Lottie Elam’s lips curled in distaste. “That woman—your father, God rest him, should have known better!”
“He should have, but I think he was blinded by Muriel’s rather stunning beauty,” Adelaide admitted. “If there is one thing to be thankful for in his passing, it is that he never knew the heartbreak of seeing her for what she truly is.”
“You are much too gracious and forgiving, my dear child!”
As if realizing that both Eldren and Silas Elam were staring at them, both Adelaide and Lottie turned to their respective husbands. “Forgive us, dears,” Lottie said. To Eldren she added, “Adelaide’s mother was one of my dearest friends. I have often bemoaned to poor Mr. Elam how I worried for this child after her father married that viper of a woman!”
Silas Elam laughed. “It is quite true. I have heard it time and again, my dear. It is so very good to finally meet you. I feel as if I know you already.”
Adelaide accepted his hug. It felt strange to her, foreign. Had affection really been so missing from her life that any sign of it from others had become alien?
“Thank you so much, Mr. Elam…but let us go in to dinner and I must hear all about your whirlwind romance with Lottie. I do recall that before she left New York, she told my mother there was no power on earth that could induce her to marry again!” Adelaide exclaimed.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Dinner had been a shockingly enjoyable affair. Regaled by the tale of Silas Elam’s earnest and persistent courtship of her mother’s dear friend, Adelaide had laughed in spite of herself. Eldren had as well. They had managed, just slightly, to distance themselves from the horror that had occurred earlier.
Adelaide and Lottie had made their way to a small parlor where they were having sherry. Eldren and Silas, as he’d insisted on being called, had made their way to the bar area to smoke cigars and talk business.
“He’s very handsome,” Lottie said.
“He is,” Adelaide admitted, not bothering to play coy.
“But I sense things are difficult between the two of you.”
If it had been anyone else, Adelaide would never have dreamed of saying anything. But it was Lottie. Her mother’s closest friend and confidante, a woman who had dried her tears when she was a girl, a woman whom Muriel had cut ruthlessly from her life. “There are things I must say in the strictest confidence, Lottie.”
“Of course, my dear.”
Adelaide looked about the room, insuring that no one else would be close enough to overhear. “Eldren’s mother is mad. And he’s determined that we should have a marriage in name only because he’s afraid that any madness in his family would be passed on to our children,” she whispered.
Lottie’s expression was sympathetic. Her response was offered in a low voice, as she clearly understood the need for discretion on such a matter. “My dear, it is a valid fear… but you would like him to be a husband to you in every way, would you not?”
“I wish I knew. But that’s just it! How can I know? Women are denied any knowledge of physical intimacy until marriage, and now I’m being denied that knowledge within my marriage, as well. I’m to live my whole life in ignorance it seems,” Adelaide said. “But I never expected this, Lottie. I never expected that I would have the entirety of my life stretching out before me with a husband who will never love me and not even the promise of children for comfort.”
Lottie sighed. “Oh, my darling girl… I will speak frankly because that is what you need right now. Muriel will surely face the devil himself one day for what she has done to you and the position you found yourself in immediately after your father’s death! There are ways to have a—,” she paused, as if searching for the right words. “There are books that I will send you and pamphlets from a woman whose lectures I attended… Now, I do not necessarily agree with her on all of these matters. But Ida Craddock does seem to have some understanding of what intimate relations between a man and woman can be.”
Adelaide gasped at that name. “Ida Craddock? That woman who claims her lover is a celestial being? I thought she’d been arrested!”
“Her husband, dearest. She insists that they are married,” Lottie replied dryly. “Just read what she has written and eliminate any reference to celestial beings. Instead, think of your husband.”
“And this woman thinks it is possible to have physical relations with my husband without the possibility of conception?” Adelaide whispered. It was a scandalous conversation and she was blushing to the roots of her hair.
“And she’s correct… I will tell you that, at my age, the prospect of having a child, while still possible, is rather terrifying. Not to mention quite dangerous! To that end, Silas and I often indulge our passion for one another in less orthodox methods,” Lottie confessed. “Please don’t be embarrassed. I feel that, with your mother gone, it’s only right that I should be the one to teach you about such things. And I have little doubt that your husband is already aware of these methods, but like so many men, believes well bred young ladies have no interest in them. You only have to let him know that you’d be willing to try other things.”
As Adelaide had only a very vague understanding of what the regular sort of thing was, the other things Lottie alluded to were a complete mystery. But there was no time to ask questions because Eldren and the apparently quite adventurous Silas entered the room then.
The gentlemen approached and Silas leaned in to kiss Lottie’s cheek. It was an affectionate gesture, but the way his hand lingered on her shoulder, the way Lottie leaned into him when he stood next to her, those were telling gestures and Adelaide felt a moment of envy for them.
“We should go, darling,” Silas said. “Don’t want to keep these two from their wedding night.”
Lottie smiled though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “No, indeed. But do promise that you will visit soon, Adelaide? I want to catch up and hear all about the goings on in New York.”
“I will, Lottie. It was so good to see you.” Adelaide rose and hugged the woman who’d always been like a favored aunt to her. How strange that in only minutes of reconnecting that relationship had once again become so well established. It was yet one more sin to lay at Muriel’s door.
