The room was square, with the bathroom and walk-in-robe to my left, across from the windows, leaving two walls blank. I’d been told it was bad feng shui to have the foot of your bed facing the door or a window, so that left only two ways my bed could actually go—backed onto a blank wall, with the windows to my right and my bathroom to the left, or … backed onto a blank wall, with the windows to the left and the bathroom to the right. Good thing I wasn’t fussy.
“Well, at least you can fit all your clothes in the wardrobe.”
“Yeah. I don’t think I could live without a walk-in now.”
“You did it at your mom’s for seventeen years,” Dad said.
I shrugged. “New habits aren’t worth breaking if you don’t have to.”
“It’s got a spa!” Vicki called from the bathroom.
“Yep,” I beamed.
“Oh, Ara. I’m jealous.” Vicki hugged herself. “This is my dream home.”
“But smaller, right?”
“Yes, but it has a spa!”
Dad placed his arm around my stepmother and kissed her head. “We’ll get you a spa if you want one, Vicki.”
She smiled softly.
“Okay, well, that’s pretty much all there is to it, aside from the garage, but you’ve seen a garage before and there’s not much backyard to show either.”
“Well, you’ve really done well for yourself, Ara.” Vicki stepped away from Dad and drifted to the window, taking in the sunset over the lake across the road.
“Plenty of kids around out there.” Dad leaned forward a little, peering through my blinds. “Good spot to raise a family.”
“Yeah, um… long way off, Dad.”
“Never know,” he said so absently I wondered if he even knew he said it.
Vicki looked at me apologetically.
I shook my head and wandered out of my room, but the bubble of gloom my possible lonely life triggered in me eased when I looked at the white couch in my sitting room. The wooden coffee table and the big cozy armchair beside the fireplace all glowed with the light of the summer sunset. I could handle a bit of loneliness in a place like this. I closed my eyes and quietly thanked my mom.
“So, uh…” Dad stopped by the front door, eyeing Vicki as he shuffled his feet.
“What is it?” I put my hands on my hips. “Just tell me.”
“It’s uh… well there’re a few wedding gifts that didn’t have return addresses on them. We figured now would be a good time to tell you about them.” Dad looked behind him. “I have them in the car.”
“Dad?” I moaned. “I don’t want them.”
“Well, it’s just… Mike said the same thing. I don’t know what to do with them.”
“Oh, fine, bring them in then. What could it hurt?” I huffed, then stopped and looked at Dad. “Er, they’re not still wrapped, are they?”
Vicki elbowed Dad. “Told you.”
“Fine. Whatever.” I threw my hands up.
“Coffees are on the counter, Ara,” Emily said, popping her head around the archway.
“Okay, we’re coming.”
* * *
White, cream, and silver paper sat scrunched up at my tired feet, curving the pools of moonlight into odd shadows across the carpet as it crept in through the French windows. I flexed my toes and fingers, and took a moment to look at everything I just unwrapped. There were way too many gifts without return addresses. I made a mental note never to cause anyone this much anguish by not addressing a gift properly, ever again.
A coffee machine, a box of plates, cutlery, all kinds of things consumed the front lounge room, burying the two arm-chairs and the little round table in the bayed window space. I really didn’t have the energy to put all these away tonight.
“What’d you get?” Emily slumped in the arm-chair behind me, her feet either side of my back.
“Um…” I looked at the pile and shrugged. “Mostly crystal glasses, a sheet set, and”—I lifted the wrapping paper—“a chess set.”
“Cool.” She leaned back and blew a strand of hair off her face. “Oh, hey, Mike called, by the way—while you were at the store. He said he’d call tonight.”
I melted into the carpet. Great. So far, with all the house hunting and moving preparations, I’d managed to avoid talking to him, but I could only evade it for so long. I slid up into the chair across from Emily and placed a thin box on the table between us.
“You’re going to have to talk to him sometime, Ara. It’s been two months.”
