Jillybean sat down on the bed letting out a weary sigh. “That’s too bad,” she said.
That’s life, Eve replied in her head. Get used to it.
“Well, I don’t like it,” Jillybean snapped, wondering why she was talking to Eve in the first place.
Because you’re lonely.
“I’m not so lonely as to carry on a conversation with a murderer which is what you are, in case you forgot. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Jillybean pretended that Eve wasn’t hanging just over her shoulder and went to explore the place.
There wasn’t much to it. Everything of value such as food or flashlights had been looted ages ago, however Jillybean found a little girl’s suitcase. Across the top was written in magic marker: Amber D.
“Hi Amber,” Jillybean said to the larger of the two skeletons. “I hope you don’t mind me borrowing some clothes.”
Eve laughed at this. You’re not borrowing them, you’re stealing them. I thought you didn’t like thieves and liars? That’s funny because you’re both. And you don’t like me because I’m a murderer, but what are you going to do to the general? What did you do to poor Earnest?
“It’s not the same,” Jillybean hissed. “And we’re not the same. I do bad stuff because I have to. You like to be bad and evil! You like to kill.”
We’re more alike than you think, Eve said and then with a ghostly laugh echoing in Jillybean’s head, she left.
“We’re not alike at all,” Jillybean snarled, yanking open the suitcase. She gazed in wonder at the vibrant colors and the neat folds and the cleanliness. Everything looked perfect...but a little small. Amber D had been six when she had died and not a very big six either. Still, Jillybean was scrawny, borderline malnourished. The purple undies fit properly and so did the pure white socks. A long sleeve shirt the color of cream didn’t extend all the way down her wrist, so she hiked it up to her elbows and the longest skirt in the suitcase sat high up on her knees, making Jillybean feel extremely exposed downstairs.
She looked down at her dirty legs. “I need a bath...but in the morning.” It was after midnight and she was tired. Since she was no longer afraid of the dead, she slept in the same room as the three bodies and didn’t dream.
Gunshots woke her. They were far off but persistent and the constant crackle finally crept into her sleeping mind. She woke up in a fit of depression—she was going to commit murder that day. It was hard to smile once that thought entered her head.
She went about her morning in a grim mood. Her first act was to bathe. With the mountain water so cold that it stung the flesh, she built a fire and heated rounded river stones in small pans stuck directly in the flames. She then hauled water and filled the cabin’s bathtub to the halfway point; once the stones were set in the water, it became pleasant enough and she washed away ten days’ worth of grime.
When she was clean from head to toe, she saw that her body wasn’t the pale white it had been. She was covered in splotchy bruises; some a deep purple, some black, some an ugly green. There were so many and so horrible that Jillybean was afraid to look in the mirror.
You’re ugly, Eve said, twisting Jillybean’s lip in disgust. Jillybean couldn’t reply except to pout because it was true. Brushing out her hair helped—her mom used to always say she was prettier when she got the tangles out of her unruly hair—and it also helped to hide her many bruises beneath her clothes, but nothing could change the hard and nasty feeling crawling around in her guts. Eve was inside her, biding her time, knowing that she’d soon be free.
Jillybean hummed and pretended not to notice. Once she was dressed and ready, she tucked the bag of pills away and hid the paperclip she’d taken from the duke’s ammo tent before heading out to kill.
The cabins were down in a little dell off the river and when she climbed out she saw that she wasn’t all that far from what used to be downtown Estes Park. There was a run of brick buildings that were quaint and a little play area for children to run around in and there were restaurants, all of which were dark and foreboding.
Jillybean tried not to think about the restaurants but too late, her empty stomach started growling and making noises as though some sort of giant salamander was talking inside her. She ignored her belly as she had for most of the last of year and walked through the town which seemed oddly empty. That was a good thing. She didn’t want to run into any of her friends by accident.