Lottie hugged her in return just as fiercely and whispered close to Adelaide’s ear, “Remember what I said, dear. There is always a way.”
When the Elam’s left, Adelaide accepted Eldren’s proffered arm and allowed him to lead her back to their suite. As they traversed the corridor, he asked, “What were you and Mrs. Elam discussing so intently?”
“Acquaintances from New York… and my stepmother. Apparently Lottie has been writing to me since before my mother passed away, but the letters never reached me,” Adelaide said. It was true, in part. She was not yet ready to confess the full extent of their conversation to him.
“I see. How would your stepmother have interfered in letters to you prior to your mother’s passing?”
Adelaide’s steps faltered. “You didn’t know that Muriel had been employed as my governess during my mother’s illness?”
“No. I did not. I’m sorry,” he said, as he unlocked their door. “I know that your father adored your mother. I do not think he would have embarked on a relationship with Muriel before your mother’s death.”
Adelaide shook her head as she preceded him into their rooms. “I know that he did, Eldren, though I thank you for trying to spare my feelings. Muriel was a master at manipulation and my father, despite his intelligence and wisdom, was not immune to her wiles. Perhaps it was his grief over my mother and his loneliness that made him easy prey for her.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, closing the door softly. “For what you suffered at Muriel’s hands, for what I’ve unwittingly brought you into, and for the fact that this union will not be what you want it to—what you deserve.”
Adelaide didn’t say anything for a moment, but stared silently back at him. Then the words tumbled out, “Will you stay with me tonight?” It was different that it
had been before at Cysgod Lys. Something between the two of them was different.
His eyebrows shot up. “Adelaide—.”
“I know that we will not have a wedding night… but I’m afraid of what might happen if I’m alone,” she admitted. And a part of her hoped that familiarity might lead to temptation.
His hesitation was obvious, but finally, he nodded. “Of course. Go in and ready yourself for bed. I’ll ring for Dyllis… I’ll join you after she’s gone.”
Adelaide turned away and made for her bedchamber. It was a victory, but it left her shaking.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
In his own chamber, Eldren removed his dinner jacket and tie. He stripped down to just his trousers and shirt then splashed cold water on his face. Spending another night with her, in such painfully close proximity to her, close enough to touch and yet forbidden. Of course, she was correct. It was far too dangerous for her to be alone. After the events that had occurred in the bath room earlier, it was glaringly apparent that whatever dark forces were at work against his family had their sights squarely set on Adelaide.
When he heard Dyllis’ voice bidding her mistress a good night, he took a deep fortifying breath, and crossed the sitting room that separated their bedchambers. Pausing outside her door, he knocked and waited for her to bid him enter. It was a repeat of the same events that had occurred the night before, with one glaring difference. He now knew precisely what was hidden beneath her prim nightrail.
Her softly uttered response had him opening the door and stepping inside. She was seated on the edge of the bed, her hands folded primly in her lap.
“There are no chairs before the fire place that would accommodate you in here,” she said. “But you’re welcome to share the bed, of course.”
It was hell. Pure unadulterated hell. “Of course,” he said. “I’ll turn down the lights.”
She rose and removed her wrapper, draping it over the end of the bed. There was nothing seductive in her choice of nightwear or in her movements, and yet he was entranced by both. When she had climbed beneath the covers, he turned down the gas lights and made his way to the bed in the dark. He did not climb beneath the covers. He would not be so foolish as to eliminate more of the remaining barriers between them.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Do not thank me, Adelaide,” he said. “It is my duty to protect you from all things… even the danger that I have put you squarely in the middle of.”
She was silent for a moment and when she did speak again, her words were hesitant. “You asked what Lottie and I were discussing… I told her about your reluctance to have children though I did not tell her the full extent of your reasons why.”
He sighed. “Do you think that was wise?”
“Lottie is like family to me… even though I have not spoken to her in more than seven years, she is the last connection I have to my mother. And I would trust her implicitly. I needed guidance, Eldren, and it is not something you can provide.”
He could understand that, even if he didn’t like it. She was alone in the world in a way that he could not fathom. “I understand, Adelaide.”
“Lottie told me that there are ways a husband and wife might be intimate that would not result in conception… Is that true?”
The breath seized in his lungs even as his blood rushed through his veins. “Adelaide—I don’t think you understand what you’re asking.”
“No,” she agreed. “I do not. That’s rather the point.”
“Sleep, Adelaide, and we will discuss it tomorrow. Your head is buzzing with the wine from dinner and mine with all the brandy Silas Elam plied me with. It is not the time for such momentous decisions,” he said, all the while kicking himself for it. Did he really want to dissuade her? No, but he didn’t want to frighten her or worse, to have her regret such an agreement later. Lying in a bed with her, while she was only half clothed, he didn’t have the strength to simply introduce her to passion without fully consummating their relationship. If they were to attempt any sort of physical intimacy, rules would have to be established first.
“Are you certain that’s all it is?” She asked. “It isn’t that you—.” She’d stopped mid sentence, clearly not wishing to finish what she’d been about to say.
