Duncan knew she was not a submissive, gently bred woman. She’d not bring wealth or connections. He’d seen her kill a number of men, and still he said those things. A sliver of insight crept in. Perhaps it was because of her actions he felt thus? She shook her head. No, not possible. Men want women who are soft, flirtatious, pleasing to the eye. Not me. He had said she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He didn’t make sense. She should ride back to the stables and demand to know exactly what he meant, demand to know his intentions.
She wheeled Orion, sending him back down the trail. A shudder ran through her. What if his words were meant merely as reassurances? He knew she was upset for killing Shamus. His actions were likely those of an older brother who sought to comfort her agitation. Do I fear being spurned?
She’d not given herself permission to feel for him. Yet she remembered seeing his long, dark brown hair, sky-blue eyes, and rough-hewn body the day they first met. Never had she been so aware of a man before. His presence, as much as anything, moved her, something she had no words to describe.
She understood now. Somehow, she’d allowed this man to breach her heart. How much, she only now discerned. It matters not. ’Tis folly, and I will not travel further down this path. I will keep my emotions in control. She squelched the small voice inside her. It is NOT too late!
She spotted Duncan at the stable, waiting as promised. Dismounting several yards away, she made a show of cooling Orion, not yet ready to speak. Seeing the man addled her wits. The words she’d formed in her mind now lay tangled on her tongue. He smiled at her. Damn! How does he reduce me to a hen-brained fool?
“Was yer ride helpful?”
“Not very. I think Orion got more out of it than me. I did come to the conclusion you are right.”
He angled his head. “How so?”
“You were right about Shamus. He would have kept coming until I agreed to fight.” She held his gaze firmly, previously unknown feelings eroding her control.
“’Tis the truth. I am sorry ’tis so, but ’tis done. Ye have shown yer mettle to the clan. Ye will be completely accepted now.”
“How can that be? He was a clansman. I am a Lowlander, an outsider—English.” She said the last with a distaste she realized she meant.
Her favorite smile returned, tilting the corners of Duncan’s expressive lips. “Everyone knows what ye did for Nessa and Isla. They think ’tis a good omen to have such a hero in our midst. Aye, Shamus was a clansman, but one who was only tolerated. He was a man with few friends.”
This reminded her of the guilt of killing him. “What about his family?”
Shaking his head, Duncan replied, “Nae, there will be none. Shamus lived with his brother. Neither married, mostly because no sensible woman would have either of them.” He chuckled.
The thought of any woman putting up with Shamus brought the hint of a smile to her lips also. Her quandary about Duncan returned. Her brow furrowed.
“What bothers ye still?” His tone was soft and low.
Taking a deep breath, Anna struggled to answer. She was not possessed of her own mind, and her feelings cascaded out of control. How could she possibly explain it?
“I am confused.” It didn’t say much, but at least it was the truth.
“May I assist with yer confusion?”
Anna shot him a wary look. “I doubt it.”
With a puzzled look, he asked, “Why not?”
Uncertainly roiled through her, the fear of rejection hard on its heels. She took another deep breath and braced herself before answering. “Because I am confused about you.”
Understanding swept across his face. He tilted his head back. “Ach. I see. So which part is confusing? Ye embracing me, my words, or how ye feel about it?”
“All of it.” Anna kept her attention on brushing Orion, but her stomach fluttered and her heart set a rapid pace, leaving her lightheaded.
“Well, start with the embrace. How did it make ye feel?”
His tone remained calm, as if speaking to a jittery horse. A good analogy, given her present state of mind and half-willingness to bolt without further comment. Could she risk telling him this? He’d not laughed at her yet, nor spurned her. She wrestled with speaking the truth.
“Good. It felt good.” Her voice a whisper, Anna stopped the pretense of brushing her horse, and gazed past him, unable to make eye contact.
“Might I try again?” He gently turned her chin to face him.
