyes. I carried them into the cabin, set them on the counter with the bucket of fish, and started searching for a vase. The best thing I could find was an empty whiskey bottle, so I peeled off the label and rinsed it before placing them inside.
I washed the fish, battered them and seasoned them, and placed them in the fridge until Bailey woke up and we were ready to eat.
I sat in the chair, holding the flowers in my lap, just staring at her while she slept. She was the best thing that had ever come into my life, and I was going to do everything in my power to be the best thing for hers.
She started to rustle beneath the covers, so I got up and moved to the bed. I knelt down on my knees, holding the flowers in front of me, and waited for her to open her eyes.
Bright green, just like the flowers I’d picked, her eyes opened slowly. Her lips curled into a smile as she glanced up at the flowers, and then landed on mine with such sweetness, I couldn’t contain my words.
“I love you,” I blurted.
She sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes. Her hands reached for the flowers, and then she leapt into my arms.
Chapter Thirty- Eight
Bailey
Waking up to Xander holding those beautiful wild flowers was more than enough to make my heart sing, but then, those sweet words. I’d read them on paper, but I wasn’t sure if he truly felt that way since he’d never sent them. Hearing them come from his lips, that was music to my ears.
