My phone rang and startled me. I pushed the button on reflex. “Hello.”
“Sarah? Are you busy?” I jumped, hearing her voice. Maggie sounded as though she were on her fifth lap around the track course. She was in last place, but she still sounded winded.
“Yeah…what’s wrong?”
“Michael.”
What? I checked my watch, and looked out the window. He still wasn’t there. Maybe she heard something. Maybe he was in a car accident.
“What’s wrong with Michael? Is he all right?”
Silence. I pressed the phone tighter to my ear. I heard the rip of a tissue from a box. Her voice was shaky.
“Gee, I don’t know. He’s dressed up, wearing aftershave I bought him for Christmas, and he had that smug look on his face.”
“Smug look?” So he was okay? Just hygiene-induced?
She broke down. I could barely understand her between heaves. “Yeah…that smug…that smug…Oh, Sarah. He looked so…so together. Not even remotely like he’s home, miserable. Going through old pictures on his phone, wondering what I’m doing. Nope. He’s going out. I know it.”
My posture melted. Crap. Where was her dart board? Her smackdown of what a jerk he was? This was pure waterboarding stuff here.
“Maggie, I realize it’s hard to see him and imagine him moving on, but do you want him back?”
Because if she did…presto, I’d be fine with it. Of course I’d be fine with it—Michael is hers. A mere half second ago and he was sort of mine for an evening out. But he was definitely a lifer of hers.
“Of course I don’t want him back. Do you know that in one of our last sessions with Dr. Perez, he said I’d given up on my appearance!” She was racing around the track again. “As if he’s got so much to complain about. I cook, I clean, I make it to where Charlie wants for nothing. Did you know he’s on track for preschool at that elite place in the city? You know, the one on Fifth and Constitution.”
“Yeah, I think—”
“How dare he accuse me of wearing sweatpants to the park and deeming me given up! He’s getting one of those spare tires around his waist. Maybe he should just take a look at that and give up the late-night snacks!”
There was a knock on my door. I was pretty sure it was the cad right now. Not that I thought he was one. All kinds of garbage come out in relationship sessions, I’m sure. He even told me how she wanted to ram toothpaste up his nose while he slept because she saw the wrongly squeezed tube by the sink and couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe that one had the jock itch cream? And I wanted this? This co-habitation that would one day lead to suffocation by Colgate?
I walked slowly toward the door, hoping I could end my conversation by the time I made it to the knob. “I’m sure if you take a few minutes and recount all the good things, you’ll feel better. You have Charlie. That’s never going to change. You have the preschool to look forward to. More drawer space. No one stealing covers. You know, focus on those things. Not Michael.”
“I guess you’re right. But it’s so hard not to. I mean he looked like…he looked like…”
The doorbell rang. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t the most patient man.
“Is someone there? Was that the doorbell?”
“Yeah. But I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“Yeah, yeah, just a semi-breakdown. I’m sure I’ll be experiencing them on a daily occurrence. Who is at your door?”
“I don’t know.” My tone seemed rushed…annoyed. I was trying to reel it in.
“Well, check.”
“Maggie! It’s probably the meat truck. I’ve dodged him all year. I don’t want to buy half a cow and store it in my freezer. I like going for small parts, one grocery store visit at a time, but this guy keeps harassing me. Waiting until I’m home from work, resting on the weekends…you name it.”
“Okay, okay. Well, if I need another bag to breathe into, I’ll give ya a shout.”
“Absolutely. Now have a good evening.”
I pressed off the phone and went to the door. Michael stood there, looking absolutely like a man I’d die to go out with. His dark hair was parted in a casual sort of way, his deep-set eyes looked as though they were hiding secrets…thoughts I might not want to explore, especially as he took inventory of my dress. And he wore a vest and tie. And that Christmas present of aftershave—yeah, that was wafting by me too.
“I thought you didn’t hear me. Sorry about the annoying doorbell. Is it really that loud inside as it out here on the porch?”
“Um, sort of. Sorry, I was on the phone. Let me just get my purse.”
I grabbed it off the chair and walked through the front door with him. His arm grazed my chest, and an electrical current shot to my stomach. Really?
I had achieved all the fidgety stuff right off the bat. Pulling at my dress to cover my knees, messing with the neckline to make sure it was still stitched and curved, fumbling with my bracelet, getting the chain to lay just right—the clasp toward the back.
“So, you look amazing tonight.” He finally said something.
“Thanks. You look handsome.”
I looked over and saw him smile. As though the comment sent a warm sensation to his brain. Maggie’s words to him these days were only insults, no doubt. No wonder a comment your grandmother would make made him feel good.
His smile dissolved as we got farther down the highway. Almost as if a dark cloud of a thought had taken it from his memory. His eyes fixed on the road and his two hands gripped the steering wheel. My phone pinged and I looked to find it in my purse. It was a picture of Rose. She was swinging a stick at a piñata. It was in the shape of a monkey wearing a suit.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah. It’s Rose. She’s at a party.”
