I’ve accomplished more than I thought I would with trying to catch up with my clients, since my head isn’t where it should be. I won’t allow them to pay the price of me having parents who didn’t give a shit or a woman on a jealous warpath.
Something inside of me suddenly fizzled out more than it did before I was attacked while Roman and I sat around reacquainting ourselves with each other. I don’t know when it happened. It just did.
Him telling me how he’d met all the guys in his band helped to a point. How Marcus had been with him since the beginning, and how close they all were. I listened intently to him and Dean muse over different things that happened while they were on the road, not once making me feel left out. It was wonderful hearing him laugh in spite of how worried he was. I felt at home, felt happy in knowing he had these guys to fall back on during hard times; it helped ease the pain of me not being by his side all this time.
They revealed a lot of his life I missed, carved out a fraction of the frigid, aching fear I’ve bottled up and replaced it with the hope I needed that our someday where I’ll be able to experience these things and more with Roman and his band will come. To see him perform live and to hear the roar of the crowd as they belt out the lyrics everyone loves so much is something I’ve dreamed about. It’s all going to happen. Someday I’m going to wake up to keep the smile on my face he gives me, instead of curling back into my pillow and screaming at myself for giving up as easily as I did.
The way Roman looks at me with savage-filled eyes and promises never to let me go makes me believe in something I’d given up hoping for a long time ago. I’d never taken the time to unthaw my heart, never risking the chance to give it to anyone else when it wasn’t theirs to take. To his eyes only he exposed me, leaving me feeling raw and breakable.
After hearing and seeing all of that, plus what happened to me and the knowledge of having a brother, I’m left numb in places I never knew existed.
I needed to go home as I’d planned, be alone and deal with all of this in my way, and so I did against Roman’s better judgment.
I woke from a restless sleep this morning in a dazed state. Not quite capable of grasping hold of what’s been laid before me in the past week, wondering why it took this long to catch up to me, and that’s where all the bottled love for a brother I don’t even know, all the hatred for parents who threw me away, and all the years I sat doing nothing to go to Roman and work things out came rushing out. Screw the paparazzi who still won’t leave us alone. Fuck Gwen and her schemes to try and rip Roman and me apart. I will not let the bad get me down. I have something good in my life, and my goal is to get to know him and learn all about a sibling bond.
An infection like I’ve never felt before crawled through my veins the minute I closed the door to my apartment last night. I was exhausted from work, tired from my mind reeling over all of this. It suddenly hit me hard. Threatening, tugging and pulling to drag me under. I sat in the middle of my bed and drowned in a violent mass of tears and pain. Pain so brutally raw I felt as if I was shedding a lifetime of it. And I was.
Trapping myself in all that confusion stung, but it began to heal me, too. Made me realize that my weakness is part of my strength and shed light on who I really am. The woman I was born to be. I was born to be a part of Roman Nixon and a part of my brother's life. Didn’t matter when or how; it was just meant to be.
My cries then turned to laughter as I sat there and thought of why Roman gave me one last pleading, silent look. He wanted to be the one to drive me home instead of Caroline. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to. I suggested she drive me because she was already there to check on me anyway. He relented under the condition that he follow us to the gates. The second we drove up, the mass of people went crazy. All of them lining the street, waiting to get the perfect shot. I didn’t duck, didn’t look at a single one of them. My ears, however, were perked up trying to listen for that voice from the man who threatened me. I was pissed. Worked up and trembling underneath my skin by the time we made it to my apartment. I wanted to tell them all to go to hell. Stupid idiots.
The paparazzi were crowding the sidewalks by my apartment, too. They still are. Cameras were going off everywhere. The cops were trying to keep them under control. Flashbacks of them attacking me assaulted my brain the minute I climbed out of Caroline’s car and they all started screaming at me. Asking me questions I will never give them the answers to.
Makes me glad I have Grim.
I puff out a breath. My head is struggling to stay afloat with all I have running around up there. I don’t know how the celebrities who live here do it. It’s no wonder some of them live elsewhere in order to keep their families out of the public eye.
That vicious industry is preyed upon by greed, envy, and feelings of entitlement. It pushes some people to be selfish. It disrespects, and I’ll be damned if I’ll fall victim to a single one of them, regardless of how many stories they print about me. They can chatter on all they want about me. I simply do not care about any of them.
Like I told Roman right before I left his house, I refuse to allow the toxic part of his career to force me into hiding instead of physically making myself known. Hiding out is going to make them think I’m a coward, which is not how I want his fans to see me. Just like me, his band has a reputation they’ve worked hard for. Holding my head high while keeping quiet proves my loyalty to him in the complete opposite way Gwen did and is still doing.
As Roman said, his true fans know him. They are the ones I’m concerned about, and if we are going to build on this second chance we’ve been given, then I want people to see the real me. I’m a hard worker. Determined not to let them bring me down. And I will support Roman the same way he does me.
It took sleeping in his arms, waking up to the blinds drawn closed on every window in his house, listening to reporters analyze my life for me to realize they can all stand out there until hell freezes over before I’ll give them the satisfaction of tearing me apart. They will not drag down the strong woman I’ve become.
