I breathed out, touching my collarbone. “But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’ve just got a lot of issues to work through. But I still love him.”
“Then tell him that.”
“How? He won’t speak to me. He comes here and doesn’t tell me. How am I supposed to even apologize for the argument we had?”
“You know, this not-speaking-to-you thing is for a reason. And it’s not what you think.”
“Well, what is it?”
“Loathe to admit that I’m actually scared of his reaction if I tell you this,” she said, and we both laughed. “But he dug up some info on your family, and it’s bad news. That’s all I know.” Morg raised her hands before I could jump in with an inquisition. “He’s worried that, with you catching his thoughts sometimes, especially when you get”—she cleared her throat—“hot and heavy, that you might see something he’s not ready to tell you.”
“But shouldn’t I know? If he knows something about me, he should tell me. I have a right to know.”
“No. Not until he’s sure,” she stated. “He doesn’t want you to be upset for no reason if it turns out to be wrong.”
“If what does? What does he know?”
“I don’t know, Amara. He wouldn’t tell me. Look”—she touched my shoulder—“have faith in him for once. Just once, don’t go looking for trouble. He will come to you when he’s ready—”
“No, he won’t, Morgaine. You know he won’t tell me if it’s something that’ll upset me. Please?” My voice quivered with desperation. “Morg? Please?”
She rolled her eyes—at herself, I think—and exhaled. “Okay, look, all I can tell you is that he took a DNA sample from you while you were sleeping and—”
“He did?”
“Yes.” She touched her thumb to her cheek. “Just a swab. But he had it matched against your great grandmother. You remember that really old woman I discovered?”
“Yeah, my mom’s grandmother.”
“Well your DNA wasn’t a match for hers. So he fed her blood while she was sleeping. Did that a few times and… nothing. She’s not Lilithian. And she’s not related to you… in any way.”
“So, my mom wasn’t really my mom?” I said quietly, already knowing that deep down inside.
Morgaine shook her head. “I’m sorry, Amara.”
“Me too,” I muttered, more to myself than her. “What about my dad? Is he actually my dad?”
“I don’t know. David wouldn’t tell me that much. He’s very guarded about all this, Princess.”
“Okay.” I nodded, a little breathless. “So—”
“So, for now”—she patted my shoulder—“just know that he’s checking in on you from time to time, and maybe you can leave him a note or something.”
“Checking in on me is not good enough. He should have come to me! He should have told me all that.”
“He will in his own time.” She turned me to face her and held both my shoulders firmly. “Don’t you bring this up with him, Amara. I told you that stuff in confidence. If you want him to trust me, he can’t know I told you anything, or he will keep things from me too. Got it?”
“Fine.” I nodded. “But I’m still allowed to be mad at him for sleep-stalking me and not telling me he’s been coming here.”
“Yes, you have every right.” She smiled and shook her head. “But he has to stop coming here anyway. The vamp-rebellion arrives tomorrow and then it’ll be impossible for him to get past the guards.”
“Why?”
“We have some very skilled trackers. One of the guys was our top vampire Scout; he will smell David, and he will know he’s alive. Had the Scout been Lilithian, we could’ve risked him knowing about David. But, if he’s a mole, then we could lose this battle before it’s begun. So David promised not to come after tomorrow.”
“Then I need to get upstairs and write a note for him.”
“Okay. I’ll go tell Mike you thought about what he said and decided to listen to him,” she said as I walked away.
“He won’t believe you,” I called without turning back.
“Yes he will,” she replied with a wicked grin.
* * *
Dear spineless.
No, scratch that.
Dear annoying.
No, not that either.
Dear David.
That’s better.
Wake me when you come to spy on me. I need to speak to you. If you don’t, I will file for divorce!
No, scratch that.
If you don’t, I will cry myself to sleep for the next ten years. Love, Ara.
There. I left the note on my nightstand and retraced the letters on the front so the words READ ME were in bold, then changed into a soft cotton nightdress and crawled into bed.
Outside, the horizon turned darker over the ocean toward to the west, with a pale hint of the day to come seeping in from the east. Though my body had dragged the exhaustion of the day to bed with it, I couldn’t just slip off to sleep, not with the possibility that he’d come and wouldn’t wake me. If I didn’t see him soon, I was sure I’d spontaneously combust, or at least do something incredibly stupid just to look into his eyes again.
I rolled over and puffed the pillows, then lay still for a moment, and since that didn’t work, puffed the pillows again and rolled back the other way. My heart raced, my breath uneven. I listened carefully for the sound of silence, hoping the crickets would hush and give sign that he was out there somewhere. But they were even nosier than usual, almost like a chirpy slap in the face. The little buggers were probably dancing around a bonfire singing, “He doesn’t love you. He’s not coming. Ha-ha, ha-ha.”
“Shut up!” I screamed at them, slamming a pillow over my face. But the pillow disappeared with a cool rush of air.
“I didn’t say anything yet.”
I jumped involuntarily, scuffling to the back of my bed when a body became apparent beside me, but as soon as the amazing green gaze of my husband registered in my sight, I rocketed forward and flung my arms around his neck. “You came!”