With all her heart she wanted to see Neil and Captain Grey and Deanna and most of all, her apocalypse sister, Sadie, however she was far too ashamed at what she was planning to do to see them. And so she slunk from shadow to shadow ready to dart down this alley or into that empty store at the first sign of any of her past friends.
She was halfway through the town before she came into contact with an actual person—it was a soldier barreling down the street in a truck. Right away she saw it wasn’t Captain Grey and so she stepped out into the street, waving a skinny arm. The soldier, lanky as a string bean, sporting an array of zits and a flat-topped crew-cut, stomped on the brake. He came to a halt a few feet from her and did nothing but gape at her as if he had never seen a child before.
“How old are you?” was the first thing out of his mouth.
“Seven,” she answered, holding up the prerequisite number of fingers. The two stared at each other for another minute before she tilted her head and asked: “Where is General Johnston? I have to talk to him.”
He blinked and then shrugged. “At the hotel, I guess, but what do you want with him?”
To kill him.
That answer would never do, so she amended it to: “I just have to talk to him is all.” She could feel Eve inside her growing and laughing and trying to peer out from her eyes and attempting use her mouth to speak and her hands to touch. Jillybean shoved her back down, angrily. “Where’s this hotel? Can I ask?”
The soldier jerked his thumb at the white building that dominated the valley. It was an immense structure that stood on a northern hill overlooking all of Estes. It seemed fit for a general or a king.
“Ok, thanks,” she said and smiled before starting to trudge in its direction. The soldier blinked again, what appeared to be his main form of communication and then shrugged, his secondary form, and then spun his wheels as he left the girl behind.
Jillybean promptly forgot about him. Her mind and that of Eve’s was wholly taken up by her mission. She went to it with feet dragging, Eve went with the excitement of the kill rushing through her veins. It was blood lust pure and simple and it made Jillybean shiver and her hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
Keep going, killer, Eve whispered when Jillybean stopped to take a breath. The hills were sharp and the air thin and she was famished and tired from her labors and the burden of murder was like a weight on her.
Another Humvee passed her by, its driver staring hard. She tried to smile but her heart wasn’t in it. All she could think about were the pills in her pocket and the black beast growing over her shoulder. She had to resist the urge to look behind her every few seconds, fearing that Eve had grown a human body.
When she did look, there was never anything there and she didn’t know if that was good or not. If Eve became real, Jillybean could run away from her and be her own person…a person who didn’t have to kill.
Too bad but you do, Eve said.
Jillybean ignored her and leaned into the last of the hill as she came up to the hotel. It was an impressive three stories in height and reminded her, with all its fancy trimming, of her Victorian dollhouse she had left back in Philadelphia.
She went through what she thought were the front doors only to find herself in an empty ballroom. It was all very pretty with its intricate crown molding and its polished hardwood floors and the beautiful murals on the walls, and yet the splendor meant nothing to her. Her mind was in a dark place and her soul was in a darker one.
A woman in uniform strode by and, just like the other soldiers, she stopped to stare at the little girl. “Can I help you?” sh
e asked in a soft whisper, her eyes fixed on Jillybean as if the girl might turn to smoke if she blinked.
“General Johnston, please,” Jillybean asked.
The soldier turned her head slightly, confused. “The general? He’s in with the governor. Can I ask who you are?”
“My name is Jillybean and I…I…have information for him. I just escaped from the Azael and there are things he should know.”
“Escaped?” She had twitched at Jillybean’s name, but the word ‘escape’ seemed foreign to her. “Sure…I guess. He’s on the second floor just around…never mind. Let me show you.” The soldier started to walk but she stopped and put her hand out. Jillybean was glad to take it. The hand was soft and dry, adult-sized and reassuring in its strength. Jillybean practically clung to it.
Together they went through the hotel until they were outside a door with a placard that read Hotel Manager. “I’ve got to go, but just wait here for the general. It won’t be all that much longer.”
The wait was a million years. Eve cackled and hissed and grew to be a black shadow hanging on Jillybean’s shoulders. The prospect of murder gave her strength and Jillybean shrunk in comparison.
