She was strong enough to let Ford back into her life and her bed. Silly though her insecurities may be, they were real to her, but she wouldn’t let them define her, or keep her from having the life she wanted—with Ford.
Time to fight to keep Ford.
She wrapped up the lettuce, grabbed it and the tomatoes, and put them back in the fridge. She turned the oven down on the Southwest casserole and ran for her bedroom. She needed to hurry if she wanted to be ready before Ford arrived for what he thought was just another dinner together. She had other plans. Bold plans for her, but she’d go through with them because being with Ford meant finding another piece of herself.
She wanted to be the woman who’d reveled in Ford’s arms this afternoon all the time.
If she could cross this threshold, be brave and bold, maybe she could see herself for who she was and not what she looked like. If she let go of the guilt, healed the pain, maybe she’d find herself again. She could be the woman she wanted to be, not the victim she felt like all the time.
She could be the woman Ford deserved.
In the bathroom, she brushed pink blush over her cheeks. She didn’t need much, thanks to her days spent outside at Ford’s ranch. Next, she darkened her lashes with mascara, making her green eyes stand out. Ford used to love her long hair. Now that it was cut short, she didn’t have many choices for style. She grabbed the gel to slick the sides back, but tossed it back in the drawer, deciding to go with something softer, more feminine. She brushed the soft waves back and away from her face, thinking the next time she got it cut she’d keep the top a bit longer than the sides and back. Give it a little more edge, but still keep it feminine.
Maybe she’d grow it out again. Ford used to love to run his fingers through the long, thick mass. She loved the feel of his fingers stroking her hair. It always comforted her.
The last thing she did was dig out the bottle of her favorite perfume. She spritzed her neck, wrists, and cleavage for good measure. Feeling and smelling pretty and ignoring the flutter in her belly, she went back into her room and opened her closet. Most of her clothes were still in boxes in the spare room. She slid one hanger after another aside, looking at each top and discarding it, trying to find the perfect item. She stopped on a sky blue sleeveless top that was a double layer of sheer material over the cotton shell. Lovely in its simplicity, she almost discarded it, too, because the scars on her shoulders and upper arms would show.
Be kind to yourself, Jamie. The scars don’t matter.
The butterflies in her belly turned into hummingbirds, but she pulled off her plain T-shirt. She frowned at the simple cotton bra and went to her dresser and found the pretty pink lace bra and satin panties Catalina had bought her for her birthday last year. She could almost hear her friend say, Go get him, girl! It brought a sad smile to her lips and a soft glow to her heart.
Bolstered by thoughts of her friend and how she used to prod Jamie to find a man, or at least get laid once in a while, she put on the bra, took off her jeans, and swapped her simple bikini panties for the cheeky satin pair that showed off her ass. Ford liked her ass.
Really starting to feel sexy, she slipped the blue blouse over her head and down her torso. She smoothed the soft material and studied herself in the mirror over the dresser. The color made her eyes stand out even more. Her hair shined bright, with the golden and red colors warring with each other in the soft sunlight streaming through the window.
She rummaged through her closet once more and found the skirt she’d bought but never worn. The navy blue silky material fell in tiers of waves to her knees. She loved the effect of the wavy material and the dark against the light blue of her top. She left her feet bare, showing off her polka dot painted toes.
Why not? One less thing for Ford to take off.
Maybe she should put them on.
No.
Nervous and impatient all at the same time, she couldn’t wait to hear Ford honk his arrival. She smiled just thinking about it and took one last look at herself in the mirror, admiring how pretty she looked.
Something moved in the background and caught her attention. She spun around, hands up ready to defend herself, but didn’t see anything out the window. She could have sworn she’d seen a man spying on her.
She rested her hand over her fluttering stomach. “Just your ghosts,” she assured herself. Out here, who would be sneaking around like a Peeping Tom?
She’d left her gun tucked in the drawer beside the bed for more than a week. She didn’t need it to feel safe anymore. She had her sanity back. Most of the time. She wouldn’t give in to destructive thoughts and imagined visions. She had a new mission tonight: seduce Ford.
Zoey woke up in her bed in the living room and yapped out once and bounded for the front door. She scratched against the wood, hearing Ford’s truck before Jamie did.
“Good girl,” she called to Zoey, who bounced around in front of the door waiting for her other favorite person.
Jamie gave one last look to her perfectly clean room, forced herself not to focus on what she thought she’d seen out the window, and settled her gaze on the bed. She’d endured too many nights alone. Ford probably didn’t like it any more than she did. Tonight, they’d both get what they wanted. Each other.
Ford honked twice, then slipped out of the front seat of his truck with the two pots of daisies he bought her in town after picking up a new automatic timer for the irrigation system. Another thing that had worked fine for months then decided to go on the fritz with the water pumps. Another coincidence, a stroke of bad luck, a quirk with the electrical, or someone fucking with him? Sadie’s brother’s drug dealing buddies hoping to drive him off the land so they could set up another meth lab?
He didn’t know and couldn’t prove anything because it all looked like a bunch of freak accidents or prematurely worn-out parts.
