“Ha!” he laughed. “I suppose it is a bit like that.”
“Hm, now that’s the organization I want to belong to for eternity.”
“There are good things about it, Ara. We have a lot of fun. We’re like a family.”
“And… if I came with you, even though you have to return to duty, we’d still get to be together?”
“Yes. Like normal people.”
“Normal?” I laughed.
“We could wake up beside each other every day.”
And those few words almost sold me instantly. I drew a deep breath, biting my tongue before I could tell him to take me away and turn me. “And what about school? And my dreams of being a famous pianist?”
“School, you can still attend. But… as for fame…”
My stomach sunk. “Could I be famous without a face? You know, just sell my music?”
“No.”
“Oh.” I looked into my lap.
David moved closer and pulled both my hands toward his chest. “Tell me something, my love.”
“Anything,” I whispered, feeling my heart cry with the gravity in his tone.
“If I were to leave today and promise never to come back, and you knew you would die an old woman—that you would meet your mom and Harry at the Pearly Gates, but you would’ve missed a lifetime with me—is that something you could live with?” His hand tightened on mine. “Could you watch me leave, knowing you’ll never see me again?”
The thought filled my mind like a roll of film from a sad movie or a Kleenex commercial. And it hurt. But while love could blot out all my morals, it didn’t quell my desire to live, to die—to see Mom and Harry again at the end.
“Ara?” He slid his fingers along my chin and turned my face toward his. “You’ve got to stop making your life about Harry and Eleanor’s deaths.”
My heart jumped with the mention of my mother’s name. It had been a long time since anyone said that name.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to live in my world, but if you decide to stay human, you do have to live. I care so much for you. And this sadness you keep inside will stop you from finding happiness,” he said softly. “Your every thought, every path you take, is influenced by their death. It has to stop.”
“I’m trying. But it still hurts so much sometimes that I just want to die. If you’re gone, I’m not really sure what I actually have to live for.”
“You will find something one day—when the grief is not so raw.” He touched the back of his finger to my trembling lip. “I’m sorry, my love. When I decided to be a part of your life, I never meant for you to hurt like this.”
“I’m okay.” I sniffed, wiping my tears away. “It’s just been a big couple of days and I have a lot to think about. And… who knows? Maybe I’ll change my mind about becoming a vampire once I’ve had some time to think about it all.”
He released a very long, very slow and shaky breath. “Do you really think you could change your mind?”
When I thought about it, no. I was certain I’d never go with him. But my heart never did agree with my mind, and if I asked it quietly, without my head hearing, it responded with a big fat and very loud ‘Yes!’.
“God.” He breathed the word out. “I know you won’t say that aloud, but hearing you think it… I… You can’t possibly know what I’ve been through these past few days, Ara. There is no way to describe the agony I’ve suffered worrying, even driving out here today, that you were going to tell me goodbye.” He propped his elbow on his knee, burying his fingers absently in his hair. “If I had lost you… if you had told me that you could never love me for what I am, I would’ve died inside—enough that I would’ve spent eternity searching for a way to end my life.”
“Please don’t think like that?” I got to my knees in front of him. “Suicide isn’t the only way to make things better, David. I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.”
“Oh, look who’s talking.” He laughed sardonically. “Do you really think I don’t hear your thoughts, girl?”
My mouth fell open. He’d obviously been listening to me a lot more than I thought. “Those thoughts are private.”
“Not anymore.”
“How dare you!”
“How dare you.” He rose to his knees as well, becoming taller than me again. “You are my soul mate, Ara. Your life belongs to me, and I will not let you have thoughts like that. Not ever. Clear?”
“No. Not clear. Those thoughts were…” I looked around for the right words. “Were images conjured up in a moment of extreme heartache and loneliness, David—fleeting thoughts—never intentions.”
“So you will never act on them?” he asked, looking down at me.
“God, no. Never. But you would. That’s the worst part about this. You lecture me, but you”—I stabbed my fingertip into his chest—“you’d take the first express to Purgatory if it meant easing your own heartache.”
“If I didn’t have you, and it were possible for me to die,”—he held back a smile—“yes.”
“No!” I panicked, seeing a future in my head for him that was bleak and sad if I didn’t go with him. It wasn’t fair. It put too much pressure on me to give up my human life just to save him from one lonely night of crying alone. “You don’t get to say that. No matter what happens, no matter what life throws at you, you always have to keep going. I did.” I pressed my palm to my chest. “It hurt me to keep going when Mom died, but what would you be doing if I just gave up when the pain got too much?”
“Well, it won’t matter what happens to me in our case, because if you stay human, you will never know, will you?”
“No. You can get through it. You can live and find happiness again.”
He shook his head decisively. “I won’t be the same man if I lose you.”
“No one stays the same, David. Everything you are is as a direct result of something that’s affected you in your past, whether it was horrible or wonderful, and no one has the right to destroy themselves because they can’t deal with the pain,” I said. “You have to learn from it. It’s not over—the good in your life—it’s not over until you’re dead.”
