by David Lubar
“Yeah. I guess…”
“Thanks again for inviting me over.” I headed down the road and walked until I was out of sight. Then I stopped. It was hard to walk when you weren’t sure where you were going. I’d thought about going home. That wouldn’t do me any good. There was nothing at home that would change things.
But there was one place I could always go to. One place that had plenty of answers.
Twelve
CHECK THIS OUT
I’ve loved libraries ever since I was old enough to chew on a book. Okay, chewing books is bad, but I got past that stage pretty quickly and moved on to looking at picture books and then reading chapter books as I grew older, and from there I leaped to novels and big thick science books. Wherever I’ve lived, I’ve always made sure it was near a good library. And Lewington certainly had a nice one. It wasn’t as big as the library across the river in the capital, but it had a great selection of books, and several very helpful librarians.
So there I went.
Now, where to start? I was pretty sure the problem had something to do with the chemicals I’d accidentally put in my breakfast drink. So maybe it was a chemistry problem. But they’d affected my body. So it might be a medical problem. They’d also affected my mind—perhaps more than anything else. So I decided to start with psychology. I went to that section and found several books on personality changes. I brought them back to the reading section and plunked myself down at a table.
“Are you finished yet?”
I looked across the room. Sebastian was there, hovering behind Norman. Without glancing up from his book, Norman said, “No. Not yet. I need to make sure my project is perfect.”
“You may as well give it up,” Sebastian said. “I’m going to win. I have the coolest project. Flat-out first place. No contest.”
“I’m happy for you,” Norman mumbled.
I couldn’t help watching them. They were so different on the outside. But inside, I think they had a lot in common. They both had good hearts. Maybe that’s why they were such good friends. Norman could get so lost in thought, and Sebastian could get so lost in himself, but they were always there for each other. I hoped they’d stay friends as they got older.
I looked away, but not in time. Sebastian caught me staring at them. He wandered over. I guess he was bored watching Norman read.
“Hi,” he said. “You’re Dawn’s friend. Right?”
“Right.” I smiled at him. He was so cute. If I ever got married and had a son, I’d want him to be like Sebastian. He was far from perfect, but there was just something about him that made me like him.
He picked up his backpack and dropped it on the table. “Wanna see my project for the science fair? It’s real cool.”
“Sure.” I fought to keep my smile from turning into a grin. He seemed so proud of his project. Knowing Sebastian, it could be anything from an assortment of moldy food to clay models of famous monsters. Sebastian was wild about monsters, and managed to work them into almost everything he did.
He unzipped his backpack, then started pulling stuff out. “Here it is,” he said after digging through comic books, old test papers, candy wrappers, and a couple baseballs. He placed his project on the table in front of me and said, “Ta dah!”
I looked down. Sunglasses? A piece of thin red wire was taped to one frame of the glasses. The wire ran to a small block of wood that was painted black. A second wire ran to a dirty, worn-out gardening glove. Sunglasses and a glove?
“Very nice,” I said.
He stood there as if he expected me to say more.
“Very, very nice.” I said. “You obviously put a lot of work into it.”
“Don’t you know what it is?” he asked. His tone suggested I’d just dropped in for a visit from Mars.
I shook my head. “Sorry. I don’t.”
“It’s a virtual reality system,” he told me. He pointed to the glasses. “You see everything through here. And you interact with the world through the glove. Everything is hooked up to a miniature supercomputer. Cool, huh?” He tapped the black block of wood. “Eighty terabytes of memory and a five-hundred-gigahertz processor.”
I picked up the glasses and put them on. The room got a bit darker, but nothing else happened. “It doesn’t do anything,” I said.
“It’s a model,” Sebastian explained. “It’s not supposed to do anything. You know. Like the dinosaur model in the museum. It doesn’t do anything. Right?”
“Right.”
“There are model cars that just sit on a shelf. And stuff like that. So this is a model of a virtual reality system. Get it?”
I nodded. I really didn’t know what to say. I guess he was trying his best, but projects had never been Sebastian’s strong point. Still, I had to admire his enthusiasm. And nobody would ever worry about his self-esteem. Sebastian thought very highly of himself.
“Good luck with it,” I told him.
“Thanks. I’m glad you’re not judging the science fair,” he said. “Ms. Clevis will see how cool it is. She’s a really good teacher.”
Norman wandered over. “Okay. I’m done. We can leave,” he told Sebastian. He glanced down at the table and said, “Better pack up your sunglasses.”
“They aren’t sunglasses,” Sebastian said as he stuffed everything into his backpack.
“It’s tragic to think of your mom out in the backyard, trying to weed her garden with only one glove while squinting in the bright light of the sun,” Norman said. “But I guess we all have to make sacrifices in the name of science.”
Sebastian started to walk off, then looked back at me and asked, “You really think it needs more work?”
I shrugged. “It never hurts to try to improve something.”
“I guess.” He headed out of the library with Norman. On the way, I could hear them squabbling and giving each other a hard time the way only best friends can do.
Okay, I told myself. Back to work. I searched through the psychology books without finding anything that would help. Then I tried the medical ones. As I was going through the chemistry books, the librarian came over.