A burning lump in her throat kept her from answering. She nodded. Slowly, he brought his arms around her waist and embraced her. Anna stiffened. As his heat surrounded her, she softened and returned the hug. He smelled of leather, horses and something unique to him. His breath on her ear created a wave of shivers as he nuzzled her hair. She brought her cheek down upon his shoulder, fully relaxing into his arms, eyes closed.
“How does this feel?”
Anna sighed, considering his question. “Good,” she whispered. How did it feel? Good seemed an inadequate response. She searched for a better answer. “I feel safe, content.”
He shifted one of his hands and cradled the back of her neck. He rubbed the muscles there, easing her tension. He traced the patterns on her shoulders and arms, exposed from the tear in her tunic.
“How about the words I find ye unbelievably beautiful, and am proud to have ye as my friend?”
Chewing her lower lip, Anna considered this more risky than the hug. However, she found courage in his embrace. “Other than my father, no one has ever told me I am beautiful. I do not believe it to be true. Every father thinks his daughter is beautiful. You being proud of me, and considering me a friend, evokes a strong emotion, one I am not sure I can name. I have felt utterly alone for some time.” The lump in her throat grew and tears threatened to escape.
“Whether or not ye see it, ye are very bonny. I will be happy to remind ye daily. Ye arenae alone anymore, Anna. Ye are part of us now. Ye have a new home, a new clan.”
The remaining apprehension she’d held evaporated with his gentle words. Anna melted into his arms, shifting to draw closer. She reveled in his warmth as they pressed against each other from knee to shoulder. Anna felt the beating of his heart as clearly as her own. Both set a rapid pace. His hand moved upward and caressed her scalp, smoothing her hair. She understood now how her old cat felt when she stroked her fur. If she could, she would purr as loudly as the one-eyed stable cat.
Duncan slowly released her. Cold replaced the heat of his body and an urge surfaced to touch him again. He placed his hands on either side of her face, bringing her eyes to his gaze. She floundered, still confused by the emotions swirling within her.
“Duncan, what does this mean? Why do I feel this way?” She felt so stupid, so ignorant. How could she not know more about this part of life?
His eyes shone with something she didn’t recognize. “It means, my sweet Anna, I have offered to court ye, and ye have said aye.”
She tilted her head. “It does?”
He smiled warmly at her. “Does it not feel that way to ye?”
Anna searched for an answer. She thought about how she felt both times in his embrace, how much she enjoyed being around him. She considered the words he’d said to her earlier. He thought her to be beautiful, was proud of her.
“Yes it does. What comes next?”
He chuckled lightly. “How can ye be so knowledgeable about so many things and know naught about this?”
Heat raced up her neck and across her cheeks. Self-conscious, she ducked her head.
“Please dinnae be embarrassed. I meant no offense. I mean to say ye are so innocent in this regard. ’Tis hard for me to believe I finally found a subject where I may teach ye something.” He gently tilted her chin up. “The next step will be for us to spend time with each other, getting to know one another more, developing trust, becoming better friends.”
Her brows furrowed. “But Duncan, we already spend time together each day.”
“Ay
e, we will continue to do so, but now we can add closeness to our time together if ye like.”
She considered his answer, deciding she liked it indeed.
“Also, we will share kisses.”
The flutter in Anna’s stomach increased with something akin to fear.
Perking up an eyebrow, Duncan asked, “Have ye not kissed a man before?”
Embarrassment returned unbidden. Unable to speak, she shook her head. Duncan’s gaze fell to her mouth. Anna’s tongue moistened her lips in anticipation.
Duncan slowly lowered his face and softly touched his lips to hers. The sensation was exquisite. Warmth spread over her body, chasing her fears into a hasty retreat. She rose on the balls of her feet to meet him, changing the soft touch to something firmer, more exciting. All sense of herself fled in the face of this new awareness. A hunger developed and she knew Duncan could answer it. With a sense of desperation, her hands firmly grasped the back of his neck, pulling him against her.
