“I don’t have much of a choice, right? The Baldwins are my real family. I love you guys, but even I know the law and kids always end up with their relatives even if it’s not what’s good for them.”
That damnable lump rose in Zoe’s throat. “Is that how you feel? That Ryan’s family isn’t good for you?”
“No,” Sam whispered. She hung her head, shaking it from side to side at the same time. “They’re not bad people. Grandma Vivian said she’s learned from her mistakes. A person who says that can’t be too awful.”
Zoe smiled. “Good point.”
“But I feel guilty.”
Sam looked up with watery eyes and Zoe felt her pain like a punch in the stomach. “Why? All we want is for you to be happy.”
“You guys took me in and wanted to adopt me.” Her bottom lip quivered as she tried to find the words to explain. “I love you all so much and I feel bad liking these uptight people at all.”
Zoe shook her head, rejecting Sam’s guilt. “Liking them doesn’t mean you love us any less.” She reached for Sam’s smaller hand. “You have a big heart, honey. Big enough for everyone in your life.”
“As big as my mouth?” Sam grinned and at that moment, Zoe knew the teenager would be okay.
“When’s Ryan driving us back?” Sam asked.
“Actually I thought we’d fly. I didn’t want to put Ryan out and—”
“Isn’t that for Ryan to decide?” The man himself stood in the doorway, eyeing the open suitcase with an unreadable expression.
Zoe’s stomach cramped at the thought of the conversation to come. “Sam?” she asked pointedly.
“I know, I know, you want privacy,” the young girl said with an exaggerated tone and a roll of her eyes that said she thought the adults in her life were complete dorks.
But Ryan didn’t appear anything like a dork. Wearing a light blue short-sleeve polo shirt and khaki shorts, he looked completely masculine and self-assured. He was so sexy he literally took her breath away, reminding her exactly why it was time for her to leave.
Ryan cleared his throat.
Sam jumped off the bed. “I’m going, I’m going,” she said, ducking underneath his arm.
He stepped into the room.
Sam shut the door behind her and yelled, “I’m gone.” Her footsteps sounded behind her as she walked down the hall.
“Gotta love her,” Zoe said, forcing a smile.
He strode toward her. “Please don’t change the subject or make light of leaving. This is serious.”
She inclined her head, feeling the guilt Sam had spoken of earlier. She didn’t want to cause Ryan to feel bad. “You’re right.”
His gaze bore into hers. “And I’m serious about you.”
She swallowed hard. “Ryan.”
“Zoe,” he mimicked, but he wasn’t laughing. “I’m not going to say what you want to hear. I can’t make it that easy on you.”
She wondered if he could hear her heart pounding in her chest, wanting to leap out and—she didn’t know what her heart wanted. Nor did she know what he desired from her.
“What is it you want from me? From us?” she asked him.
He held up his hand and she laced her fingers through his. His touch was warm, their connection solid, yet she couldn’t discount what separated them—physical distance and social differences, she thought.
“I’ll take an open mind to start,” Ryan said.
She narrowed her gaze. “Meaning?”
“Meaning I agree that we have our own individual lives and we need to go live them.”
She blinked, unsure she’d heard him correctly. He was letting her go? “Say that again?”
“I agree with what you’ve been saying, that we need to get back to our daily routine and the things that define our lives.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay, then.” She could zip her suitcase and hop on a plane. He wasn’t stopping her. Just the opposite, in fact. He was giving her what she wanted, so why did she feel so bad?
Like her heart had been sliced open and would never heal?
“I’d just like to know that while we’re apart, you’ll keep an open mind. Remember the good times we shared. Can you do that?” he asked.
His voice soothed her emotions like warm honey and she savored the liquid heat and delicious feelings he inspired. He was giving her time and space. He respected her feelings and, as a result, she respected him even more.
“Of course I can think about the good times.” It was probably all she would think about. “Besides, we’ll keep in touch through Sam.” She forced a smile, refusing to think about how difficult a mere friendship with him would be.
“Definitely,” he said easily.
Too easily.
“Speaking of Sam,” he continued. “I thought through everything you suggested, and you were right about that, too. You should take her home for the summer. Not only will your parents get time with Sam, but I’ll have a chance to organize things around here.”
Zoe waved her arm through the air. “Her school, her room, things like that?”
He shrugged. “Things,” he said vaguely.
Well, he was entitled to his privacy no matter how much she disliked being shut out. “So what did you mean when you said you weren’t going to make it easy on me or tell me what I want to hear?”
He curled his fingers around hers. “I’m not letting you go without reminding you that I love you. And remember, nothing is forever.” He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering. “Not even goodbye.”
On that enigmatic note, he released her without even a kiss on the lips.
ONE WEEK HAD PASSED since Ryan had driven Zoe and Sam to the airport, and he still felt as if he’d put his heart on the plane with them. Letting Zoe go, allowing her to think he wanted the break, was the most difficult thing he’d ever done.
He hoped it was the smartest.
He hadn’t been able to think of another way to force her into realizing that she missed him when they were apart and that they could easily make a life together—if only she came to terms with her fears.