Jillybean tried to justify herself: “It’s one life. In return I save thirty-two. Brad said that was a good deal and I think so, too.”
It’s one more death you mean. One more murder on your soul. But if it’s too much for you, I’ll do the dirty work. I’ll slip the general his pills. Don’t worry about that.
“And you’ll never let go, either, will you?” Jillybean knew the answer to that. Eve would take over and never give up control. She would use the weight of guilt, a million pounds of it, to bury Jillybean in the black nothingness of her own soul. Eve didn’t even bother to answer the question.
Jillybean longed to run out of the room right then. She wanted to just ghost out of there and forget everything, but at exactly that moment the door that was marked Hotel Manager came open and Neil Martin stood there before her.
He had changed. The old Neil would have laughed and hugged her, the new Neil narrowed his eyes at her in a way she couldn’t read.
“Hi Mister Neil, Sir,” she said.
His mouth came open and he started working his jaw up and down but no sound came out. The general was right behind him. He was very tall and muscular, like Captain Grey, but he was dark skinned and his eyes were older. He seemed to have a deep font of wisdom in those eyes. It was though he could see right through Jillybean and into her black soul where murder was her secret.
“You’re alive,” Neil finally said.
“Yes, I…I escaped.” The lie wasn’t easy to tell with the general staring down at her. It was an effort to spit it out.
“You escaped from the Azael?” the general asked. “That must be some story. Maybe you should step inside and tell me all about it.” He indicated his plush office. Jillybean glanced inside—there was broad-surfaced desk of dark wood and on it was a steaming cup of coffee.
The pills in her pocket were like anchors.
“I—I don’t think I can,” Jillybean said, and then took a step back as the walls of the little antechamber felt to be closing in on her like the walls of a jail cell. Suddenly, she fled, running back into the hall, however the walls there were still too close and so she dashed into a stairwell which was windowless and black as pitch.
Of course you can’t, Eve said. She was no longer behind Jillybean; she loomed in the dark air in front of her and seemed to have grown to great size. Killing isn’t your thing. You’re too sweet to kill, that’s why you should let me do it. I’ll make it quick.
Jillybean started to shake her head; however it was only a tiny movement. She could feel herself giving in to the idea of murder. It was why she was here, after all. “I—I just don’t want to know,” she whispered. “I don’t ever want to remember what you...”
Light blared into her face, cutting off her words and before she knew it, Neil was in the staircase with her. For some reason, he shut the door behind him so that he was nothing but a shadow with a glint of white teeth. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
She had a thousand answers to that question but only one left her lips. “I...I think I’m evil,” she answered. “I know it.” Inside her, Eve hissed like a snake. It was a warning and pictures started flashing before her eyes: the whore-bus splashed with blood, the aisle between the seats a red river, the women lying in grotesque fashion with their throats cut wide open so that it looked as though each had grown a new grinning mouth.
“Ahh, Jillybean.” A hand reached out of the darkness and took her shoulder. She jumped. “What’s this about being evil?”
Don’t tell him anything, Eve said in a threatening tone. He’ll lock you up and then this will happen. The images of the dead women came into her mind again; they were so real that Jillybean could smell the coppery blood. Her head began to spin.
“I—I don’t know,” she stammered. “I need a second...a second to be alone.”
The hand on her shoulder grew tighter. “I don’t think that’s wise. I think it’s best if you talk about what’s going on.”
“I can’t do it,” Jillybean said. She was speaking to Eve but Neil thought she was speaking to him and he started talking in that sweet fatherly way of his, however she wasn’t listening.
Eve had her mind in a grip. If you don’t kill the one man, then thirty-two will die, and they’ll die horribly. They’ll die screaming and bleeding and cursing you, Jillybean. But you can save them, just let me kill the man.
The darkness began to spin and if it hadn’t been for Neil, she would’ve fallen. “But what about all the people here?” she asked, meaning the thousands of people in the valley.