“I’m not ready yet, Em. You should’ve seen the look on his face when he left. I destroyed him.” I pulled the frosted glass chessboard out of its box.
“And what do you think it’s doing to him now, when every time he calls to talk to you, he’s stuck with a five-minute casual chat with me instead?” She snatched a chess piece from my hand and held it until I looked at her. “You have to talk to him, Ara.”
“I’d rather avoid him.”
“He won’t back down. He loves you. He wants to know that you’re okay.”
“Of course I’m not okay, Em. I just dumped my best friend at the altar because I’m in love with a man who I’ll never see again.” I reached for the chess piece; she pulled it away again. “Em, stop worrying. I know how to deal with Mike, okay. He’s been my friend for forever.”
“Yeah, well, thanks to you avoiding him, he’s my friend now, too,” she said with an equal amount of hostility. “And I say, for both of your sakes, you need to talk this out.”
“Fine,” I rebuked, slamming the chess pieces into place on the board. “If I do, will you shut up about him?”
Emily softened and leaned forward. “Ara, he still wants you—”
“So you keep saying.”
“I’m just… I never… I don’t like the way he sounds,” she finished. “He doesn’t have that hint of humor his voice always used to have. I don’t think he’s okay.”
“And what do you want me to do about it?”
“Don’t just say you’ll talk to him, actually talk to him.”
As I set each white chess piece on the board, they gave a gentle clunk. I let the sound answer Emily for me.
“Ara.”
“Em. I…” I swallowed. “He’ll convince me to be with him again. I don’t know if I’m—”
“That’s what you’re afraid of?” Her jaw jutted forward. “Ara, that’s silly. He knows how you feel. He’s given you space, time, everything. He’s not going to try to convince you to take him back. That’s not why he’s calling.”
“I know but… I’m not a hundred percent sure I don’t want him to convince me, either. I just need more time to think before I hear his voice again.”
“Fine. It’s just sad, that’s all.” She placed the chess piece back down and stood up.
“Pretty much everything in my life is, Em, but at least I have you.”
She stopped for a second, standing under the archway to the kitchen. “Yeah, and you always will have me, Ara. Even if I don’t agree with you.”
“Just the way a friend should be,” I said simply, and went back to setting up the chess set. “Hey, Em? Did you take one of the pieces?”
“Nope. Why?”
“Oh, there’s just one missing?” I leaned back in my chair and stared at the almost-complete set.
“Which one?” she called, her voice echoing all the way from her bathroom.
“The black knight.”
“Check the box.”
“I did”—duh—“it’s not in there.”
“Well, where’d you buy it?” She popped her head around the corner. “Maybe you can return it.”
“It was a gift, remember?”
“Oh.” Her lips made a long circle. “Dodgy.”
“Yeah. Oh well.” I clicked my tongue, considering the incomplete set. “We’ll just use one of Sam’s Lego men or something.”
“Well, I don’t play chess anyway.” Emily shrugged. “So, unless you plan to play alone…” She walked awa
y, letting the hidden meaning behind that statement hang loosely in the air behind her.
* * *
The pink-and-black cherry blossom quilt came down on the mattress, bringing my room to completion. I dumped the pillows at the head of the bed and stood back to take it all in.
Though the sun was long gone, it felt bright and sunny in my room. The moonlight reached its ghostly fingers toward my antique dresser, sitting across from the foot of my bed, forcing my eyes to follow, to pay attention to what was around me. I imagined for a second that the moonlight was David’s gaze; that he was outside my window looking in, checking up on me. If he were, he’d see me content in here, standing among all my own things in the first place I could truly ever call home. But the quilt cover reflected the dark mood I was in the day I purchased it and the sleigh bed I bought straight off the floor wasn’t really my style. The nightstands and the antique dresser all matched perfectly, though, as if these little pieces of my life from different times were made to be together. For once.