He sighed.
“Is everything all right? You seem distant.”
It wasn’t like him not to try something on me by now. Not in a bad way, but touching my hand, sweeping my cheek with his. I know I tell him to stop, but I secretly like it. How twisted was that?
“It’s nothing. I just went over to see Charlie, well, because I assume it’ll be too late when we get back. And Maggie was her usual lovely self.”
“Yeah, she called.”
“She called you? When?”
“After you left her house.”
“Her house. Wow.”
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s just that it used to be my house, too.”
I shifted my body to look at him better. His eyes stayed glued to the straight stretch of broken lines and oncoming traffic. His teeth bit on his lower lip.
“Okay, what’s happening, Michael? Do you want Maggie back? Are you feeling like this is one giant mistake?”
His brow cocked, and he stole a look in my direction. “Are you serious?”
“No…I mean, yes. You’re obviously upset from going and seeing her, and I know she was upset at seeing you.”
“What did she say?”
“She just said she knew you were going out.”
“I didn’t tell her that.”
“I think she can deduce from the aftershave, the tie, and clean shoes.” I noticed the shine when he walked in my living room.
His head fell to his hand and lay rested there, against the window. “Of course I don’t want things the way they were. I was miserable. I’d stay late at work just so I wouldn’t have to go home and endure more time there. With her, going down a list of what was wrong with her life, and how I didn’t understand one thing about it. And why I couldn’t be like this, or do things like that. I hate to say it, Sarah, but I was beginning to resent her. And I knew that wasn’t good. That’s not good for Charlie to see. But Maggie was driving me crazy.” He stretched out his chin and shook his head slowly. “So she commented on the aftershave, did she?”
“Yeah.” I said it quietly, realizing this wasn’t an outing anymore. I had just stepped, knee-deep, in the middle of marriage counseling.
“I’m surprised sh
e could identify it. It’s not like she ever noticed when I wore it for her. And tell me this!” His voice climbed higher, as his posture did in the driver’s seat. “Why did she buy me the stupid stuff if she never wanted me to wear it? It’s like she’d give me that look. You know, like ‘I don’t know why you put that on—it isn’t like you’re going to get lucky.’ And boy was she right. Because the only one getting lucky in that house was Benny.”
Benny was their little Yorkie Poo. I couldn’t understand how he was benefiting in the familial way.
“Did she tell you that Benny was climbing through the fence in the back and going to the neighbor’s house every day?”
“No, I can’t say she mentioned that.” She was too busy slamming him.
“Yeah.” He chuckled. “Benny got the Connors’ dog, Fifi, pregnant. She’s a poodle.” He shook his head and laughed. “You should’ve seen Mr. Connor when he found out. Those two patches of hair on his head were standing up, his face was like a tomato, and he was carrying a vet bill. Seems Fifi is registered or something and now she was ruined, having gotten with Benny.” He covered his mouth, trying not to smile.
“Oh my.”
“And suddenly that became my fault.” His smile faded to a clenched jaw. “Because I didn’t see Benny slip through the fence. How dare I not repair a fence that I didn’t know was broken?” He grabbed his chest.
“Hey, do you just want to do this some other time?”
He looked at me. “No. Why, do you? What’s wrong?”
“It’s just that I think there are some unsettled issues with you and Maggie. And I get it, if after getting a wound poured salt into tonight, you want to hold off. I’m perfectly fine with a drive-thru. Maybe you need some time alone.”
He reached for my hand and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. You’re coming off an eight-year marriage. Heck, you might not be coming off it. You might be just veering off the road a bit. You two might settle your differences.”
“No way,” he snapped. The clutch of my hand backed up his sentiment. “Maggie is relentless. She’s not even the Maggie I knew.”
“Did you even know her? I mean, you like to go out and do things, Michael. Go places and talk to complete strangers. Maggie was never like that.”
“Then why did she act like that’s what she wanted—going to different cities, exploring towns and new restaurants. Like I was who she wanted?”
“I think, given the past of both of you, your timing of finding each other was a bit…um…rebound-like.” I ducked, just hearing the insult come from my lips.
“Rebound?”
“Didn’t you just come out of a really long relationship? Maggie mentioned she was helping you talk through some things, and you were still really hurt.” She said he was divorced, but somehow I felt that was a secret that would be taken to someone’s grave.
“I’d been out of it for six months.”
“And how long were you in it?”
He pressed his eyes shut. “Three years.”
“And Maggie just got over a two-year relationship, three years before you all met. She was beginning to think she’d never meet someone to spend her life with.”
“So you’re saying we weren’t compatible? We had the best time of my life traveling to New Mexico.” His eyes started to bulge. “Did you know it was her idea for me to buy the motorcycle? We’d go on weekends to different places.” He started a small smile. “There was this time that I suggested going skiing. It’d just snowed, and we were in bed. And she said yes. So we packed. It must’ve been 9:30, and we were loading the car with our suitcases. We barely made it to Aspen. There was a sharp turn and my car—”
“Michael.”