She had to believe he loved her for who she was and that he had no intention of destroying her independence or strong personality, the very qualities he’d fallen in love with. She needed to believe that despite their different backgrounds, he accepted her unique traits. But, most important, she had to believe in herself, and trust that she wouldn’t allow anyone to change her. Knowing all she had to come to terms with, Ryan planned to give her time before coming after her.
He refused to contemplate what he’d do if she turned him away for good. In the meantime, he’d used his own time wisely, doing as Zoe had suggested.
He’d returned to the business of living. His days consisted of getting back into the routine of work, dealing with clients, attending meetings, returning phone calls and scheduling business lunches.
Somehow the days passed, yet every time he returned to his condo, he was reminded of all he’d briefly had and lost. He missed hearing the sounds of female voices. When he woke up, he expected to find either Sam or Zoe making themselves at home in his kitchen. And on the nights when he managed to get some sleep, he’d roll over hoping to find Zoe had joined him in his bed.
Amazing how fast a man got used to things that were once foreign to him. Only now those things were nothing more than spectacular memories. He spoke to Sam every couple of days, but not once had Zoe answered the telephone when he’d called. When asked, Sam always said Zoe wasn’t home. He doubted the kid would lie since she seemed to want Ryan and Zoe together as much as Ryan himself.
In his free time he’d done a lot of soul searching about his sister, her life and his uncle’s role in both her running away and the way she’d died. Though Ryan had come closer to accepting and comprehending, he hadn’t yet reached the point of complete forgiveness, so he hadn’t returned Russ’s calls. Since Ryan had always had his uncle as a sounding board, a mentor and a friend, now he had no one. And he felt the loss
.
He hadn’t been in touch with his family since Sam had left, but he was ready to deal with them, which was a good thing since his secretary informed him he was “expected” at the house for dinner this evening. Well, it wasn’t like he had anything better to do, Ryan thought.
It had been so easy to admit to Zoe that neither one of them had many friends or much of a social life. It was more difficult to acknowledge to himself how empty that now made him feel. He shook his head and laughed at how pathetic his life was and had been for a long time. Something he could see clearly now, faced with her absence.
She’d given him purpose and laughter, and he longed for warmth and intimacy to fill the void she’d left behind. A void he hadn’t before known existed.
The question was, could he ever get her back?
RYAN ARRIVED at his parents’ home at 6:00 p.m. sharp. Instead of the help greeting him at the door, his mother welcomed him. “Hello, Ryan.” She kissed him on the cheek.
“Mother.” He glanced over her shoulder to see his father pouring drinks in the study. “This informality is interesting. What’s going on?” he asked.
His father, who until now had avoided Ryan and any discussion of Sam’s entry in their lives, stepped forward, bar glass in hand. “I can answer that. Your mother has spent the last couple of nights explaining our mistakes and convincing me we can do better with Sam than we did with your sister.”
Ryan raised an eyebrow. “And you agreed so easily?”
His father glanced down, and when Ryan returned his gaze, he took in the graying hair and stooped shoulders he hadn’t noticed before. “I lost a daughter, Ryan. Just because I never show the pain doesn’t mean I don’t—and didn’t—feel it.”
Ryan’s heartbeat tripled as he heard the words nobody in this house had ever expressed while he was growing up. He couldn’t believe how emotional they made him feel now.
His palms sweated and his relief nearly overwhelmed him. “I’m so glad to hear you say that.” He forced the words from his tight throat.
His father’s gaze never broke from Ryan’s. “It’s a start, son. It’s a start.”
They were a long way from normal, but thanks to a young girl named Sam, they were taking small steps.
“So this do-it-yourself attitude is a part of that?” Ryan swept his arm around the room, encompassing the lack of servants and more casual atmosphere. His father, Ryan realized, wasn’t wearing a suit, but a collared shirt with the top two buttons opened.
The other man nodded. “Apparently, we need to lose our snobbery. Your mother’s words.” A slight smile touched Mark Baldwin’s lips.
Ryan stopped short of calling it a grin. “And you listened to her? Will wonders never cease.” As much as Ryan appreciated the changes in his family home, he couldn’t hide his sarcasm.
“Give us a chance,” his father said. “You might be surprised.” He extended the drink he’d poured and Ryan accepted the peace offering.
“To…change,” Ryan said in return, coming up with the most apropos word he could find under the circumstances.
“To change,” his father echoed.
“Is Uncle Russ coming for dinner?” Ryan asked.
His mother shook her head. “He had to work late. He said to send his regrets.”
Ryan nodded, relieved he wouldn’t have to face him just yet. He wanted time with his father to figure out what Mark Baldwin knew and fill him in on what he didn’t. He hoped that together they’d come up with a way to handle the past—and minimize any future damage to the company or to the family. Soon though he’d have to pay his uncle a visit and begin to tie up those loose ends.
“I was sorry to hear Samantha and Zoe went home,” his mother said, interrupting his thoughts.
Her words took him by surprise. “Does that apply to both Zoe and Sam? Or is the truth that you were glad to see Zoe go?”
His mother blinked, obviously surprised. “Of course I mean them both.”
Ryan studied her, trying to assess her sincerity.