“We’re closing up, hon,” she said. “Would you like to check anything out?”
“No thanks.” I got up from the chair and stretched. Then I looked outside. The library closed at nine. It was dark. And I still had to get home.
Thirteen
HEADING FOR HOME
I left the library by the front exit, then sat on the bottom step. The night was beautiful. The air was cool, but not cold. There was just a little bit of a breeze. A couple stars twinkled in the sky, though clouds were starting to build on the horizon. No point in complaining about being on foot. I stood and started walking.
I went to the edge of town, past all the businesses, and headed along Route 37. It wasn’t a big highway, and the first part went past houses, so I had a sidewalk. Then, when the road got farther from town, there was a shoulder for me to walk on. At least there wasn’t much traffic. But every time a car came by, I felt myself tense up, wondering whether they’d stop and ask me why I was walking by myself on the road at night.
Walking gave me a good chance to think. Obviously, I had changed in some way. There was a physical change, though it really wasn’t all that great. It’s not like I’d shrunk eighteen inches or sprouted a third arm. I was younger. But I was still me. There was another change, too. It was hard to know for sure, but I think I’d become nicer. Not that I wasn’t already nice. I always thought of myself as a decent person. But I guess everyone does.
Now, I was even nicer. I couldn’t really explain it beyond that. It was almost as if everything bad had been removed from me. All the things I knew were bad and didn’t want to do or be, but sometimes couldn’t help, all of that had been pulled out of me.
I searched my mind and thought of what I’d been through these past hours. There didn’t seem to be any sign of envy or hate or greed in my actions. None of the bad stuff. But the thought didn’t fill me with
pride. It was just something that had happened to me. I couldn’t take credit for being this good.
But then there was the other me. I thought about Ms. Hyde and shuddered. In truth, I couldn’t remember her very clearly. It was almost as if I’d read about her in a book. Whatever she’d experienced, I wasn’t really there at the time. She wasn’t me. I wasn’t her. But we shared this body. Except, when she had control, I was different. That much I knew. Older. Twisted. Evil. Angry.
Perhaps she was gone for good. I hoped so. I really wanted to get back to being myself. To being Miss Clevis. But if I couldn’t do that, I’d rather be Jackie than Ms. Hyde. No question.
I was passing by a stretch of woods. Maybe one more mile to my house. Fifteen or twenty minutes more to walk. Not bad. Then, when I got home, I could figure out what I was going to do tomorrow. Maybe I’d go to sleep and wake up as myself. That would be nice.
I tensed as another car cruised by. Lewington is a small town. And it’s a safe one. Still, anyone could be passing through on this road. This car didn’t sail past like the others. It slowed, then stopped on the shoulder up ahead.
Fourteen
A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP
It wasn’t just any car. It was a police car. The driver got out and shone a flashight at me. I squinted in the light. “Hello,” the policman said. “Are you all alone?”
“Yes,” I told him.
“You aren’t running away from home, are you?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. I’m walking toward home,” I told him. That was certainly the truth. I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t treat me like a runaway and take me to the police station.
He pointed to the car. “Can I give you a ride?”
“I’m almost there,” I said. “And it’s a nice night for walking.”
He nodded. “It’s a beautiful night. But there are some dangerous people in this world. It would be a shame if you ran into one of them. How about letting me give you a lift?”
I nodded. It was his job. If I didn’t take the ride, he’d be worried about me. The best thing I could do was let him help me. That way, everybody won.
“It’s just ahead,” I told him as we pulled back onto the road. “Third house on the right after the stop sign at the top of the hill.”
He nodded. A couple minutes later, he pulled into my driveway. “Here you go. You be careful where you walk. Okay?”
“I will. Thanks.” I got out of the car. The policmean waited until I was inside the house. Then he drove away. I watched from the window as the car backed out of the driveway and thought about how tough his job must be. He had to deal with every kind of bad thing that came along, but it hadn’t turned him mean. He could still be nice to a young lady walking home on a lonely highway.
I sighed and kicked off my shoes. It felt good to be home. True, I had a big problem to figure out. But at least I was home.
As I was getting ready for bed, I studied myself in the bathroom mirror. I had the face of a sweet young girl, a mostly familiar face. I went to the closet in my bedroom and dragged out a box of old photographs. It took a while, but finally I found one from sixth grade and brought it back to the bathroom. I propped it up against the mirror, then compared it to my reflection. Similar. The girl I saw in the mirror and the girl in the photo could have been sisters. But not twins. I hadn’t just become the girl I’d once been.
“Let’s be scientific about this,” I said. I tried to analyze the situation. But to be honest, I didn’t really feel very scientific. Mostly, I felt sleepy.
So I went to bed. As much as I needed sleep, I wish I’d stayed awake. I wish I’d avoided the dreams.
Fifteen
BAD DREAMS
The place was beautiful. It looked like the sort of fairy-tale world you see in cartoon ads for toys or breakfast cereals. There were millions of flowers in a huge meadow, and a sunny sky dappled with fluffy clouds. Rainbow-colored birds swooped and soared while whistling enchanting songs. In the far distance, I saw a gleaming silver castle.
