by K. S. Adkins
So when she started screaming, I kicked that fucking door in to find her staring at herself in the mirror.
“What is it, Finn?” I ask manically, searching the room for danger.
“Did you see this?”
“See what?”
“My hair!”
Moving next to her I inspect her scalp as she'd done and ask, “What am I looking for?”
“You don't see the grey?” she snaps.
“Yes, but I didn't know that was the answer.”
Lowering her arms to cross them over her chest she calmly says, “So you've noticed I have grey hairs and you didn't think to mention it?”
“No,” I laugh then turn it into a cough when she growls. “You don't have that many.”
“Excuse me?”
“Pretty sure I've got a head full,” I explain. “And I've only known you a week.”
“If this is your way of complimenting me, you suck at it.”
“A compliment is telling you that I don't give a fuck how many grey hairs you have,” I say pulling her to me. “Because you'd be beautiful to me even if you didn't have any hair at all.”
Wrapping her arms around my waist, she rests her head against my chest and says, “Okay Nix, if your bald spot doesn't bother you, I won't let a few grey hairs bother me. We're getting older, right? This stuff is bound – ”
“I don't have a bald spot.”
“Yes, you do,” she says snuggling in deeper.
“No, I don't.”
“Nix,” she chuckles. “You do.”
Using my arms for leverage, she rotates the mirror and turns us at an angle. It took me a minute to see it and when I did, I roar, “Fuck!”
“You didn't know?”
“Fuck no, I didn't know!” I screech. God damn, the longer I stared at it the bigger it got...
Covering her mouth with her hand, she mutters, “There goes that theory.”
“What theory?”
“I figured that's why you wore the fedora.”
Sputtering in outrage, I was so far gone I couldn't find words. Finally, when they come I blurt, “I just liked hats!”
And when she exploded in laughter, I had no choice but to join her. Because when Finn laughed, all was right in my world. Even if in that world I was losing my fucking hair.
Ready for her bath, I undo her robe and kiss the tops of her breasts, I say, “Thank you, Finn.”
With the sweetest grin on her face she asks, “Thank you for what?”
Sliding the material from her shoulders to the floor, I whisper, “Being you.”
When she stepped into the tub and began to sink down into the water, time absolutely stopped.
And for the first time in my life, I prayed.
Please let me grow old with her...
“You've been in there over an hour, baby,” mom said through the door.
Lathering up, I yelled back, “Five more minutes, I'm just starting to prune.”
“I need to pee, Finn.”
“I need to float, Mom.”
“We need a second bathroom,” she laughed from the other side of the door.
“It better have a tub!”
I was a sucker for a deep bathtub and bubbles.
Soaking and I go way back. But until Nix, I never had a partner.
On occasion, Ryan would meet a woman and head off with her, but I’d never brought a man to the room he and I shared. We were best friends but, both of us respected the other’s privacy.
Even while I dated Talon, when we were together it was at his place, never my hotel.
While that should have been a red flag, it was the past so I put it behind me.
Because the future was currently making bubble mountains on my tits.
“Let’s go swimming,” he says blowing the bubbles over. Never one to turn down a good time, I smile, giving him my agreement. “We’ll soak again, after.”
“I’m down,” I say reaching for towels.
“You really are, aren’t you?”
“Of course,” I assure him. “If I didn’t want to swim, I’d tell you no.”
“I mean for adventure,” he grins. “You’re the perfect woman, Finn.”
Leaning forward to catch his mouth, I whisper, “I’ll accept that compliment if you’ll agree that I bring out your playful side.”
Biting my lip, he sucks once whispering back, “Until you, I didn’t know I had one.”
And with that, we changed into our suits and made our way to the roof top pool.
We weren’t even setting our towels down when Nix cannonballed into the water.
Momentarily frozen, I watch him swim the length of the pool, and when he reaches me he asks, “What’s that look for?”
Easing myself in, I wrap my body around his anchoring my arms around his neck. “Ryan and I played all the time,” I whisper. “We were experts at it, but this is different, Nix, this isn’t two best friends trying to dunk each other.”
“No?”
“No,” I say kissing him gently. “This is so much more.”
“Swim for me, Finn,” he says softly. “Work your body for me.”
Breaking away, I do as he asks and swim for him and when I made my way back to his arms, he held me tight and then the fucker dunked me. Coming up sputtering, I declare, “Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Hauling me back into his arms he begins to twirl my body around the water. Staring up at the stars, totally at peace, when Nix says, “Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time,” I froze again.
“You know Casablanca?”
“My mom loved it,” he grins shyly, which he never does and in that moment, I fell so hard I was sure I cracked my head. Reaching for his cheek, I blurt, “Oh my God, I love you so much.”
Leaning in, putting us nose to nose, he says, “I know because that's how I love you, Finn.”
And for the first time in memory, I cried out of happiness.
“Shh,” he says wiping away my tears. “No tears, kitten.”
“Don’t ever leave me,” I couldn’t help but whimper.
“Never Finn, never.”