“You okay, Joslyn?” I let go of my thoughts and tilt my head to see my secretary, Travis, standing in my doorway. Tiredness is flowing from his eyes. He was unusually quiet earlier this morning during our office meeting. Everyone was except our boss, who reminded us all we not only took an oath to represent our clients, but signed contracts stating gossip will not be tolerated, nor will divulging information to the press unless it’s dutifully called upon. Of course, we all knew who he was talking about. Didn’t make what’s been running through my muddled mind any worse or better.
“I am.” I most definitely am not. I’m still in love with Roman; I have a brother who probably has no idea I exist, a bitter ex-wife out to sink her fangs into me and bleed all the life out of me, and people out to destroy my reputation. So no, I’m not okay. Not at all. But I will be.
“Bullshit. You’re a fucking mess, and I know it.” Leave it to Travis to be the true friend he is and call me out.
“I’ll be fine.” Except I miss Roman already and the way his eyes bored into mine painstakingly as he held my face between his rough hands when we were saying good-bye. He didn’t like the idea of me trying to find my brother on my own any more than me leaving or that I told him I needed space and time. This is all too much, and I will not make a foolish mistake about any of this.
My entire body jolts when I think about Roman. He’s tempting me in all the right ways. He’s cocky. And he knows if our friends hadn’t barged in when they did a few weeks ago, he would have had me stripped down and taken me right on his kitchen counter. And God, did I want him to. I wanted him to take me every night we slept together. But he never once touched me anywhere except my lips or to brush his fingers delicately over my bruises.
God, the way his hands and his mouth push this uncontrollable surge of adrenaline straight to my core is enough to drive me crazy.
A sly grin flits at the corners of Travis’s mouth. “I find none of this funny. It’s
exhausting, Travis,” I utter, open up a file, and wait for him to say what he came in here for.
“Oh, come on. I’m not an idiot. I see the dreamy eyes you're trying to hide. Don’t even go there with me. Seriously, though, I’m headed to Baltimore for a few weeks. Tell that boyfriend of yours I appreciate the tail he’s put on me, but it’s not necessary anymore. I also want to hear about your brother as soon as you find out anything. I’m happy for you, Joslyn. I’m here if you need me.”
“I don’t have dreamy eyes,” I scoff, rolling those eyes. Travis is a good man. He has no idea how much his words mean to me.
“Whatever you say, boss. Just do me a favor and get him to call this guy off. The last thing I need is to explain this to my mother. She’s worried about you as it is.”
“Okay, and tell her to quit worrying. Something wonderful has happened in of all this,” I tell him using Roman’s words. The best kind of good life has to offer has happened to me. “Have a good time. I’ll call you. Thanks for everything, Travis. You mean more to me than you know.” Through all this madness I forgot he was going home to visit his family. It makes me feel better he won’t be bothered out there. They haven’t stalked him at home much either. Here, though, is a whole other story. The poor guy has done nothing but answer the phone and hang right back up again when the predators refuse to give him the reason why they are calling.
Calmness tingles under my flesh knowing Roman is protecting my friends. God, he never ceases to amaze me. Something he took upon himself without telling me, still showing me glimpses of the man I knew. A provider. A protector by nature, taking things into his own hands without asking for anything in return. He told me he was looking out for everyone. I still can’t help the smile that spreads across my face every time I think about how he’s protecting me and letting me continue to do things my way even when it’s not his usual characteristic.
“I have something for you.” Those are the words Travis speaks before he drops a file on my desk, gives me a wink, then closes the door behind him.
“Please don’t tell me it’s another client,” I mutter to myself.
I sit there for a couple of minutes before closing my file and reaching for his. All the air feels like it leaves my lungs in one heaving breath when I open it and stare at my brother.
“God, he’s stationed in San Diego. Less than two hours away.” I exhale as I run my fingers across his young-looking face. Tears fall again for an entirely different reason as I read an article reporting his unit helping the community build slides in a park.
I’m so proud of him that all I can do is close my eyes and clutch his photo to my chest.
Agony rips a hole in my heart. The world is really revolving all around me. With a man who has the same genes running through his blood as me. Tears I didn’t think I had left slip free and the reality of what this means tears through my body. I have a brother. A piece of me is out there. It’s unbelievable.
“How could you keep him from me?” I cry out to my parents, who never gave me the chance to get to know my own flesh and blood. Tremors are shaking inside of me as my heart clamors against the walls of my chest. “Why does this have to hurt so much?” A gasp flies out of my mouth when I’m suddenly lifted from my chair and cradled into welcoming arms.
“Roman.” Oh God, I need him more than anything right now. I hurt everywhere.
“Shh. Don’t hide it, sweetheart. Let it out. God, give me some of this pain and let it all out.” He holds me possessively up against his chest for the longest time. His soothing hand is running up and down my back trying to absorb the painful situation my parents left both my brother and me in. I have to believe if he knew about me, he would have sought me out. I’m not sure I could survive another rejection from my own flesh and blood if he didn’t.
“I’m taking her home,” I hear Roman say as I curl into him and he angles us through the door, down the hallway to the elevators, and into the underground parking lot once we descended.