He wore two weeks’ worth of tears, loneliness, sorrow, regret, happiness and missing him, all over his face in a collection of probably very sloppy kisses.
“Whoa, Ara.” David laughed, unfastening my wrists from around his neck, then laid me back on the pillow beside him. “You okay?”
“Are you kidding me? I haven’t seen you in weeks, and you expect anything less than a smothering of kisses?”
He cleared his throat. “I kind of expected a slap first.”
“That was the plan,” I said vehemently, folding my arms. “Damn you and your cute dimples.”
His shy smile curved deeply into his cheek, showing just a little of his fang. “Hungry?”
“What makes you think I’m hungry?”
He placed his hand over my heart. “Because this just picked up about ten beats and your temperature increased about three degrees.”
“Maybe it’s not hunger,” I suggested, rocking my knees.
The space beside me emptied. “I didn’t come here for that.”
“For what—to make love to your wife?” I rolled my legs over the side of the bed and sat up to watch him where he appeared by my window.
“No,” he said, folding his arms, his solemn gaze on the dawn. “I came to give you a kiss, tell you I love you, then get back to work.”
“Work?”
“Hunting down Drake.”
“What about my family history, are you still working on that?”
The ball of his throat shifted. “Another time, okay.”
Okay, odd reaction noted. “Fine,” I said, letting it go. “But have you had any good leads on Drake?”
“No.”
“Have you checked out Mu—er, Elysium?”
David smirked, angling his head to look down at me. “Elysium?”
“Ur, yeah, we kind of got in a little trouble for calling it The Castle of the Dead.”
David’s head popped b
ack, a burly laugh rolling from the deepest part of his throat. “Who was it? Who slipped up?”
“Eric.”
He laughed harder. “I wish I’d been there.”
“Nope. Trust me. It’s good you weren’t there. I told Arthur you always called it that, and he was not impressed.”
“That’s okay, my resurrection from the dead will save me any trouble. And I only called it that around you to stop you Googling it to find out where I lived.”
“Really?” I laughed. “Because I would never have actually thought of that.”
“It wouldn’t have surprised me if you had. I could just imagine waking up to a tap on the shoulder from the castle butler saying there was a nice human girl at the door for me.”
“Now I wish I had thought of looking it up.”
“Wouldn’t have done you any good, anyway. Googling Le Chateau de la Mort wouldn’t have led you to Elysium.”
I wrapped one arm along his back, curving it around to rest on his waist. “Hey, David?”
“Yes, my love.”
Those two last words simmered through me like milky calm. “I’m sorry about the fight we had the day I left for the mano—”
“Ara.” He turned me to face him. “It’s in the past, sweetheart. And it is I who should apologize. Not you. I took my stress out on you. I should not have behaved that way.”
“Well, if you’re not mad at me, why haven’t you been taking my calls?”
He looked out the window again. “Can you… just this once, and I’ll never ask it of you again, can you just take my word that I wanted to, but had reasons why I didn’t? And they were not because I don’t love you, or because I don’t care about you.”
“If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have left me for so long without any contact.”
He sighed, tucking me into his chest. “There are reasons for everything I do, Ara. One day, you will understand.”
“Why not just tell me now?”
“Because I shouldn’t even be here. My mere presence is risking everything that’s already been…” His cheek caved where the hard line of his jaw set. “Look, just be okay without me for a little longer. Please?”
“Okay.” I sighed, and then glanced up to his stern face. “So… you’re not worried about Mike and the spirit bind?”
“No. Morgaine told me it’s faded. Is that true?”
“Mostly.” I nodded. “I still love him, but I think I can distinguish the two kinds of love now.”
“I’m very happy to hear that.” His lips broke apart with a breath of laughter. “Has he stopped calling you ‘baby’?”
“No. Did you ask him to?”
“Ask—demand. Same things, really.”
I smiled to myself. “Well, he still calls me baby, but he doesn’t mean anything by it.”
“That’s not the point.”
“Then what is?” I said harshly. “He’s had your back, you know? He always stands up for you. The baby thing isn’t intentionally disrespectful. It’s something he has always called me.”
“I know.” He caved, running a hand through his dark silky hair. “And he’s been keeping me sane when it comes to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Updating me. Taking every call, answering every stupid question or concern.”
“You couldn’t have just called and asked me?”
“I told you why, Ara—Ha!” he added, with an overly animated grin. It was a clear ruse to skip over the fact that I was just about to remind him that he hadn’t actually told me why. “I almost ruined it all the other day when you fell over at training and hurt your ankle.”
“Yeah, I remember.” My cheeks flushed with humiliation. “You saw that?”
“I did.” He smiled softly, affectionate eyes brushing every angle of my face. “Mike spotted me outside—managed to make me leave right before Blade carried you out.”
My gut tightened. He was right there! Right outside, and I didn’t see him. “I can’t keep this up much longer, David.”
“Nor can I, sweetheart.” He held me to his chest and kissed the top of my head. I could feel the warmth of his breath and smell the way his orange-chocolate scent mixed with the heat, making me feel as if I were wrapped up tightly in naked-him. “I’d better get going.”