“That Zoe has character.” Grandma Edna walked slowly into the room using her cane. “Reminds me of myself in my youth.”
“Then why did you make her feel like a pariah?” Ryan asked.
His grandmother laughed. “Because the only way to be accepted is to earn your place.”
More old-fashioned wisdom from the Baldwin family, Ryan thought. The more things changed, the more some things stayed the same.
Grandma Edna smacked her cane against the floor for emphasis. “We couldn’t make it too easy on the girl, now could we?”
“You didn’t make it easy on my sister and she’s gone for good. Were you trying to repeat history?”
The older woman, whom Ryan had never known well, snorted in reply. “Zoe’s made of stronger stuff. I knew it the moment she stood up to me over those napkins at dinner. I, for one, respect her.”
“Well it would have been nice if you’d told her so.”
“She didn’t ask.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “You could have shown her, then.”
She tapped the cane again. “Zoe was too busy assuming we didn’t like her and protecting Samantha from us, for no good reason. What about you? Why didn’t you tell her so? Maybe then she wouldn’t have taken Samantha and gone home.”
“Mother’s got a point,” Vivian said.
Ryan opened his mouth, then shut it again. Were they really advocating for Zoe?
Grandma Edna sniffed. “I’m hungry,” she said before he could formulate a reply.
Ryan knew that in her mind, her proclamation ended the subject, which was just fine with him. He turned and started for the swinging doors leading to the dining room.
“Dinner is in the kitchen tonight.”
His mother’s voice stopped him and Ryan paused midstride. “We’ve never eaten in the kitchen.”
“Then it’s about time we start, isn’t it?” his father asked.
“Uhh…Why?” Ryan leaned against the nearest wall, exhausted from trying to keep up with the new pace here.
His mother walked over and locked her arm with his. “Because if Samantha’s going to live in Boston and be happy, she can’t be subjected to all the formality and structure her mother couldn’t handle.”
A swell of gratitude rose in Ryan’s chest as he realized how much his parents were willing to change for the sake of their granddaughter. He knew how hard it must be for them to acknowledge both their mistakes and their role in Faith’s death.
He’d never been prouder of his family.
And he’d never been more certain of what he had to do next. Because despite the one-hundred-eighty-degree turn in his parents, he still couldn’t envision Sam growing up anywhere near here, the place that destroyed her mother.
In the same instant he accepted his family, he also acknowledged that he needed to do what was best for Sam and that meant allowing Sam to be raised by two people who loved her. Who understood what a teenage girl needed. People who wouldn’t stifle her spirit, yet would provide the proper discipline. People who’d be there when she left for school in the morning and when she came home in the afternoon. Most important, people who Ryan trusted not to deny her access to her blood relatives who also loved her.
Sam belonged with Elena and Nicholas Costas.
He spent the next hour explaining his decision to his parents, who, to his surprise, understood. He even sensed their relief at not having to deal with a teenager again this late in life.
After they ate dinner, his mother and grandmother retired early for the evening. “An after-dinner drink?” Mark asked Ryan as he poured himself a cognac.
Ryan shook his head. “How about an after-dinner discussion instead?”
“That would be a novelty,” Mark said.
He had a point, since Ryan and his father hadn’t been close. Ever. Perhaps it was time they began some sort of relationship based on truth and understanding. “When you had your heart attack you cut back on running the business,
right?” he asked his father.
“I cut back on traveling from store to store, yes.” He narrowed his gaze. “Why do you ask?”
“In the years before you cut back, were you focused on the nitty-gritty? Like financials and insurance?”
His father waved a hand. “That always was your uncle Russ’s forte, not mine. In time it’ll go to J.T. I preferred the hands-on dealings and once I slowed down there, I focused more on golf.” He smiled at his words and swallowed a gulp of his drink. He regarded his son and his expression sobered. “What’s going on, Ryan?”
As succinctly as possible, Ryan began to explain everything he’d discovered about Uncle Russ.
“Impossible,” Mark said.
“Unfortunately, it’s true,” Uncle Russ said as he entered the room and joined them. “I wanted to be here when you heard everything, and I assumed Ryan would tell you tonight.”
“I can’t believe you sent my daughter away. That you made money off of our family’s tragedy and our business.” Mark raised his voice to his brother in a way Ryan hadn’t heard in years.
“It was a long time ago,” Ryan said to his father, expressing some of the things he’d come to terms with over the last week. “And I do believe Uncle Russ thought he was bailing Faith out.”
“You’re defending him?” Mark yelled.
Uncle Russ placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Don’t. You’ll wake the women.” He turned to Ryan. “But that’s a good question. Why are you defending me?”
Ryan drew a deep breath. “You’ve always been there for me. I can’t forget that. Plus I know you, and I have a hard time believing your intentions were all bad. I’m not saying I’m over it or that it won’t take time to rebuild trust, but…” He shrugged. “Life’s too short to waste time hating or holding grudges. Faith taught me that.”
His uncle extended his hand and Ryan took it, going so far as to pull him closer and pat him on the back.
“I’ll leave it to the two of you to deal with the business and the past,” Ryan said to his father and his uncle and started for the door. He hadn’t been involved in the family business before and he wasn’t about to start now.
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