by K. S. Adkins
Watching her argue with Operator was exactly what I had wanted, planned for, and thoroughly enjoyed.
Finn wasn't going to be left behind any more than Raven was and she had no problem going toe-to-toe with the boss about it either.
While I hadn't planned on falling in love with the woman who sent videos to my phone, it was Operator who had known how this would end. And I could never thank her enough.
As she sat alone at the bar, I memorize my woman and all of her expressions.
She was right, she wasn't an actress.
My Finn, my Raven, my kitten, was authentic.
She was also nervous.
In my ear, Operator says, “I'm revoking her license.”
Smiling at that, I reply, “Let me guess, motorcycle?”
“You had that bike put there knowing she'd steal it, didn't you?”
“Of course I did,” I confess. “And you deserved the ride she gave you.”
And no, I didn't steal her new car. Her very expensive new car. I had actually moved into the garage to keep it safe.
“You and crazy pants deserve each other.”
“Thank you, Operator,” I say earnestly. “For everything.”
“Good luck, Phoenix. I'm going home to puke in my own toilet.”
Left with white noise and the gorgeous view of Finn's profile, I stepped from the shadows into the light.
And like always, she knew I was there.
Slowly turning to face me, I pause in the exact same spot just as I had done months before.
Offering me a pinky wave, I found my way to Finn and between her legs.
“Your name,” I say, so close I could smell her breath. “What is it?”
“Finn Lee.”
“Finley,” I exhale and I can almost taste it.
“No,” she corrects. “Finn is my first name, Lee is my last.”
“Finn.”
“Uh huh,” she was so damn sexy, it was hard to speak. “Your name, what is it?”
“Phoenix,” I say staring into her eyes. “Just Phoenix.”
“It’s nice to meet you—”
“Are you drunk?” I ask trying to smell her breath.
“No…”
Done replaying the night we met, I focus on the future. Our future, together. “I was already in love with you before you knew I existed,” I say taking her hand. “And then I saw you sitting here on this very stool.”
“I felt you, Nix.”
“We sat at that table,” I point at the unoccupied space. “And I knew the danger you were in just because you took a chance to meet me. Then I thought, okay, I can go through this door, alone. You’ll never see me or the people chasing us again. Or you can come with me, and I don’t know what’s on the other side, but I’d know you’d be next to me. And that’s all I wanted since the minute I met you.”
When her eyes filled up, she whispers, “You just quoted David Norris. You've seen Adjustment Bureau? I was in that movie, Nix.”
“I know,” I whisper against her lips. “So, what did Elise Sellas say back?”
Smiling bright she says, “I'm coming with you.”
Since Finn and I were not traditional by any standards, I didn't kneel. But what I did do was say, “Be my wife.”
Blinking rapidly, she starts to hyperventilate wrapping her hands in my shirt for balance. Finally able to return the favor, I tell her, “Breathe for me and I'll breathe for you.”
Fresh tears trailed down her cheeks and I watched her, little by little, settle.
“Let's make a plan. Ten years from tonight, we'll tell our children the story of how I proposed to you.” I say softly. “Marry me, Finn.”
“The answer is simple. When I follow my heart, it leads me to you, Nix.”
“What movie is that from?”
Throwing her arms around my neck she says, “It hasn't come out yet.”
Because it wasn't finished...
“Is that a yes?” I prompt because I needed to hear her say it.
“That's a hell yes,” she smiles up at me. “Where will we get married?”
“On the ground,” I warn her lovingly.
“That's okay,” she says slapping my ass. “We'll have plenty of time to jump after.”
Taking her hand again, I slide the band on her finger, then I place my lips over the gold, sealing our fate.
When our eyes meet, I see the same love and obsession in hers that I have in mine.
Leaning in, I whisper, “One more thing, kitten.”
“Okay?”
“Operator went online and got ordained.”
“Ordained to what?”
“Marry us.”
Letting out a bark of laughter, Finn presses in close saying, “I love you, Phoenix.”
Throwing my arm around her, we were passing through the packed lobby back to our room when I whisper back, “Finn?”
“Hmm?”
“The floor is lava.”
And she didn't even hesitate when she jumped into the safety of my arms.
Because my Finn knew I would always catch her.
Until Nix proposed, I never thought about my wedding day let alone about the type of man I would be exchanging vows with. For every step I took toward him, toward our forever, I realized why I never fantasized about this day.
Because nothing my mind could come up with could touch my reality.
Arm in arm with my mom, the smile on my face matched the joy in my heart.