Outside, wind brushed the leaves of the topiary trees against my window, reminding me that the only thing watching on from out there was probably a creepy old man sleeping on the park bench across the road. I briskly marched across my room and twisted the wand on the blinds, and then flopped onto my bed, sinking into the feather-soft mattress.
“It’s been a long day.”
I tilted my head backward to look at Emily, standing in the doorway. “But a good day.”
“Can I come in?”
“Of course you can.”
She smiled then flopped down next to me, her feet dangling off the opposite side, mimicking my hands-on-belly, eyes-on-ceiling position. “I’m glad you asked me to move in with you, Ara.”
“Me too.”
“And I’m glad you didn’t go back to Perth.”
I breathed out through my nose. “Me too.”
“Do you… do you think we’ll ever see Mike again?”
“I’m sure of it.” I rolled onto my side to look at her, about to ask why she didn’t just go and marry him if she was so darn concerned about it. Instead, I said, “So, when’s Spencer coming over?”
She shrugged. “An hour or so.”
“When are you—” The ringing phone interrupted my sentence. “Hang on a sec.” I jumped off the bed and ran out to the hall-stand. “All right, all right, I’m coming,” I said under my breath then picked up the receiver, chiming “Hello?” as instant regret set in.
“Ara?” A husky voice peaked in surprise.
“Uh. Mike, hi.”
He laughed down the line. “Forget to check the number, huh?”
I huffed loudly. “You know me too well.”
“Why are you avoiding me, baby? I’m not stupid. I caught on to it the first day you were ‘out at the shops’.”
I smiled. We both knew I was actually standing right by the phone, waving my hands around. “I just don’t know what to say, Mike.”
“Nothing, Ara. You don’t need to say anything at all. I’m still your friend. I still love you, like always. No matter what, okay?”
“I know. I’m sorry, Mike.” I sighed.
“Okay,” he said, laughing the word out. “Take my calls from now on, then.”
“Okay, I promise.”
“Good. Now, how did the move go?”
And just like that, life moved on.
I landed a job at a music store, teaching unenthusiastic kids and overenthusiastic adults to play piano, and Emily counted down the days until she started college. But despite the constant ache in my heart for the boy I loved and missed so terribly, we were actually kind of happy, which made the months move on without the hands of time paying much attention. Only my soul knew the truth of the passing days, and it grew weaker and more disconnected from the world with each sunrise.
“Ara!” Emily bounded toward me as I stepped out of my bedroom.
“Oh, Em.” I rubbed my eyes, unable to see yet. “It’s too early in the morning for all this zest.”
“I know, but… I’ve got you a date for dinner tonight.”
“What? Em, I don’t want—”
“I think you’ll like him. His hair is blonde, but he kinda reminds me of David,” she offered.
“Em, that’s sick.”
“What is?”
“I’m not going to date a guy because he looks like David.”
“Why? It’s no worse than you ruining your life over this obsession you have with him.”
I shook my head, rolling my eyes.
“Oh, come on, Ara. Just one date.”
“Emily.” I dropped my hands onto my hips, the irritation in me doubling when the rising sun shone through the French windows in the music room and made her hair look strawberry blonde and way too perfect for seven in the morning. “Just like the last guy you tried to set me up with, I’m not interested.”
“I’m not asking you to marry him. Just come out for dinner, maybe make out a little—lose your virginity.”
“Em!”
“What?” She held her hands out. “Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot, I’m not allowed to talk about the ‘s’ word.”
“It’s not that. It’s just—”
“Ara. It’s just a guy. He won’t hurt you, I promise.”
“No, he just wants to have a one-night-stand. How damaging can that be?”
“I never said that.” Emily dropped her arms to her sides and came to stand beside me against the counter. “Please just try. This guy is really nice, and I already told Spence you’d come, and his friend’s excited about meeting you.”
“Great.” I tightened the fold of my arms.