Pushing off the side with both feet, I use the momentum to lock us together. “Say it again.”
“I love you.”
“Again.”
“I love you,” he growls gripping me.
“One more time,” I grin wide.
Squeezing my hips and staring me down he vows, “You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love…I love…I love you.”
Crying in earnest I grate out, “You know Pride & Prejudice too?”
“Tell anyone and I’ll have to kill you,” he says wiping my eyes.
“Could you be any more perfect for me?”
“I’ll never stop trying to be the man that’s worthy of you.”
“But you already are,” I insist. “I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you.”
And I would.
Right after I dunked his ass.
“It's a nice day. Go outside and play,” my mom begged me and she did this so she wouldn't catch shit from my old man.
“I'm good,” I said cleaning my BB gun. And I was good. I had no desire to kick the fucking can, run around for ghost in the graveyard, or fuck my life, play GI Joe.
“Your dad – ”
“Needs a fucking hobby other than riding my ass,” I said angrily and immediately flinched.
You would too if you let that shit fly at eleven years old.
Smoking a clove, feeling lighter than I had in years, I silently thanked Finn. Playing in the water with Finn, those kids and that ridiculous lava game…that’s what fun felt like.
The grey hairs and that fucking bald spot...that's true love shit.
And Finn, she was just love. An endless ocean of peace and waves. For me, a single person could be the sole embodiment of love and it was her. It was us.
As she pranced around the room singing and dancing, the feeling that took
me over could only be described as pride. Finn was the sweetest dessert and I planned to gorge myself on her as long as possible. I suppose, like Finn, I had come up with my own bucket list of sorts.
While hers was based on thrill seeking, mine leaned more towards closure and being relevant.
I’ve done a lot of wrong in my life. Granted, being a Middle Man wasn’t the worst thing I could be, and even though I did the unsuspecting world a service, I’d hurt the people who’d loved me along the way.
People who didn’t understand why I was the way I was. People who had come to fear me because of it.
I've never had a best friend or pet. Growing up on acres of land, I hunted, fished and did a fuck-load of chores. School was the bane of my existence, I never fit in and had no interest in trying. Until my teen years when I began to give into my darker nature, I spent all my time with my dad.
The man was my fucking idol.
I wanted to be just like him but I wasn't meant to fill his shoes.
Over breakfast, the past pinging around in my brain won’t vacate so I say, “Port Huron is about thirty minutes from here.”
“And?”
“I was wondering if we could make a pit stop.”
“Sure,” she agrees sipping her coffee. “Where are we stopping?”
“I’ll tell you when we get there.”
“Another adventure?” she asks perking up.
“Something like that,” I mumbled in return.
Tackling me to the bed, Finn kisses me all over promising, “I go where you go.”
Cupping her face in my palm I ask, “You still love me?”
“More than I did five minutes ago.”
“Christ,” I sigh in absolute happiness. “What’s it going to be like a month from now?”
“Nix,” she grinds on top of me. “Let’s worry about this moment.”
Not liking her train of thought, I argue, “You’re mine forever, Finn.”
“I know,” she smiles beautifully. “Now why don’t you shut up and show me?”
Sliding my hand between her thighs, I found her wet, as always, and showed her twice.
I had brought my mom on set in Chicago for the weekend. The film was a thriller with lots of action and violence. After wrapping up for the day, I took her to the Miracle Mile for girl time and cocktails. Sitting outside, we watched the world go by together and yet both of us were clearly itching to leave. As exciting as the city was, mom and I preferred nature.
“I miss swimming in Spain,” she said holding my hand. “But trekking Thailand was magical too. It's just so loud here and everyone is in such a hurry.”
“Everyone's idea of contentment is different, Mom. Remember Bora Bora?” I asked.
“How can I forget?” she laughed. “I still can't believe you and Ryan got me to climb Mount Otemanu.”
“I don't say it enough, but thank you.”
“Finn – ”
“I'm serious,” I said scooting closer. “Without your support, I wouldn't have any of these memories.”
“If I hadn't had you, I wouldn't either.”
I took mom with me every chance I could and always wondered if my dad had lived, would he have joined us?
“Would dad have enjoyed it?”
Pulling me into her arms she said, “He would have raced you to the top.”
Distance wise, Port Huron wasn’t all that far, but the scenery made it feel like I was traveling the back roads of fucking-nowhere-Michigan and not connecting with civilization again anytime soon. He didn't need to explain where we were headed because I already knew. Seeing me with my mom had him thinking about his own parents. I couldn't imagine being disconnected for fifteen years, but I truly hoped he was welcomed with open arms. He deserved that. Phoenix was quiet and when he wasn’t gripping the steering wheel with both hands, he was scanning the woods.
I had a gun in my lap, his was in the door, but our biggest threat was a deer running in front us not a sniper taking us out. With nothing but trees and time, I asked about them. According to Nix, his parents cut him off in all ways at a young age and the invitation to come home wasn’t a simple one. Apparently, it had conditions. I knew the unconditional love and support I received from my mom was a gift. A gift many never received, so I was glad I would be there to hold his hand. And if either parent got lippy, I’d also throw a punch on his behalf too.
