Honor and Protect

by Lori Ryan

  Carter nodded. “Find out what Ryan drives and call in a BOLO.”

  As Danny walked off to coordinate the be on the lookout with other law enforcement on site, Carter crossed his arms and glared at the surrounding farmland. It was a useless gesture. The landscape couldn’t produce Lily safe and sound any more than Carter could, and that fact was tearing at his gut.

  “Danny!” Carter shouted across the field. “Send someone over to Mary Greene’s house and find out every damned thing she knows about where Lily went and who might be involved in this. And haul Sonny’s ass down to the station and find out what he knows. Find out who might have seen Lily following him, and anyone and everything he saw.”

  12

  Lily stood with her back to the kitchen counter, bracing herself for the next blow. Ryan was scrolling through her phone, but she knew that wouldn’t keep him busy for long. Reaching behind her into the sink, she felt around for the knife she’d used at breakfast that morning. Her eyes never left Ryan as she moved her hand slowly across the sink. Part of her wanted to lie down and curl into a ball, hoping this would go away. Hoping Carter would burst through the door any minute to save her.

  But a bigger part of her knew if she was going to get out of this, she had to fight. Something about the eerie calm of Ryan’s demeanor told her he’d meant it when he said he planned to kill her tonight. She knew who he was and knew what he was doing. He’d assaulted and threatened her. There was no way he could let her walk out of here alive.

  Her hands closed over the handle of the knife and she swallowed back a sob as she dove for Ryan. She had very little hope of winning this fight, but maybe the fact that he wouldn’t expect her to attack would give her a leg up. As she came at him, he turned and raised an arm to slap her back, easy as swatting a fly. The refrigerator met her head with a violent crack as she landed.

  If Lily could have slowed the scene down, she might have some idea of what happened next, but as it was, things occurred in a blur. Whether Ryan never saw the knife in her hand or simply misjudged her and didn’t think she’d been able to hold onto it as she flew across the room—she simply didn’t know. Time slowed as he sneered and told her she’d pay for fighting back. Instinct had her raising the knife as he threw himself toward her. The look of shocked rage on his face, mere inches from hers, would live with her forever. It would haunt her in ways she never imagined possible. She knew in that instant, she’d taken a life as the blade sank deep into his gut, his own momentum providing the power she needed.

  It didn’t matter that it was his life or hers. It didn’t matter that the look on his face said he likely would have hurt her badly before he had killed her. That she might have wished for death when he was finished.

  Lily shoved at him hard, tossing herself sideways to get out from under him as he went limp. Uncontrollable sobs wracked her body, but no sound came out. She looked down at her hands and found them shaking and bloody, but she felt detached, like she was watching someone else. She recognized the signs of shock as she began to feel numb, but wasn’t functioning as a woman with medical training right now. The moment that knife struck, she’d started functioning as a victim of a horrific crime. And part of her knew, from now on she would forever be just that. A victim. She would carry this with her forevermore. And she had no one to blame but herself. She’d foolishly put herself in Ryan’s crosshairs.

  Lily’s gaze fell to the phone that Ryan had dropped when he’d come after her. She crawled to it and cradled it to her chest before scooting into the living room. She couldn’t look at the growing puddle of blood on her kitchen floor. Couldn’t stomach seeing Ryan’s body. Her hands shook as she dialed Carter and she desperately tried to forget the way it felt to sink a knife into another person’s stomach. That feeling would never go away.

  “Lily!” Carter’s voice came through the line loud and clear, and she fell against the base of the couch, bringing her knees to her chest.

  “I killed him.” Her words weren’t very clear, at least, they didn’t sound clear to her.

  “Where are you, sweetheart?” He sounded so calm, as though he had everything under control. She hoped he did. Hoped he would come get her, take her away from the blood.

  “I’m h-home. He’s dead, Carter.” Another sob tore through her body and she knew she needed to get herself together, and calm herself down before she went into shock, but she didn’t honestly know if she could do that.