“What?” Neil asked. “What people?”
Who cares? Some will die, heck, maybe all of them will but it won’t really be your fault, Eve said. They’re going to die anyways, Jilly. You can’t save everyone.
“Why not,” she challenged.
Neil cracked the door, blinding them both. Jillybean looked around, expecting to see Eve standing with them, a velvety black form made of pure evil. She wasn’t there, she was in Jillybean’s head.
Because you can’t save them, Eve said. Because you’re not that smart. You walk around showing off to all these stupid people but we both know the truth. You know a few tricks and you can see some things that these blind sheep miss, but deep down you know you’re nothing. Deep down, you know you’re weak. And you know that when the time comes, you’ll let me kill their stupid general and once I do there won’t be any coming back. I’ll own you for good.
Jillybean knew she was right. About all of it. Jillybean couldn’t save the thirty-two without killing the general and Eve was already so strong. She was afraid what another death on her conscience would do to her. But she had no choice.
“I think I should go see the general now,” Jillybean said.
“Ok, but are you sure you don’t want to talk about what just happened?” Neil asked, eyeing her closely. “You were talking to yourself.”
Neil would never understand about Eve. “I know,” she said and didn’t explain further. Taking Neil’s hand, she led him back to the general’s office. “I think I should talk to him alone,” she told Neil.
“Sure,” Neil said. “I’ll be right out here.” He shut the door leaving her alone with the general and with Eve.
You should do it, Eve said. You should put the pills in his drink. It’ll make feel you better. It’ll be like you were personally saving those women.
And if I do, I’ll disappear forever, Jillybean thought to herself. Eve was growing monstrous in her mind, a demon shadow with wings that struck out the light. She was the grit under Jillybean’s nails and the dull pain in the deepest of her bruises. The little girl could feel Eve’s black evil down into her toes.
“So, before we begin, can I get you anything?” General Johnston asked in a kind voice, not realizing that he was setting himself up, perfectly.
A tear escaped Jillybean’s eye as she said: “Water, p-please.”
He mistook the cause of the tear. “Sure, just relax. You’re safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you.” She was sure that he would keep her safe. He was just as wonderful as Captain Grey had described. When he left, Jillybean broke down, the tears flowing without letup, like salted rain.
Do it! Eve hissed. Do it now!
Eve had her now, almost completely and Jillybean couldn’t have stopped herself, though she didn’t try. She kept telling herself that by killing the general she was saving thirty-two people. It was a good a trade even if in the end she wouldn’t be around to see it.
Eve guided her shaking hand and, so easily it was terrifying, the three pills plopped one after another into the general’s mug. The last she kept for herself.
Chapter 29
Jillybean
The general came back into the room holding a water bottle, its contents pristine and pure, quite the opposite of what lay in the mug that sat between the two of them. The coffee had been black, just as dark as night, but now there was a tiny stream of bubbles, like champagne bubbles, coming up from the depths of the mug.
Stop staring at it, you idiot! Eve seethed.
Jillybean pulled her wet eyes up to look into the general’s face. He smiled easily and said, “Drink, it’ll make you feel better.” Obediently, she took a sip of her water; she didn’t want to take too much, knowing she would need to save as much as possible to swallow her own pill with. She hated taking pills, they always got stuck in her throat and tried to choke her. Of course the lone pill tucked in her panties would do more than that.
“It’s ok, they can’t hurt you here,” Johnston was saying and when he smiled, Jillybean almost believed it. “Neil and Captain Grey have told me a lot about you. They think you’re very smart. I bet you are, too. Do you think you might be able to remember if any of the Azael talked about their numbers? Or what sort of weapons they have?”
The bubbles were beginning to collect on the surface of the mug. Start talking, Eve told her. Keep his mind focused on you or he’ll see and then they’ll know and then they’ll put you in jail. If that happens, then Kay and all the others will die.
The Apocalypse War: The Undead World Novel 7 Page 30