“Wait.” I grabbed his sleeve as he pulled away. “Not yet.”
“Ara, Blade’s on guard tonight, and he may not be immortal yet, but if he hears me in here—”
“Please. Just lay with me for a bit? Help me get to sleep.”
He looked at the bed, then the rising day outside, and sighed. “Okay. Just for a while.”
“Yay!” I clapped, and I didn’t even feel silly for my immature display of excitement. But the sudden jumping made that dull ache I’d come to know so well sear up on the side of my head. I cupped my hand over it, wincing.
“What’s wrong?” David pulled my hand down, looking at the spot I covered.
“It’s the headache. Every time Mike makes me use my electricity, I get them really bad.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. He seems to think it’ll pass when I’m fully transformed.”
David nodded as he pulled me into his chest again. “I’m sorry, Ara. I never wanted this life for you.”
“It was never your choice to make.”
“It was, once—before I gave you my blood.”
With a sigh, I shook my head. “Even if I was given a crystal ball back then and saw our future, all the bad we’ve been through, I’d still take it, David, for all the good.”
He leaned in slowly, hands firm on the tops of my arms, and kissed my forehead. “And that is one of the reasons I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” I smiled, both inside and out, because I meant it. Despite everything I’d learned about him; despite the dreams, the memories, the things Jason had shown me; I still meant it. “David?”
“Mm?”
“I need to tell you something.”
He leaned back a little, wearing a guarded smile. “Why don’t I like the sound of this?”
“I—” I walked away and stood by the balcony door, hugging myself. “Morgaine said you saw a dream I had about when you and Jason were young.”
“Yes.”
“Well… that wasn’t the only one I had.”
He sighed. “I thought as much.”
“Are you mad at m—” I stopped when he vanished, my heart starting up too fast as he appeared behind me, smiling. “What are you smiling at?”
“I love you, okay.” He stroked my cheek softly, as if brushing away my concerns. “You worry too much. I knew you were having dreams. I knew he showed you our childhood, because you’ve slipped up, said things so many times that you couldn’t have known.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”
He smiled as if the answer were obvious. “I wanted you to tell me.”
“Oh.” I shrunk a little, gazing at his shiny black shoes to avoid looking at him.
“But you did tell me.” David moved in and kissed my hair. “So, it’s okay. And I can’t be mad at you for things he showed you while you slept.”
“Aren’t you mad that I didn’t tell you?”
“I was. But I got over it. Missing you has a way of putting things into perspective for me.” He rubbed the tops of my arms. “Just… don’t ever keep secrets from me again.”
“Okay.” I shuffled my feet closer to his and turned my head as I rested my ear against his shirt.
“But that was all, right?” David asked. “He only showed you our past? He didn’t… you didn’t… do anything else, did you?”
I looked up at him, eyes of fear mixing with eyes of concern. “No.”
And with that lie, the glass of my broken promise shattered on the ground around my feet. I heard it, felt it, but didn’t regret it.
They were dreams. They were in the past. They had to stay in the past—not destroy our future.
“O
kay.” He exhaled the relief. “I guess I kind of knew that. It’s not like I thought anything happened, but I just…”
“You were just worried.” I wrapped my arms around his waist.
“I just had this feeling, you know, that something was going on. And, I know that’s not the case, but I just… I don’t know. Perhaps it’s because I know how much he wanted to hurt me, and the one way to do that—”
“It’s in the past,” I cut him off. “He’s gone now, and he can never hurt us again.”
“And you think that makes me feel any better?” He jerked away, breaking our embrace.
Oh my God. I’m such a dick! “David. I’m sorry,” I said, realizing I’d just put his dead brother’s memory to shame.
“Don’t be sorry, Ara. I hate myself.” He glanced back at me for a second before returning his gaze to the waning night below. “I never understood before exactly what I’d done to him. I blamed him for so many things, and I let my anger turn to hatred.” He took a breath through his nose, shoulders lifting slowly. “The worst part is, I knew the truth. I knew it was never his fault—the things I blamed him for but, somehow, placing it all on him made it easier to bear the grief. And I never got to make amends for that. He deserved that much. What he did to you—to us—was horrible, but it truly was all my fault.”
I walked slowly over to him and let my fingertips hover above his shoulder blade before touching him. “I’m sorry, David.”
“Don’t, Ara.” He shook his head a few times, biting his lip. “Just… you don’t have to be sorry for anything.”
“I could’ve stopped him from killing himself.” I stared out at the place David had for so long, hoping to find the resolution he was looking for too. But there was none there. “I could’ve taken the vial and snapped it.”
“But you didn’t know then.” David reached down and took my hands, keeping them between us. “He’d just spent two weeks torturing you. You hated him. Don’t regret his death, Ara. He wanted to die. It was his choice.”
“Yeah, but only because of what he did to me.”
David opened his mouth to speak, his thoughts seeming to change direction instead. “I’m not sure his death was for that reason. He was a smart kid, Ara, and he would’ve known only too well that you’d forgive him when you found out the truth about why he tortured you.”
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 156