He turned to look at me. The memory he was sharing began to dissolve, and maybe he saw the reality of his life, in a four-door sedan, equipped with a car seat, and me. Who clearly wasn’t Maggie.
“What?”
“I don’t think you’re over her.”
He parked the car at the curb. We were finally at the restaurant. He stared ahead. “I’m over who she is. The woman who replaced the Maggie I knew. It’s the old Maggie I miss like crazy.”
I rubbed my finger on the piping of my purse and stared at a family exiting their car. The mom grabbed the hand of her son as a car drove by. The husband was checking for money in his pockets to feed the meter, as the teenage daughter shoved her cell phone in her pocket.
“Come on.”
Michael got out and walked around the front of the car. I didn’t move. Hours before this, I was selfishly excited to go out. For once. Just me and another adult. Someone who found me attractive, showed me attention. Albeit he wasn’t my first choice in daydreams due to the hot mess that surrounded him, but he liked me. He saw me when I didn’t think anyone else did. And I saw him. Now it felt like one big mistake.
He opened my door, and I stepped on the curb. “Michael, I don’t think this is such a good idea. Let’s just go home, order a pizza, and watch a cheesy horror movie.”
“Nope. I owe you a nice dinner. And that’s what I’m going to give you.”
I smiled.
“You know, maybe we should’ve gone back and eaten that pizza.” Michael stared at the front of the restaurant, a sullen look on his face.
The waiter had just taken our drink order, and Michael couldn’t even decide between cola, tea, or water. His mind was a million miles away.
“Let’s go. We can tip the guy and leave.”
He smirked. “That would be outrageous. You don’t just do that to someone. And look.” He pointed ahead. “There’s a crowd at the door. People are waiting to be seated.”
“So, someone wouldn’t be waiting long. Now come on.” I grabbed for my purse on the floor.
“No. Now let’s decide what we want before he gets back. We’re here—let’s just eat.”
“Michael, why did you come on to me so strong?”
He looked up from his menu. “Huh?”
I figured he heard me; he just wasn’t expecting the question.
“Not that I thought it was more than you wanting to feel seen, but why do you suppose you made a pass at me? I’m Maggie’s friend. Yours, too, if we want to get technical. I never got the impression when we were hanging out as a group that you ever wanted more than friendship with me.”
The menu he was holding rested on the table. He stared off into the distance. “I don’t know. I guess…I guess…no, that’s not entirely the truth. I wasn’t lying when I said I was attracted to you. You’re a beautiful woman.” His hazel eyes pierced mine. “And I wasn’t lying when I said you’re doing an amazing job raising Rose on your own. Sarah, you’re the package.”
I threw back my head and scoffed. “Yeah, right. That’s why I’m single. Guys are so out of wanting the total package. Maybe they’re into wanting side items now.”
“Listen, I know only a little bit about your ex, but he’s a fool.”
“Well, he wasn’t exactly truthful and that’s why I’m single.”
“Shame on him.”
“Yeah. Sure.” Sam’s image appeared in my mind. It was when we were racing to the buffet table at that retirement party. He was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, not my fun completely.
The waiter came and took our order. I wasn’t totally ready but blurted out the catch of the day, and Michael ordered spaghetti and meatballs—a meal he constantly requested when it was my turn to cook for the gang.
“Back to your question.” He wiped the rim of his glass. “Being seen is a good way to put it. I felt so deprived of affection…of attention. That makes me sound like a total ass. Like I just wanted to fool around, but that wasn’t it. I promise, Sarah. I just wanted to be connected with someone. With you.” His head hung. “Am I a total schmuck right now in your mind?”
“No. I think we both knew I wasn’t going to be taking Maggie’s place. I didn’t want to, and you didn’t either. It just happened.”
“Somet
hing snapped tonight. You know, when I went over there, when you told me she called. I just felt like this was it. I was signing off on leaving my family. For good. I’ve pulled out of the driveway a hundred times since I left, but this was different. As crazy as it sounds, I felt like I was cheating on Charlie.”
“It doesn’t sound crazy, and it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“We’re two very different people, Sarah. I’m afraid there is too much gone now. Too much time has passed for those people we were.”
“If you both want it, you can both have it.”
“I don’t know. Everything is so screwed up.”
“I think there’s more at stake than a knee-jerk decision is able to make.”
“And you?”
“And me, what?”
“Did I royally screw up what we have?”
I tried to seem unaffected by him using me. But then I used him too, a little. All those daydreams of kissing and feeling wanted.
“We’re fine. I would be lying if I didn’t say it was pretty cool being pursued in the tiniest, most unethical fashion. It made me miss having someone to share my life. Someone who can watch R-rated movies and reach the cereal bowls without a step stool.”
He laughed. “So I veered off the road a bit. At least it was you who I bumped into. It would’ve been a complete disaster if it was some crazy person.”
Pursuing Sarah (Sarah Series Book 2) Page 12