Zoey yapped at the front door. Jamie opened it and unleashed the energetic puppy on him. Zoey bounded down the steps and awkwardly ran toward him. Ford smiled at the spunky pup, but his mouth fell when he spotted Jamie standing on the porch waiting for him looking better than he’d ever seen her. He loved the pretty blouse and skirt. Her beautiful face made him forget all his problems. She’d made herself up for their dinner tonight. He appreciated her efforts, but he didn’t need or expect her to go out of her way for him. No matter what she wore or how she looked, she was always the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
And maybe he should tell her that more often.
He leaned down and gave Zoey a pat on the belly, but didn’t take his eyes off Jamie. “Hey, beautiful. Look at you, so pretty. If I’d known you were going to get dressed up, I’d have taken you out to dinner.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to go out. I want to be alone with you.” The bold words matched the intensity in her eyes.
He stopped on the step right below where she stood on the porch and stared down at her. She wasn’t that much shorter than him now. “Are you sure? You look really great. We could go into town and eat at one of the restaurants.”
“I like staying in with you.”
“Did someone stop by before I arrived?”
Her brilliant green eyes narrowed. “No. Why?” She tensed. Her gaze swept the yard and driveway, every tree and bush along the way.
“I thought I saw a car pull out of your drive. Must have just been someone turning around on the road.”
Her lips pressed into a grim line, but she shook off whatever unnerved her, then smiled at him, though it wasn’t quite as bright. “Are those for me?”
He held up the pots. “So you have something pretty to look at when you sit out on the porch, drinking your coffee in the morning.”
She brushed her fingers across the delicate white petals. “Daisies are the happiest flower of them all.”
“They certainly make you smile.”
He watched her, fascinated by the change in her. He didn’t know what was different, but something was and it reminded h
im so much of how she used to be.
Instead of taking the flowers, her hands came up and cupped his face. She leaned in and pressed her soft lips to his, kissing him for a long moment. She leaned back just enough to look him in the eye and smile again. “Thank you.”
Before he could say, “You’re welcome,” she kissed him again, sliding her hands around his head and wrapping her arms around his neck.
Ford dropped the pots on the porch on either side of her feet so he could pull her close. He needed her close. The kisses they shared before made him want more. This one made him think his knees might buckle and he’d sink down and beg her to finish what they started earlier today.
Slowly losing his mind, hoping he didn’t push too hard, too fast, he swept his hands down her back and over her hips. She pressed closer, rocking her hips into his. His fingers dug into her soft flesh. He tried to be gentle, but she moaned at his touch and he gripped her tighter, crushed her body against his, and kissed her like his life depended on it.
His tongue swept along hers and he explored her mouth, savoring her sweet taste. She matched him, and they lost themselves in the kiss, the feel of their bodies pressed together, the excitement and anticipation of being together again. Still, he held back, letting her take the lead.
Jamie broke the searing kiss and planted kisses along his cheek to his ear. “Do you want me?”
In answer, he pressed his aching cock into her belly. “Desperately.”
Her tongue swept across his earlobe, sending a shiver of need down his back. She whispered, “Take me to bed.”
Before the last word escaped her lips, he picked her up right off her feet, walked through the front door, waited longer than he wanted to for Zoey to follow them in before he kicked the door shut, and carried her to her room all the while kissing her neck. She locked her arms around his head and sighed out her appreciation. A soft tremble went through her body when he set her on her feet at the end of her bed and stared down at her.
He swept his hands up her sides, set them on her shoulders, and softly rubbed his thumbs along her jaw. “Are you sure?”
“I loved what we shared today, but it just wasn’t enough. I want to be close to you again, Ford. I miss you. I miss us.”
“So do I,” he whispered a breath away from her lips before he kissed her again.
Her hands settled on his wrists and squeezed.
He drew back and stared into her hesitant green eyes. “What is it, sweetheart?”
“I can keep my shirt on if it helps you to not have to look—”
He kissed her to stop the ridiculous words coming out of her mouth. “I don’t care about the scars. I care about you. I want to be with you. Not halfway. Not most of the way. All the way.”
To prove it, he leaned down and kissed the scar on her chin, slipping his hands beneath the hem of her blouse and sliding his palms up her sides and over her silky skin, just the tips of his fingers brushing the scars on her back. She tensed, but settled when his lips pressed to the top of her breast.
Her fingers slid through his hair and held him. “Ford, I’m a little scared.”
The softly spoken admission made his chest tight and his heart ache. He stood tall, stared down at her upturned face, slid his hands around her back, and planted his palms and fingers wide over her scars. “You are brave and beautiful. I’m nervous, too, but this is you and me. We know each other.” He leaned down and kissed her softly. “I’ve missed the way you taste.” He kissed her again, brushing his fingers down her back and over her bottom, pulling her close. “I’ve missed the way you feel against me.” He slid his hands back up her sides, bringing her shirt up and over her head. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her chest above her breast and inhaled her sweet meadow scent. “I’ve missed the way you smell. Sweet flowers and spring days.”