A pompous smirk occupied his face. “Pretty passionate about this, aren’t ya?”
“Don’t mock me for feeling strongly on this, David. It’s because I’ve been there. I almost crossed that bridge a few times.”
He swallowed hard, becoming very still. And I realised then that he suddenly understood the depth of my earlier mention of suicide on a new level. “Be honest, Ara… will you come to that bridge again when I leave?”
“No,” I lied. “And you won’t, either. Look, I know you can’t die, but you have to promise me that, if I decide to stay human, you’ll keep going and that you’ll try to make your life good again.”
David wrapped his wrists around my lower back and drew me to his waist. “I am nothing without you. I won’t promise to go on, because it would be a lie. When you die one day, when you no longer exist, I will give myself to the monster inside me, Ara. I won’t survive,” he said, then smiled. “You will just have to promise me forever.”
“I want to. But today, I can only promise my forever—not yours.”
He exhaled heavily, a mischievous grin igniting his eyes as he looked into mine. “I’ll make you see reason. I can be very persuasive.”
“And I can be very stubborn.”
“And that, mon amour, is one of the things I love about you,” he said with a husky laugh. “But please just don’t be too stubborn. I only have until the end of fall—winter, at most. Then, I must go.”
There was nothing more to say. A choice had to be made. We could have the summer together—it was our only promise. Everything else would just take more consideration, but it felt good to at least be resolved on one issue. I wasn’t half as confused as I was this morning, and I was actually looking forward to learning more about David and his kind.
I got the sense then that this would be a fun summer, no matter how it
ended.
18
Leaning my shoulder against the window frame, I watched the sun rise over the hills to the east—the same hills David ran to when he stole the blue rose. It’d been only four days since I was thrust into the world of the supernatural, but no clarity had come with time passing. No decision had come waking me in the middle of the night, telling me if I should go with him or remain human. I was starting to wonder if it would.
I looked down at my delicate white hands and the little blue veins running under the skin, rising slightly over the bones. These were the hands of a mythological vampire. Not David’s. His were warmer than mine, and pink and strong, and they shook a little when he held them out in front of him for too long. I wondered how much of that was well-rehearsed human behavior, or really just the way his hands were, which made me wonder what he would have been like when he was human.
“Morning, beautiful.” He sprung up on my windowsill.
I stumbled back, trying to keep my leaping heart in my chest. “David. You have a habit of popping up when I’m thinking about you.”
“Do I?”
“Mm, but I think you already know that.”
He grinned and placed a paper bag in my hand, kissing my cheek as he stepped into my room. “For the ogre.”
“Ooh. Yum.” The warm scent of vanilla and cinnamon wafted out in a moist puff from the bag. “Afraid I’ll bite you if the ogre gets tempestuous again?”
“Don’t joke, fangless wonder.” He pointed at me as he flopped down on my bed. “Your bark is sharper than your bite, and it’s a hell of a lot scarier than me.”
I laughed, walking over to sit next to him. “You want some?”
He shook his head. “I’ve eaten already.”
“Food or…”
“I missed you last night,” he said softly, pushing the curtain of hair away from my face, totally ignoring my question.
“Oh, what? You mean you didn’t sneak into my room?”
“Well, I came by to check on you, but I never stay if your dreams are peaceful.”
“How would you know they’re peaceful?”
“I can see them.” He grinned and laid back on my pillow. “Last night, you were dreaming about Mike.”
Dread spread through me, stiffening my arms.
“Ha! So you remember your dream?” He laughed.
I rolled my eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”
David scoffed, tucking his hands behind his head. “Looked pretty intense to me.”
“You’re reading into it wrong,” I said, trying my hand at dream analysis. “I wasn’t dreaming about Mike specifically—just the friendship I had with him that I now have with you. Only that, with you, I have so much more. His face was a representation of our relationship, but the body,” I scoffed, motioning to David’s fine chest, “was clearly you.”
David nodded, with an edge of mockery in his smile. “Should I be worried? Do you have feelings for Mike that extend beyond friendship?”
“No,” I said with a mouthful of pastry. “Don’t be silly.”
He sat up, dropping his elbows onto his thighs, his hands clasped between them. “You sure?”
I sighed. “Look, I do love Mike, but it’s a different kind of love. Here.” I took his hand and placed it against my cheek. “You told me you can see the past if I let you. See for yourself. Read my mind.” I wasn’t sure what he’d see when he looked, but Mike had rejected me; hurt me deeply when he did. I might love him, but that love could never be a threat to my relationship with David.
“Really?” His emerald-green eyes darted over my face. “You’ll let me read your mind?”
“Mm-hm.”
The energy in the room seemed to change then, and David exhaled. “Thank you, Ara.”
“Did you see?”
“No.” He pulled his hand down from my face. “If you say you don’t love him that way then I believe you. I don’t need to see it in your memories. Just don’t break my heart, okay?”
“Okay. I promise. Now, can you stop hassling me and let me get ready for school? We’re gonna be late.” I popped the last bite of pastry into my mouth and kissed David on the lips. “Thanks for brekky, by the way. It was delicious.”