Though we haven’t talked about the physic since the island, it was on both of our minds and her words still sent a chill down my spine so I did my best not to think about it.
I knew we were close because his breathing started to become heavy, anxious.
When the potholes in the dirt road forced us to coast, I asked him to pull over and once in park, I faced Nix saying, “Breathe for me and I’ll breathe for you.”
“I shouldn’t care,” he says trying to calm. “If they turn me away, I shouldn’t care. But, I will.”
“A lot can change in fifteen years,” I say gently. “Breathe baby, nice and slow.” When I see the calm come over him, I nudge him to keep driving and he does.
The driveway alone was at least a mile long and a gorgeous sprawling ranch welcomed us with dozens of oak trees providing us cover. Parking out back by the pole barn, Nix helps me from the car, linking our fingers together.
He was nervous. I felt it more than saw it. Because on the outside, he was a rock.
Scaling the steps to the porch, he raises his fist to knock and pauses to look at me.
“Go on,” I prompt him. “I’m right here.”
When he did, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen or who was going to answer, but then the door opened to the older version of Phoenix.
He didn’t greet us with a smile or even a hand shake. What he did do was say, “Oh, you’re back.” Asshole.
Lifting our joined hands, Nix kisses the top of mine saying, “I believe you said, come back when you’ve done something to be proud of.”
“I remember,” he says with annoyance.
“Dad, may I introduce you to the woman I love and the woman who loves me back, Finn Lee.”
Scanning our faces, his gaze stays on mine and he grates, “You know what he is?”
“While I don’t much appreciate your phrasing, yes, I know who he was.”
“Was?”
“He quit,” I say sliding my hand around his waist to show solidarity. “For me, us.”
He was putting it all together when his mom screamed his name at the top of her lungs. Throwing her husband out of the way, she threw herself into Nix’s arms crying, “Danny, you’re home!”
Raising an eyebrow at Nix, reluctantly hugging his mom, I snickered to myself because he did not look like a Danny. At all.
The first half hour of our visit was spent watching his mom flutter around the kitchen throwing together snacks and making coffee. She was nervous, sad, happy, wondering if her son was really here and why.
His dad, however, hasn’t said a word. Instead, he glares at Nix, at me, and even his own wife for being hospitable.
Tired of the drama, I ask him, “Do you fish?”
Blinking as if he hadn’t heard me right, he grunts, “Of course, I fish.”
“Have you ever been dolphin fishing?” I continue on, so he can’t say anything. “My first time was two years ago. I chartered a boat. It was on my bucket list and a lot harder than I thought it would be.”
“You catch anything?”
“Yes. One decent catch, actually. She was probably three feet long and fierce as hell.”
“How’d she taste?”
“Delicious. Danny,” I say, remembering to use his given name. “Told me when he was young you two used to spend hours fishing.”
Glaring at his son, he mumbles, “Always did like killing things…”
Pushing away from the table, Nix announces, “I need air.”
His mom gave a distressed cry, while his dad rolled his eyes. The second I heard the door click, I was out of my seat and in
his face. “It will be detrimental to your health to disrespect him again.”
“He’s a killer,” he yells right back in mine.
I refused to argue with his dad about his own personal issues with his son. But, in my opinion the world needed people who were wired differently. Because if you think interrogators, snipers and the like, are like the rest of us then, you're crazy. To do their job, they can't think like us. The world needs people like them just like it needed men like Nix. And nothing and no one would convince me otherwise.
“And you’re an asshole,” I counter. “Difference here is, he’s changing and you refuse to.”
“Figures he’d saddle himself with a fellow killer.”
“I’m a professional stunt woman, fuck you very much.”
Blinking, he asks, “Stunt woman?” Clearly, a trait Nix inherited from dear old dad.
“How exciting!” his mom says, clapping in actual enthusiasm which was better than her crying.
“Look,” I say, focusing solely on him. “I noticed your medals, plaques, and swords.”
“So?”
“So, it tells me you fought proudly for our country.”
“That’s what a man does,” he grunts, really annoyed with me now.
“I don’t disagree. What I’m having trouble with is how you can justify killing for your country on your government’s order, but frown upon your own son who followed in your footsteps, only he didn’t wear a uniform with his name on it when he did it. I don’t have kids, so I don’t know what it’s like to be in your position but it took a lot for him to come here. He walked away from everything he knew, for me. He treats me like I’m the most precious thing in his world. I am just as protective of him. And if that means I have to knock his old man around so that he sees sense, I will.”
“What kind of stunts?” he asks, totally ignoring my rant.
“Pick one and I’ve done it,” I roll my eyes my now. “God, it’s scary how much he takes after you.”
“I’ve been saying that for years,” his mom smiles handing me a cup of coffee.
“Thanks,” I say, accepting as I stand. “I’m going outside to check on him. When I come back, I hope I don’t have to get physical because if I do, you'll lose.”