Duncan responded in kind to her bold move. His hand slid to the small of her back, pressing her into him, curving her body around his frame. She grew short of breath, and her lips parted. Duncan’s breath and tongue pushed her further and a moan escaped her throat. He toyed with her lips, gently nipping and pulling at them, his tongue drawing lines across them before darting into her mouth to make further contact.
He tasted wonderful, wild, intoxicating. Tentatively, Anna mimicked his motions. With each swirl of their tongues, the kiss deepened. Anna broke away, no longer able to breathe. She stood in his arms, dazed, panting.
Duncan put distance between them. His eyes glowed and she noted he was as out of breath as she.
“Duncan, what was that?”
He wrapped her in his arms again. Anna delighted in the sensation. He pressed his lips to her hair above her ear.
“That, my sweet Anna, was passion. I should have guessed ye would approach kissing with the same fervor ye approach all else.”
Tilting her head back to see his expression, she asked, “Is that a good or bad thing?”
The rumble of light laughter in his chest teased her nipples.
“’Tis a verra good thing. Howbeit, we need to be careful.”
Careful? What did he mean? The realization hit her. She looked down, seeing what she’d felt from him.
“If we had continued, we would have mated?” Having grown up around horses, she knew enough about nature to understand the basics of this part. Besides, her father’s men hadn’t censored their stories if they thought her out of earshot.
His expression changed to a serious one. “I wouldnae let us go that far. I am not one to tumble a lass in the stables. Ye are a noblewoman, and I will treat you thus. I wish to court ye, not take advantage of yer innocence. Yer response was wonderful, but…unexpected. I half believed ye would take a swing at me.” He chuckled again. “I promise to be more careful next time.”
She instantly liked the idea of next time. Glancing outside, she noticed the position of the sun in the sky. Morning had given way to afternoon. After a trying few hours, Anna felt emotionally spent.
“My mother wanted me to remind ye ’tis yer afternoon with her.”
She’d forgotten.
“She knows about this morn. She said she would wait for ye in the great hall—not to worry about being late.”
* * *
Still in a daze from Duncan’s kisses, Anna walked to Nessa’s room. She washed and changed out of her torn, bloodstained clothes. Wandering downstairs, she glanced about for Lady MacGregor. Mairi rose from a chair in front of the main hearth, a look of concern in her eyes as she reached to embrace Anna.
“Anna, I heard about today. Are ye well?”
She wasn’t, but not because of what Mairi thought. “I suspect I shall be fine.”
Mairi took Anna’s hand. “Come, let us walk.”
They strolled down the path, reaching their garden bench. Mairi patted the seat, inviting Anna to sit.
“I dinnae pretend to know what ’tis like to take a life, but I will listen if ye wish to speak of it.”
Anna smiled, knowing she tried to offer comfort in her way. Killing Shamus wasn’t what disturbed her. True enough, taking any life was terrible, but she no longer had a sense of guilt about Shamus.
“No, I have no need to talk about this morning.” A look of relief washed over Mairi’s face. Anna’s smile faded. If Mairi knew what she did want to talk about, she might rather speak of killing. How can I ask Mairi about this? Duncan’s own mother? The very thought of it crippled her tongue, yet her ignorance compelled her to seek information.
She had already decided Nessa was an inappropriate source. At five and ten years, anything she did know, she probably shouldn’t. Further, she wasn’t ready to face the certain ‘I told you so’ looks she would have to endure if Nessa found out. She could either talk with Mairi, or continue along in the dark. As someone who pursued knowledge with zeal, being completely daft on this subject proved intolerable, particularly since it had such a powerful effect on her. She decided to swallow her pride.
Taking a deep breath, she forged ahead. “There is another matter. Something I am terribly embarrassed to admit not understanding.”
“Of course, my dear. How may I be of help?” A soft expression reflected Mairi’s curious and supportive tone.
Anna closed her eyes and steadied herself. “Do you remember asking me to not think of you as Lady MacGregor during these times, but as my dear aunt?”