“It isn’t that I what?”
“I know that I’m not beautiful like Frances and I certainly don’t have the kind of charm that other young women do where conversation is easy and fun and they flirt shamelessly. I’m too somber, too given to deep thinking and direct speech,” she said. “Muriel swore I’d never find a husband for those reasons.”
“Muriel was a jealous cat. Not every man wants a flirt or a silly girl who giggles incessantly and hasn’t a thought in her head beyond her next pretty dress,” he said. “Any hesitation on my part, is not lack of willingness or desire. It’s—when it comes to passion, Adelaide, to physical desire, there is always the need for more. What is enough for us today, may not be enough for us tomorrow. I just need for us both to think this through.”
“If we could truly end whatever this dark hold is over Cysgod Lys and the Llewellyn family… what would our lives be like, Eldren? Would you still insist on a marriage in name only? Would you still refuse to have children?”
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I’ve never let myself consider it.”
“Will you consider it then? Because I mean to put an end to this. Someway, somehow… I will see us free of it.”
Eldren rose on his elbow and looked down at her. In the dim light from the window he could make out the soft lines of her profile. She turned slightly, glancing over her shoulder at him. Never in his life had he wanted to kiss a woman so badly, but he held himself back from it. “Is it so important to you? Do you want children so badly?”
“I don’t even know if want is the right word. But that’s part of being a woman, I think. It’s what our lives are devoted to—caring for our families. If we don’t have children, what family is there?”
He lay back down, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness. She eventually drifted off to sleep beside him. But the comfort of sleep eluded him entirely. She was lonely and had every right to be, and he was condemning her to that forever.
* * *
It had been an uneventful night. Whether it had been the numerous glasses of wine she’d imbibed throughout dinner or whether it had been Eldren’s presence beside her, offering some semblance of security, Adelaide had slept peacefully for the first time since the accident.
Dyllis entered the chamber and blushed furiously. Of course, Adelaide knew why. She might have slept soundly, but from the mussed covers it was clear Eldren had not. He’d tossed and turned through the night, leaving the bed a tousled mess. If only Dyllis knew the real reason for such disarray, Adelaide thought somewhat bitterly.
“His lordship says that we’re to return to Cysgod Lys today, my lady,” Dyllis said. “I’ve brushed out your wool traveling costume best as I can.”
“That’s quite alright, Dyllis.”
“Shall I run a bath for you?”
The very thought of getting back into that tub, when she’d very nearly died in the day before left her shaking. “No. Not this morning. I’ll bathe when we’ve returned home. But I will need to wash up and do something with this hair.”
The maid nodded, bobbed a curtsy and began seeing to everything. Adelaide retreated to the bathing room, washed her face in the sink and used her toothbrush and toothpowder. The entire time she was in there, she avoided looking at the tub altogether. But as she turned to exit the room, she felt compelled to do so, to face her fear.
Turning slightly and taking a few hesitant steps in that direction, she frowned as something caught her eye. Stooping to pick it up, she found a small yellow flower lying on the floor next to one of the tub’s claw feet. Like those growing on the moor.
The door connecting to Eldren’s chamber opened and he appeared in the doorway. Adelaide looked up and felt her cheeks warm
ing. He wore only his trousers, his shirt having been discarded. His hair was mussed from sleep and dark whiskers shadowed his hard jaw. But it was his bare chest which drew her gaze. She stared for just a moment, cataloguing her impressions of him quickly before forcing herself to turn away.
“I thought you’d gone,” he said. “My apologies.”
“I had started to leave, but… I found this,” she said, holding up the flower. “It’s like we’re being taunted at this point. Don’t you think?”
He stepped deeper into the room, crouching beside her. Adelaide placed the small flower in his outstretched palm. “It’s from the moor, isn’t it?”
“It’s gorse… it grows wild nearly everywhere in Wales, but yes, it’s thick on the moor. And while I’m sure it grows here in Chester, I can’t imagine how it got in here,” he said softly. “In short, yes, Adelaide. I think we’re being taunted. For what reason, I cannot imagine.”
“Because it can, I suppose.” Adelaide replied. “I’ll go and dress. We don’t want to miss the train.” She moved to get up, but he caught her hand, holding her where she was. Adelaide looked at him questioningly. She’d thought he meant to say something further. But then he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her there beside the tub where he’d saved her life only the day before.
She was so stunned at first, she did nothing, just allowed him to kiss her. It was a foreign sensation, his lips moving gently over hers. Foreign, but not at all unpleasant. An answering warmth began to bloom inside her as the kiss became more insistent. Then his hands moved to her hair, threading through the thick mass and angling her head back ever so slightly. When she felt his tongue touch her lips, she gasped softly. Then he parted her lips further, his tongue sweeping inside to deepen the kiss. It was shocking but she didn’t want it to stop. There was the portent of something more, the slow building of heat and tension that prompted her to lean into him, to feel the strength and firmness of his body pressed against hers. It was as if she’d been numb before and suddenly her entire body had surged to life. She clung to him, the points of connection between them a lifeline for her.
The Victorian Gothic Collection: Volumes 1-3 Page 13