I heard footsteps. A woman was walking ahead of me, moving slowly through the flowers. I ran to catch up with her. I tapped her on the shoulder and she stopped walking, but she kept her back to me. “I think I’m lost,” I said. “Can you help me?”
She turned and stared at me with sad eyes. A shiver ran through me from my scalp to the tips of my fingers. She was me. But me as I’d been before all this started. It was me as Miss Clevis. “I can’t stay here,” she said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“I don’t belong here. If I stay here, I’ll lose myself.”
I didn’t understand. Before I could ask her what she meant, the whole world shook with a giant explosion. Lightning flashed. In an instant, the sky turned dark with heavy clouds. Around me, the flowers died. Thorn-filled vines thrust through the soil, tangling with everything. The birds turned to vultures and began attacking one another. The castle crumbled to the ground and burst into flames.
The place felt so awful, so deep-down bad, that I couldn’t help crying. I reached out to grab the woman.
She put an arm around me. “I can’t stay in this dark world, either,” she said. “This place will destroy me. And not just me.”
She was right. I knew it would destroy me, too. It would eat away at me until there was nothing left. I looked for a way out.
There was another crash of thunder. The beautiful world returned. But not for long. With a crash, the bad world was back. It didn’t stop. All I wanted was for the world to stay still, but the thunder wouldn’t leave me alone. Crash after crash echoed through my head, faster and faster. The worlds flipped back and forth so rapidly that reality spun inside my head.
I screamed and sat up in bed.
Outside, lightning flashed and a clap of thunder shook the house. I gasped for breath. Sweat rolled from my face. “I’m safe,” I said, looking around at the room as each flash illuminated it. “This is my home. This is real. That was a dream. Just a dream.”
But I realized it was much more than a dream. It was my mind’s way of telling me a truth I’d been avoiding all day. A truth I’d hidden from since the reality of the change first hit me.
Right now, I was the good me. I was Jackie. A person with no evil in her. There was also the bad me. Ms. Hyde. A person with no good in her at all. But then, caught in between, was the real me. The me I was. The me I’d been born to be. Not all good. Not all bad. Just all human.
And that me—the real me—was in danger of disappearing. Whether I remained as Jackie or Ms. Hyde, the result would be the same: Miss Clevis would vanish. She’d be gone forever.
I couldn’t let that happen.
Sixteen
OFF SCHEDULE
I didn’t get much sleep the rest of the night. I was afraid I’d dream again. And my mind was heavy with what I’d learned. The worst part was that I had no idea how to help myself. It was a science problem. But I didn’t seem to be able to think clearly about science. Maybe that was one of the parts that I’d lose forever if I stayed as I was. Maybe I was already losing it. Yesterday, the formula for force had flashed through my mind when I almost got hit by the cart. I tried to remember it now. It came, finally, but I had to work to bring it back.
Right now, there was nothing I could do about that. At least, being up so early, I had plenty of time to walk to school. I really wasn’t even sure why I was going back to the school. But I didn’t know what else to do. And ever since I’d started teaching at Washington Irving Elementary, the school had been my second home. The other teachers had been my family. I guess the students had almost been like my children.
Teaching was definitely more than just a job for me—it was my life. But right now, I couldn’t even do that. Things will work out, I told myself. Somehow, they had to.
By the time I reached the front walkway, a large group of kids had arrived. It felt funny walking through the crowd. I recognized most of them as my students, but they didn’t recognize me as their teach
er. I almost felt like I was watching a movie.
“Jackie. Hi.”
I turned to see Dawn, who was standing with two other sixth-grade girls. “Hi.”
“Where’s your first class?” she asked. “Maybe we have the same schedule. Wouldn’t that be great?”
First class? Uh-oh. I hadn’t even thought about classes. I didn’t have a schedule—worse, I wasn’t even registered as a student. I shrugged. “I don’t know where I’m going.” That was sure true.
“Then you’d better go to the office,” Dawn said. “They can give you your schedule.”
“Good idea. Thanks.” I headed into the building. Now I had a problem. I couldn’t go into the office and tell them I was a new student. That wasn’t true. But I couldn’t just show up in a class, either. The teacher would want to know who I was. If I didn’t go to classes, they’d start asking questions, too. Someone would want to know why I was wandering around in the halls all day.
I stood outside the office, wondering what to do. The bell rang. The hall filled with students heading for their first class. Still, I stood at the door. The crowds thinned. The last few stragglers went to their rooms.
Taking a deep breath, I reached for the doorknob. But I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I was so caught up in my thoughts that the quiet tapping sound didn’t get my attention until it was too late.
Whack! The tip of the cane smacked the wall next to the door. “You! Why are you standing around? Don’t you have a class to go to?”
I spun toward Mr. Brickner. “I—”
“Don’t give me any lip. You kids always have an excuse. Well, I don’t want to hear it. Understand? Get going! Now!”
I nodded and dashed down the hall. As I reached the corner and stumbled out of his view, the first wave of dizziness washed over me.