Before sharing me with my intended, she kissed my cheek and whispered, “Soar.”
Last night, Nix and I had a small ceremony in my mom’s backyard with our parents in attendance and the Operator officiating. It was quick, quaint and perfect.
We were spending the weekend on the island before meeting our team in Russia on Wednesday.
Nix's dad put us up in a gorgeous rental home on the top of the hill giving us the perfect view of the town and water below. Having sexed ourselves out, we took a break and walked the main drag until we agreed on a place to eat.
Stuffed and satisfied, we were walking hand-in-hand back to our rental when I brought us up short. Pulling my husband to a halt, as always, he scouts for danger before asking, “What is it, my Finn?”
Despite my rebirth, I love that when it's just us, he still calls me his Finn. As much as I love and embrace Raven, in my heart and his, I was and always would be, Finn. Pointing above us I say, “Look.” I watch his eyes travel upward and I grin at his frown. “Let's see what she has to say.”
Quiet and tense, he takes a moment before saying, “It didn't turn out so well for us last time.”
“I disagree,” I chuckle. “Dying so that I could have you was worth it, Nix.”
“As your husband, I'm exercising my right to say no.”
Fighting my laugh, I counter, “As your wife, I'm exercising my right to say tough shit.”
“Am I ever going to win an argument with you?” he asks and when I raise an eyebrow he mutters, “Obviously not...”
“Come on,” I urge him with a pout. “You have the rest of our lives to try and tell me no. “
Before I could force him through, the door was opened for us and where I suppressed a shiver, Nix whispers, “That's not natural.”
Stepping inside, the woman was seated on an old lounge chair petting what I was certain was a half-dead cat. Holding his hand, I was about to say hello when she says, “Death has treated you well.”
“It has,” I agree heartily.
“You,” she says zeroing in on Nix. “The light agrees with you.”
“You said I would fail,” he grunts. “That she would die because of me.”
“Yes,” she nods. “You did fail and she did die, did she not? You failed to drive her away, and because fate wants you together, she had to die for that to happen. Are you calling the fates liars?”
“Of course not,” he scoffs squeezing my hand tighter. “But it would have been nice to know it wasn't a literal death.”
“She's right,” I squeeze him back. “I'd do it again, Nix.”
Right on cue, she says, “The question is, what will you do with the two new beginnings you've been given?”
“Two new beginnings?” I ask, truly confused.
Staring at my stomach she points and says, “I see what I see.”
Now on his knees with his hands on my abdomen, Nix looks up at me and chokes out, “A baby?”
Okay, so this joke went way wrong in a hurry. See, I called ahead giving her several hilarious scenarios to choose from and yet she went with pregnancy? This was not in the script! How in the fuck do I tell him she's kidding now? When my husband is literally looking up at me in awe? Like I had just made all of his dreams come true?
Furious with her and myself for even setting this up at all, I opened my mouth to fix it when Nix says, “Wait, you said two new beginnings?”
Nodding to him, she says, “Sons,” as casually as if she'd said, hamburger.
“This isn't funny,” I scold her. “This wasn't the joke.”
“Twins never are,” she counters with a knowing smile. “Especially...yours.”
I had brought Nix back here as a joke, an epic prank. But the joke was on me because she wasn't kidding and I knew this because right then and there I felt it.
That's the thing about adventure, it's unpredictable.
Just like life. And my nervous system too.
Because when she says, “Ryan and Danny will be your greatest adventures,” my last thought as my eyes rolled back was my children would be named after the boy I lost and the boy Phoenix never got to be.
Four years later...
“Could Ryan be any more like his mom?” Loon laughs, handing me a beer.
Sitting out on the deck, the two of us watched Finn discipline Ryan for the third time about climbing up on the roof. The boy was only three and flat out fucking refused to keep his feet on the ground. Hell, both were walking at nine months and it's been chaos ever since... “Look,” I motion him to what my wife was doing.
Instead of scolding him, she was teaching him the proper way to climb. Finn and I knew early our boys were mini versions of us and we both agreed to never stifle their adventurous ways.
And while Ryan was his mother, happy, outgoing and extremely flexible.
Danny was his father.
He reserved his smiles for those who mattered, kept to himself most times and loved to hunt.
As twins, they still spoke their own language, did everything together, and created trouble whenever possible...However, they were honest, loving, and also eager to meet their sister.
Yes, they were certainly ours, but they were amazing little boys that we would die to protect.