He slips quietly into the back seat, still clinging to me tightly. I fight to hold back the sobs, but I lose the war.
“Take us to her place, Grim, please?” he asks, shuts the door, and cradles me like a baby.
The tension in my chest constricts when I peer up to see the worried lines etched in Roman’s face. I reach up with trembling fingers and smooth them away.
“I see you received the information. You would have had it earlier if you’d taken my calls.” I look down to see I still hold my brother’s photo in my hands. Confusion skims my brows.
“I’m sorry. I had to get my work done. I told you that. Are you the one who found him?” I’d love nothing more than to be angry with him when he has enough going on, but how can I be when it’s clear as the sky was blue today that all he wants to do is help me?
“I hired a private investigator to find him. I called your office when you wouldn’t answer and ended up being transferred to your secretary. Spent the past few hours working with him while your sexy ass was sitting close enough to me I could smell you. It took every ounce of strength I had not to come to you. I couldn’t just sit around anymore without doing anything to help you find him. Sometimes having money comes in handy. You look beautiful, by the way. Are you feeling better?” In this particular case, I’m glad he has the money and power to use.
“Yes, I feel fine. You need to give me the name of your investigator, since the two the office uses are out of town. Thank you. I’m not sure if I want to give you a kiss or punish you for not letting me know you were working right down the hall with Travis. Here you are rescuing me when I’m the one who should be looking after you. And I’m a blubbering mess, which is a far cry from beautiful,” I tease. He’s fighting hard to be serious while I’m trying to lighten our moods.
“I don’t take punishments, baby. I give them. And I’ll take any kind of kiss you want to give me with those blubbering lips.” Our moods shift in an instant when he pushes up the divider and closes us in. The same hand comes down and mildly slaps my ass. The smack flows through me. Stinging tingles are bursting out everywhere.
“Is that supposed to be my punishment?” I murmur low as my body sparks to life.
“No. Trust me, you’ll know if I decide to punish you. Stop me if you're not up for this. I want you focused on me and what we can do to each other.” I can’t speak. My eyes fall to his hand that’s creeping up my skirt. Every burden and wandering thought are being lifted when he slides his hand all the way up and brushes his fingers across the front of my silk panties. He is in complete control of me, and he knows it. Damn this man for always having this kind of effect on me when he touches me.
“Fucking hell,” he groans out. I either tell him to stop or give in and allow him to take what he wants and give me what I crave. It's apparent he wants me by the way his hard erection is throbbing against my ass; no need to be as vocal about it as he was the other day in his kitchen.
His eyes drop to my mouth. I suck in a sharp, ragged breath when the amount of passion I see in his darkened gaze obliterates my mind. There’s so much of it that my heart accelerates and races to burst forth from my throat.
My panties are pushed to the side, my slick flesh exposed to his fingers, and if he doesn’t touch me soon, I’m going to fall apart. I want him badly; I’m achy from it. A delicious kind of ache I can’t wait for him to take care of. “You are about to be thoroughly fucked in every way, starting this way,” he growls as if he’s the one who really needs to be holding on, and before I can blink, he runs one long digit through my folds and sinks it inside with a powerful thrust that causes my eyes to roll into the back of my head.
“God, Roman.” I lean up and run my tongue up his jaw. My wetness is obvious when he starts fucking me roughly with his finger and pressing his thumb on my clit. I jerk, my trembling body from minutes ago relaxing in his arms as the weight of my life fades away.
My hips roll. His hips thrust.
I’m floating on a white cloud instead of
the stormy dark ones that consumed me earlier today. “Damn, you are all my dreams come to life. Years of them, Joslyn. Christ, I want inside of you bad. Not being caught up in your warmth is killing me.” His molten eyes swing to his hand between my legs; they stay there, witnessing my walls clench, legs quivering, and my body shaking in a desperate kind of hunger.
He drags them slowly back to me, grips the back of my neck, and lifts my head at the same time his drops. His mouth plunges down on mine. And he gives and takes. Pushes and pulls. Turns me inside out with desire.
His lips are bringing back familiarity with each kiss he’s given me since we’ve seen each other. He’s hard and demanding. Tender and sweet. And yet also engaging with enough authority to show me he’s in complete charge. It’s intoxicating. I want more. So much more than him circling my clit and inserting another finger. I open my mouth to let out a scream, but it’s muffled by the swirls of his tongue. Drowned out by the sanity he drives right out of me with the way it touches mine. Invading and staking his claim. My orgasm shatters through me. I feel it magnify before it completely splits me apart.
“Open your eyes, Joslyn,” he whispers huskily against my swollen lips. They fly open. He had me locked away in his spell; I didn’t realize they were closed. I nearly come again when he pulls his fingers from inside of me and sucks them into his mouth. “Fuck, you feel what you do to me? Never thought this would be. We are just getting started. You good to walk inside?” he asks, smirking and licking his lips. I lift my head to see we’re at my apartment already. My time in his arms is cut way too short. I’m eager to get the hell out of this car, though, and make him fall apart the exact same way he’s done to me.
The Right Direction Page 12