  Carter was moving to his SUV long before Lily told him where she was, motioning to Danny Widen over his shoulder. Before Danny could reach him, a chilling scream came through the line. Lily was far from safe. The relief he’d felt moments before was gone as adrenaline once again surged through him.

  Danny must have heard the scream, because he was right with Carter as they hit the ground running. By the time they slammed open the doors to Carter’s vehicle, Danny had radioed to one of the other men on scene to take over.

  “Is anyone closer to Lily’s house than we are?” Carter’s voice was clipped and strained. They were only fifteen minutes from Lily’s place, but that fifteen minutes could very well be too long. If she was under attack, Carter needed to get to her. Now.

  “No.” Danny’s tone was just as grim.

  13

  Lily cried out as Ryan’s fist slammed into her again. He leaned close to her, his breath hot in her ear, full weight pinning her to the floor as he spoke. Her blood went cold. He would follow through on his threats. He just enjoyed letting her know what was coming.

  “You’re going to wish to God you had killed me back there, Lily. By the time I’m through with you, you’ll pray for death. Beg for it.”

  As he spoke, he thrust against her with his hips and she cringed, drawing a laugh from Ryan.

  “I’d say this is going to be fun, but I’m afraid it’s only going to be fun for me.”

  One arm pressed across her shoulders as he rolled to the side and reached for the belt buckle at his waist. Metal scraped metal and her stomach churned.

  No!

  The thought hit Lily hard and strong and she reacted instantly. She needed to fight this. Her arms might have been pinned by her sides, but she still had some freedom of movement in her hands. Bracing, she clawed at his abdomen, searching for the spot where the knife had sunk deep earlier. When she felt the warm blood, she plunged her thumb deep before ripping as hard as she could to the right, putting everything she had into the move, knowing it was the only one she had.

  The cry from Ryan was deep and guttural. He spun from her, clutching at his stomach. Lily kicked out and ran, heading for the stairs. Her breath came in jagged pants and she focused on one thing. Getting to the top. She didn’t think about the fact that getting to the front or back door might have been wiser. Ryan had been between her and the front door and when she’d gotten up to run, the stairs had been right there. As she crested the top, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d end up like one of those horror movie chicks who got herself trapped instead of getting away.

  Honestly, if she were watching this movie, she might have been yelling at the screen, telling herself what an idiot she was. There wasn’t time for that. She could hear Ryan on the stairs behind her. She slammed into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

  Now she knew she was one of those stupid horror movie chicks. She’d just locked herself in a room with a very flimsy lock and nothing to use for defense. She fell to the floor, leaning her back against the door as she scanned the room. There wasn’t even anything to barricade herself in with. Lily screamed and jumped when Ryan’s body hit the door behind her. He was cursing with each attempted breach and his strength seemed to wane. She wanted to curl in a ball and cover her head with her hands. The window in this room was too small to climb through, even if she could climb up to it. The modern architecture had seemed charming until now, the slit of a window up near the ceiling providing light in the room, while allowing for privacy. Brilliant.

  The sound of a siren played in th
e distance, but it sounded far away. Too far. Then the banging stopped, a jarring silence after the shaking of the door from Ryan’s blows. Lily strained to listen, but heard nothing more than the pounding of blood in her veins and her own gulping breaths as she tried to steady her breathing. And now she did curl up. She crawled into the corner of the small room and lay on her side, her arms wrapped tight around her knees, and cried.

  14

  Time couldn’t move fast enough as Carter and Danny entered Lily’s home. He had backup coming from across town, but he and Danny couldn’t wait for that. They moved in tandem as they pushed into the house. The blood damn near brought him to his knees. He could see into the open kitchen where the largest of the pools of blood began, but it didn’t end there. A trail led them through the living room and up the stairs. They moved, communicating with hand signals and the shared experience of officers who had worked together in high-stakes situations before, following the trail of evidence.