Mairi squeezed Anna’s hand. “Aye, of course. Ye can ask me anything.”
Anna shot her a look of apprehension. “I fear what I wish to speak of may cause my favorite aunt to succumb to convulsions.”
Mairi raised an eyebrow, giving a sly smile at her prediction. “Try me.”
Forcing out a breath, Anna launched her first question. “Tell me about passion between a man and a woman.” Anna scanned her face for signs of her reaction.
The corners of Mairi’s mouth tilted up farther.
“Passion is one of the most powerful forces in nature. It can override sound judgment and has been the downfall of good men and women. But ’tis also one of the greatest gifts a man and woman can share. Ye havenae experienced this before?” She sounded surprised.
“No,” Anna whispered, heat spreading on her face.
Mairi gave her the same look of disbelief her daughter had a few days before.
Anna felt the need to explain yet again. “Men in my life have either been enemies or allies. Enemies like the neighboring nobles, who were only interested in me bearing their children, or enemies who have wanted to kill me. Allies have been family, clan, or fellow warriors. I have never had any other kind of relationship with a man.”
Mairi shifted on the bench, turning to face Anna directly. Emboldened, Anna continued.
“A few sons of noblemen attempted to court me in the past. I refused. They were all selfish, power-hungry fools. They only wanted a wife to stay at home, to produce their heirs whilst they continued their dalliances at court. They cared more about the amount of my dowry than me. I would not accept such a life. To become nothing but a well-kept servant and broodmare, forbidden to do the things I enjoy, and expected to be obedient to the whims of the man who possessed me. The rest saw me as a plaything for their entertainment. How can anyone with a shred of pride agree to such an onerous proposal?”
Mairi’s eyes widened in sympathy. “Indeed. Surely not all were so distasteful?”
Anna nodded her head vigorously. “Most were immediately put off by my appearance, behavior and bloodline. I am too tall, too strong and bear too many scars. I helped manage my father’s holdings, and know more about farming and livestock than about sewing or cooking. My Scottish blood certainly weighed against me. It is as popular being Scots there as it is being English here. The few times I attended court or social events, my sharp tongue and opinions did the work of pushing most potential suitors away. They saw me as an unbridled hoyden, not worth
the trouble, regardless of my dowry.” Anna laughed at the remembrance of it.
“So your father dinnae force a match upon ye?”
Looking back, it did seem unusual he didn’t. “No, I think he understood how much I abhorred the idea of a forced match, and what kind of trouble I would make. Due to my reputation, I became the target of ridicule among my peers. For these reasons, I ceased attending social events altogether. I found it a relief as I had no desire to play their games. Neither did I find any attraction in their overindulgent lifestyles. Shortly after, any interest in me waned. I find the whole of English nobility repugnant. Having my home burned and my family slaughtered at the order of one only deepens my belief.”
“But recently, ye have experienced passion?”
Anna dropped her eyes, grinning broadly. “Yes,” she answered quietly.
“What do ye wish to know?”
“How can this emotion completely make reason flee? Nothing else existed but him and me. Though quite unnerving, it was a most wonderful possession.”
Mairi gave Anna a knowing smile, boosting her confidence. “Aye, sounds like passion.”
“How do I proceed? How can I know the decisions I make regarding this man are not clouded by these overpowering emotions?”
Mairi patted Anna’s hand before answering. “Time. It takes time to be able to see clearly.”
“How long did it take for you to know about Laird MacGregor?”
A thin, humorless smile appeared on Mairi’s lips and Anna immediately regretted asking the question.
“I am sorry, I did not mean to pry.”
Mairi waved her hand. “No, no, ’tis quite alright. My marriage with Kenneth MacGregor was arranged. As ye know, I am originally from the Stewart clan. Our marriage created an alliance between our people where before only neutrality existed. I knew Kenneth from a distance, with time to develop naught more than a friendly acquaintance before we wed.”
Highland Escape Page 12