Already they had call names for each other. Danny chose Falcon and Ryan chose Raptor.
They were too young to comprehend things like work and accident policies but there are times that I wonder...
“Janet will have them wrapped around her pinky finger,” I say to Loon.
“We lost one,” he says, scanning the yard for Danny. But I knew where my son was, I always did.
“He's fine,” I assure him and glance in his direction.
“What's he doing?” he asks, squinting to see.
“He's hunting,” I say simply.
“For what?”
“Hard to say. We'll know when he knows.”
Satisfied with my answer, we go back to watching Finn instruct Ryan, which was highly entertaining.
At least it was for me. Because Finn's pregnant body did something to me and if I had my way, she'd give me a dozen kids. Her libido alone was worth putting in extra hours in the field.
Noticing Loon's worried expression, I nudge him for intel.
Because yesterday my wife had sent him on an errand, and he's been twitchy ever since.
“I take it your mission was insightful?”
Looking away he mutters, “You could say that.”
“Come on, man,” I laugh. “Out with it. What's got you spooked?”
Glancing at me he asks, “Did you know where she was sending me?”
“Yes.”
“And you didn't think to stop her?”
“You don't tell my wife no, Loon.”
“Not all of us want to know our future, Phoenix.”
“Bullshit,” I argue. “You wanted this, the happy ending, the family life. Finn did you a favor since you refused to get off your ass and do it. So, what did she say?”
Putting his beer down, Loon raises his eyes to mine and I saw so much fear there I almost regretted setting him up. “She said if I plan to have a future, I must fix my past.”
“What's in your past that you're so afraid of?”
Closing his eyes, he whispers in agony, “My wife.”
Before I could quiz him, Finn was headed our way with the boys flanking her and both were so in tune with their mother that I knew by the looks on their worried faces something was wrong.
“What is it, Finn?”
“Janet just let me know she is on her way.”
“She knows just to walk in,” I remind her. Hell, these days they all came and went whenever they felt like it.
Especially Janet, aka the Operator. The woman was obsessed with our damn kids.
We've considered putting an addition on the house due to the constant traffic.
And yes, I loved it, but what I didn't love was having to fuck my own wife in the closet because of it.
“Not that Janet,” she rolls her eyes. “This Janet,” she motions to her stomach.
Flying out of my seat, I had Finn in my arms when Loon says, “I forgot to mention one other thing she said.”
“Who? The psychic?” Finn asks breathing through the pain like a champ. Seriously, pregnancy and labor don't slow her down at all. “I forgot to ask how that went.”
“Allow me,” he says with a wink. “Trust me, you'll want to hear this.”
“On a time-crunch here, brother,” I remind him impatiently.
Grinning wide, he clears this throat and says, “Thrasher will complete the trifecta.”
I had no idea what he was talking about until Finn gasped and mumbles, “Oh my God,” while staring down at her distended belly. Still lost, I ask, “Who the hell is Thrasher?”
And it wasn't Loon who answered, but my boys.
Placing their hands on their mother's stomach in unison, they share, “Our sister.”
Slowly I begin to piece it all together. I did this by scratching my head and blinking rapidly.
Broadcasting their customary we-know-something-you-don't grin, I glance from my wife's stomach, over to my boys and back to Finn wheezing out, “They'll take after us?” noticing she wasn't surprised in the slightest.
I've always been proud and vocal of the fact that she's the fearless one, the strongest of us both.
Especially when my knees buckled and she caught me.
Running her fingers through my hair she whispers, “Breathe for me and I'll breathe for you.”
“Fuck,” I groan in embarrassment while Loon laughs. “You're in labor. I can't be a pussy right now.”
Cupping my face in her hands she asks, “Well, husband, are you up for another adventure?”
“I am,” I shake my head to clear it. “But I don't know if the world is.”
“I think they are exactly what the world needs.”
And my Finn wasn't wrong.
The end
Fearless by Pink Floyd
Bonnie & Clyde by Jay Z
Earth angel by The Penguins
Call the law by Outkast
Pity party by Melanie Martinez
Love by Lana Del Ray
D3mons by Machine Gun Kelly
Keep smoking by Asher Roth
Ahead of myself by X Ambassadors
PS GFY by GRiZ
The Promise by When In Rome
Electric relaxation by A Tribe Called Quest
B Girls by Young & Restless
You better run by Pat Benatar
33 “GOD” by Bon Iver
88 by The Cool Kids
Gap in the clouds by Yellow Days
Flightless bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine
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