  When they reached the top of the steps, they found more blood outside a closed door. The sound of Lily crying reached him through the door and his heart shattered. It took all of his training to keep his head clear as he and Danny communicated. Danny covered him as Carter kicked—once, twice—as he heard Lily scream. He only prayed she was screaming because of their efforts to breach the door, not because Ryan was still in there hurting her. If he was too late…

  The door gave way and Carter entered the small room, eyes finding Lily immediately. He didn’t waste time, pulling her into his arms and rocking her.

  “I’m here, baby. You’re all right.” Carter repeated the words over and over, cradling her as he listened to their backup arrive and Danny take over the scene, clearing the house with the arriving officers. Carter’s hands ran over Lily. No major injuries that he could find. The blood painting the house must be Ryan’s. As he took in the bruises blooming on her face, he was glad she’d made the guy bleed. He hoped she’d gutted him. The bastard had put his hands on Lily. He deserved a whole hell of a lot worse than gutting.

  “No sign of him, boss,” Danny reported quietly from the doorway to the bathroom. “EMTs are on the way. Two minutes out.”

  Carter nodded, all the while continuing to cradle the woman in his arms. The minute he’d gotten to her, he’d ceased to be on duty. He was staying with her. No way in hell he’d let her go or leave her side now.

  15

  Carter let his thumb play over Lily’s wrist as she slept. He was trying to stay as still and quiet as he could as she rested in the hospital bed, but he needed at least one point of contact. When he’d taken stock of the scene at her house, his blood ran cold. It looked like something out of a horror movie. The thought of what could have happened to her if she hadn’t been sharp enough to fight back terrified him. Where she’d found the strength, he didn’t know, but he respected the hell out of her for it.

  Ryan hadn’t been a very large man, but he still outweighed Lily by a lot.

  Lily startled awake with a sudden gasp and looked at Carter, wild-eyed. He shushed her immediately, drawing closer to hold her as she shook.

  “Shh. He’s gone, honey. He’s not here. You’re safe.”

  It broke his heart when she cried, but he held her, knowing she probably had to get it out. He had no idea what to say or do for her other than hold her. She knew they’d found Ryan’s body. When she woke the last time, he told her his deputies had discovered Ryan’s car on the shoulder of the road about three minutes from her house. He’d likely lost consciousness due to blood loss and had driven his car into a giant oak tree. The only thing that bothered Carter about the outcome was that Ryan had likely died on impact.

  Carter had never considered himself a violent man, but he would have been happier with a whole lot more suffering for Ryan before death. At least he’d have the satisfaction of seeing Alton and Jenk go to trial. They were facing a slew of charges at this point, and even if they weren’t convicted, Alton’s career was over. Carter knew the man didn’t deserve to lose his son. That wasn’t something he’d wish on anyone. But another part of him knew Alton had made his bed and had to sleep in it.

  And he knew if he was having this much trouble coming to terms with what had happened, Lily had to be reeling from it.

  “I want to see him.”

  “What?” Carter pulled back and looked down at her, not sure what she was talking about. “See who?”

  She swallowed. “Ryan. I want to see his body. I need to know he’s gone.”

  “Oh, Lily.” Carter didn’t know what to say. His gut was screaming at him to protect her at all costs. To stop her from doing something that might haunt her. He had seen car accidents and their victims. It wasn’t pretty. But his mind was telling him he needed to respect her wishes. To support her. To be there for her no matter what she needed to do to get through this. “I don’t know, Lily. It’s not going to be pretty. Are you sure you want that memory on top of…”

  He didn’t finish. He couldn’t. Thinking about the memories she would need to handle damn near slayed him.

  “I need to see him, Carter. I need to see he’s gone, to know he can’t come back. I need that.”

  He bit back a sigh and nodded. He’d take her to see Ryan’s body if that’s what she needed. God help him, he’d do it for her.

  Lily was exhausted as Carter led her to the car. The morgue had been too much. But she’d needed the closure that the visit had given her. Seeing Ryan had been hard. No, more than hard. It had been disturbing on levels she couldn’t even begin to describe. She was so glad Carter had been standing next to her, adding his strength to hers.