He’d gotten a taste of her today, but he hadn’t gotten her naked, free of all the barriers, physical and emotional, separating them. Tonight, they’d bare it all and take another step toward their future.
He unhooked the pink lace bra at her back and slipped it free of her arms. He bent and took one peaked nipple into his mouth and sucked softly. Her fingers combed through his hair, held him to her, and gripped the strands, letting him know how much she liked it and didn’t want him to stop. He couldn’t if he tried. His need for her grew with each sweep of his hand over her soft skin. Each taste of her made him want another until he had to lay her out on the bed, peel away the skirt and silky panties that distracted him but didn’t halt his progress to his real goal—making her his again.
Her hands rubbed down his back as he leaned over her and kissed her belly. She gripped his shirt in her fingers and dragged it up his back and over his head, tossing it away so she could slide her hands over his skin.
“Ford.”
Just his name on her lips and he was gone all over again, mapping her stomach with kisses down to her hip. He hooked his arm around her leg and kissed a trail down the inside of her thigh. The bullet hole scar didn’t stop him or make him hesitate. He kissed it, too, hoping that in some small way it made her feel better. She stilled at his touch, but he distracted her by palming her breast and squeezing as he kissed his way back up her leg to the very place he wanted to sink his aching flesh into right now. He held back, hoping to keep hold of his patience and make this better than any other time they’d been together. She needed to see, to feel, to believe that nothing had changed in this way between them. They could have what they shared in the past, and it could be better, because the future they’d once given up was within their reach now.
He squeezed her nipple between his fingers. She sighed with pleasure, arched her back, pressing her breast into his palm, then lay back down, raising her hips, seeking his touch. He gave it to her, licking her wet center with his tongue, delving between her soft folds. She cried out at the sheer pleasure, driving him on to do it again and again until she writhed on the bed.
Her fingers dug into his shoulders. Her nails bit into his skin. He sank his tongue deep in her center, stroking, taking her up and over the edge with a wild howl of satisfaction that made him smile against her thigh before he kissed her hip and belly softly again and again to bring her back down. She relaxed into the bed as he drew away.
“I love to make you shine, Firefly.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, her hand softly brushing up and down his back as he removed the rest of his clothes. He pulled the condoms he’d carried around with him these past weeks out of his pocket. Yes, he was an optimistic man, desperate for any chance to be with Jamie, but holding off until she was ready.
“Ford, you okay?”
He glanced over his shoulder at the woman lying behind him with the soft glow of happiness radiating from her pretty green eyes. He’d never seen her more relaxed.
“I have a beautiful, brave, strong woman like you in my life. What could possibly be wrong?”
Her eyes shined with unshed tears. He didn’t let her speak. He didn’t need her to say anything, just wanted her to take his words in and believe in the truth of them.
His body covered hers, and he kissed her as the wave of pleasure and heat raced through him. Skin to skin, her hands rubbing over his back and sides, every contour and tensed muscle, making him near mad to have her. He nudged her thighs wide with his knees and rocked his hard length against her soft center. She rolled her hips against him, driving him insane. He left the sweet temptation of her breast to tear open the condom and sheath himself. Settled against her again, he took her nipple into his mouth, sucked, and slid his hard length into her wet center in one long glide that had him buried to the hilt. He gritted his teeth, giving her time to adjust to him, but she sighed and moved against him, setting off a wave of pleasure that provoked him to move. He lost himself in making love to her, drawing out every sweet moan and soft whimper.
Lost in her sweet temptation, the feel of her body moving against his, the feel of her hands moving over him, her soft mouth pre
ssing kisses to his neck, he drove them both up to the brink. Her hands gripped his ass and pulled him close, rocketing them over the edge as he thrust into her hard and deep and lost himself in her.
His breath sawed in and out at her neck. He held his weight off her on his arms, his fingers toying with her soft hair. “I think you’re trying to kill me again.”
Her chest vibrated against his with her sweet laugh. “If I do that, I don’t get to do this again with you.” She rocked her hips against his, setting off a new round of spasms in her body. She sighed and smiled at the same time.
He stared at her in wonder that this beautiful woman had come back to him. “Stay with me.” Those were the words he should have said to her all those years ago. He’d held them back then. For good reason. But he wouldn’t do it now.
She wrapped her arms around his back and hugged him close. “I’m right where I always want to be.”
He kissed her again, soft and sweet. He drew out the kiss for a long moment, telling her without words how much he’d missed her. How grateful he was to have her back.
She squirmed beneath him, squished by his weight. He moved to her side and pulled her close, draping her over his chest with her head on his shoulder. Unable to help himself, he brushed his fingers up her back and neck and through her soft hair, taking the same trail back down. He rubbed between her tense shoulder blades with his palm, massaging her sore muscles.
“Working in the stables with the horses must leave you hurting every day.”
“It does, but look at the way I’m lying.”
He stared down at her. She had both arms up by her head, her hands rested beside her face. The left arm was slightly lower than the right on his chest, but when she’d first returned, she couldn’t put that hand over her shoulder at all.
His Cowboy Heart Page 15