“Come on,” she insisted. “I feel really sorry for him. He can’t seem to get a girl interested in him. I mean, he’s only had one girlfriend, and he’s starting to think he might have something wrong with him.”
“Maybe he does.”
“There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s just… he looks like the bad boy, so when girls date him, they expect him to, like, get in fights with their exes or something. But he’s actually super sweet and shy, so they dump him.”
I left Emily by the sink and slumped into a chair at the dining table. “Fine.”
“Fine what?” She sounded excited.
“I’ll go if you make me a coffee.”
“Deal.” She clapped once, then skipped over to the kettle.
I glared at her, losing my tolerance for all her bouncing. If I could borrow even ten per cent of her spirit, I’d be a completely different person. “So what time is dinner tonight?”
“Eight o’clock.”
“Oh, crud. I didn’t get Spence a birthday present.” I dropped my head into my hands. “I’m so forgetful lately.”
“That’s okay. You can just gift him with your presence.”
“Ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes and looked at my watch: ten past gonna-be-late-for-work.
* * *
The jingle of the doorbell announced my tardiness. Geoff doused his cigarette and waved the smoke around—as if that would rid the store of his stench—then dramatically extended his hand and lifted his sleeve to look at his watch. “Late again.”
“Sorry, Geoff.” I quietly closed the door behind me. “I’m not sure how time’s escaping from me lately.” I stood in front of him, pinching the edges of my pleated skirt. “I know that’s no excuse and I’m really sorry, I—”
“You know, if I tell my dad…” His tone rose in suggestion, making me more mad than concerned.
My lip lifted in disgust. “Well, what if I tell him you smoke in the store and—”
“Student’s waiting for you.” He turned away and stalked off into the staff room behind the counter, which was where he’d stay for the remainder of the day. And despite the fact that I was supposed to be teaching, he’d still make me answer the phones, take stock and inform customers about instruments I’d never even heard of. Jerk.
The small frosted window on the classroom door, with stickers rea
ding “Less n in pro ess” made me hate myself even more. I sighed and stood a little taller, pushing the door open.
The show must go on.
“Joseph.” The fake smile slipped away. “I forgot we had a lesson today.”
“Wouldn’t miss a lesson with you, gorgeous.” The graying eighty-year-old student slapped my behind with his shaky hand.
“No, sir, wouldn’t dream of it, would we?” I cringed as I closed the door.
3
The thin heel of my shoe clacked the pavement noisily in the desolate parking lot, blending finally with restaurant chatter as the warmth of human laughter swathed me in safety and light. I shook off my coat and handed it to the hostess, nodding toward Emily and Spencer to indicate that I knew where to go.
“Sorry I’m late, guys,” I said, placing a small wrapped box in front of Spence.
“Oh, hey.” Emily’s face of concern evaporated. “We were wondering if you’d show.”
“I said I would.” I shrugged and slid into the seat opposite them. “I just got caught up at work. Boss wanted a heart-to-heart.”
“What about?” Emily asked.
“Hey, thanks, Ara.” Spencer cut in, holding up the watch I bought on the way over here. Truth is, the heart-to-heart only took fifteen minutes; the rest of the time was spent shopping for Spencer’s present. Okay, so maybe I spent too long choosing a dress to wear, but it wasn’t often I went out with friends anymore, and I’d never been on a blind date.
“Um, it was about a promotion,” I said, then looked at Spencer. “So you like it then?”
He cupped it over his wrist. “Yeah, it’s great.”
“No excuses now for being late, Spence.” Emily elbowed him.
“Uh, yeah.” He laughed nervously.
I grabbed a menu and flipped it open, wondering where my date was.
“So, Ara?” Emily held a glass in the air. “I have a toast to make.”
“Okay.” I lifted the water pitcher, since I didn’t have a glass yet. “Shoot.”
“Well, um, here’s to Spence and his nineteenth birthday, but also to yours and my one-year anniversary of being friends.”
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 71