“I imagine it must’ve tasted the way you would,” he said thoughtfully.
“Well, you’ll never know.” I winked at him then practically skipped into my wardrobe. After I pulled my shirt off and snapped the clasp of my bra behind me, a warm, honest chuckle filled my room. I peeked around the corner.
“How old were you in this photo?” David asked without looking up from the small square sheet.
“Two or three, I think.”
“The boy next to you is Mike?”
“Yup, and he’d just tipped a bucket of bathwater over my head.”
“Yeah, I kinda gathered that.” David nodded, smiling tenderly at the picture. “He picked on you a lot, didn’t he?”
“Yup. Not much has changed, really.”
David slipped the photo back into my nightstand where he’d been snooping. “You were a very cute baby.”
“I know. So what about you?” I headed back to my wardrobe and shimmied into my jeans. “Do you have any baby pictures?”
“I…”
His pause of consideration turned into a long silence, so I stepped back into my room. “David?”
“There were some.” He nodded, his gaze distant. “My father was never one for portraits. As Jason and I grew older and would sit for long enough, my uncle had a few done. There may still be one in existence.”
“Didn’t your mother ever have one done?” I asked, and David’s eyes darkened instantly. I covered my mouth with both hands. “I’m sorry—that just slipped out. I forgot she passed away.”
“No, Ara, it’s fine. Please”—he offered his hand—“don’t be sorry.”
“But I am. I feel really bad. I should’ve remembered that.” I slumped down on the bed beside him, sucking my gut in a little since I had no shirt to cover it.
“Make you a deal?” He ran his fingertip over my bra strap. “You can say whatever you want to me if you do it dressed like this.”
I laughed. “Should I go put on a shirt?”
“Please don’t.” He smiled.
“Will you tell me about her—your mother?”
His gaze drifted to distant places. “I mentioned once that she died when I was a baby?”
“Yes. Childbirth?”
“Yes.”
I clicked my tongue. “Aw, David.”
He shook his head. “It was common for those times, especially with Jason and I being a multiple birth. She simply gave birth then fell asleep—never woke up again.”
“Did she ever get to see you?”
“She named me before she died, since I was the firstborn. Jason came shortly after, but she simply had nothing left to fight with. Before the midwife even cut the cord, she was gone.”
“So, did your father ever talk about her?”
He shook his head. “I’m told she was beautiful and loved by many. But my aunt was the only woman I ever considered my mother.”
“Well… what happened to her?”
David’s smile tightened. “Another time, my love.”
“Okay.” I stood up. “Another time then.”
He stood too, taking my hand. “Thank you.”
“What for?”
“For dropping the subject without the usual fight.”
“Well, thank you for letting me into your past.”
“Anytime.” He nodded, but his tone suggested this might be the last.
* * *
School could not have been more boring this week. With David in only three of my classes per day, it made the rest of them drag on. But I did find one positive to his vampirism: we’d definitely spent more time together. We were inseparable at school, and he spent every night in my room until, kissing me sweetly, he’d say “Goodnight, my love,” then leave through my window before I could convince hi
m to go further than kissing.
The downside to all the extra time together was that I really felt it when we were apart. I really missed him.
In History class, I at least had Emily to keep me distracted. Well, when she wasn’t turning around to giggle at her new crush, that is.
“So… you and David seem to be okay now?” she whispered.
I nodded. “Yeah. We’re happy.” He’s a vampire, but we’re happy.
“Oh, and hey, I never got to thank you for hooking me up with Spence.” She smiled, tilting her head into her shoulder.
“Yeah, no worries. Did he ask you out on a real date yet?”
“Yep. And guess what?”
“What?” I said, grinning in exaggeration of her expression.
“He asked me to the Fall Masquerade.”
And there was the squeak. One of the things I loved about Emily was the way she could display excitement so easily. She was just so… normal. “Awesome. Got a dress yet?” My enthusiasm needed some practice, though.
“I’m going shopping with my mom tonight.”
“Cool. Yeah, I’m not looking forward to being dragged from shop to shop with Vicki and forced to try on everything with fluff.” I laughed, but Emily frowned at me.
“Who’s Vicki?”
“Um, she’s my stepmom.”
“Oh, right. Duh.” She slapped her brow. “So, you don’t like her? I mean, ’cause you call her Vicki not Mom?”
“Yeah, um—old habit, I guess.” I shrugged and turned around to talk to Spencer. “So, Spence, you gonna save me a dance at the ball?”
His cheeks turned bright pink. “Ah, yeah. If that’s okay with Emily.”
“Of course it is. As long as Ara doesn’t mind if I dance with David.”
“Cool with me,” I lied, practically digging my nails through my own palm.
“You three!” Dad barked from the front of the class.
Everyone turned and looked at us. I shrunk to about the size of a quarter. Conversation: over.
When the bell rang at the end of class, everyone broke formation and dispersed quickly.
“Ara, come up and see me before you leave, please,” Dad said, not looking at me.
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 32