  And now, as he shut the door to her side of the car and jogged around to his, it dawned on her. She had no place to go. Her grandfather had recently moved to a nursing home, so staying with him wasn’t an option. She couldn’t go to her place. Even if she got the blood cleaned up, she would still see it. She would know that it had covered the walls, floors, and everything else in there the day before. She couldn’t face that.

  She supposed she could go to the clinic. She had a small couch in the employee lounge. It would be a bit awkward when her employees figured out she was living in the back room, but what choice did she have?

  “Can you drop me off at the clinic?”

  The look he gave her would have been comical in any other situation. “No.”

  “No?”

  “No. I’ll take you to my house until you find a new place.”

  Lily felt tears battling to break through, but she clawed at her resolve to keep them from falling. She wouldn’t let this throw her and Carter together in a way they weren’t ready for yet. She was hurt and vulnerable and scared senseless, but that didn’t mean she should compound the problems she was facing by letting herself trust this guy. By letting herself believe that they were more than they were. Letting herself believe in them. She knew better than that.

  Carter eyed her as he steered the car to the side of the road, stopping on the shoulder. Lily kept her eyes pinned to the windshield. She wouldn’t let him talk her into this. She couldn’t. She just couldn’t believe in a man again and have him leave. As if reading her mind, he began talking.

  “I’m not going to tell you I’m not leaving. I won’t tell you I love you or say I need commitment from you. I won’t ask you to believe in me or believe in us, Lily.”

  He paused and she had to battle the urge to turn and look at him as she felt a tear slide down her cheek. She ignored it. She locked onto the road in front of her and clamped her hands together in her lap.

  He threaded his hand through her hair and gently turned her to look at him. “I’ll show you, Lily. Every day. I’ll just show up every damned day and be there for you, be with you. Two, three, four years from now, if I’m lucky, you’ll know I’m not going away.”

  Lily felt like she might hyperventilate, but she looked into his eyes and let herself fall. Maybe it wasn’t so much that she let herself. It was more like she acknowledged there wasn�
��t any use fighting anymore. She’d fallen for him, heart, body, and soul, long before this.

  He didn’t wait for her to answer. Just pressed a soft kiss to her mouth, then turned and started the car again. “We can look for a new place for you in the morning. For now, you’ll be safe at my place and I’ll sleep better knowing I’m there if you wake up with a bad dream.”

  His gaze held hers and he slowly slid his hand to the nape of her neck. The sensation danced up her spine, then zinged through her body as his lips found hers. Soft at first, just a little pressure. When her hands found his shoulders, he murmured and pulled her closer, and her body responded as though he’d laid her down and stripped her. He nipped and teased and she melted into the kiss, wanting more, and knowing he’d give her just what she needed. He would wait, too, if she asked him to. That knowledge was empowering. It seemed to unlock a piece of her, letting her believe. Letting her have the faith she needed if she was going to stop being a slave to the men who’d left her behind. Stop being a slave to their memories.

  When Carter pulled back, she felt his absence, but the seductive look in his eyes told her the separation wouldn’t be a long one. He turned without a word and put the car in gear. Lily watched his profile as he drove, loving that he wasn’t pushing her to move in simply because circumstances said she needed a place to stay for a while. He was giving her what she needed—assurance that he wasn’t going to push her to make this arrangement permanent before she was ready for it. But that’s the way he was. He got her. He understood what she needed, often before she even knew she needed it. She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She didn’t think there would be more tears tonight. She was done crying for a while.

  She let herself trust. She let herself live in the moment and know, for now, it was okay to rely on Carter. To rely on the strength of them together. The breath she took in that moment felt deeper, better, than any she’d felt in a long time. In that moment, Lily knew she didn’t want to live in the shadows of the past. Just because her exes had left, didn’t mean she should never trust again. She wouldn’t live a half-life any longer. She’d let herself believe in Carter and the happiness they could have together from this point on. If it didn’t last, she’d deal with that later. But she wouldn’t live in fear any longer.